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I fancy that we deserve sorrow.

A Room with a View

thirty-five

Bella would have sunk to the ground; she can feel the drag of Alice's tight grip around her wrists, the strength in her delicate, thin figure like a rope dragging Bella from the pull of dark water.

"Alice…" she whispers as her vision dims, the narrow face framed by jet hair blurring into a mix of white and gray. She blinks, trying to clear her sight, struggling for air.

"Esme and Carlisle are trying to follow his trail but it's grown cold—" Alice is speaking quickly, the words almost buzz, nearly too fast for Bella to understand. Blearily, feeling drunk with weariness and shock, Bella turns her head, trying to see who Alice fears interruption from.

She can't help flinching as a furious shout echoes from the lodge, "How dare you!" The words are swiftly followed by a blur of white and gold through the open door; Bella's mind flits back to the sudden rush of Irina's darting figure, set to attack, ready to defend, streaking towards Jake's unresisting frame in the distance.

She staggers as Alice releases her wrists, nearly sagging into the door of the truck behind her, watching with parted lips as the tiny vampire spins into a defensive posture: back ever so slightly bowed, hands open at hip level, heels raised…as if ready to pounce. Bella's eyes lift and widen as she realizes it is not Irina's usually pleasant features glaring at her over Alice's shoulder. "How dare you leave him!" Instead it is Tanya's heart shaped face distorted by outrage, fists clenched at her sides, golden eyes narrowed to slits.

"Tanya," Alice's voice is a warning.

There is no indication that Tanya hears her, the furrow between her arched brows deepening, her narrowed gaze flickering over Bella's tousled hair and rumpled clothes, dismissive as ever.

"What gives you the audacity to walk away? To just leave him like that?" She sneers the words and Bella surfaces from her confusion and shock to register that Tanya's tone is rhetorical, that she does not expect a response to her harangue.

"Tanya," Alice begins again.

But Bella interrupts any attempt Alice might have made at peacekeeping, her own anger uncoiling inside, too tired to worry that Tanya could likely snap her spine in one easy motion. "Because I'm a lowly human?" Her eyes glitter, voice low. "I should have let him leave me first?"

Something like sorrow darts across Tanya's expression before the fury returns, intensified. "He never would have left you!"

All of Bella's anger and defensiveness whooshes from her lungs at this response, her eyes dropping to her feet as her shoulders sag. There is no doubting Tanya's conviction, her voice unwavering as she goes on. "Ask Alice! Ask Esme! You could ask him, if he wasn't licking his wounds somewhere!"

"You can't know that," Bella whispers, longing to deny even now the hopes that had brought her back to this place—that Edward might feel as strongly as her, that there might still be a chance. "How could you know that?" Her voice is a soft cry, fighting back the tears, her shock deepening at the knowledge that even Tanya had been able to see what she could not. Her hands tremble as she fights the urge to cover hear ears. "How could you possibly know that?"

Tanya's expression softens for the briefest moment. "How could you doubt it?"

Bella can barely breathe much less respond but it doesn't matter for it is this moment, this relenting pause in Tanya's anger, that gives Alice the confidence to relax her stance. She gives the blond vampire one quick warning glance before shifting to Bella's side and threading a slender arm through her own. "You have to come inside and sit down." Her concern is evident in her tone. "You look exhausted. When did you last sleep?"

Bella tries to think, focusing on this distracting question as Alice intended. "Yesterday?" she answers faintly. "The day before yesterday? I don't know." Then, gathering her thoughts, trying to recover from the blast of Tanya's confrontation, she asks, "When did Edward leave? Was it right away?"

Alice's nod is short as she guides Bella up the porch stairs, her voice emotionless as she responds, "He knew immediately—"

Tanya's voice is rough as she follows behind them, clearly not yet finished with her diatribe. "Irina told me he stormed into the lodge like he was possessed." Her following words are sharp, like daggers through Bella's chest. "He couldn't hear your heartbeat. He knew instantly you were gone."

Alice darts a quick glance over her shoulder, her gaze withering, before she guides Bella into the main room of the lodge and seats her upon one of the low leather couches.

"What?" Tanya asks defensively as she shifts on restless feet before the empty grate of the massive fireplace. Fresh anger glints in her gaze, brows low over amber eyes as she gestures in Bella's direction. "You don't want to tell her how he destroyed that blasted piano upstairs after he saw the note? Then raced out of here so fast, no one could—"

But Bella has begun crying, her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Tanya. Enough." Alice's gaze is uncompromising as she sinks to Bella's side, one comforting hand rubbing soothing circles into Bella's back.

"Fine," Tanya's voice is mutinous as she folds her arms over her chest. There is a long silence as Bella struggles to control her tears, wishing more than anything she didn't appear so weak before the superior vampire. To her surprise, Tanya allows her the moment to recover before speaking again. "Tell me," the curiosity and confusion in her voice is genuine. "Why did you go?"

"Because," Bella struggles for resolve but her voice cracks on a sob. "I was afraid."

The room falls silent but for Bella's labored breathing, Alice's hand stilling its circular motion against Bella's back. "Of Edward?" Alice softly asks, an undercurrent of worry beneath the words.

"No!" Bella turns on the cushion, uncaring of her tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. "I was afraid he'd leave me!" She dashes at the tears, her voice nearly angry as she goes on. "I was afraid I'd bore him after he got over how silent my thoughts are to him. I had no idea how we would stay together if I keep aging and he stays the same—"

Alice cuts in, the question pointed. "If you keep aging?"

Bella shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. He won't change me. At least," she is unaware how her tone grows hopeful, her head tilting at the possibility barely acknowledged to herself. "At least not right now. Maybe in time?" She shakes her head again. "Oh, I don't know. Whatever he decides, I'm willing to accept. I just can't…"

Alice nods, her expression contemplative.

"Where's Irina?" Bella asks, a sudden thought occuring to her. "I need to apologize—for leaving as I did, and forcing her to bear the brunt of it."

It is this statement that finally loosens Tanya's still tense stance, her features shifting from lingering frustration to surprise, before ultimately settling into a neutral mask. "She's hunting." Her full lips quirk ever so slightly. "We all wanted to be prepared for being in the company of a human again."

Bella realizes she's taking her own life into her hands for the second time that morning but can't bring herself to care. "Except for you." Her gaze is level and unafraid.

Another dart of surprise crosses Tanya's features before grudging respect finds its way into her gaze. "I fed this morning. I was far too eager to hear your reasoning to miss your arrival."

"I think we've heard enough for now," Alice breaks in, unwilling to let this combative thread of conversation continue. "You need to eat and sleep…but perhaps not in that order," she adds as Bella's eyes sink shut and slowly drift open.

"You're here," Alice adds firmly, one hand hooking under Bella's arm. "That's all that matters. We'll figure out where Edward is and go from there."

Alice's words seem to give Bella's body permission to begin shutting down in the fashion that it would not allow while she had been driving from the Olympic Peninsula to the mountainside lodge, her legs like jelly as Alice tugs her to her feet.

"Are you sure?" The words are a slur to Bella's ears, her cheeks warming with embarrassment at the extent of her weariness. Her feet seem to drag over the floorboards as Alice guides her down a shadowy corridor to a bedroom whose scent she remembers so well.

"Very sure," Alice's voice is firm but Bella can't help hearing a note of uncertainty in her tone, as if the seer's optimism has finally begun to crack.

But she can give no more thought to this for she is being tucked beneath worn blankets, her head cushioned upon soft pillows, her nose filled with the faint scent of lavender. She sinks behind the darkness of her eyelids, her breath flowing from her lungs in one long exhale.

She falls into dreaming immediately, like a curtain dropping into place before her gaze. She is with Edward, her arms wrapped around his neck, legs around his waist, clinging to his back as he streaks through the wildflowers and grass of an open meadow, the sun warm and golden above. She glances over her shoulder to see wolves swiftly weaving through the tall grass behind them, but she has no fear, tucking her face into his neck, inhaling the comforting scent of him. Rays of light glint off his skin, so bright she must close her eyes to avoid being blinded.

His pace is fast, the world a colorful blur, her hair streaming behind their joined figures like a wing. The wolves fall behind, lost in the distance, and she can't help the laughter that breaks from her throat.

Bella wakes with a start, abruptly realizing it has been so long since she laughed. She shifts up onto her elbows on the mattress, brow furrowed with thought, trying to remember. Her eyes sink shut as she drifts back, lost in the memory of this room, the light weak and gray. Edward's voice echoes through her head. Are you taunting me—by daring to guess my thoughts when I have no idea of yours? She had laughed, caught up in teasing him, and he had tackled her, tickling her through the tangle of blankets and sheets.

"I thought you were up."

Alice's voice jerks her from the memory, eyes flaring wide as her breath catches in her throat, abruptly pulled back to the uncertainty of the present.

"I brought you something to eat." The diminutive vampire moves through the door, a tray in her small hands. Bella glances with disinterest at the sandwich, apple, and mug of tea neatly arranged there before her gaze slides up to fix on Alice's face.

"You're here." Having slept, Bella finds herself able to focus, to think of something other than her own weariness and her determination to get back to Edward.

"Of course I'm here," Alice softly replies, as if there could be no other answer. But her golden gaze is evasive, far too focused on the tray she is setting on the bed—as if there is any possibility she could upset its contents.

"Alice, please," Bella is unwilling to play this game, this duck and dodge of words and hints. "Tanya was horrid—yet you both left. Why?"

Alice's gaze flits to Bella's pale face before sinking away again. A resigned sigh eases past her lips before she turns, darting into the adjoining room and dragging a chair to the bedside. She sits, folding her legs beneath her, hands loosely laced in her lap. Bella waits patiently through all of this, waiting for her to speak. She is first unsurprised by what Alice confesses. "I saw something."

Bella nods, listening carefully, her gaze locked on Alice's downturned face though Alice's gaze is trained on her hands; she is struck again by how, at times, the fey girl can sometimes seem so old, too wise for an appearance so youthful. "I told Tanya what I saw—what she had triggered with her words," Alice continues. "Tanya was…appalled." Alice shakes her head. "Well, at first she didn't believe me. She grabbed me." Her hands rise, rubbing her upper arms in remembrance of the rough grasp. "She told me to stop what I had seen, to say something…but all I could see was that if I told you or Edward—or anyone—the vision solidified."

"Did you see me leave?" Bella asks softly, certain this must be the answer.

But Alice is shaking her head, amber eyes squeezing shut. "No. Your futures…they became spotty…shadowed."

Bella's breath stills in her chest, her hands unconsciously curling into fists. "What do you mean, Alice?"

Alice's gaze finally rises from her hands, but her golden eyes are filled with fear and distress, her lips moving though at first no words emerge. "Everything began to flicker." She looks away, unable to meet Bella's gaze. "Your futures…they were gone."

There is a long silence as Bella tries to absorb what this could mean, trying to accept what Alice had seen at the same moment that her heart fills with denial. She latches onto Alice's wording, that she is not speaking of only one fate, but two. Your futures. As if she and Edward are intertwined, inseparable. "Both of us?" she asks, the words a whisper.

Alice nods. "Everything began to flicker and change…it was chaotic. I could only glimpse things leading to that…to that outcome. To darkness." Her brows knit together. "I didn't need Tanya to tell me to act. My first instinct was to go to Edward, to find him and tell him—to stop it somehow."

It is Bella's turn to shake her head. "But that made it worse."

The furrow between Alice's inky brows deepens, golden eyes lifting again, frustration evident in her gaze. "I don't know why—everything was so unclear. But when I decided to tell you," her shoulders lift, a helpless motion. "Everything went dark."

Bella remembers that night, the palpable sadness that had seemed to fill the room as Esme shared her story. "It would only have driven home the fact that…" Bella's voice falters, even now hating to speak this truth. "—the fact that I'm going to die," she finishes weakly.

Alice reaches a hand towards the bed, her slim fingers wrapping around Bella's clenched fist. "The flickering—the shadows…they're gone now."

But this is cold comfort to Bella, her head shaking as she thinks of Edward, hurt, angry…and out there somewhere, avoiding them all. "But Edward isn't mortal," she protests. "Why would your visions have shown both of us gone?"

"Bella," Alice's voice is gentle, amber eyes wide and level over their joined hands. "Can't you see?" But Bella is shaking her head again, her throat closing as she denies the truth, unable to accept that she could have been so blind—that she could have run away from him given what Alice is saying. She sucks in a breath, blinking back the tears, fighting the wave of sorrow washing over her in the face of this reality. Alice's hand tightens over her own as she speaks the words Bella cannot. "He wouldn't want to live in a world without you."

Bella struggles for breath, her hand shaking within Alice's grasp, her lips quivering as she tries to form the words. "Even then?" Her voice is a protest, sharp with denial. "He would have ended his life even then for me? When we'd known each other only weeks?" She pushes away the knowledge of what they'd endured for each other, abandoning his family in the wake of Jasper's arrival, the confrontation with the wolves, the anxious flight up to Alaska, uncertain of whether they were being followed. She tries to belittle all she'd knowingly given up, her degree, her career, a settled, steady life, denying that she had sacrified much of anything at all. But it is useless. She hears the harsh rasp of her own breath, unable to deny this truth.

Alice's voice is soft, "Perhaps. But it's a future that never came to pass." She inhales. "I'm not even entirely certain he knows. But from what I could see," her brow furrows again, almost angry at her adopted brother for this potential, unrealized decision. "He was resolved. He refused to go on."

"He can't do that!" Bella protests, teary eyes wide. "Not for me! I wouldn't ask that of him!"

"I know," Alice nods. "Does that perhaps make his desire to leave you as you are, as a human, more understandable?"

It is Bella's turn to frown, lifting her free hand to wipe at the dampness on her cheeks. "It's not the same thing. I want him to live. He wants me to…" But she can't say the word, for she knows that's not truly his desire. She shakes her head, struggling for the words. "He thinks he'd condemn me, making me like him. But we would have each other—just as you all have each other now."

Alice nods. "I agree with you but I can't speak for Edward. He may be fully resolved that such a thing will never come to pass…or he might change his mind if push came to shove." Her shoulders lift, a weary movement. "At this point, there is no solid outcome."

Bella bites her lips, fighting the urge to speak the question. But her curiosity wins the best of her. "You've not ever seen me…like you?"

Alice shakes her dark head, golden eyes falling to their linked hands. "Fragments that I sometimes think…but everything about your future is so chaotic." She laughs softly though there is little humor in the sound. "It would give me a headache if I suffered from the things."

"And you can't see him now?"

Alice shakes her head, her brow furrowing with a frustrated frown. "It's not that I can't see him. It's that I don't know where he is." Her lips thin, amber eyes briefly darting in and out of focus. "Evergreens. Mountains. Grey skies. It could be anywhere between here and Nova Scotia."

Bella's frown is equally frustrated, trying to make sense of what Alice is saying. "But doesn't he have to make decisions? Aren't there landmarks…or something?" It seems impossible that these supernatural creatures could ever be at a loss.

But Alice is shaking her head again, an exasperated puff of air passing her lips. "It's like…it's like when I used to look for Jasper. Edward is acting on instinct—passing from one forested area to another, hunting far too infrequently, avoiding humans the few times he catches the scent of a camper or hiker…" She sighs, the sound filled with weariness and frustration. "I'll glimpse a lake, or a highway, and think perhaps I've gotten a sense of where he could possibly be. And I call Esme and Carlisle, who've been trying to find him for the past five days—and by the time I see them arriving at whatever location we determine must be the place, Edward is gone."

Bella's voice is small and sad. "He doesn't want to be found."

Alice shakes her head stubbornly. "If he knew you were back, he'd be here in an instant. I don't doubt it one bit."

Bella tries not to despair but her voice lacks hope when she speaks, "But how to make him know?"

Alice's lips part, breath audibly passing in an out of her lungs. "I don't know. But he can't act on instinct forever." Bella can't help thinking Alice is speaking with a certainty born from her desires rather than any truth she's seen in her visions. "Regardless of how long it takes, you need to eat," Alice insists, changing the subject as she leans forward to scoot the tray closer to Bella's limp hands. "Edward would never forgive me if I let you waste away."

Bella manages a weak laugh at the truth of this sentiment before half-heartedly reaching for the sandwich and beginning to eat.

Alice remains with her for a few moments more before darting from the room with a vague murmur about the sisters returning from their hunt. After making a sizable dent in the food Alice had brought, Bella can't bring herself to stay in bed despite the weariness she still feels. She throws back the covers and rises on shaky legs. She thinks of showering, or of simply brushing her hair and splashing water over her face…but the desire to find Edward, to determine a plan and bring about his return, is too powerful.

She makes her way down the familiar corridors, sconces just flickering to life with the waning afternoon, a hand trailing along the knotted pine of the walls as if not fully trusting her feet to keep her body upright. Perhaps she should have tried to catch a few more hours sleep…

This thought dies as she reaches the main room of the lodge, lips parting and eyes growing wide as she sees the three sisters fanned before the windows, their stance bearing the unmistakable defensive posture that Alice had adopted earlier…when the tiny vampire had feared Tanya's anger might erupt into something physical.

"What's going on?" Bella doesn't realize how faint her voice, the words weak with fear. She imagines the wolves, or perhaps other vampires, nomads drawn to the scent of a vulnerable human here in the isolated woods. It is only when Alice turns from the front door where she had been pressed close to the panels, as if listening, that Bella realizes she's not far from wrong.

"It's Jasper." Her amber eyes dart back and forth, to where Irina, Kate and Tanya stand crouched before the lead-paned windows. A mixture of frustration and acceptance is evident in her expression. "He wanted to see you—that is, to meet you as safely as he could."

Bella's brow knits with confusion and she instinctively comes closer, moving further into the living area—until a low growl from one of the sisters brings her to an abrupt halt, a pale hand rising to her throat. Her gaze darts between their figures but none of the women have shifted an inch from their defensive stances, golden eyes unblinking as they stare beyond the windows.

"But why?" Bella manages to ask. She knows she should feel fear but she can only register confusion, still too tired and caught off guard by Edward's absence to fully comprehend the scene before her.

Alice crosses the room, white hands extended, taking Bella's trembling hands in her own. Her lips press together before parting to speak. "You know that Edward is able to read thoughts." Bella nods though this doesn't make anything about the current circumstances any clearer.

"But for mine."

Alice nods, amber eyes watchful as she continues. "Jasper can read…feelings." Her expression is open and almost beseeching, head tilting, as if willing Bella to understand this impossible fact. Her gaze darts over Bella's face, trying to ascertain whether this is too much for her in the wake of everything she's learned that day. Bella simply nods, giving Alice the indication she needs to go on. "Whatever emotion someone is feeling, he can sense it." Her bow-shaped lips thin, a brief, resolved movement. "And he can manipulate feelings as well."

It is this piece that finally brings a frown to Bella's features, lips twisting with disbelief.

Alice hurries to finish, the words rushing forth. "Jasper wanted to help—especially after I told him the condition you were in."

Bella shakes her head, trying to make sense of what Alice is saying. "To help?"

"I know what a strain the past weeks have been," Alice admits in a low voice. "Even before you'd left." Bella's gaze falls to their joined hands as her breath catches in her throat, unable to deny it. "Even without Jasper's power, I can see how worn down you are by all of this—and now, to come back here only to find Edward gone…" Alice shakes her head. "Too distressed to sleep. Too distracted to eat."

Bella eyes sink shut with the truth of all Alice is saying. She inhales, struggling for resolve—but she can only feel an empty longing for Edward in the space where her lungs should fill with air.

A low growl erupts from near the windows—Tanya's voice, imbued with impatience. "Just show her already."

Bella's gaze lifts to find Alice has turned her head ever so slightly. Though her words are no louder, Bella knows they are not intended for her. "Go ahead."

A sudden sense of intense calm fills Bella's very core, seeming to emanate from her stomach to her limbs, her shoulders sagging with relief as one thought echoes through her head. Everything will be okay. Like a wave drawing away from shore, the feeling lessens but doesn't entirely subside, her lips parting with the surprise of it.

A dozen thoughts crowd her head: that she doesn't deserve the relief of this artificial optimism and calm; a brief sense of fear at the potential power of such a thing; guilt for the fleeting desire that Jasper continue to do whatever he can to help her maintain her sanity; and finally, a question born from intense curiousity—and the certainty that Jasper might be the only one to provide her with optimism rooted in truth rather than manipulation.

Bella speaks quickly, before doubt can undermine her resolve. "Who was here when Edward left? Besides Irina?"

A dart of surprise crosses Alice's narrow face and Bella realizes her thoughts moved too quickly for the seer to anticipate this response to Jasper's ministrations. But she answers adroitly, perhaps ascertaining Bella's intention. "We were deep in the park—hunting. I didn't see you leave—perhaps because I was too focused on a future more distant than that day, perhaps because of the presence of the wolf…" Her shoulders lift helplessly, her hands falling away from Bella's.

A low, unmistakaly masculine voice calls from beyond the heavy front door. "But you saw Edward react."

Bella realizes that Jasper has raised his voice for her benefit, her head lifting to regard the blank panels of the door, briefly wishing she could speak to him properly.

Alice nods, amber eyes cast to the ground. "By the time we got to the lodge, he was already set on leaving."

Bella realizes this is her chance, her one chance to truly know, to gain real insight rather than relying on Tanya's angry assumptions, or her own hopes and desires, or Alice's vision of a future that never came to pass. "And what…" Her voice falters but she forces herself to continue. "What was he feeling?"

Silence envelops the room and Bella almost wishes for a clock to mark the passage of the eternal seconds. Finally, Jasper's voice rings from beyond the door. "Despair." There is no mistaking the somber reflection of his tone even with the weight of the door between them. "Tremendous despair. Worse than I've ever encountered." There is a moment of silence, as if he is thinking back. "Despair and resignation."

Alice adds, the words soft, "I could see him trying to decide—should he go after you?"

Jasper continues, "But he couldn't—he wouldn't. He was resigned to an outcome that he had suspected would occur all along."

Bella can't help gasping, "That I would leave him?" She feels as if she's been punched in the gut, unable to believe Edward could have harbored the same fears and worries.

Alice is shaking her head but it is Jasper's voice that emerges from outside. "When he would come to the cabin, even after Alice began to avoid him for fear of revealing the dark future she had seen," he pauses. "Even after, he still felt hope. He was worried; he suspected Alice had seen something that affected you both but after satisfying himself that I knew as little as he did… the hope would break through."

Bella can barely breathe, eyes wide and blind with the realization of what she had done to that hope by leaving. She is unsurprised to feel a wave of calm wash over her but beneath the current of contentment, the sorrow remains.

"We have to find him," she finally manages to speak.

Alice is nodding. "I tried to get him to stay. I told him I knew in my heart you wouldn't be able to stay away—"

"But I hadn't yet decided to return," Bella whispers.

Alice nods again, amber eyes wide and full of sadness. "And he could see it—he could tell from my thoughts that it was only my own hope." Her eyes sink shut. "Jasper contemplated stopping him, physically holding him back…but I could see that would only end with someone being hurt."

Jasper's voice picks up, "So Alice is holding me back, and Carlisle is trying to reassure all of us that Edward just needs a break." He pauses and Bella imagines his head bowed with regret. "And we let him go."

"Only days later," Alice continues, "I could see this was different—different than when Esme was changed." Her voice nearly breaks, "I couldn't see him coming back." She shakes her dark head. "That's when Esme and Carlisle left to try to find him." Her slight shoulders lift with a deep, needless breath. "And then I saw you decide to come back."

Bella would have cried for her misguided actions but the weight of Jasper's artificial calm is too heavy. Instead, she simply repeats, "We have to find him."

It is only later, after they've talked through a dozen possible locations based on Alice's wavering visions, does the physical weariness rear its head again. Bella could cry for the limitations of her body, wishing she was like them, untiring, able to strategize for hours as the light beyond the window grows weak and fails.

"I can stay up a few hours more," she tries to protest as Alice pulls her to her feet.

"You'll be able to think more clearly once you've slept," the tiny girl insists.

Bella bites her lip, realizing it's pointless to argue—and what's worse, she doesn't have the energy to do so.

This time, she doesn't sleep for a few hours, waking with the light outside the bedroom window unchanged. She is out through the night and most of the morning, her dreams plagued by Edward's figure, always just out of reach. She wakes with a deep frown furrowing her brow, still trying to solve the problem of finding him.

After showering, she makes her way to the kitchen; though she isn't hungry, she knows Alice won't let her pass by without insisting she eat. Given this, she shouldn't have been surprised to find the black-haired girl standing before the stove, hands a blur as she shreds cheese above a pot of pasta. "I've been practicing," she announces without turning around.

A half-smile flirts over Bella's lips before the expression falters; a thought has occurred to her, half-formed and fleeting. Alice had likely started to cook at least twenty minutes before; perhaps she had heard the plumbing come to life from the wing where Bella is staying. Perhaps it was the sound of her steps, heavy and slow against the floorboards as she moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. Or perhaps Alice had heard the swifter, unsteady breathing that indicated Bella had finally woken.

Bella approaches Alice slowly, pre-occupied, gaze blank, trying to untangle the knot of thoughts and ideas; from the conversation last night, going over the details of Alice's visions with a fine toothed comb, to the most recent call Alice had had with Carlisle and Esme, stranded somewhere in northern Alberta, certain they'd lost Edward's trail miles before, to Tanya's angry words, unwilling to let Bella return without a fight. He couldn't hear your heartbeat. He knew instantly you were gone.

"Alice," Bella's voice is unknowingly sharp, as if angry with herself for not having thought of it sooner. "Didn't you say last night you were worried that if Esme and Carlisle actually do manage to come close, he'll take off the moment he hears their thoughts?" Alice turns from the pot of steaming food, eyes wide as she realizes the direction of Bella's thoughts. "And you all felt it would be far too risky for me to try to go out on my own," Bella continues. "Especially given the apparent altitude of some of the mountains where you've seen him in your visions."

"But if you were to join Carlisle and Esme," Alice picks up the thread, golden eyes going vague as she looks to the future. "They could take you to the remote places where I think I've seen him but stay out of range of his ability."

"And he'll know it's me," Bella's voice is a whisper, filled with burgeoning hope. "Because he'll hear my heartbeat—but he won't hear my thoughts."

Alice impulsively throws her arms around Bella's shoulders, her voice bright as she crows, "I knew you'd think more clearly once you'd slept!"

Bella's smile is more sincere now, acquiescing without protest when Alice begins dishing the pasta into a bowl. "If you eat, I'll give Carlisle and Esme a call and let them know they should head back to pick you up—and maybe pick up some supplies on the way…" Bella can't help grimacing around her first bite of food, knowing this will mean a delay. As if sensing her coming protest, Alice adds, "Not just food but perhaps cannisters of oxygen as well—in case you end up at a high altitude for an extended period of time." Bella can only nod, though her limbs are tingling with the desire to be on the road already.

But there are days to wait given how far Carlisle and Esme are from the mountains of Alaska. Bella cannot focus to read, restlessly pacing the main room of the lodge or going for long walks that fail to exhaust her twitching muscles. Though she goes to bed at a reasonable hour at Alice's insistence, she lies awake for hours, staring blankly at the ceiling as she anticipates the relief of finding Edward. She imagines what she'll say, the apologies, the acceptance of any future he'll agree to, the love for him she'd only realized she felt the day she'd tried to walk away from him.

Bella wakes with the dawn on the fourth day of her return to the lodge. She is disappointed to find Alice gone, unable to restrain her frown when Kate tells her, "She went up to the cabin." The blonde's impassive features are uncharacteristically sympathetic as she delivers the news that Alice is with Jasper, who still doesn't trust himself for long periods of time around the vulnerable human—even with the barrier of doors and walls. One of Kate's hands lifts, almost as if she might rest it upon Bella's shoulder. It hovers in the air, palm white, slender fingers open. "She said to tell you Carlisle and Esme should be here no later than tomorrow morning."

Bella nods with partial relief—though one more day feels as interminable as the last. "Okay," she exhales. "I guess I'll go…make breakfast or something," she sighs.

But she gets no further than the doorway of the room before a commotion just outside sends her spinning on her heels.

"Speak to me, darling! Please, oh, please…" The words are a despairing cry, the clatter of feet upon steps preceding the door swinging wide and crashing into the wall behind. "Kate! Irina! Tanya!"

It is Jasper, golden eyes wild with fear, the tiny figure of Alice curled in his arms. It is a testament to his panic and concern for her that he barely glances in Bella's direction—and she feels no fear at his appearance, rushing after Kate to his side, eyes wide as she tries to imagine what could have happened. She remembers Edward's claim that only fire can harm his kind; her gaze darts over what she can see of Alice's tightly curled frame but sees no marks on her pale skin.

Jasper sinks to his knees, his hands framing Alice's face as he begs, "Darling, please…" He looks up to Kate, his gaze beseeching. "She collapsed—mid-sentence. She was laughing…" He shakes his head. "I've never seen anything like it." His features twist as his gaze drops to her pale, shuttered features. "Alice, please, oh please…"

The blur of Tanya's figure joins his, kneeling on the floor at his side, fingers glancing ever so gently over Alice's tightly closed eyes. Her voice is firm, "Alice, what do you see?"

Jasper's voice is a whispered litany, begging for Alice to return to him, to open her eyes, to speak. Tanya's alto breaks in again, the words a loud demand. "Mary Alice Brandon, tell me what you see."

Alice's eyelids flutter but do not fully open, revealing only slivers of the whites of her eyes. Her lips finally part and Jasper gasps with relief…before they all freeze at her words. "Edward…fire…" Her voice is a cry, small but piercing. Bella staggers, a hand reaching out for something to brace herself upon. She does not realize until several seconds later that it is Irina she is leaning against, her gaze fixed upon Alice's delicate, tormented features.

"Where?" Tanya manages to ask, the only one to keep her head. "Where do you see this?"

Alice's neck turns, as if trying to shake free of Jasper's hands, features twisting. "Fire…fire…oh, Edward, please…"

"Where is the fire?" Tanya asks again, her own brow furrowed with concentration and worry.

Alice's voice is breathless. "The beach…he comes from the sea…to the beach…to where he is forbidden."

"Oh, Christ," Kate's voice is a whisper but may as well have been a shout. Bella finds herself struggling for air, unaware she is shaking her head, trying to deny what they are all coming to understand.

"The beach," Alice continues, her voice a weak whisper. "To the fire...to the fire from the sea."

Tanya is the only one strong enough to voice the supposition, the words faltering as they leave her mouth. "To the reservation?"

Alice's lids flutter, the white of her eyes nearly indistinguishable from the chalky pallor of her skin but for the dark outline of inky lashes. "To the reservation…to fire…to darkness."