Chapter 37 - Final Preperations

Severus hesitated before learning forward and placing a hand on Selebi's shoulder. He gently shook her, wishing with all his heart that he didn't have to have this conversation with her. But it was unavoidable at this point, and to ignore it would be most unwise.

She awoke slowly, blinking her eyes and gazing up at him in the dark. One lone candle was flickering on the dresser, enough to make the shadows move and dance across the wet dungeon walls. She could tell by the look on his face that something was bothering him, his brow furrowed and his lips forming a thin line across his face.

"Wake up," he said, speaking in a low, gentle tone which did little to hide the tension in his voice. "There is something we need to discuss."

Selebi looked at him with concern. "Is something wrong, Severus?" She shifted slightly, rolling over onto her back and propping herself up on her elbows.

"No, everything is fine, Selebi." He stood up, looming over her like a dark shadow. "But there are matters which need to be dealt with before the war."

The dark witch let her gaze drift towards the floor, her hands twisting the fabric of her nightgown. "Severus," she said at length. "Do you think there's really going to be a war?" It took a moment before she was able to look him in the eye, her face framed with curtains of long, dark hair.

"It is inevitable, and to deny the possibility of a second war is foolish." He hesitated a fraction of a second before continuing, taking a moment to swallow his emotions, concealing them beneath his stoic mask. "I want to protect you, but there are obstacles in my path which may prevent me from doing so. Or to be more precise, there are obstacles in my past, for they continues to threaten my very existence as well as yours now that you're involved with me."

Severus saw her bottom lip quiver like a child who was on the verge of tears. This was one of the reasons why he didnt want to have this conversation with her. He hated having to do this, but he had to keep moving forward, being mindful of his words as he delved deeper into the harsh reality that surrounded them.

"I assume you know what I am. You've seen the mark I bear as a result of my actions."

"Yes, Severus, I know," she murmured. "You're a Death Eater. But you'd rather be working for light side."

"That is correct." He nodded, then offered her his hand. "Come. There is something I need to show you."

Selebi looked at his hand, then up at him, her fingers closing around his palm as he helped her stand. She wasn't that far along yet, and already she was having difficulty getting out of bed. Severus had thought, on more than one occasion, that she might be carrying twins. It was a thought he didn't want to consider, not when he hadn't learned how to care for one child let alone two.

He lead her downstairs to his potions lab, stopping in the middle of the room and letting go of her hand. "Wait here." Severus moved towards a small space between the cupboards on the wall. He withdrew his wand and muttered a brief incantation while passing his wand over the length of stone between the cupboards. The stone glowed faintly, and when Severus pressed his hand against it he was able to slide it out of the way, revealing a secret compartment in the wall.

"This is where I store my most valuable potions." Severus reached into the cupboard and removed a crystal vial that contained a dark, syrupy liquid, flecked with traces of silver and crimson. The liquid shimmered softly, as each and every colored speck glowing with its own inner light. "Do you remember the serpent you rescued me from on the night we first met?"

"Yes." She had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going.

"This is an antidote for her venom," he said, holding up the vial. "The Dark Lord isn't one to waste his magic on those he considers beneath him. Therefore I have concocted a rather potent brew that should suffice if he were to send that wretched serpent after me."

"Severus." She looked at him with eye full of tears. Were they really having this conversation? Was he really going to die? Even if he survied Nagini, there were a hundred other ways that he could perish in the war, each more unpleasant than the last. "What do I do if... if I find you've been attacked by that creature? How am I supposed to know how much of the antidote to give you?"

"All of it. If I am attacked, I'm going to need every last drop if I'm to have a chance of surviving." He was interrupted by a loud sniff, followed by a half-strangled sob as Selebi fought to contain her emotions. A battle which, judging by the looks of things, she was clearly losing. "You would do well to remember that Nagini's venom contains an element that causes excessive bleeding. Depending on the severity of the attack, I will most likely require two vials of blood replenisher. Since I will be unable to assist you in the matter, you will have to determine on your own how much to administer."

Selebi was crying by the time he finished his sentence. The dark man placed the vial on the shelf, then reached into his pocket and removed a handkerchief. Severus handed it to her, wincing as she blew her nose.

"I can't do that, Severus. How am I supposed to think at a time like that, with you lying there, all gross and covered in blood."

"You can and you will, Selebi." He placed his fingers under her chin, lifting her head so that she was gazing into his eyes. "I have faith in you. You've proven before that you can be a strong, capable woman."

"But I'm scared."

Severus looked at her, his gaze unfaltering as he spoke. "I know you are. But you must learn to overcome your fear, for your sake as well as mine. This war will test us both, and unless we work together we will have no hope of surviving. We should also consider a method of transportation that will allow us to escape if I am unable to bring us to a safe location."

"A safe location," she muttered. "Where the bloody hell could we go that's safe during a time like this?"

"My home at Spinner's End," Severus replied. "It is Unplottable, and there are enough enchantments surrounding the building to keep out even the most determined Death Eaters. Perhaps turning my locket into an emergency portkey would be sufficient."

Selebi looked at the various potions, tools and jars filled to the bafter with all manner of plants, herbs, organs, fangs and claws. This man, a master of his craft and a master of the dark arts as well, could easily get swallowed up by the darkness that embraced him. She should have realized long ago that there were risks to getting involved with such a man, but love isn't rational. There are times when it defies the laws of logic and reason, seeking only to fulfill is most basic needs and desires.

Or perhaps lust would be a better choice of words, seeing as how it's what brought them here in the first place. But love can arise from a basic element such as lust, and now Selebi had to deal wit the fact that all of this could be gone in an instant. At least in the physical sense. Her feelings and emotions would still remain, as well as the child they had made together.

She looked around the room, taking a moment to gather her strength before she continued speaking. "What do I do if you've been attacked and I have a baby to look after? How will I care for you and a child at the same time? How long will it take you to recover?"

"I cannot say with certainty, but I estimate it will take between two to three months for me to recover." His reply prompted a fresh batch of tears as the dark witch sobbed into her handkerchief.

Severus put an arm around her, trying to comfort her as he continued speaking. "I suggest making contact with an associate of mine known as Molly Weasley. Her family is somewhat loud and obnoxious, but she has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to child rearing, and will assist you in the process until I am well again." He didn't mention the fact that Molly would lend a hand if he passed away during the war. She was upset enough already, and he didn't want to make things worse by discussing the possibility of his death.

He let her cry until her eyes were quite red, knowing that she needed to get this out of her system and that it would be better if he was there to comfort her while she was upset. She leaned against his shoulder, her face obscured by strands of long, dark hair as he rubbed her back, speaking softly to her as he assured her that everything would be alright.

"How can you say that?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion. "Don't promise me something you can't give."

"Forgive me," he murmured. "It wasn't my intention to fill your head with lies. I'm simply saying that, no matter what happens, we will find a way to get through this."

"I wish I could believe you, Severus." She took one last look at the bottles that lined the shelves, at the man who stood before her, trying to memorize the way things were, the way he looked at her when their eyes met in darkness. These moments were precious to her, and she knew that she had to hold onto them, cherish them, because tomorrow it could all slip away.

"Come." Severus steered her towards the stairs. "I think you should lie down and rest. Perhaps I could make you a Calming Draught to help sooth your nerves."

Selebi said nothing as they climbed the stairs and returned to Severus' bedroom. She couldn't help but feel as though she were losing him, and that there was nothing she could do about it.