(Author's note: this is a lost scene between Tess and Kurt on the phone. We didn't originally write it, but Tess said she was going to call him and then there was a request for that conversation. In this scene, Puck has just left Tessera and is driving home. I'm in the midst of writing the conclusion of the reunion scene between the three boys - and a futurefic Gold Mine chapter! - but in the meantime, enjoy. -amy)

Mon. Dec 21 (the day of Puck's return to Lima)

Tess sighed as she keyed back into her quarters, contemplating just how tired she was. It wouldn't be a stretch to take Carl's suggestion and go back to bed, let herself sleep for a while. She hadn't expected to be doing much else, not on the first day of one of the longest closures Tessera had scheduled in a number of years.

As she reclined against her pillows, she found herself preoccupied with thoughts of all of those boys, plundering around like awkward baby giraffes, getting tangled up in one another's hearts. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was most certainly going to be messy. She reassured herself that Puck was in a good state of mind, and so was Carl - and she'd have Carl back safely with her soon - if he didn't return, she'd simply go fetch him, she thought to herself. Finn... well, she was going to rely on Carl, and trust her boy to take care of Finnegan. So that left Kurt.

Kurt, who would feel lonely, with both of his lovers mooncalfing over new loves. Dominant, all encompassing loves.

Tess sighed again, and got back up, grumbling to herself as she went to the kitchen to make a proper pot of tea. She'd have to check in on James, and spend more time with Davis, getting to know that man, too, if James was so enamoured of him. Her favorite wooden tea tray was clean, and in place so she gently set the pot of tea on it, laying the cup and accessories out properly, carrying it with her back to the window seat in her room. She gazed out over the beautifully snowy courtyard, feeling calm.

And then she fished her phone out of her pocket, scrolling through the contacts there. There it was, she saw with relief, the land line to the Hummel household, which Burt had gladly given her some weeks ago. She took a deep breath and dialed.

She could tell it was Kurt who answered the phone. His light tone sounded tired. "No, she's dead, this is her son."

Tess was floored for a moment, and then her temper took hold. "Kurt Hummel," she said tartly. "That is not particularly respectful, considering what Noah has just gone through."

"Who is this?"

"Tess Riordan," she barked, barely restraining herself from adding her rank before her name. She shook her head, trying to brush back the flashback to her smartmouthed Jesse years ago.

Kurt's tone changed entirely; now he sounded abashed. "Oh - Tess, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect - I mean, nobody calls this number. Jeez. Um, can I help you with something?"

Tess got a firm grip on her slightly frayed temper and wondered if she should have waited until she'd had a little more sleep to call. "All the same, Kurt," she suggested. "I called to speak with you, dear. I'm afraid I don't have your direct number."

"Me?" he squeaked. "All - all right. What can I do for you?"

Her face softened, though Kurt wouldn't be able to see that. "I wanted to make certain that you were all right, Kurt. I've spoken to both Noah, and to Carl," she told him firmly. "And my concern, young man, is you."

"Noah - was he okay? I mean, I talked to him yesterday... he's supposed to be on his way home, but I haven't -"

"Sweetheart, he's fine," she told the boy compassionately. "He's on the road right now, Kurt. It's all right. He seems steadier than the last time I spoke with him, if that helps."

His sigh of relief was almost palpable. "God. Thank you. This whole week has had me on edge, I can't even tell you. He's coming home, and... and we'll work out the rest."

"Yes, you will, Kurt. He loves you very much."

"Um - I love him, too." She could hear the smile. "Is there something else?"

She reminded herself not to sigh, and to be very gentle with the sensitive boy. "Yes, dearheart. I know how very complicated relationships like yours can be, Kurt. And I'm aware that Noah, in his own unique way, has added an additional complication. As has Finn."

"Finn - wow, you sure are informed. That's really new." He sounded impressed. "Oh, that's right, Carl was coming to visit you, wasn't he?"

Tess chuckled. "That's right. Carl and I have known one another for a very long time, honey. We talked in some depth about the situation, and Noah surprised me with his information shortly thereafter."

He sighed softly. "He told you about... Adam."

"Yes, he did," she replied calmly. "I wanted to know how you are faring, Kurt. Will you talk with me? If you'd rather not..."

"Oh," he said again, in a different tone. "I'm, um, flattered? Seriously. I don't think you need to bother with me. I'm all right."

"Bother with you?" Her tone was astonished. "Oh, darling. You will never, ever be a bother to me. Of course I'm worried about you, Kurt."

"Tess... I don't... " There were tears lurking there, just under the surface, and Tess knew they needed to come out eventually, in their own time. For now, she was just going to take care of him as best as she could, over the phone.

"Come now, sweetie. Get yourself a glass of water, and go somewhere comfy, will you? Maybe under a warm blanket?"

"Okay," he said. "My dad... he makes me warm milk. Maybe I should make some of that."

"That sounds like a very good idea to me. My chef spoils me like that frequently."

She could hear his soft footfalls as he padded toward the kitchen. "It's been... confusing, I guess. When Noah left, Finn kind of fell apart. We didn't see him for a couple days, and that left me, and my dad, and Carole - Finn's mom?"

"Yes, I met Carole when I visited, Kurt."

"Oh, yes. I forgot that. We were on our date, me and Finn." He sighed. "These last couple of days, though, Finn seemed to - wake up. He came home... um." She could almost hear the blush.

"Yes?"

"Well, he had been to visit Carl. In his office. I don't know if I can tell you about that. But he learned... things. To help me. You know?"

"I do. If you are comfortable to tell me how he helped you, that will not compromise confidentiality, and I should take the opportunity to remind you that our conversations are confidential, sweetheart, unless you're putting yourself in danger - and it won't be Finn or Noah I'm talking to at that point, it'll be your father."

"No, there's no danger, really," he hastened to assure her. She could hear the sounds of clanking pots, and the click of the stove turning on, the fridge door opening and closing. "It's just... I haven't talked to any grownups about this stuff. At all. It's a little embarrassing."

"I didn't think there was any danger, Kurt," she told him quietly. "And I'm right here for you, if you like. You're well aware of what I do for a living, sweetie, yes?"

"Yes... I suppose it's just psychological. I get nervous just thinking about telling anybody." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm pretty sure nobody would understand about the... the spanking thing. I mean, half the time I don't even understand, and I'm the one doing it."

"Some people just need to be spanked, love. It's perfectly normal. I've been mentoring boys for years, Kurt. Including spanking the dickens out of them, if that's what they need. You're fine, Kurt, whether it is knowing when someone needs to be spanked, or needing your own bottom warmed. And I'll say it again, this is confidential, young man. Spanking is not dangerous, what you tell me is between you, and me, period." She knew perfectly well that if the spanking got into extreme realms that his extremely astute father would notice.

"All right," he said, still sounding reluctant. "Well. Finn - he'd been really hurting, I could tell, pulling away from me, from everyone. And then things just... changed. He was himself again." Kurt gave a gentle laugh, like he was surprised by this. "And the two of us, he... he was more affectionate; he knew what I needed. He told me it was Carl, that he'd taught him things, and it helped him see me more clearly."

"That makes sense," she said comfortingly. "Carl is a good Top, Kurt. And..." She hesitated. "He understands how deep a part of the equation you are - he will be considering your needs, Kurt, even if he isn't attending to them personally. If Finn talks to him about things, Carl will consider what he's told, and advise Finn gently - especially when it comes to you. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," he said, with emphasis. "Yes, that's exactly it. I felt like Carl was taking care of me, even though he never actually did anything with me. It was - pretty amazing, actually. I felt grateful." She heard the clink of a spoon against a mug. "I think I need to tell him that."

"Carl would appreciate that, Kurt, when you're ready."

"But now... did Carl tell you about... about Finn? Because..." He went silent for a moment. "I think they're... I mean, he's so much older than Finn, but he - "

Tess sighed heavily. "He is older, Kurt. He's not a man who trusts, or forms attachments easily. That's why he frightened Noah so much that day in the office - he's usually very remote with his subs. I see hundreds of relationships, within the club, and outside of it as well. I must confess to you that I don't see age as a barrier to the depth of care and love that Carl feels for Finn."

There was a pause. Kurt could have been drinking his milk, or possibly wiping his eyes, she couldn't tell. But she knew him well enough, through Noah and Carl and Burt, to know he was a sensitive boy, and she allowed him his space to recover himself.

"I saw that, too," he said quietly. "I heard them talk on the phone, and it was... god. It made me feel like crying. I'm not sure why."

"I believe you felt the depth of the emotion there, and responded to it. Kurt... I know that you're gay, little love. There certainly will not be the sort of sexual connection that Finn and Noah are experiencing, but darling, one of the reasons why I've phoned is to tell you I would very much like to be there for you, if you need me. Does that make sense, honey?"

"Yes... yes, and that's... um. Really amazing of you. I can't even tell you." Now she definitely did hear a sniffle over the phone. "Thank you."

"Is that warm milk, ready to drink, that I hear in the background here?"

"I'm halfway done," he said, giggling.

"Well, I'm a little clueless. One of the boys my adoptive father mentored is the chef here, and he spoils me terribly. Tell me how you do this, because it's a little vague for me."

"Um... about how to make warm milk?" He sounded baffled.

"Exactly, love. James won't tell me what spices he puts into it, shameless boy that he is."

"I just sprinkle something on top. Sometimes it's cinnamon - Noah likes that. Or allspice, or nutmeg. Or some honey. It's just the milk, really. My dad always made it for me when I would wake up in the middle of the night and need to talk."

"That's the best kind, isn't it? My father always made me tea - I have a cup of his favorite right here with me. The man is a barbarian, Kurt, it's English Breakfast." She fondly pictured Kurt standing in the Hummel kitchen, cosy and small, with Kurt hovering in that tentative way of his over the stove. She wished she could ask Burt to make the comforting drink for him, but this conversation, it was too deep for that, it wouldn't do for Kurt to feel as if Burt knew what they were discussing, in any way.

"Noah likes darjeeling." His voice was so wistful. She so wanted to fold him into her arms and tell him everything would be all right, but this was complicated in so many ways. It was going to take time, and patience, and a hell of a lot of luck, for the three of those boys to come through it intact.

"That's a lovely tea. I find I'm fond of it myself. Is your milk finished, honey?"

"I'm done now."

"Will you take that to your bedroom with you and settle down while we talk? Would that be all right?"

"That would be nice," he said.

"There's a love," she replied comfortably. "This is my first day off for the holiday, and I'll confess to you that I'm holed up in my own bedroom right now. What's your favorite thing about your room? The thing that feels the nicest?"

"My duvet." There was no hesitation. "It's warm. I like to wrap up in it. On the couch, I have a fleece blanket, but it's not the same. It's not - not as heavy."

"What does your duvet look like? I'm a bit of a hedonist myself, Kurt. Mine is dark blue velvet, and there's a layer of black lace over top of that. It's quite heavy, I get cold in the winter."

"That sounds so pretty," he said, sounding a little envious. "Mine's down filled, with a cream colored cover. The thread count is high, though."

"So it's soft and very warm, then," she said, softening her voice. "What else is around you that feels good?"

Kurt paused for a moment. "I usually wear my white fleece robe when I'm reading in bed."

"How pretty," Tess told him softly. "It took me years and years to get my bedroom to be properly comforting - the furniture took miles of walking antique shows on days off, to find. What else do you see, darling?"

"Um... this is kind of embarrassing." He cleared his throat. "I have this stuffed doll. Ernie, from Sesame Street."

"Oh," she said with some surprise.

"It was kind of a joke. My dad's name is Burt, see, and when I was a little boy we used to say that he was Bert, the tall one, and I was Ernie."

"That's lovely, Kurt." She giggled just a little, very softly, listening to his intake of breath at the sound. "Now, you're not to mention this to anyone - much less your boys or Carl," she suggested, purposefully leaving Burt's name from the list. "But my papa gave me a Snufflupagus, a very long time ago. I helped him to watch out for some children for a few weeks, who belonged to one of his boys." She smiled fondly. "He mentors soldiers, who are trying to find jobs when they discharge from the military, Kurt. And he saw how much I liked the Snufflupagus, and he made sure I had one of my own, years later. He's still here with me in my bedroom." It was true, though Snuffy was in her drawer, along with other items that drew poignant memories for her, rather than among her pillows, as Kurt might be thinking.

"Oh... Tess." She smiled to herself as the tears that had been threatening finally had a chance to fall. "That's really sweet. I mean, it's such a coincidence that... wow." He sniffed and blew his nose. "Sorry. I'm a little on edge, I guess."

"There's my boy," she murmured soothingly. "You're all right, little love. I want you to know that I'm right here for you, whenever you need me. You don't need to worry about the hour, or the length of time, honey, I'm right here for you. Will you tell me about what's bothering you?" Her compassion for the boy welled up inside of her, the magnitude of his hurt filling her, thinking of the sweet young man hiding in his room, with all the comforts he could muster around him, childish or not. In that moment she blessed Burt for the care he'd taken with his sensitive son, that Kurt still had such simple defenses against the world, and she loved the boy all the more for that.

"I'm scared," he said, his voice cracking. He paused and tried again. "There's so much happening. I sometimes forget what my life was like, just three months ago. I'd never even kissed another person before this fall. I wasn't out to anyone - hardly even myself. And trust me, my... my fantasies were pretty much confined to holding hands and dancing a little too close." He laughed, the tears thick in his voice. "And now... I'm responsible for this incredible boy. Somebody who was tossing me into dumpsters on a daily basis in September. And I love him more than I ever thought possible."

Tess noted the information with narrowed eyes, reminding herself to have a sit-down conversation with Noah, but she didn't want to distract him away from how his heart was feeling by asking for details. "That's an incredible feeling, love like that, isn't it?"

"Oh, you have no idea. I never thought anyone could need me like that. Or even that I'd want it. But I do - so much. It gives me something... well, I guess you understand."

"Yes, I do," she said softly. He laughed, but she didn't think it was happy laughter. "And I know it hurts sometimes too."

"I miss him a lot," he whispered. "I'm not used to... to needing people. It's just easier not to get that close. But Noah... and Finn. I need both of them. I mean, in completely different ways."

"Kurt, everyone needs people. Everyone. And even though it might be easier to not get that close, it's certainly not healthier. And it's perfectly understandable that you feel differently about the two of them - they're both very different people, and relating to them is going to summon different things from you. I know it may feel the same, because the love is so strong, but I suspect you love them in very different ways - and that's all right."

"Yes. I've loved Finn for a lot longer... before he even knew I existed, even. When he came out to me - that was the most unbelievable experience. I really never expected... and then we became friends, and I... " He sighed. "I pretty much threw myself at him. It was risky, but I couldn't not do it. I knew how he felt about Puck - about Noah. And I didn't care. I wanted - I wanted him so much." The last word was lost in a sob.

Tess sighed, too. "Love is always a gamble, when people first throw their cards on the table."

"And then he told me - he sang me a song, and said he loved me, and he said... I could choose. And that he chose me. And Noah. I didn't believe him for a while, but... it was exactly right. The three of us, together... it's been beyond anything I ever imagined."

"When feelings like that go very deep, Kurt, it means that any pain involved is very deep, too. And it's all right to talk about the pain, just as much as it is to talk about the love."

"I guess you're right." She heard his sniffing trail off. "And now... Noah with Adam, and Finn with C-carl... it's like it's starting all over again, but just for them. And I'm being left behind." He made a noise of frustration. "Which is stupid, because I still have both of them. I know they still love me. I do."

Tess heard the stammer and frowned. "You are not being left behind, sweetie. Do you remember how it felt when your heart opened up to let Noah inside, too? After Finn told you how he felt?"

Kurt was silent for a moment. "I remember I was scared. And I tried to run - I told Finn I couldn't do it, and... Noah, he stopped me. He told me he understood, and he showed me - he made me realize, that was the first moment, when he wanted me to take care of him." His voice sounded far away. "It was incredible. I felt... like maybe it was possible. That we could do that - we could do anything, if we were together."

"Yes. Their hearts are opening up right now too, just like that, and they will need you more than ever, little love. What is it about Finn that has you so nervous right now?"

"Finn... he gives me something. He's my Top? Maybe? It's more complicated than that. But I need him. He's been so attentive, so loving and - god, I just forgot I needed those things. And now, now that I know I need them, I'm even more scared of losing them."

Tess nodded. "That's what I meant, Kurt, when I said earlier that as deep as love goes, pain goes just as deep. Fear is a kind of pain. It's like disease that creeps into a wound, and it must be taken care of, not left to breed infection, where it will hurt you more. You must be brave enough to confront those fears, Kurt. Talk these things over with Finn - and talk to Carl, as well. Honesty and openness, in a relationship like yours, they are very critical - you mustn't try to hide your fear from Finn, even though you love him so much, and your need to see him be happy is so deep that you're able, with your generous heart, to let him love Carl."

"Oh," he said, startled. "I guess - I mean, I'm not letting him. It's good for Finn. He needs that, too, just like I do."

"Yes, he does, Kurt. And in a way, you are letting him - your actions right now are telling him that you love him so much, that he should do what he needs to, to be happy. Most people aren't that generous with their love, Kurt - most people would snatch their love away, try to protect it rather than be giving, and go back to being alone, instead of taking the kind of steps, the sort of risk to themselves that you're taking right now. I think that's one of the most beautiful things about you, love, that big heart of yours."

"That's really sweet of you to say." He laughed, and it sounded easier now. "I don't always feel so generous. Sometimes I just want him all for myself."

"And that's all right too," she said gently. "And when that happens, you have every right to ask him for that - to ask him for time, just for the two of you, where you aren't talking or focusing on Carl, or even Noah, where it's all about how Kurt feels about Finn, and how Finn feels about Kurt, and what you are when you are with one another. You do deserve that, Kurt."

"Finn had us each go on dates," he said. "Two of each of us, together. And that was really nice. But - he said we also need time, the three of us. And I don't know if we're ever going to have that again."

"I think that might need time in another sense, Kurt. The relationship has been wounded by lies, and harsh actions - it's going to need time to heal, just like a bruise needs time to heal on your body. You will need to be careful with it, protective, and loving. And it will grow strong again, if you all take that care. Don't worry so much, little love, just love them."

"I can do that." His voice was just a whisper. "I don't think I can do anything else."

"I know. I want you to know that I am right here for you. You're not alone, and you can call me any time you like, if it helps."

"Thank you... so much. I didn't even know I was thinking half these things." He yawned.

"Perhaps you might like to curl up with your blanket, and Ernie, little love. You sound so tired, so sleepy, maybe you'll sleep for a while?"

"That sounds nice," came the sleepy mumble. "Maybe a little while."

"There you are," she replied with satisfaction. "I'll stay until you're sleeping, sweet boy. I'm right here for you, you're not alone."