Layne Djo-Solo
Entry 36 - Image is Everything
I had not thought it possible to be stunned by many things anymore, diary. I had not thought there were many people who could or would attempt to do so with me. Yet there is one person who was closer to Grandpa Han than anyone - except Grandma Leia - and he is constantly around the palace. I suppose it helps that his children lived here for a time even if they have since been sent to the academy with Great-Uncle Luke.
Uncle Kyp can often be found speaking with Jana or Scruffy - or both - and both women appear to enjoy his company. Never have I seen a man flirt so outrageously with women. Mother has told me that Uncle Kyp is a charmer and while I can certainly see his appeal - he is in excellent physical condition, he is handsome and roguish looking - he is much too old for me to take him seriously. His compliments are too outrageous and always said with a twinkle in his eye, as if he is aware of my thoughts.
He may very well be for I make no attempt to hide what I am or my opinion of those around me. It is both a failing and a blessing. I am my mother's daughter and become more so with each passing day. Plain spoken and with little use of frivolities. Of course, they have a time as place as does subterfuge, guile and a host of other skills my siblings had no need to acquire.
Perhaps this is why Uncle Kyp made a point to warn me today.
Cyris had not been seen since his rather embarrassing social faux pas at our garden party and the rumors have it that his mother feels she is in disgrace. It pleased me at the time, but Uncle Kyp's warning has made me reevaluate my stance. He warned me not to give up something as valuable as the relationship I had with Cyris. He cautioned against letting pride stand in the way of a connection like the one he has seen Cyris and I share.
I suppose it was only telling that this discussion distressed me. I have been thinking more of Cyris as the days progress towards father's return and the more I think, the more melancholy I become. It would never do for mother or father to suspect I have become romantically attached to a male. That is to say, if I in fact am. I have not seen nor spoken to Cyris in weeks and I do not see why I should be so focused on his absence!
Perhaps Uncle Kyp is right and it is I who must make the first more. But how to do so without appearing weak to Hapes? If I invite Cyris back to the palace for discussion - for, diary, he is a most agile man in conversation - it would reflect badly on my abilities. Hapes would no longer trust my judgment and I would be worse off than... than Tana was upon her return!
No. I cannot make the first overture. No matter the cost, I cannot damage the image that will be necessary when I claim mother's crown. No matter how long in the future that might be.