Disclaimer: No ownership of these characters is implied or expected. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: the last chapter was very intense, and our protagonists need some breathing space, so this is a lighter chapter, but we get to see some of Kate's initial thoughts on Dr Burke's suggestion. I appreciate all your comments in reviews, unfortunately I cannot reassure you without giving part of the story away, so you will need to wait and see what Kate's career choice is. Before that, though, there are some other challenges to work through.

CHAPTER 35

The trip home from Dr Burke's office was made in silence, both partners upset and highly emotional. That had been the hardest session for both of them to face, but at least Kate had the advantage of being scraped raw in the past for her PTSD. For Rick, it was very difficult to talk about his feelings in that environment, and this session addressed his two biggest issues. They ordered in again, and sat eating in silence as well. It wasn't uncomfortable, because they were still communicating with their eyes, and gentle touches to arm, shoulder and back. Afterwards, they cuddled on the couch, both lost in their own thoughts.

Kate was reviewing the contents of the session, as she always did after therapy, and making a mental to-do list of her actions as follow up. She was coming to the realisation that she shouldn't go back to the precinct, or the NYPD, because it would enable her obsession again. What she had not determined yet was what to do instead, and while she had a couple of options, she wanted to discuss them with Rick. He said he would back her play, but he was an integral part of her life, and she had no intention of repeating the DC experience. She glanced at him and saw him deep in thought, so now was obviously not the time to start that conversation. She snuggled in, enjoying his warmth and protection, and his hand drawing mindless shapes on her thigh.

Rick was also reviewing the session, and realigning his memories of his past relationships. Dr Burke had said he was not solely to blame for the way they ended, and he had come to internalise that finally. He also acknowledged that of all of them, Kate was the least like abandonment, because although she had locked him out of her investigation, she did keep saying she was coming back, even if that was not very reassuring at the time. He also realised that he did trust Kate, she had made an amazing effort in focussing on their marriage since she found him in Guthrie, demonstrating strong faith in them even when he himself was unsure in the early days. The only question was what would happen when she eventually went back to work, where the temptation to investigate was so much closer. He knew she wouldn't stay at home with him full time forever, and that was his sole remaining reservation about sharing all of himself with her again.

Rick finished his musings, and noticed that Kate was still cuddled into him, just gazing at him with all her love in her eyes. He didn't hesitate when his first instinct was to lean forward and capture her lips with his. The kiss was sweet and soft, neither of them deepening it, but for the first time Rick wanted to. He knew he was almost at the end of his control where intimacy with Kate was concerned, and he could see in her eyes as they separated that she wanted the same, but was still respecting his request. Before he could say anything, she spoke.

"Rick, I've been thinking about the precinct. You know that I resigned as Captain, so I would not be returning in that capacity. I think I would be happy to return as lead detective for my team, although I am unsure if that would be Ryan and Espo, as they are more than ready to lead their own teams, and I put that recommendation in before I left. But I think Dr Burke was right, when he said that I need to remove myself from the triggers."

"Kate, what are you saying?" Rick was taken aback by this line of reasoning from Kate, unsure of where she was going with it. Was she seriously talking about giving up the NYPD? That didn't sound like Kate. His hand on her thigh stilled as he gave her his full attention.

"I am saying that I solved my mother's case, with help from you, and that was the reason I became a cop in the first place. I enjoyed solving crimes there, achieving those milestones like youngest detective, and giving closure to families. But there is nothing really keeping me there now, and a high risk of something coming up that pulls me down the rabbit hole again. I need to focus on the next stage of my life now, with you, and our family, and if nothing else, being a police detective is a risky profession, with injuries and life threatening situations faced often. I think you and I have both had more than our fair share of those." She was looking at him, trying to gauge if he was onboard with this. Her continuing fear was that once she was not a detective any more, she would stop being an inspiration to him and their relationship would suffer accordingly.

Rick nodded in acknowledgement of her comment, and as he caught her eye again he could see her doubt and hesitation. He understood where that was coming from, and was quick to reassure her.

"Wow, Kate, I never thought I would hear you say that, but I can see where you are coming from. You are a kick-ass detective, and whatever you decide to do next, I know you will be kick-ass at that too. And I will be right by your side, cheering you on. Have you given any thought to what that may be?"

Kate was again grateful that her husband could read her, like no one else before, and he put her fears to rest without her having to give them voice.

"To be honest I haven't thought much beyond that, but I do have a couple of ideas. I could go back and finish my Law degree and work in Civil Rights, or I could find some other area of law that would allow me to help the victims without getting involved in criminal investigations. Or I could just let you be my sugar daddy and sit around watching bad soaps and lunching with the ladies every day."

Kate delivered the last line in a neutral tone of voice, but Rick picked up on the tease in her words immediately, and brought his hand to his chest in mock affront.

"I always knew you were just after me for my money;" he lamented, while his eyes twinkled at her, and he was momentarily distracted by visions of what they could get up to with nowhere to be at a specific time. All those surfaces at the loft to explore!

Kate could see exactly where his mind had gone, so she slapped him gently on the arm, and laughed at him. "You do know that last one was not serious, don't you?"

"Of course, I can't see you sitting at home doing nothing; I think you would go crazy in no time. But there's no rush, Kate, you can take your time making a decision. I can put another desk in my office for you, to use for study or work. And I can write from anywhere, so the choice is really up to you."

"Thanks, babe." Kate snuggled down again, enjoying the closeness with her husband. Rick could tell that was enough serious conversation for tonight, so he turned the TV on for some mindless entertainment. An hour or so later, they went to bed and fell asleep in each other's arms, both slightly more at peace.

TBC