Chapter Thirty Four – (Repentance)
BPOV
The tears continue to stream down my face as I run towards the front of Jacob's house. I can hear people on my heels, but I don't turn around to see who it is.
"Bella, wait!"
"God, Bella. Slow down!" Alice and Tanya shout simultaneously.
Well, I guess that's who was running after me.
I ignore them, picking up my pace and heading inside Jacob's house through the back door. I steer through the kitchen, picking up a bottle of tequila before heading down the hall way and hiding in the bathroom. I lock the door behind me before sliding down to the ground, pulling my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs.
I bring the bottle of Tequila to my lips and guzzle down a few mouthfuls. I wince, screwing up my face as it burns when it makes its way down my throat. I push the nasty taste aside and bring the bottle to my lips again, gulping as much as I can, which just causes me to cough furiously.
I don't know how long I'm in the bathroom for, but I'm starting to feel all warm and fuzzy and my limbs have become extremely flaccid. I take a look at the bottle, its half empty… Whoops, I think to myself as a giggle escapes me. I drag myself off the bathroom floor and open the door. I peek my head out slightly, checking to see if anyone is out there. When I see the coast is clear, I stumble down the hallway and out of the front door.
There are a fair few people out the front of the house and I can feel all of their gazes on me. I glance at a group of snotty girls who are clearly younger than me. Their faces are covered in shock, no doubt from taking in my drunken state and withered appearance. I narrow my eyes at them, causing them to look away quickly. Yeah, that's what I thought. Nosy bitches.
I sit down on the front steps, letting out a heavy sigh before taking another drink from the bottle. I stare out into the street, the numbness overtaking me becoming a welcomed comfort. By the time Alice and Tanya eventually find me, the bottle is nearly empty.
"Oh, Bella," Alice says softly, her voice cracking with sadness. I glance up at her to see she's covering her mouth in shock, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. I glance over at Tanya to see her expression filled with concern.
"What have you done to yourself, Bells?" she says quietly before closing the distance between us and sitting next to me on my left side.
Alice follows suit and sits down on the right side of me. I bring the bottle up to my lips again, but Tanya snatches it out of my hands. I narrow my eyes at her before placing my hands across my knees and resting my chin on my arms.
"Fucking hell, have you drunk the whole bottle to yourself?" Tanya asks incredulously.
"Maybe," I murmur uncomfortably.
I've stayed strong the whole time I started drinking this bottle of tequila. I haven't shed a tear since I was in the bathroom, but as soon as Tanya scoots closer to me, wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug, all of my composure crumbles down and I can't stop the sobs that begin escaping from my chest.
"How can he think I don't love him?" I ask through my sobs, sniffling very unattractively.
"Shh baby, its okay," Tanya says soothingly.
"Everything I do just seems to be the wrong thing. I know he needs time, but he's just so confusing. One minute he's kissing me and telling me he loves me, the next he's yelling at me and accusing me of not loving him and not caring about him because I left." A hiccup escapes my lips as I pull out of Tanya's embrace and rest my head in my hands. "Why can't he see I'm trying to fix my mistakes?"
Alice scoots closer to me and entwines her hands with mine.
"He'll come around, Bells. He's just hurting. He finally got used to the fact you were no longer in his life. He needs time to get used to the fact you're back," Alice says softly.
"And he's wasted. Like you," Rosalie adds sternly as she makes her way over to us.
"Don't lecture me right now," I grumble.
"Do you know how much you've probably fucked up your liver?" she asks seriously.
"I don't care," I mumble.
"Real mature," she scoffs.
Someone comes running out of the front door and nearly runs into me, Alice and Tanya.
"Shit," they cuss through a giggle.
Ergh. I know that annoying giggle. It's Jessica fucking Stanley's. She must realize it's me sitting on the steps, because she pushes her way past us down the steps and stands in front of us. I sit there, glaring up at her.
"Oh, well isn't this a pretty picture," she says sarcastically
"What the fuck do you want?" Tanya complains.
"Are you drunk?" Jessica asks amused, ignoring Tanya.
"So what if I am?" I respond, annoyance clear in my voice.
"Well, I just ran into Edward. You're being a tad hypocritical don't you think? Considering you were just berating him to stop drinking."
"I don't need your shit right now, Jessica," I say angrily.
"News flash, Bella: Edward didn't create this situation, you did. You fucked up and now you have to deal with the consequences."
"What the fuck do you know about our situation?" I ask angrily.
"I know that you destroyed Edward and now you want him to forgive and forget everything you did to him and everything he suffered because of your actions."
"You think I don't know I destroyed him? I don't expect him to forget everything I did. I'm just confused because one minute he's fine towards me but then the next he's snapping at me!"
"Are you so blind you can't even see that his heart has been hit hard by your return? He suffered from your disappearance. He was taunted by your absence!" she shouts.
"I already fucking know this, Jessica! I can't change the past, okay? So just go away and stop harassing me!" I shout back.
"Yeah, I second that notion," Rosalie agrees, glaring at Jessica.
"God, Rosalie will you just shut up?" Jessica snaps. "I can't believe how cruel you of all people are acting towards Edward. You're so ready to embrace Bella and belittle Edward for not being ready to resume his relationship with her."
"I suggest you shut your mouth before I shut it for you," Rosalie replies icily.
"We're just trying to help him," Alice says softly.
"Well, you're not helping him. You're making things worse by shoving everything down his throat."
"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.
"Everyone keeps berating him to just listen to what you have to say. You all need to just back off and give him a fucking break," she says exasperatedly.
"Well, it's not like I can help that. I'm not telling them to tell him to listen to me."
"Maybe you should tell them to leave him alone then. This whole mess is between you two anyway, not anyone else."
"Then why can't you just stay out of it? It has nothing to do with you either," I tell her.
"I'm trying to help you! If he says he needs time, give him some time before you push him away for good," she shouts.
"I don't want your help," I mumble incoherently.
"You are such a stubborn bitch! You seriously need some sense knocked into you!" she shouts.
"Well, go on then! Knock some sense into me!" I taunt, stumbling as I stand up and confront her.
"Would you look at yourself? You're pathetic," she responds, her voice filled with disgust.
"If I'm so pathetic, why were you my best friend for thirteen years?" I accuse.
"I honestly don't know," she replies, her voice filled with sadness. "And I don't know why Edward still loves you," she adds icily.
Her statement hits me like a ton of bricks. I can't stop the hurt and anger that rises inside me, and I swing my fist forward and punch her square in the cheek. She stumbles back a few steps, holding her palm to her face in shock. She lunges forward and tackles me to the ground.
"Guys, stop it!" Alice exclaims in a panic.
Jessica straddles my torso, pinning me down to the ground and she throws her fists at my face. I cover my face with my arms, copping the blows there instead. She ends up clocking a few blows to my face though, which are definitely going to leave a few scratches and bruises. Fuck, who would've thought Jessica would be a fighter.
"Get off me!" I shout at her. Thunder cracks above us in the sky before the rain begins to fall down heavily. Great. Just perfect. We continue to roll around on the ground, our hair and clothes becoming drenched and the dirt forming into mud because of the rain.
"You started it, now I'm gonna finish it," she responds icily.
"Maybe if you kept your snotty nose out of everyone else's business this wouldn't be happening! He loves me, Jessica. Not you," I shout again before flailing my hands around.
"Did you seriously just say that?" she asks incredulously.
"I see the way you look at him," I murmur, my hands find their way into her hair. I pull as hard as I can, causing a scream to erupt from her. She punches me in the stomach which causes me to release her hair.
She pushes her hands on my shoulders to hold me down. "Edward and I are just friends. You need to get that into that thick skull of yours," she says seriously before rolling off me and standing up again. I stay seated on the ground and glance up at her, despair completely covering my expression.
"Then why does he care about you more than me?" I ask so softly, I'm not quite sure she heard. The rain cascades down on top of me. I wrap my arms around myself as the tears begin to flow down my face again.
"Believe it or not, he doesn't. Just give him time, Bella. Just be friends with him before you push him to be your boyfriend again," Jessica says softly. I don't meet her gaze. Instead, I lay down on the ground, wishing the earth would just swallow me whole. I pull my legs up, wrapping my arms around them and hugging them to my chest.
"Bella?" Alice addresses me hesitantly.
"Is she okay?" Rosalie asks concerned.
"Bells?" Tanya says softly, kneeling in front of me and wiping the hair out of my face. "Come on, baby. Let's go home," she adds in a whisper.
I glance up at her but remain lying on the ground. She slides her arms under my torso and pulls me into her lap, cradling me and rocking back and forth for a few minutes before helping me to her feet. Alice and Rose close the distance between us once I'm standing again. Alice engulfs me in a tight hug for a long time until Rose pulls her off me and takes her place.
"I'll fuck Jessica up for you if you want me to," she whispers in my ear, her voice serious. I pull away and shake my head, not trusting my voice to speak.
"Alright, I'm gonna get her home," Tanya tells them before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leading us to her car.
I don't know how I put one foot in front of the other because it feels like my whole body has gone numb. She opens the passenger door for me and I climb inside. I pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I stare out of the window, seeing nothing as we make our way back to the cottage. I must have fallen asleep because when we get back to the cottage, Tanya shakes me awake before pulling me into her arms. I wrap my arms around her, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck as she walks down to my room and places me on my bed. I lay down in the fetal position when she walks away. She comes back a few minutes later with a rag and antiseptic liquid in a bowl, as well as an ice pack and places them on my bedside table before sitting down on the side of my bed. She holds me by the arms and pulls me into a sitting position.
"Put this on your face," she says softly before beginning to clean the cuts on my hands.
When she finishes cleaning up my wounds, she takes the bowl and ice pack back outside before coming back into my room. I can't believe everything that happened tonight. I feel so stupid. Jessica was right – I was being completely hypocritical again. Harassing Edward to stop drinking and then I go and drink a whole bottle of Tequila to myself. And attacking Jessica like that? What the hell was I thinking?
"We should get some sleep," Tanya says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I glance up at her to see her standing in my doorway. I can't believe I put Tanya through all of that. She's never seen me like that before and now I'm probably going to scare her away as well. Fucking hell, what is wrong with me? The tears begin to pool up in my eyes again which causes Tanya to rush over and crawl onto my bed, pulling me into her arms just as the sobs begin again.
"Please don't leave," I beg. Tanya scoots us further down the bed and pulls the covers up over us as she shushes me.
"I'm not going anywhere," she soothes, tucking a stand of hair behind my ear. I roll over so we're facing each other and move in closer to her. She continues to stroke my hair and rub my back soothingly.
My tears fall down my face silently before I eventually fall into unconsciousness.
The next morning, I wake up to my head thumping loudly and my whole body aching as though I've been run over by a mac truck. I let out a groan of pain just as Tanya walks into my room with a cup of tea, buttered toast and a couple of Advil on a tray.
"Hey. How's your head?" Tanya asks sincerely, placing the tray on my bedside table, which mind you, sounds like a gun shot. I wince and cover my head with a pillow.
"Yeah, I thought it'd be that bad," Tanya murmurs.
"I hate life," I mumble, my voice muffled by the pillow.
"That's what you get when you drink a whole bottle of Tequila to yourself," Tanya responds seriously. "What the hell were you thinking, Bella?" she adds, the tone of her voice a tad softer.
"I wasn't thinking."
"Obviously," Tanya responds, letting out a sigh. "You could have seriously harmed yourself," she adds sadly. I remove the pillow and glance up at her, shame clear in my eyes.
"I know," I reply quietly.
"Do you remember everything?"
"Unfortunately," I mutter.
"He'll get over it, Bella. And so will Jessica."
"You don't know that."
"Well, positive thinking is always better."
"Right," I scoff.
"It is!" she insists, her voice raising a bit.
"Erghhh, don't be so loud," I groan, throwing the pillow at her before covering my ears with my hands.
"Oh. Sorry," she says, laughing softly.
Tanya and I have a relaxing day – thank god – watching movies all day and pigging out on junk food while I recover from my disastrous decisions from last night to act like an alcoholic. I eventually end up getting sick of lounging around all day though, so I attempt to clean up the kitchen a bit, wincing in pain and recoiling away covering my ears when I would accidentally make too much noise with the cutlery or plates.
Tanya walks in on me and stops in her tracks, shock covering her face.
"What do you think you're doing?" she asks.
"Uh. Cleaning?" I respond, stating the word as a question.
"Why on earth are you even trying to do that kind of shit when the slightest sound sounds like a gun shot going off?" she scolds. "And it probably sounds like someone is smashing your brain with a hammer," she adds seriously.
I can't stop myself from laughing like a hyena. I stop short and groan in pain because of my own laughter. Tanya shakes her head in amusement at me before shooing me out of the kitchen completely.
Tanya and I are half way through watching The Notebook when my phone begins ringing extremely loudly. Tanya jumps up and runs around the house trying to find it, the song becoming louder and louder each second. I get up and scavenge around the lounge room and end up finding it in between the couch cushions.
"Hello?" I answer breathlessly.
"Hey, Bella! It's Alice," she exclaims cheerfully, causing me to pull the phone away from my ear.
"Argh, don't talk so loud."
"Oh. Sorry," she replies, laughing lightly and lowering her voice. "How are you doing?"
"I'm okay. I feel like an idiot and I'm completely embarrassed."
"I was so worried about you," she says sadly.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"You should be. You scared the living shit out of us," Rose scolds me. Okay, so I'm clearly on loud speaker.
"Rose!" Alice scolds her, causing me to pull the phone away from my ear again. "Its okay, Bella. Anyway, Rose and I were just wondering if we could come over."
"Oh. I don't know…"
"Come on, Bella. Why not?" Rose says.
"The house is kind of a mess," I murmur.
"We can come over and help clean it up, considering you're in no state to," Alice insists.
"I'm not doing any cleaning, but I promise to be extra quiet," Rose teases.
"Shut up Rose," I say through a laugh. "But yeah, okay. Thanks guys."
"Yay!" Alice exclaims.
"Argh! Seriously, Alice?" I complain.
"Jesus, Alice. You're gonna end up giving her a migraine and then we'll be stuck here bored forever!" Rose scolds her.
"Oh, so that's why you want to come over," I joke.
"Hush, you," Rose says through a chuckle.
"Anyway, we should let you go and we'll head over," Alice adds.
"Okay."
"Bye, Bella," They reply simultaneously, causing me to laugh lightly before hanging up.
I clean up the lounge room a bit before having a quick shower. I change into a pair of black leggings, a black singlet and a white sweat singlet over the top that has a panda holding a red guitar on it. When I head back down the hallway, I can hear hushed voices coming from the living room. Alice and Rosalie must have arrived. I hear my name come up in the conversation so I tip toe the rest of the way down the hallway.
"We couldn't find her for an hour," Alice says.
"Do you think she was trying to, you know, harm herself?" Rose asks.
"No way, she'd never do anything like that," Tanya replies seriously.
"Are you sure?" Rose asks.
"Rosalie!" Alice scolds under her breath.
Oh, great. So now they think I was trying to kill myself by alcohol poisoning or something.
"I've never seen her act like that before," Tanya says, her voice sad.
"Neither have I," Alice replies.
"What if she does something like that again?" Rose asks.
"I don't think she will. She regrets it deeply already," Tanya reassures.
I make my way into the room and clear my throat to let them know of my presence. All of their heads snap in my direction, smiling at me softly. Alice looks as though she's about to jump up and squeal a greeting at me but thinks better of it when I cringe away from her and cover my ears just in case. She smiles at me apologetically before speaking.
"Hey, Bella," she says softy.
"Hey, Ali," I reply as I make my way over to them and sit down on the couch.
"How are you feeling?" Alice asks.
"God, Alice. Stop babying her," Rose complains.
"I'm not babying her!" Alice exclaims. My headache has settled some but her high pitch voice still sounds like nails on a chalkboard right now. I can't stop myself from letting out a whimper of pain.
"Shut up, Alice. You're giving her a migraine," Rosalie scolds.
Alice looks over at me and takes in my expression and covers her mouth. "Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, Bella." She looks back to Rosalie and glares at her. "See what you made me do?" she hisses under her breath.
"I didn't make you do shit," Rosalie scoffs.
They continue to bicker back fourth for a few minutes before Tanya pipes up and tells them both to shut up because they're starting to give her a migraine, in which causes them to finally quiet down. We sit in an awkward silence, the huge elephant from last night hanging in the room.
"I wasn't trying to harm myself last night either, just so you know," I tell them.
"What? Why would you think we thought that?" Alice sputters.
"I heard you guys talking."
"Oh."
"She isn't stupid, Alice," says Rosalie.
"I never said she was!" Alice argues.
"Please don't start arguing again," I reply, letting out a heavy sigh.
"We've just never seen you like that before, hon," Tanya says soothingly.
"That's because I've never been like that before. I've never drank that much in my life," I tell them honestly. "I don't even know why I did it," I murmur.
"Because you were hurt," Tanya explains.
"Edward was hurt and that's why he was drinking. I was telling him to stop it, which caused us to get into a fight. And then I went off and did the same thing."
"You both said things you probably shouldn't have," Alice says quietly.
"True things though," Rose adds.
"Seriously, Rosalie?" Alice says annoyed.
"No, she's right," I tell Alice.
"Yeah, Alice. I'm right," Rose quips.
"Look, try not to worry about it. Just give Edward the time and space that he needs, okay?" Tanya says encouragingly.
"You sound like Jessica," Rosalie mumbles.
"Well, she's right, I guess," Alice says hesitantly.
"It'll all work out on its own," Tanya says.
"I hope so," I mumble.
"It will. Just let him come to you. You know he loves you," Tanya says comfortingly.
"I'm not so sure that's true anymore after last night," I mutter.
"He still loves you," Alice assures me.
"But I agree with Tanya," Rosalie says. "Let him come to you this time," she adds, looking at me pointedly.
Tanya, Alice, Rosalie and I spend a few hours cleaning the house. They tried to make me stay sitting on the couch doing nothing, but I wouldn't have any of that shit. Although, while I'm helping Rose clean the kitchen my thoughts are filled with Edward. I feel so bad about everything. I can't believe the way I acted last night. I was only trying to help him because I hated seeing him that way. I know I shouldn't have gone off and drowned my sorrows with liquor because that didn't help anything at all. It may have numbed my body, but it just intensified my feelings times ten.
I couldn't stop replaying all the hurtful things he said to me. How could he think I don't love him? I guess I don't blame him. That's the exact same way I feel about my mom. Every time I think of her, I always wind back to thinking that she mustn't love me at all if she could just pick up and leave with no explanation at all. I guess that's why I understand Edward's anger and resentment towards me right now. Because I did the exact same thing to him that my mother did to me.
I get so scared every time I try to tell him why I left. I know that I want to tell him more than anything else in the world and he deserves to know. But I can't help but think that when I eventually tell him my reasons for leaving, he won't want anything to do with me because of how hypocritical and self-centered I've behaved.
I know everything isn't okay. I know that what I did was wrong, so I wish everyone would stop acting as though I don't know that. I'm only human, I'm going to make mistakes in my life that I'll live to regret. I acted out of fear and insecurity. It's selfish, I know. But I did what I thought I had to do to protect myself. I'm not a fucking idiot. I know that Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett haven't forgiven me and don't trust me one hundred percent yet. Both Rosalie and Alice have told me that to my face and I know Jasper and Emmett feel the exact same way, even if they haven't told me that personally.
"Bella? Are you with us?" Alice asks through a laugh, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Huh? Sorry, what?" I ask confused.
"I was just saying we should throw an official welcome home party for you," Rose says.
"Oh. Uhhh, I don't know…" I reply hesitantly.
"Oh, come on Bella. It'll be fun!" Alice says excitedly.
"We'll organize everything. All you have to do is turn up," Rose insists.
"Just do it, Bells. They won't stop pestering you until you say yes," Tanya says. "And besides, it may turn out to be fun," she adds through a laugh.
"But I don't have any friends, apart from you guys."
"I'm sure that's not true," Alice assures me.
"No. It is. I didn't have any friends until you came along. Apart from Jessica, and she clearly isn't my friend anymore."
"Well, maybe she'll appreciate the invitation and want to sort things out with you," Alice says hopefully.
"Yeah. Maybe this will help you two rekindle your friendship," Tanya adds thoughtfully.
"I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to rekindle anything to do with me."
"You'll never know until you try," Alice says.
My phone begins to ring, cutting off anyone else who wanted to add something to the matter. I pick up my phone to see its Edward's name flashing on the screen. I can't stop the shock that forms on my face. I compose myself quickly before glancing at the girls.
"Uh, I'll be right back," I tell them as I stand and walk out of the living room, down the hall and into my bedroom.
"Hey," I answer softly.
"Hey. Have you done your Biology homework?" he asks hopefully. I can't help the disappoint that floods through me from his question.
"Uh, not all of it. Why's that?"
"I'm attempting it now. I think I'm failing pretty badly," he replies in a groan.
I laugh softly before replying, "We can work on it together if you want? It doesn't have to be in for a few more weeks," I add.
"That'd be cool. Thanks."
"Is that the only reason you called?"I ask curiously, sadness beginning to seep into my voice.
"Uh… No," he replies hesitantly. "I actually called to apologize for last night. I feel horrible; I didn't mean to act like that towards you –"
"Edward. It's okay," I cut him off, laughing lightly.
"No, but that's the thing. It's not okay."
"I've already forgiven you, its fine."
"Are you sure? Because I understand if you haven't. I was a real fucking prick."
"Yeah, you were. But it doesn't matter; I've done worse things to you…" the other end of the phone goes silent. I'd have thought he hung up on me if I couldn't still hear his breathing. "Besides, you were drunk," I add softly.
"That's no excuse, Bella," he replies seriously.
"Look, I said some things I shouldn't have said as well. And I did shit I shouldn't have done afterwards too, so let's just forget it, okay?" I plead with him.
"What did you do afterwards? Is this about the fight you go into with Jessica?" he asks concerned.
"How do you know about that?" I ask shocked.
"Rose told me this morning. I'm gonna have a talk to Jessica and tell her to stay out of our problems. I know she's only looking out for me, but it in all honesty has nothing to do with her –"
"Edward, you don't have to do that. Jessica and I have I own problems to sort out," I cut him off again, letting out a heavy sigh.
"Okay… Well, if it isn't about your fight with Jessica, what is it?" he asks tenderly.
"You'll find out sooner or later," I mumble.
"Bella, just tell me."
"I'm pretty sure you'll be really pissed off at me so I'd rather not get into it right now."
"Bella, I really want us to try being friends so I need you to be honest –"
"Seriously, Edward. I don't want to do this over the phone. You'll find out and then you won't want anything to do with me. You wanted time and I understand that, so I'm giving you your time."
"I didn't mean to upset you so badly. You know I still love you," he says sadly.
"I know. I love you too," I murmur softly. "Look, I'm kind of hanging out with Tanya, Alice and Rosalie at the moment, so…" I add, trailing my sentence off.
"Oh, right. Yeah, of course. Sorry," he sputters. "I'll see you at school?"he adds, indicating the sentence as a question.
"Yeah, I'll see you at school…Bye, Edward."
"Bye, Bella."
I put my phone in my pocket before walking back into the room and sitting back down on the couch. I can feel all their eyes on me but I avoid their gazes.
"Who was that?" Rose asks curiously.
"It was Alec," I lie.
"Oh," she replies, a little disappointed and anger crosses her features for a split second.
Hm. That's odd.
"Why didn't he ask to talk to me?" Tanya asks confused.
"He just needed to uh, talk to me about something. He couldn't talk long," I reassure her.
"Right," she mumbles.
"Felix says hi and he misses you," I lie again.
"God, I miss him so much. You should have given me the phone so I could talk to him," she says sadly.
"Sorry," I murmur, feeling like the most horrible friend in the universe. I make a mental note to tell her the truth after Alice and Rosalie leave.
"So you haven't heard from Edward?" Rosalie asks suddenly.
"Nope. Why?" I ask, feigning confusion.
"Fucking shithead," she mutters under her breath, clearly not intending for me to hear.
I can't figure out where her sudden anger has erupted from. Is it directed at me? Or is it directed at the fact that she thinks I haven't heard from Edward? Ergh! I hate her mood swings! She was absolutely fine until I got that call from Edward. Can she tell that I'm lying about who was on the other end of the line? Or did she see Edward's name pop up on my phone's screen and so instead of thinking I'm lying, she actually knows I'm lying and isn't happy about it.
"Anyway," Tanya says, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Since you guys don't have school tomorrow, we should go into Port Angeles to find outfits for the party."
"Oh my god, yes! That's a great idea!" Alice exclaims.
"Ergh, please no. I hate shopping," I groan.
"We'll make it fun," Alice insists.
"But it's not like the party is next weekend. It won't be for a few weeks," I reply annoyed.
"Don't worry, Bella. If the shopping trip becomes too frustrating, we can wander away from them," Rose reassures before winking at me.
"Thank god. Because I don't want to have to maim or seriously injure anyone," I reply, feigning seriousness.
Alice, Rosalie, Tanya and I all leave for Port Angeles around eleven AM. We wanted to get up there in the afternoon so we didn't stay there for hours on end and then end up getting home late. Alice and Tanya dragged Rose and I into every single damn store to hunt down the perfect outfit. Each store was overrated, overly priced and I was just over the whole damn charade.
Alice and Tanya ended up finding the perfect dresses for themselves, but Rosalie and I couldn't find anything we were comfortable or happy with. I think Alice and Tanya gave up on trying to help us find an outfit because they kept leading us into every shoe, jewelry and handbag store they spotted. Rosalie and I would find the closest seat that was in each store and just plonk our asses down, waiting for Alice and Tanya to lurk through every single item until they found what they were looking for.
My feet are beginning to ache and I'm feeling really run down. I let out a heavy sigh before leaning forward, placing my elbow on my thigh and resting my chin in my palm.
"Do you wanna get out of here? Check out some less extravagant stores," Rose asks.
"God, yes," I reply eagerly.
"Okay, wait here. I'll go tell Ali and Tan," she responds before standing and walking away. I stand up and raise my arms above my head to stretch out my muscles. Rosalie comes back in less than a minute, a small smile on her lips. I think she's almost as eager to get out of here as I am.
We walk out of the store and head down to the west side of the mall. I automatically know where we're heading. The non-expensive hippy sort of stores. Now, call me old fashioned, but this is my kind of shopping. Rosalie and I take our time as we have a look around. When we were with Alice and Tanya, they would run around each store as though they were on America's Next Top Model and had some sort of time limit to find the perfect outfit. It feels good to just go at my own neutral pace for once.
As I'm looking around the store, I come across a section filled with a bunch of random things such as CDs, DVDs, paintings and a series of ornaments. I browse through the CDs and I find a copy of Linkin Parks first released album 'Minutes to Midnight'. All of the memories with Edward flash through my mind – Edward telling me they're one of his favourite bands, me buying the CD for him when we were in Port Angeles on our first date, Edward telling me which his favourite song from the album is, Edward telling me Linkin Park was the first band he ever saw perform live and how it was the best experience of his life, Edward putting the CD in his stereo after I bought him it and pulling me into his arms, smiling crookedly as he tried to get me to dance with him.
I can't stop the smile that forms on my lips as I remember all of those times. Edward said he wanted space and maybe I can give him that, but still make it up to him by showing him I still care about things that are important to him. When I glance back down at the album, my eyes nearly pop out of my head – It's signed by the lead singer, Chester Bennington. I stare at it in complete bewilderment. I pick up the album and hold it in my hands gingerly, opening the case to check out the CD. It's in perfection condition. Why on earth would anyone give this up? I think to myself.
Now I definitely have to get this for Edward.
"Hey, Bella! What about this?" Rose calls out to me, snapping me out of my Linkin Park and Edward induced trance.
I glance in her direction to see that she's holding out a one shoulder lace dress that's white, grey and black up the top and red on the bottom. It's got that crepe skirt kind of style to it. A grin forms on my face as I make my way over to her.
"It's absolutely perfect," I tell her cheerfully. "And they'll go great with an almost brand new pair of Christian Louboutin, Suede Declic Pumps I just found," I add, a grin on my face as I wave the shoes in front of her face. Rosalie's expression forms into one of shock as she registers what I just said and notices the shoes.
"No. Way. You found Louboutin's pumps back there?" she asks incredulously.
"Yep," I respond, popping the P.
"God, I am so jealous of you right now," she replies through a laugh. Rosalie and I may prefer the low key less expensive stores, but that doesn't mean we know nothing about fashion and we don't like to spoil ourselves occasionally.
"We should probably head back," I tell her.
"Yeah. I can't be bothered to keep searching for something. I probably have something at home that I've never worn before," she agrees.
Rosalie and I head to the front counter and pay for the dress and shoes. She looks at me quizzically when I place the Linkin Park CD onto the counter as well. I explain to her why I'm getting it, which causes her to smirk cockily at me in the exact same way Edward does.
Okay, I know Rose and Edward aren't related by blood, but the way their expressions are identical sometimes, freaks me out.
We meet up with Tanya and Alice straight after paying for our items and decide to call into the Forks Diner to have dinner on the way home. When we arrive Alice, Rose and I head over to the booth while Tanya heads out the back to say hello to everyone. She brings back our menus, handing one to each of us as she slides into the booth beside me. We all order and eat our dinner in a comfortable silence and talking casually.
"Did you hear about the talent show the school's holding?" Alice asks excitedly.
"Um. No, I haven't," I reply honestly.
"Bella, you should sing a song you've written. Show off your talent, prove to all those dropkicks that you're not a nobody," Tanya says eagerly. Alice's eyes light up with excitement.
Great. Thanks, Tanya. I kick her under the table before glaring at her and answering.
"No way," I say, shaking my head.
"Oh come on, Bella! I've always wanted to hear you sing," Alice pleads.
"I'm not comfortable with doing that," I reply.
"Oh, come off it, woman. You sang at the diner every Friday night. There's no way you have stage fright," Tanya says.
"That was in front of a bunch of people I didn't know. I know these people – I go to school with these people… I don't think so," I refuse.
"Bellaaaa," Alice complains. "Please, please, please, please, pleaseeee," she begs.
"I'd just do it, Bells. She'll never shut up if you don't agree," Rose says seriously.
"Fine," I mumble, letting out a heavy sigh. I glare at every single one of them before finishing my meal.
Alice dropped Tanya and I off at our cottage on the way home. We say goodnight to both of them and I thank Rosalie for helping me escape and saving me from murdering either Alice or Tanya for ridiculous excuse of shopping. That shit was not fun at all. It was torturous.
I head straight for the shower, needing the hot water to loosen the tension in my body. I dry myself quickly and throw on my pajamas before going into Tanya's room to say goodnight to her. When I enter her room, I stop dead in my tracks, a small smile forming on my lips. The day must have exhausted Tanya as well because she's crawled up in bed fast asleep. I tip toe across the room and pull the blanket up over her body. I kiss her softly on the forehead before heading out of the room.
When I walk into my room, I collapse straight onto my bed, fatigue overtaking every fiber of my body. Sleep welcomes me as soon as my head hits the pillow.
So in this chapter you see Jessica and Bella's pent up frustration towards each other finally explode; In which they end up in a fight. Although, you already knew that from the recent chapter; but you didn't get to witness it. So, there you go. This chapter also shows Bella's feelings of regret; an apology from Edward; and some girl time with Tanya, Alice and Rosalie (:
I would like to give a HUMONGOUS thank you to my most amazing Beta; Jenndur. She seriously puts up with so many things that i throw at her and i'm sure the constant changes i make to my chapters drive her crazy sometimes lol.
Thank you to everyone who are continuing to review this story and not holding back on telling me your honest feelings and thoughts of and what you're liking or disliking about the chapters/story. Please don't be afraid to hold back on me. I'm not the type of person who's gonna get all pissy about a review in which someone is expressing their feelings... That's the whole point of reviewing, right? To let the author know how they felt about the chapter. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and feelings and It helps me make my story better anyway (:
Thanks to my new/present readers who have added my story to their alerts and favourites. It means a lot to me.
Also, just to let you all know. After this chapter, there's only 10 chapters left to go including the Epilogue! :)
natalee-x