Chapter Title: You Sexy Thing

Chapter Genre: humour, family/friendship

Chapter Rating: M for implications

Chapter Notes: Okay, I had WAY too much fun with the prompt medicgirl's co-worker Ray submitted: "you should write one in which Walter makes lewd (but rational) statements about why Peter's cell phone vibrates." Shout out to my EMT homies!!!

Takes Place: in between 1.13 and 1.14

Song: "I Believe in Miracles" by Hot Chocolate

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Fringe. Surprised? ;)

"Only yesterday I was on my own

Just another day later my mind was blown"

Walter sat on the edge of his bed, humming to himself as he played with one of the action figures he'd recovered from his box of toys. This particular figure, he had tried to explain earlier to Peter, was He-Man: Champion of the Universe. Now He-Man was a very fun character to play because he had a green tiger and a sword. Also, Walter was a little jealous that he didn't have to wear office wear, though he wasn't sure if he'd ever give up his lab coat.

Peter was sitting at their "dining table" which looked out his bedroom window, and was in fact, looking out the bedroom window. Walter had noticed his son was both closer and more distant as of late and right now was one of those "more distant" moments. But that was fine, it gave him plenty of time to act out a battle with a cowboy figure and a small stuffed dog toy that looked like a squirrel—he'd actually stolen that toy from a Pomeranian in the park

Walter made a very smug noise as he brought He-Man's sword down on the cowboy and was a little startled when a rumbling sound issued in return. He looked up and Peter's cellphone on the dining table pulsated once more, quivering slightly across the surface.

"It's Olivia Dunham," he announced matter-of-factly as he paused in his combat.

Peter jumped slightly in his seat and looked down at the phone, then back up at him. "How did you know?"

"It vibrated," he said turning his attention back to the cowboy,

"All calls come through as vibrations. Now be quiet," Peter ordered then opened up the cell phone. "Hello."

He danced He-Man on his knee. "No, it vibrates because she's a girl."

"It does not vibrate because she's a girl," Peter whispered, his fingers covering the mouthpiece, then pulled back his hand back so he talk to the agent on the other end. "No, I didn't take your case file home with me."

"It does vibrate because she's a girl. Women like things that vibrate," he said, wriggling his eyebrows which got a horrified look from his son.

"Walter, be quiet!" Peter hissed, covering the mouthpiece once more. "No, Olivia, but I'll keep my eye out for it. Oh, could it have ended up in Walter's things?" Peter held the phone against his chest. "Go get your things and make sure Olivia—Agent Dunham didn't leave her case file in your folio. I saw you grabbing things willy-nilly this evening and it wouldn't surprise me if you took it by accident."

Walter scowled and pointed at the stack of papers he had tossed into a corner of the room. "You look for it, I'll talk to Dunham."

His son raised the phone back up to his ear. "Walter wants to talk to you."

Walter happily abandoned He-Man on the bed and took the phone from Peter, who went grumbling to the papers.

"Hello? Agent Dunham, this is Dr. Walter Bishop. I am the scientist that you work with on a regular basis at Harvard," he said as professionally as he could.

He had to admit she had a very pleasant voice this evening. "Yes, I know who you are."

"Oh, good. I was afraid you'd forgotten," Walter said, feeling a little relieved. "What does your cell phone do when my son Peter Bishop calls?"

She seemed a little startled at the question. "Oh, uh, it gives two beeps."

He nodded. "And it doesn't vibrate?"

"No, Dr. Bishop."

He watched his son digging through the papers and folders. "Peter's phone vibrates when you call. Yours should, too."

There was quiet on the other end. "…Why?"

Walter liked explaining things. "Well, women like things that vibrate and you like Peter, so—"

He couldn't finish his thought because Peter had obviously had enough of the conversation. He lunged at him, trying to grab at the phone, which resulted in a moment of wrestling and his son using words that were definitely not English. Finally, Peter was the victor and Walter was cradling his right arm with watering eyes; in the struggle he'd hit his funny bone against the nightstand.

Panting, the younger Bishop spoke into the phone. "Olivia, I am so sorry!" Then he shot him a particularly venomous look. "YOU, are not getting dessert tonight."

"What?! NO!" Walter cried.

Peter turned on the function known as "speakerphone" and held the phone out towards him with the command of, "Apologise to her."

Dunham's voice came out clearly over the phone as if she were in the room with them. "Oh, Peter, he doesn't have to—"

"I'm not apologising!" Walter said fitfully, upset that his elbow felt weird and that his son was oppressing his ideas.

Peter's face was twisted in rage. "Yes you will or so help me God…!"

"I'm sorry you're not enjoying Peter's phone calls more often!" he shouted angrily at the phone.

"Damnit, Walter!" The vein on Peter's forehead was throbbing. "I didn't find your file, Liv."

"Well, that's okay—"

Peter hung up without another word and then pointed his finger at him.

"No. Dessert. For. A. Week."

Random Fringe Prediction: We'll see Peter and Rachel Dunham hooking up. :P :P :P :P