It takes him much too long to remotely collect himself.
In the end, Erik insists he move. "You're shaking. You should lie down for a bit."
The thought of going back upstairs with Erik is stomach turning. He shakes his head weakly as Erik pulls him up by his arm. "Jean-"
He wants nothing but to be with her now. Even though he technically knows that they are alone in the apartment and that thus she is physically safe for the moment, he just cannot stop fearing for her.
God knows if the kids have picked up on anything. He needs to check on them, make sure they are not upset.
Thankfully, Erik doesn't object, letting him wash his face and walk out of the bathroom without saying any more.
Not that he hasn't said enough.
"I'll be in the living room," Erik says and thankfully does not follow all the way into the kid's room. Charles barely keeps himself from running away from the man, clutching the remaining slivers of his self control with iron fists.
He needs to pull himself together, he can't lose it again...
Breathe. Just breathe. He forces himself not to think, to shut everything out for the moment as best as he can before he opens Pietro's door.
Jean and Pietro are sitting on the carpet, playing a card game, when Charles steps into the room. They look so at ease, so normal, that Charles can feel his fake calm crumbling instantly, the mere sight throwing him back to what he has lost.
"Play with us?" Pietro asks with big hopeful eyes, holding up the cards in his hands.
Charles forces a smile, taking the boy in with pain in his chest.
Pietro is so small, he has no idea yet what his father does for a living; he is untouched by this...or is he? With a shudder, Charles thinks back to what the boy said about Erik making his mother go away, to what Cohen said about him being disturbed. There is no telling really how much damage Pietro has already suffered, even if he looks fine now. Erik wouldn't harm his own son, that is pretty much one of the only things Charles is sure of right now...but who is to say his lifestyle hasn't done so, inevitably?
And Jean...his eyes wander to the little girl, his little girl. Even if Charles' compliance with Erik's demands would make her physically safe...she is so perceptive, so impressionable. What if she, too, is damaged by this?
And Erik means for them to stay...so it would only get worse. Even if Charles tried to shield them from trauma, from bad influences...
'Daddy made mommy go away.'
Remembering these words now, he feels sick. He can't believe that the warning signs were all there and he just wouldn't see. Pietro's mother is dead. Did she try to oppose Erik?
The longer he thinks about it the more clear becomes the inevitability that Erik will decide to kill him sooner or later.
He chokes on tears, throat closing up as he watches Jean playing innocently, oblivious.
Oh god...
He'll die. And she'll be alone.
They have to get out.
How? How, he thinks frantically, everything Erik told him spinning in his thoughts. There is no way, no out-
He hurries out of the room before he breaks down in front of the kids. Muttering something about going upstairs, he rushes past Erik and slides down the wall on top of the stair case.
The tears are back as he finally can't hold on to himself anymore.
Everything he's just tried to suppress rushes back, crushing him. Heartbreak, lost trust, trauma, fear for his life, fear for his kids, the loss of his sister-
Raven. He can't think of her now, of how destroyed he is by what he found out about her, about how disillusioned and abandonned he feels, or about how scared he is for her despite everything knowing that she is in contact with the likes of Shaw and Victor.
Not when the picture of her in prison, or dead, keeps flashing in front of his eyes. Oh god, he shouldn't have let Erik send her away...but she's safer out there, isn't she? Here, she wouldn't be able to help and only risk aggravating Erik and escalating things. Killing them sooner.
Charles presses his eyes shut tightly. He can't lose it, he can't, for god knows how Erik will react.
He tries to focus, to shut Raven into a little box in his mind, along with everything else. Just for a moment, just a minute, just a tiny bit of respite to gather his strength, to think-
He jumps when the door bell rings.
Seconds later, Victor Creed's voice fills the hallway, carried in through the open door.
"Boss, someone's here to see you. Says his name is Detective Scott Summers."
Charles' heart misses a beat.