Chapter 37: The Outlaw and Vigilante

Robin Hood and Merida were very sensitive about definitions. Specifically, two definitions:

(1) Outlaw (n): a fox who has broken the law, and is therefore declared outside of legal protection. Tagline: You get what you pay for.

Verses,

(2) Vigilante (n): a person who takes the law into her own hands without legal authority. Tagline: Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Robin was the outlaw, Merida was the vigilante, and together they dominated organized crime.

They were also employed by King Arthur.

It was confusing and awesome at the same time.

When they graduated from Fantasia School for the Magically Skewed, Merida and Robin had suddenly realized they had ZERO vocational skills. They also did not care to obtain vocational skills (especially if it involved paying tuition to a stuffy university).

It was a predicament. So, Merida and Robin had tackled their problem the best way possible: they got drunk. Hey, it was a Friday night and they had just graduated – the idea seemed flawless at the time.

So, after a round of "Skrumps!" Merida and Robin put their heads together. And when the air started to taste like Guinness, Merida and Robin suddenly (!) came to a conclusion.

Their Conclusion:

Really, all they were good at was archery. And all they really wanted to do…was archery.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Ponderous.

They shared another Guinness, brainstormed, and suddenly (!) the solution hit.

Their Solution:

Superheroes! They were destined to be superheroes! They were destined to follow in the footsteps of Katniss Everdeen, Legolas Greenleaf, Hawkeye, and Green Arrow! They were destined to become bad-ass-BOW-AND-ARROW-yielding SUPERHEROES! Huzzah! Drinks all around to fictional archers!

(Again – Friday night – just graduated – little tipsy – the idea seemed flawless).

But their idea was flawed. Actually there were several flaws.

First, Fantasia was pretty darn peaceful. Crime had been eradicated in the Battle to Take Fantasia, and King Arthur was annoyingly good at maintaining peace. Consequently, superhero demand was at an all-time low. That was Flaw Number One.

Flaw Number Two were the guardians. Even if Fantasia was threatened, King Arthur would call upon Jim Hawkins, Wendy Darling, Ariel Triton, and Peter Pan for protection. Peter could fly, Ariel had a trident, Wendy exorcised people, and Jim was just a freaking animal. Merida and Robin felt a little outshined. Just a skosh.

Alak. Alas. All seemed loss. Merida and Robin purchased fifty pounds of chocolate and prepared to suffer mild depression.

Then, they learned about The Otherland.

And all their problems were solved.

The Otherland desperately needed superheroes. Death was considered a luxury; those that lived were starved, molested, tortured, hunted, and cursed. True, children were 'protected' by four magical guardians, but most children only survived long enough to watch their parents die.

It was disgusting. It was disastrous. And it was dangerous.

Merida and Robin jumped right in.

Robin was the outlaw: he stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Merida was the vigilante: she avenged battered woman and neutered molesters. Archangels with carbon fiber arrows and compound bows, Merida and Robin were unforgiving to the ruthless.

They were also wanted: dead or alive. (But preferably dead).

Three times they had been captured by Otherland tyrants: once by King Haggard, once by Queen Uberta, once by Chief Stoick. Twice, Merida and Robin escaped.

But the third time, they did not. Chief Stoick captured them without hope of escape. Vikings were a powerhouse, and they did not appreciate two Fantasians sniffing around their island. So, Merida and Robin were sentenced to life imprisonment.

Once again, Merida and Robin prepared to suffer mild depression.

However they were saved. Out of the blue, King Arthur accepted full responsibility for Merida and Robin's misdemeanors. For the first time in ten thousand years, negotiations between Fantasia and the Otherland were held. King Arthur demanded (yes demanded) that Chief Stoick meet him at The Great Wall.

The Great Wall was a 'great wall' that separated Fantasia from the Otherland. It had one purpose: defense. Essentially, the Great Wall kept the bad guys out.

However, the Great Wall contained an ancient opening. This doorway was guarded by Grandmother Willow, a tree spirit with roots stretching westward into Fantasia and eastward into the Otherland. It was there that King Arthur met with Chief Stoick to bargain for Merida and Robin.

King Arthur had only been 16. Needless to say, the Vikings were thrown a little bit of a loop.

In the end, Merida and Robin survived. An enormous ransom was paid. Arthur and Stoick almost got into a fist fight. Fantasians turned left. Vikings turned right. And everybody went home.

Except for Merida and Robin; they went straight to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Park your law breaking butts in jail.

Bummer. Again, Merida and Robin prepared to suffer mild depression.

But King Arthur surprised them. He granted them full pardon; unlocked the prison doors; dropped them off at the Otherland; and said 'Keep up the good work. Report back to me in 6 months.'

Thus was born a beautiful friendship. Merida and Robin operated secretly for King Arthur. They spied on the Otherland using tactics that Agent Bubble's legitimate forces could not.

King Arthur's idea was unorthodox, but remarkably effective. With Flynn (the royal thief), Robin (the royal outlaw), and Merida (the royal vigilante), he gained information from the deepest, darkness places.

But most importantly, Robin and Merida were saving innocent lives. For that, King Arthur turned a blind eye. Merida and Robin were instructed to 'do no harm.' Other than that, they were left to their own jurisdictions.

Life was good.

Until one night…

"Ha! Merida! Look what Flynn texted me!"

Merida turned. She and Robin were perched atop the Great Wall, patrolling the perimeter for suspicious activity. Merida herself was hunched like a vulture, rambunctious red hair hanging over the 100 foot drop.

"Flynn?" Merida rotated on a heel. She smiled as Robin bounced nimbly over the stone parapet. "It's either something about Rapunzel, his manhood, or a cheeseburger."

"Nay, nay." Robin tossed the cellphone. The screen glowed in the darkness. "Have a read. The guardians are back."

Balance perfectly maintained, Merida caught the phone. Tapping the screen, she read.

PAN THE MAN IS BACK BABY! WYWH! TITHDOMFL :DDDDDDDDDDDD

"Pan the man is back baby….wish you were here..." Merida squint. "T-I-T-H-D-O-M-F-L? What the loch-ness monster does that mean?"

"This is the happiest day of my freaking life."

"Ah. Got it."

"He's got a little bit of a BROmance romance."

"Aye. Clearly." Merida returned the cellphone. "Then that means King Arthur called. I wonder why?"

Robin joined her. He motioned with an arrow. "Do you think it could be that?"

Merida already knew what Robin was pointing at. She didn't have to look, but she did. Distantly, the Otherland's southeastern horizon was burning. A fiery aurora needled into the sky; and if Merida concentrated she could see dragons coiling through the flames.

"Vikings." Robin shuddered. His tail twitched back and forth. "Vikings and their dragons. Remember Stoick? Nasty chap?"

"Aye." Merida spit. She smiled as her saliva sailed over the treetops. "His bark was bigger than his bite, though. What is that pillar of fire do ye think? It's like all the dragons are amassing."

Robin twist an arrow into the stone. "Could they be preparing to fight?"

Merida studied the fiery horizon.

"Maybe yes. Maybe no." she decided. "But I dinnae think we should just sit here gabbin like a bunch o' doobers. We either need to tell King Arthur…or check it out."

Robin grinned toothily. "Why not both?"

Suddenly, a translucent Will o' the Wisp blinked from Merida's pocket. The Will o' the Wisp was Merida's gift from the Wishing Star; it helped guide her through life's fork-roads. Agreeing with Robin, the fee zipped to the left and right of the Great Wall.

Merida hiked her quiver. "You text Flynn?"

"You get the amo?"

"Secret handshake – ?"

Robin raised his paws.

"Hit me baby! Secret handshake! Go! Knock, knock, clap, clap, clap, under, over, elbow-elbow, wrist-wrist, with a twist, bang your hips! ANNNNNND make it rain!"

They jived. The secret handshake ended with a butt slap.

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

And off they went. But they did not get far. Because three steps into the Otherland wild –

-they found a Viking. The Viking was young, alone, and unarmed.

Yay.

"A Viking without a dragon." Delightedly, Robin notched an arrow. As Merida circled left, Robin circled right. "Well that's almost indecent."

"Ohhhhh boy." The Viking kneaded his forehead. A welt reopened over his eye. "I am not in the mood for this."

Merida frowned. Sidestepping, she cut inward for a closer investigation. The Viking was badly injured. His lip was puffy, his head was bruised, dried blood smeared his face, and he limped over a broken peg leg.

Merida made eye contact with Robin. Astutely, Robin nodded. Bowstring held taut, Robin slackened his steps.

"You're wounded."

"Good one."

"Can we help?"

"Can you help?"

"We'll tie you up of course." Robin assured congenially. "You're still a Viking and therefore a threat. But we can't let you waddle around like a one-legged duck! Robin and Merida at your services! We are here to avenge crime and support the needy: courtesy of Fantasia."

Suddenly the Viking growled "Fantasia?! Fantasia?! Murderers!"

Robin paused. "I am politely confused?"

"And a wee bit offended." Merida aimed her arrow. "What d'ya mean? Murderers?"

The Viking wiped his bleeding welt. "You killed our king!"

"We killed what?"

"Our king!" The Viking shouted. "The king of the Otherland! Fantasians killed him! He – "

"From our understanding." Robin interjected. "Death would not have a large impact on your 'king's' rule."

Savagely, the Viking lunged. Robin stumbled, surprised. The Viking's injuries made him stagger, but he attacked Robin like a fire breathing dragon.

"The King was a good man! You don't know – no one knows – no one but me! The King sacrificed his kingdom to save his lady, and he waited 100 years! He waited 100 years to find her and reclaim his magical sword! And he would have risen back to power but Fantasians killed him! Stabbed him! Through the heart like animals – "

Merida jumped. She swung her bow across the Viking's neck. He gagged as she choked him against the shaft.

"Ye've been waitin' a long time te vent!" Merida yanked, forcing the Viking still. "But we don't know what yer talking about! Fantasia didn't kill yer king! King Arthur doesn't kill for play!"

"Unlike some." Robin said, his eyes reflecting moonlight. "Vikings for instance."

The Viking bucked viciously.

"The King said 'Fantasia' before he died! He said 'Fantasia' and then he DIED! He'll never see his lady again! And he loved her! I was supposed to protect him – but I – I – "

The Viking sagged in Merida's arms. Uncontrollably, he wept.

"He's dead…" The Viking breathed in tears. "The King is dead. And I…I couldn't…he's dead."

Robin and Merida were stunned. They glanced at each other, a little horrified. Vikings don't cry. Vikings don't feel remorse. Vikings eat roadkill and wear funny horned helmets.

Robin lowered his bow. Grimly he pressed an arrow tip under the Viking's chin, lifting his gaze.

"What is your name?" Robin asked.

"….Hiccup."

"All right, Hiccup." Robin angled the arrowhead. He spoke calmly. "You accuse Fantasia of murder. And to the southeast, your kin are preparing for war."

Hiccup started. "They're what? Why?"

"You tell us."

"I…" Hiccup's eyes darted down then up. "I don't know."

Robin peered. He sniffed, as if trying to smell a lie.

"Let's take him to Fantasia." Robin finally decided, shouldering his bow. "Maybe he'll tell King Arthur."

"What? Fantasia? Wait no! No!" Hiccup struggled. "I have to get home! I have to get to Berk. My dad said that if The King didn't come back to power he'd – "

"I'll text Flynn." Robin and Merida dragged Hiccup to the Great Wall. "We need to warn him that Vikings are amassing, and that we have a captive. Flynn will deliver the message directly to King Arthur –"

Hiccup thrashed. "Let me go!"

"We're not going te hurt ye." Merida insisted, twisting her bow into Hiccup's jaw. "We just have te ask questions te figure out what's going on – "

"You have to let me go!"

"Robin, tie his ankles. Blindfold him Bind his wrists."

"Roger. Hold still Hiccup – " Robin covered Hiccup's eyes. "This won't hurt."

BANG.

The ground detonated beneath their feet. As Merida and Robin were flung from Hiccup, plasma flames ripped the air and shattered the earth.

...

Big4girl poem:

An Outlaw and Outlaw, indeed I am, but hatching up schemes is my master plan. With my Vigilante at my side, there is no horizon her can't ride! We can chase the wind, touch the sky! We can soar like eagles together we fly. Partners in crime, we pass the time. Together we stand, hand in hand, but now we get in the mix of something amiss. The Otherland king dead, the viking said. We can't believe our ears as we watch him stumble and shake from his own fears. Merida the Vigilante and Robin the outlaw, we only stop when King Arthur calls.

...