Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. I'm not kidding when I say that they mean LOADS to me. This chapter is a little sad. Sorry. x
Nikki leaned over Lorraine to check she was asleep before gently pulling her arm from underneath her. Then she tiptoed to the ensuite bathroom, the same as she'd done for the past few nights. Lorraine had responded well to the chemotherapy and so had been allowed home as an outpatient. A nurse visited and gave her the treatment there instead.
Nikki got on her knees in front of the shower and pulled some of Lorraine's golden locks out of the plug hole. She realised it was inevitable that Lorraine would discover her hair was falling out but she wanted to delay it for as long as possible. She wanted to protect her. So like she'd done ever since it had started to happen, she quickly disposed of the evidence. Tears rolling down her cheeks. She wished she could swap places with Lorraine. She'd do it in a heartbeat.
Nikki climbed back into bed and felt Lorraine's forehead. She needed to check she was the correct temperature. Her immune system was so affected by the chemotherapy that she was at risk of getting sick. More sick. Lorraine stirred and fluttered her eyes open greeting Nikki with a sleepy smile.
"You ok?" Lorraine frowned when a light from a passing car shone through the window illuminating Nikki's face. "You've been crying." She whispered.
"No I'm fine." Nikki lied. Lorraine just nodded. She didn't believe her but she didn't have the strength to argue. "More importantly, how're you feeling?"
"Fine." Lorraine also lied as she felt a wave of sickness ride throughout her body. She sat up and sipped on the water next to the bed. As she did, Nikki noticed a clump of gold on the pillow... She quickly grabbed the hair in her fist. She was a little too late though as she noticed Lorraine's eyes on her.
"Nikki. You don't have to hide it. I know you have been. It's happening a lot isn't it?" Lorraine's lip started to quiver. She bit it hard. Wanting to be brave. Hating herself for being so pathetic.
"Not a lot no..." Nikki lied again. Still trying her best to protect Lorraine.
"I can feel it, Nik. It's so thin now." Lorraine released her lip from her teeth and gave in to the sobs that consumed her whole body.
"Come on now. It's not a big deal, Lo." Nikki pulled her close.
"Not a big deal?" Lorraine pulled away slightly. It was a big deal. It was breaking her heart.
"Sorry, what I meant was. Compared to the alternative. If it's what it takes to get you better then it's a small price to pay." Nikki pulled her back into her chest. Lorraine allowed her to this time, sobbing on to her shoulder.
"I know I'm being stupid. Honestly, I do. It's just... Without my hair, without my looks, what am I?" Lorraine shrugged.
"What do you mean?" Nikki cupped Lorraine's face and wiped away her tears.
"There's nothing else about me. Other than being half decent looking... All style and no substance." She sniffed. Looking away from Nikki. Embarrassed, scared, in case Nikki hadn't realised this and would now run a mile.
"Are you kidding me?" Nikki lifted Lorraine's chin to meet her gaze. "Lorraine, you're the most caring, funny, intelligent, generous and totally admirable person I know. Nothing to do with how you look, you have a heart of gold."
"You're just saying that." Lorraine shook her head.
"You think I'm only with you because of your looks? It wasn't until I started to get to know the real you that I started having feelings for you. I fell in love with your heart. The fact you're beautiful is just an added bonus."
"You really mean it?" Lorraine studied Nikki's face. Waiting for her to laugh. She didn't. She was actually serious and it made Lorraine smile.
"You really need to ask?" Nikki pulled Lorraine close, rubbing her nose against hers affectionately. "You're my world, Lo" she kissed her lips, then traced her tongue along them, Lorraine opened her mouth slightly giving Nikki's tongue permission to meet her own. Their eyes fluttering closed as they kissed slowly. Full of love. Full of promise.
"Will you do something for me?" Lorraine pulled away. Her watery eyes sparkling as they looked into Nikki's.
"Anything." Nikki nodded, stroking down Lorraine's pale face.
"Get rid of this." Lorraine flicked her golden curls over her shoulder.
"Lorraine... I don't know if I can.." Nikki swallowed hard.
"Please? I just... I can't bear to see it falling out day after day... Prolonging the agony. Lets just get it out of the way in one go. I want to be brave, Nik." Lorraine closed her eyes.
"Ok... If that's what you want." Nikki's voice broke slightly. She knew this was breaking Lorraine's heart and she couldn't stand it.
Lorraine moved to the dressing table and sat in front of the mirror. She handed Nikki the scissors and electric shaver. "Do it before I change my mind." She breathlessly sobbed. Keeping her eyes closed as tears ran down her face. She held her breath as she heard the scissors snip... She slowly opened her eyes to see Nikki. Stood behind her, looking into the mirror and cutting her own hair off.
"Nikki! What are you doing?!" Lorraine's mouth fell open as she watched Nikki cut all of her hair off then reach for the shaver.
"We're in this together, right? It's just hair. Nothing more." Nikki smiled confidently then took the shaver to her head. Running smooth strokes forward to back. Not flinching. Not caring. Just wanting to be there for Lorraine. To show her it didn't matter. It was irrelevant.
Once it was all off, she stood looking in the mirror and running the palm of her hand over her smooth head with a small smile.
"Feel it..." Nikki leant forward to Lorraine who slowly ran her hand over the newly exposed skin.
"Nikki.., I don't know what to say. I can't believe you... I love you so much." Lorraine kissed the top of Nikki's head.
"Your turn..." Nikki smiled.
"Do it..." Lorraine just kept her eyes on Nikki's head. She needed to be strong. Nikki had just sacrificed her own hair for her. She didn't want to let her down. Even as she felt her hair fall loosely down her back and onto the floor, she didn't wince, didn't cry. Just kept thinking of the love for her Nikki had just displayed. It took her breath away.
Once she was finished, Nikki wrapped her arms over Lorraine's shoulders and nuzzled her face into hers as they both looked in the mirror.
"You've never looked so beautiful." Nikki kissed Lorraine's cheek. Lorraine smiled. She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She was still beautiful to Nikki and that's all that mattered.