Chapter 35:

A/N: I've got an adoption storyline going in my one fic, and a same sex conception in this one, so lots of research! I suppose it's educational when I take these storylines on, but at the same time, some areas of my knowledge (obviously), may be wrong. So if there is anything people pick up on, feel free to let me know. But just bear in mind I'm not an expert at this stuff haha. Also, I've decided not to cover Aidan's inquest, as it would just be a repetition of what's aired and probably quite boring to write (and read).

Trigger warnings:

Sexual content (PoV 3).

Detailed descriptions of medical insemination. (PoV 5).

Carla

"And I said to Tim, I said, it's quite absurd how mad the world has gone for all this healthy eating malarkey." Sally witters on as I rifle through the folders on the computer. "Don't get me wrong, I try to get my five a day. I'm becoming quite partial to the occasional quinoa salad at dinner time, accompanies a roast chicken nicely on these hot evenings. Sometimes you just don't want a Sunday dinner in this weather, do you?"

"No, Sal." I raise an eyebrow without looking up, transferring some files over as I patiently tap my fingers on the desk, waiting for them to sync.

"But anyway, it's all about this açai and chia seeds, different nuts and protein boosts that people are raving about at the moment." She continues, disregarding the predominant bluntness to my answer. "I do try to do my research, at the end of the day, it's important to stay on the band wagon. Especially when I play such a vital role in society at the moment. I need to keep on top of what's 'in'." She studies me for a second, as I kick my legs on to the table. "What's your opinion on avocados?"

"Avocados?" I finally look at her, narrowing my eyes at the pointless meaning behind the question.

"Yes, avocados. See, they're very popular at the moment, aren't they? Particularly with the vegan community. I asked Tim and his response was 'they're green'. I said, Tim, that's not an opinion, that's an observation. I was having a discussion with Roy the other day regarding avocados, you see. I had a suggestion that we try to boost vegan recipes and options around the eateries of Weatherfield. And gluten free as well, don't even get me started on gluten free. My project is to ensure there's at least two gluten free options at every eatery in the area. Just keeps people happy, doesn't it? You've got to cater for all sorts of diets in this day and age, with them varying and expanding so often. It seems food and dieting is becoming so important, it's all you see on social media now, am I right? The perfect body, the perfect meal plans, and the perfect exercise plan to partner with it. I'm thinking of promoting some new recipes at Pride in a few weeks, advertising for some new stalls. A perfect opportunity for people to sample a taste of something different."

"Are we still talking about food here?" I intend it as a joke, but she doesn't seem to catch on.

"Are you going to Pride this year, Mrs Connor?"

"No, Sal. It's not really my thing." I humour her, quite amused at the fact she seemed to find the idea obvious this year round. "Kate'll probably be there though."

"Oh my Sophie will join in with it and all." Sally agrees. "I must try to convince her not to totally cover me in glitter. I will be attending purely for professional purposes. The LGBT community is very important to me."

"Is that right?" I smirk, aware she was somehow trying to butter me up or impress me. "Did you have some work to be getting on with, Sal?"

"Oh." She realises how carried away she has become, turning to take the designs from the printer. It had long ejected them from the system, lying there patiently while she finished her verbal essay. "Yes Mrs Connor. Did you want me to-"

"Hi, is this a bad time?" The office door opens hesitantly and Eva appears, hands clutched timidly in front of her. She acted like an apologetic school girl, who had been called into the headteachers office.

"No, no." I beckon her inside, and her gaze shifts awkwardly to Sally, who stands staring at her, designs clutched to her chest. "Thanks Sal." I prompt her and she gives a professional nod, leaving abruptly. "So, what can I do you for?" I opt to indulge pleasantries, deciding there was no point in upholding a bitter attitude towards one another. "How's the new business going?"

"Good yeah, we've got premises on Victoria Street, so it's all about doing it up now." She flashes me a grateful smile and I offer her Michelle's empty chair, responded to with a shake of my head. "I won't stay long. Michelle not around?"

"She's out at a meeting with a client." I explain, before pointlessly adding; "Angela Collins."

"Oh ok." She responds, clearly having no idea who or what I was on about, despite working here a week ago. "Well uh, it's just... You can say no... I mean, it's just a suggestion, that's all."

"Fire away." I speed her up, waiting expectantly.

"Well I was wondering if you both wanted to look after Suzie tonight? Peter told me that you both took care of her quite a bit when I was away and... I'm sure she'd love some more time to bond with you." She reveals and my throat tightens slightly. Part of me felt nervous at the prospect; I didn't want to get too attached again, but then the other part really wanted Suzie to be a part of both me and Michelle's lives. I was her auntie, and I intended to play a role in her upbringing if Eva would let me.

"Really?" I ask, shocked and she nods sincerely. "Uh, yeah. We'd love to."

"Ok, good." She seems surprised herself, but pleased all the same. "Well I can drop her around to yours at, say, six?"

"Suits me fine." I offer her a touched smile and she just regards it for a moment, before turning back towards the door.

"Right well, I'd best get back to floor designs." She points towards the door of the factory, thanking me before leaving. I sit in the calm surroundings, the quiet whir of machines echoing against the glass of the office window. Life was piecing together, bit by bit.

Michelle

"She's grown so much." I realise, as Michelle passes Suzie over to me. I rest her head against my one arm, rocking her gently on my lap in the arm chair. Michelle watches us for a moment, passing me a bottle which I carefully feed into her lips. I was picking this up. It didn't seem as scary as it had done before.

"It's all that milk." She kisses my forehead quickly, before returning to the kitchen, keeping an eye on us every now and then. Taking it in, appreciating it. I was doing the same. "She really adores you, you know?" I look up to realise she is leaning forwards on the counter, watching us.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's easy to see." Michelle begins to approach, taking a seat on the sofa. "And you're getting more comfortable."

"Yeah I am." I just murmur to myself, feeling Michelle's eyes glued to me and smiling slightly. "Stop staring at me."

"Sorry, it's just a beautiful image." She whispers, pulling her phone out. "Can I take a picture?"

"For your eyes only, yeah." I agree, tilting my head up to smile, as I hear a quiet click from her phone.

"Lock screen."

"I like your lock screen as it is."

"Home screen then." She smiles, biting her lip as she sets it. "You can be both."

"So I should be." I tease her, and she lowers herself on to the arm of the chair, her hand falling to my hair as she massages my scalp. I sigh against the kiss she plants on my forehead, breathing in the scent of her perfume. I gaze down at the way Suzie's eyes flutter closed as she sucks hungrily on the bottle. Aidan's features written into her own. Once upon a time, this is what I thought would be my life. Holding my own daughter in my arms, watching her fall to sleep contently. Safe. Happy. Healthy.

Tears prick in my eyes and it takes Michelle a second to notice. I move my head to nuzzle it into her arm, tears silently soaking her top, begging myself not to start sobbing in front of my niece. But it was too hard. "I miss her... I miss my little girl. I didn't even know her. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid." I just pick up on her comforting voice, not at all surprised at my breakdown. The warmth shifts as she moves to crouch in front of me, staring up at the hurt in my expression. Lifting a finger, she gently grazes the tears from my cheekbone, erasing the pain of the past. "Not at all."

I try to compose myself for a second, exhaling gently as I shift my gaze to the ceiling. "She's so beautiful." I finally release, managing to look back down into her sleeping face. "So beautiful."

"She looks so much like you." Michelle whispers, and it's almost enough to start me off again. "Genuinely, I see you in her." Her finger traces her face, very gently moving the pad of her thumb across Suzie's forehead. "So much."

"Yeah?" I swallow tears and she lifts her gaze to mine, nodding meaningfully. I suppose it's always a struggle to see yourself in other people, but the people you love the most can always pick up on it best. I believed her. It warms my heart. "...Poor her."

"Lucky her." She softly taps a hand against my arm, scolding me and I emit a small laugh. "Oh sweetheart." Her eyes search me as her hand weaves through my hair and I just flash her a weak smile. "I love you so much."

"I want a baby." I whisper, stroking my fingers through Suzie's soft hair. Michelle remains quiet, watching us both, before getting up and grabbing her mobile from where she had just left it on the coffee table. "What are you doing?"

"Making an appointment at the clinic." Exiting the room with the phone to her ear, she leaves me alone with Suzie in my lap. Weirdly, it's not so strange or scary this time. She looks so calm, so comfortable. And why shouldn't she be? I was keeping her safe. She was family.

Carla

"Angela Collins was telling me earlier about this fashion weekend coming up in town." Michelle informs me, swinging her legs as she sits on the edge of the kitchen counter, chewing on an apple. "She went last year and apparently it's brilliant. Might drum us up some business and all."

"Meanwhile, I had Sally Webster droning on to me about avocados and Gay Pride." I reminisce, noticing the confusion in my wife's expression. "Sorry, Metcalfe." As if that was the reason her brow was furrowed. I stop, leaning back against the cupboards once I've emptied the dishwasher, admiring the short silk nightdress that barely covered her. Her lips pause against the skin of the apple she is eating, noticing how I was looking her up and down.

"Eyes up here."

"I'm not looking at your eyes, as beautiful as they are." I admit, coughing slightly and knowing there was no point in trying to crawl my way out of the obvious fact I was checking her out. "You got anything on under that?"

"No." Her eyes sparkle slightly, throwing the half-eaten apple with perfect aim into the bin, that I'd left the lid open on in my distraction. It was annoyingly sexy, the smoothness of her actions, and I take a step forwards, pressing myself against her. "Problem?"

"Far from it." I start to kiss her, moving down to nip at her neck, the exact point I knew made her exhale lustfully. "But yeah." I pull back suddenly and she lets out a whimper of annoyance, as I proceed to wind her up. "That fashion event sounds good. Where is it?"

"You started this, don't you dare." She grabs at my top, trying to pull me back in and I place a finger against her lips.

"Beg me." I bite down on my lip, teasing her as I trace my fingers up and down Michelle's burning thighs. She swallows, hesitant to give in but desire overcoming her.

"Don't do that." She tries to grab my hand, moaning in frustration as I purposefully tickle my finger tips up her side, missing the place she needed me most. "Ok, please." She caves, her voice needy. "Please." The desperation in her eyes almost makes me feel sympathetic, my eyes darting down to the cold granite beneath where her legs are rested. I was pretty sure if I held out any longer, she'd release before I'd started. "This isn't funny."

"No, it's sexy." I nibble on her neck, listening to her breathy moans, not daring to rise above the silence as I slip my lips down her body.

"Carla." Her fingers tighten in my hair as I kiss along the base of her stomach. "Lower." Finally I oblige, her moans beginning immediately, increasing in dynamics as I continue my actions. Her hips shift against me, saying my name again pleasurably. I lift my eyes momentarily to see how she is rocking herself back and forth on the counter, our eyes connecting as she lowers her gaze.

"You look incredible." I chew my lip for a second, before returning to her, the sound of her beckoning my name ringing in my ears. I felt sorry for the neighbouring flats, the walls were thick, but we were loud. I was unsure they'd manage to drown the sound out completely.

Michelle

"You know who I blame?" Carla finally raises her voice over the silence, her head rested against my naked chest as we lie on the sofa, dwelling on our previous ecstasy. The throw was pulled over our entwined bodies, TV blaring quietly in the background. "Robert Preston. Your sex life was far too demanding. You can't get enough of it now."

"Oi!" I stop her and she releases a dirty giggle, knowing she had wound me up again. "We weren't that bad. Besides, my sex life now is a lot better."

"You have to say that, you're stuck with me."

"You underestimate yourself." I plant a kiss into her hair, absorbing he smell of her shampoo. "Trust me."

"He must have had a lot of stamina... Every five minutes you were going at it in the stock room."

"It's called steroids." I point out and she looks apologetic for a moment. "Stop thinking about it anyway, it's weird."

"...Do you miss sex with men?" She contemplates out loud and my fingers pause in her hair.

"...Am I losing my touch or something?" I ask it more bitterly than intended, mainly through embarrassment. Clearly, if this was what she was thinking about, I hadn't done a very good job at keeping things exciting for her.

"What?" She shifts her body flat against mine, staring down into my face.

"You, going on about having sex with other people. It makes me feel great, Carla. Sorry if you're getting bored of me."

"Michelle!"

"Well you clearly miss it." I respond, sourly, refusing to meet her gaze as I fiddle with the tassles on the cushion. She just takes my chin in her hand, tilting my face to see where her eyebrows are raised.

"I was asking because I'm worried I'm too boring or unexciting." She states, reassuringly and I sigh, my face softening. "Far from the other way around, Chelle. I promise you."

"You really think I'm bored?" I arch my brow, sassing her. "You had me begging you earlier on."

"I know." She smiles to herself smugly. "Maybe I just like the ego boost."

"You don't need an ego boost, you know you're good." I tickle her as she fends me off, collapsing against my lips and giving up halfway through a kiss, drained of energy. She falls against my shoulder, eyes resting closed. "Babe. Are you that tired?"

"Sorry, I hate that it creeps up on me." She tries to push herself up and I move to sit against the arm, pulling her into my lap. It wasn't a rare occurrence; fatigue still struck her without warning as a result of her condition and it wasn't likely to stop anytime soon. She closes her eyes again, her head tucked under my neck as her fingers close around the blanket on top of us.

"You taken your medication?"

"Mm." I can tell she would respond with a sarcastic comment about how I was like an annoying alarm clock, if she wasn't so exhausted.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

"Oh." She suddenly looks up, urgency in her expression despite the tiredness that still wavered. "What did they say on the phone? About the appointment?"

"That they've got a slot next Wednesday if we want it to talk things through with them."

"Well we do want it." She prods my arm like a desperate child. "Don't let someone else take it."

"They won't." I laugh softly, wrapping my arms around her. "Because I said we'd take it. I figured it'd be easier to just cancel if something comes up."

"Ok." She nods, nerves embedded in her tone. "Ok. Now we can go to bed."

"Oh can we?" I humour her, pulling the throw around my shoulders as I get up to follow her in. She was already tucked under the duvet when I reach the bedroom, and I smile to myself, watching her head loll against the pillow.

"I'm cold." She just murmurs, wrapping it tighter and I waste no time in climbing in, pulling myself against her. My arms seal around her slender frame, a content smile gracing her cheeks as her eyes flutter closed. "That's better."

Carla

"Hi, Kate in?" I lean over the counter, eyes connecting with Daniel's and he turns, delivering a nod as he heads into the kitchen. Scanning the room, my eyes fall to Michelle, who is sat with her folder out at a table with a wedding planning client. I feel a sudden burst of pride; I'd assumed she would choose elsewhere to hold the meeting, but it seemed she felt strong enough to return here even when she didn't essentially have to.

"Carla?" My head snaps around to take Kate's expectant expression in, and she raises an eyebrow over to where I was looking.

"She doing alright?"

"She's fine." She assures me, rolling her eyes slightly in a humoured fashion. "Is that what you came in to ask me?"

"Oh, no. Uh, we've got this appointment tomorrow." I inform her, as she searches my face for my information. "At the clinic... You know..."

"Oh right."

"Yeah so, since you're the only person who knows, I was hoping you'd cover for us if anyone asks."

"Am I gonna have to do this every time until your twelve week scan?" She asks, agreeing all the same.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." I drum my fingers on the counter. "I'm dead nervous. We really want this... What if we can't?"

"Don't be negative. You've got double the chance women usually have, hey?" She points out, poking my arm to enforce a smile on my face.

"Most women aren't knocking on fifty."

"Oh hardly, you're forty three." She states. "Michelle's forty two, you're fine. Women get pregnant at forty eight, forty nine, even fifty. You know, this one British woman was fifty nine."

"How do you know these weird facts?" I narrow my eyes, settling slightly all the same. Reaching out to pat her hand, I lower my voice sincerely. "Thank you, though."

"Don't mention it. I'd better get back to work." She returns to the kitchen after planting a kiss on my cheek. I turn just to catch a glimpse of the man Michelle had been sat with, as he passes to go to the toilet. Noticing her gaze was fixed on me curiously, I head over to her table.

"How's your date going?" I tap her chair with my foot flirtatiously, flicking my head around in the direction he had walked off in. "Not too bad, eh?"

"And he's getting married." She reminds me, her expression withering at my observation. "Can't you keep away?"

"Where's his wife to be? Or husband, you know." I emit a small shrug and she laughs me off, tapping her folder.

"She's away on business." Michelle informs me, shading in the doodle of a handbag she had carved onto the folder.

"Ooh, we've been here before." I hint and she glares at me, lowering her pen again. "Bet you haven't told him about me, have ya?"

She opens her mouth to respond something, annoyance in her expression, before the client returns, looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, I'll have another flat white if you've got one going." He smiles and it takes me a second to work out what he means, my mouth dropping open.

"Oh, Duncan, she doesn't work here." Michelle seems thoroughly amused at the prospect and he eyes me up and down awkwardly. "This is my wife." She introduces, before adding, to answer my earlier question. "The one I've been talking about."

"Oh God, sorry, nice to meet you." He holds his hand out and I just shoot Michelle a look as she preens victoriously. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No no, I'll leave you to it." I tap Michelle's head briefly. "Behave yourself, eh?" I grin as I turn on my heel, looking back to see how she is shaking her head in my direction.

Michelle

"Well I never thought I'd optionally be here." Carla folds her arms defensively across her front as she lingers in the maternity clinic waiting room of Weatherfield General. "The world's going insane."

"Will you sit down?" I sigh, grateful that there were very few people in here. Just a couple reading leaflets and a pregnant girl in the corner, she couldn't be much older than nineteen. It reminded me of me, back when I was still a teenager, scared and alone before I'd even told Dean about my pregnancy. I remember attending my first appointment at the hospital, fretting that I would see someone, desperate for answers or someone to tell me that both the pregnancy tests were miraculously incorrect.

"Sorry, I'm nervous." She paces, biting on her nails as she allows her arms to fall away from where they are crossed over the zip of her leather jacket.

"Come here." I try to invade her thoughts, and eventually her head turns to see the softness of my expression. I hold a hand out and she hesitantly sits down, resting her head in my shoulder. "It's only a chat, hm? They'll just talk us through what we've already read up on. The options and all that. This is the easy part."

"Yeah, like that makes me feel better." She scoffs, nestling her forehead into my shoulder as I slip an arm around her. The girl in the corner looks up briefly, trying to divert her eyes before I make it obvious I've acknowledged her.

"Is it your first?" I pipe up, plastering a friendly smile on my face and Carla's head shoots up, confused at who I'm talking to.

"Michelle!" She hisses, eyes darting between where I've called over to her.

"What? I'd have loved someone to talk to me when I was sat there on my own." I whisper under my breath as the girl tries to compose herself.

"Uh, yeah." She manages a weak smile, as if the answer wasn't obvious. "Bit of a surprise really."

"So was my first." I nod reassuringly, as Carla rests her chin on my shoulder, deciding not to indulge in the conversation. "That was a while ago now though."

"I should be getting my A Level results today." She checks the clock on the wall, opening up to me. "Priorities, hey? Not what I had in mind at eighteen."

"I was fifteen." I assure her and she settles slightly. Clearly, she was afraid of judgement, cowering on the chair furthest in the corner, hoping not to be seen. "I gave birth to my son on the day of my mock GCSE exam. Child development, would you believe it? At least you've got all yours out the way."

"Yeah?" Her eyes brighten slightly, letting her legs slip from where her knees were pulled up to her chest. "...How old is he now?"

"Twenty seven." I inform her and she looks surprised, whether it was just that I looked younger or she hadn't expected the number to be so high due to poor calculation, I didn't know. "Trust me, he can be a nightmare... They both can." I discreetly bypass the story behind both Ali and Ryan. "But it's the most rewarding thing I've done. I wouldn't change any of it for the world, not the timing, not my age. Everything pieces together in the end, trust me. They'll idolise you."

"I'm having a boy too." She murmurs, placing a hand on her bump. Her gaze shifts between both me and Carla, trying to figure out the logistics of everything. I didn't blame her, my life complicated me enough, never mind anyone else.

"And now I'm preparing to do it all again, apparently." I weave a hand through Carla's hair, and she groans quietly. "With this one. Quite different this time however. She had to put up with me moaning throughout my first pregnancy. I don't think we saw this situation coming."

"I am here." Carla nudges me, resting her hand on my knee. "But yeah, I'd be the one covering for her at school when she had to go to scans with her boyfriend and what not."

"...And you ended up together?" She assumes and I nod warmly, turning to see how Carla is gazing at me. "That's pretty cool."

"I'd say the same if she didn't spend half an hour in the shower every morning."

"Oh, ignore her." I roll my eyes playfully at her comment. "Thinks she's funny."

There's a brief silence for the girl opposite to flash us an amused smile, before a midwife appears in the doorway.

"Carla and Michelle Connor?" She asks and I stand, holding out a hand for her to shake. She greets us with a friendly beam on her face, before moving her gaze. "Heather, Doctor Lifford won't be long."

"Thanks." She just replies, before looking back at us. "Have fun."

We both exchange words of luck, before proceeding down the corridor, following the midwife that had beckoned us.

"Michelle?" She glances between us when we're finally seated in a medical office, and I point to myself awkwardly. "We spoke on the phone, call me Kaitlyn."

"Nice to meet you." I shake her hand again.

"Uh, yeah hi. Carla." My wife introduces, standing again to greet her properly. "So how does this work?"

"Well, that's really your call. The ball is in your court." Kaitlyn sits down, folding her arms professionally on the desk. "So, start with what your intentions are... You're married?"

"Uh, yeah." I decide to speak first, flashing Carla a warm smile. She keeps her hands clasped in her lap, suddenly quite timid at the prospect of being here. "We got married recently and have been discussing the idea of a baby, I think ideally we'd like to pursue this route while we still can. That's why we're so keen so soon after marriage, we want to give it the best chance possible."

"And do you have children already?" She notes something down on the computer.

"Uh, I have. I've got a son... Sons. It's a complicated story. It was a teenage pregnancy and I only found out about ten years ago that my baby was accidentally swapped at birth so... Now I've got two, as it happens. Very different, the pair of them." I cough awkwardly, noticing the interest in Kaitlyn's expression, as she tries to understand my backstory. "Uh... And then I was pregnant at the start of last year..." I realise I should probably mention it, trying to keep my tone professional. "But uh, I lost him at twenty three weeks."

"...I'm sorry." She pulls back from the computer, sincerity and sympathy in her eyes. "...I lost my daughter a few years ago. Full term stillbirth. It's the hardest thing imaginable."

"Yeah." I just nod, smiling understandingly. "And... I'm sorry too. That's awful."

"Carla, any children?" She tries to lighten the mood, and Carla shifts in her seat awkwardly, just shaking her head. I reach across to squeeze her knee under the table and she swallows, meeting my gaze.

"No... I had a miscarriage a few years ago." She just answers, reaching for my hand. Kaitlyn turns back to the computer after offering her a reassuring nod of the head, tapping away on the keyboard. My eyes follow Carla's gaze around the room, as she takes in all the maternity posters, the development animations of babies that coat the walls.

"You ok?" I whisper quietly, and although I'm sure she can hear, Kaitlyn continues to stare at the screen.

"Mm." She nods confidently, squeezing my hand.

"Any serious medical conditions?" Kaitlyn pipes up again and Carla sighs reluctantly.

"I had kidney failure." She admits. "I had a transplant earlier this year... I'm in recovery now. But it's all going well."

"Right..." Kaitlyn studies her for a moment, and I can tell from her tone that it wasn't the best information to hear.

Shifting her eyes to the wall, Carla slumps back in her seat in frustration. "You're gonna tell me I can't get pregnant now."

"It's not that you can't. Your condition won't have an effect on your fertility. It'smore a matter of the strain your body would be under, whether it would be a sensible idea to pursue that when you're still in recovery. Usually, we say give at least a year after surgery before trying to get pregnant."

"Oh yeah?" Carla arches a brow cockily, and I bite down on my tongue, knowing she wasn't going to take this well. She was stubborn, and being told, especially by medical professionals, that she shouldn't do something was an instance that didn't bode well with her. "Have many women in here with damaged kidneys, do ya?"

"More than you'd think have similar conditions." Kaitlyn tries to explain. "After all, my speciality is helping and advising couples who want children, if it's not as straight forward-"

"You mean if they're gay?"

"Carla!" I snap, my eyes widening. "That's not what she means." I shut her up, guilt and embarrassment flickering in her face as she leans back again, avoiding both our gazes. "Sorry. She can get hot headed."

Carla scoffs under her breath, clearly now annoyed at me as well, but not continuing to argue for the sake of the situation.

"It's really ok." Kaitlyn assures us calmly. "Trust me, I've had all sorts in here. Couples being told they can't have children at all can often take it very badly. I've had my desk flipped once."

"Really?" I ask in surprise, glancing across at where Carla was dragging herself from her sulk, softening at Kaitlyn's honesty.

"I'm sorry..." She swallows, composing herself again. "...This is all very new... Everything. Like Chelle said, I don't handle unfamiliar situations well. I'm a control freak, you see... Bet you're surprised she wants a baby with me."

"Shut up you." I sigh, a smile on my face all the same as I slip an arm around her, looking back at Kaitlyn. "So, you were saying about her condition? You wouldn't be prepared to carry things forward until February; a year since her operation?"

"It all depends on what your tests say. It's a recommendation, that's all. Unless we find reasons to suggest it would damage the baby, or your health further if you were to carry a pregnancy, it's really down to your decision."

"See? That wasn't so hard to hear, was it?" I nudge Carla and she gives me a tired look, shrugging in admittance.

"Michelle, anything to note?"

"Uh, not as far as I'm aware." I tell her. "Except from what I've told you."

"She got PTSD." Carla inputs, and I furrow my brow in her direction.

"That's not gonna affect anything physically, is it?" I remind her.

"She said any health conditions."

"Right, ok then." I sigh, even though it had actually slipped my mind briefly. It was a good job I had my alarm clock with me. "Yeah, I've been diagnosed with PTSD this year. If that's of any relevance... Oh and uh, I had an operation earlier this year... And I was in hospital with heat exhaustion a few weeks ago..." I narrow my eyes as I think back, noting Kaitlyn's bewilderment. "We're not building up a good CV, are we?"

"Hey, all I need is honesty." She holds a hand up, reverting back to the keyboard and not moving her eyes from the screen as she asks; "an operation for what, if you don't mind me inquiring?"

"I was shot." I say it before even thinking about the phrasing and Kaitlyn tries not to splutter in shock, eyes darting between us. "It's ok, he's dead now." I stupidly add, wincing. "...I should have mentioned that before, shouldn't I?

"Wow. You don't lead boring lives, do you?" She jokes, and I'm appreciative of the lightheartedness, her eyes widening in recollection suddenly. "Oh... Of course, Michelle Connor? I remember reading about this in the paper. I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity."

"...I'd rather be famous for something else." I respond bluntly and Kaitlyn's cheeks flush in embarrassment momentarily.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm getting carried away." She flaps, waving her hand to bypass the situation. "So, the general procedure of how things work. You can both undergo tests, it'll check both your fertility rates are alright, and if there's any reason that one of you would be a better option to carry the child. Have you got any ideas on that score yet?"

"Uh, we haven't really discussed it." I glance across at Carla, who remains silent. We both knew after Kaitlyn's advice what the best option would be. "But I'd be willing... Given everything is in order."

"Yeah we need to talk about this further first." Carla pipes up again and Kaitlyn nods understandingly. "So, what happens from there?"

"Then you've got several options for conception, the most popular being IVF transfer. You can have the choice of donor sperm for insemination. All donor's are fully medically safe and we keep all their profiles here so you can make sure you're definitely happy with everything. Some same sex couples will choose to fertilise the alternative partners eggs, to the woman who's carrying the baby. This is done by removing the eggs from the one partner, fertilising them outside of the womb and then implanting them into the partner preparing to carry the child. Am I making sense?"

"It's a lot to take in." I admit, but nodding all the same. It did make sense, it was all just going to require thought and understanding. But something I didn't doubt, is that whatever it took, I'd try my hardest to do this for Carla. It was a big enough step for her to admit to herself that she wanted this, and that she could be a mum. I wanted to make this as easy for her as possible, whatever the circumstances.

Carla

"I've run you a bath." Michelle's words echo in my head, as I watch the coffee drip slowly out of the mug I had held on its side. I was completely lost in a trance of seeing how slowly I could cause the dark liquid to cascade into the sink. But a hand on my shoulder causes me to drop it all together, a loud clatter resounding as the mug falls into the sink. "Carla... You're miles away."

"Sorry." I try to compose myself, turning to face her. "...What did you say?"

"That I've run you a bath." She laughs softly, pointing backwards at the bathroom and my eyes follow her indication for a moment.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I thought you'd like one." She trails her hands down my arms comfortingly. "It might relax you."

"I am relaxed." I lie, and she arches an eyebrow disbelievingly. "...I apologise for how I acted at the clinic... Trust me, hey? I would kick off at the first opportunity."

"It's fine. Like Kaitlyn said, loads of people would probably react in the same way."

"It's just... Typical." I sigh, trying to get my head around things as I lean back against the counter. I scuff my shoe against the kitchen tiles, chewing my lip before releasing more self-doubt for no necessary reason. "It's a sign."

"It's not a sign, stop that." Michelle pulls me closer to her, grabbing my chin and tilting it to meet her gaze. "Carla, you're acting as if you've just been told you can't have kids altogether. All she said is that they recommend you wait a year, you don't even have to do that if you don't want to." She scans my face, the fall of my expression as I realise it myself. I was making such a big deal out of things as ever, I'm surprised she hadn't snapped at me yet. I was an absolute nightmare, God knows why she had chosen to take me on, especially when she already knew what I was like. "...I didn't realise you were so desperate to carry it anyway?" She asks and I just give a small shrug, not knowing myself.

"Well... Do you?" My voice is surprisingly hoarse as I respond to her, settling as she weaves her fingers into mine. "...You seem keen to. I just... Didn't want you to have to go through it again, if it's going to trigger anything, make you upset."

"I've said, I'd do it for you. One hundred percent. Yeah, there might be occasional worries but I feel a lot more stronger in myself now... I feel ready."

"...Yeah?" I swallow, feeling suddenly proud at how brave she was being.

"And... In all honesty. I want to protect you. I hate seeing you in pain as it is, I'd rather carry that burden." She admits and I sigh softly, feeling myself fall hard in the moment at how genuine and loving she was being. "You know... I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, labour hurts. And trust me, I have every faith that you would absolutely smash it, you'd be amazing. But I don't know, it sounds stupid, I just don't want you to have to go through pain for me. I'd take the bullet."

"You already did that." I point out, my expression still meaningful as I stare back at her. "Chelle, you are so sweet. So, so sweet... I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. The way you care... I've never felt this reassured about anything. But you know I don't want to see you in pain either darlin'. I'd do exactly the same. I've told you before I made a vow to myself as kids that I'd keep you from harm, I still stand by that today. I said it in front of all our friends and family."

"But if it's better for your health, surely it's less of a risk for me to do it?" Michelle reminds me, inching closer into our embrace. "...Why don't we just wait until we've had the tests? We'll have a clearer picture then."

"Ok, deal." I hold my hand up to high five her and she smiles, tapping her palm against mine. "Come here." I pull her in, swaying her gently as I feel her lips press a kiss to my temple. "You're amazing. I love you."

A/N: I've already started on the next chapter, so it shouldn't be too long for an update! I've got a pretty clear idea of how things are gonna go in this, so I'm excited for you all to see! Thanks again x