Author's Note: I don't know why, but I felt compelled to write this chapter before I actually wrote Christmas Day. It made life a little more interesting. :) Um, so yeah, I promise Christmas Day is next but in the meantime, you have this. Thanks again to those of you who are reading and reviewing. I am so appreciative of you! HistoryNerd, we'll get there, I promise. :) LaffertyLvr09, I'm glad you don't hate Nathan and Savannah together. I am really trying to write them in a way that is likable, because I know that Nathan and Haley are like, everyone's favorite couple, and breaking them up I took a huge risk! But I love the way this story is going so far, and I'm glad you and so many others are sticking it out with me. Anyway! Enjoy! :)
Chapter Thirty-Three
Christmas Eve Part Two
Haley POV
"Shh… it's ok Jenny. Daddy's here."
I sat back, relaxing on my new couch, watching Jake bounce Jenny up and down next to the Christmas Tree. She started to calm down as she became mesmerized by the lights on the tree and soon she was again asleep against Jake's shoulder. It was really early in the morning and I assumed Jake didn't want her awake yet anyway.
"I'll be right back." Jake whispered to me and then disappeared into the newly decorated room we had dedicated to Jenny.
I looked out over the view of Hollywood far below my new home in the hills and sighed. Why didn't it feel like Christmas? Maybe because it was 75 degrees in Los Angeles which was not Christmas weather. Maybe because my family wasn't here. Maybe because my friends weren't here. Maybe it was just because I was miserable.
I had every reason not to be miserable. I was a signed recording artist with Sony Records. I had a brand new multi-million dollar home in the Hollywood hills. I had money the likes I had never had in my life since the recording contract I had signed paid me a large bonus just for signing it. I had Jake, but unfortunately for Jake, he was not Nathan.
"Hey." Jake returned from the other room and sat next to me on the couch, "What are you thinking about?"
"Hmm?" I turned to him having completely tuned out his question.
"What are you thinking about right now?" Jake repeated his question.
"The view is amazing from here." I lied, "I've never seen anything like it."
"It is beautiful." Jake said and then we both fell quiet again.
Holiday's were depressing, but then again, everything was depressing to me right now. I was trying to be happy, taking steps towards it, but so far, nothing was working. I tried to distract myself with Jake, but I felt guilty for it. Guilty for cheating on Nathan, even though we were separated, and guiltier for using Jake. He deserved better than me. He was a great guy and a great dad.
I did love having Jenny around. She was a beautiful little girl with a very happy demeanor. Every day she grew a little bit more and I was starting to understand what it meant to have someone depend on you completely. I think I would enjoy being a mother someday but getting to that point seemed to grow farther and farther away. I could only see myself with Nathan, and I knew that wasn't going to happen again.
"Haley…" Jake reached out and touched my hand softly, which spurred me to turn and look at him, "Are you ok?"
"Yeah." I lied again, "I'm just thinking too much. I feel so out of place in LA. Like a fish out of water."
He smiled and nodded.
"I know how you feel. It's so surreal, so different from Tree Hill. More impersonal."
"Yeah." I smiled back at him, "How'd I get so lucky to have you here with me?"
He laughed and scooted closer to me, pulling me into his arms so that my back was resting against his chest. Lately we had been cuddling like this a lot. I was trying to like it.
"I don't think I could ever live in LA without having a friend with me." I continued, not waiting for Jake to answer my previous question, "I'm really glad you're here."
"Me too." Jake kissed the top of my head and sighed, "It doesn't feel like Christmas does it?"
"No." I sighed too, "I was just thinking that a minute ago but I can't figure out why it doesn't feel like Christmas. Is it just because it's so warm or what?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because we still feel so weird being here. Maybe it's because we're still getting to know each other better." He squeezed me a little, "Maybe it's because you miss Nathan."
I turned to look up at him, frowning as that was the last thing in the world I had expected him to say. If he had known before that I was still trying to deal with my regret over losing Nathan, he hadn't said anything until this moment.
"I know you're a work in progress Haley." Jake smiled and leaned down to kiss me softly, "It's not like you're going to suddenly get over your husband. It's going to take awhile but I just want you to know that even if this dating thing we're trying doesn't work out, I'm still gonna be there for you ok? Letting me go on tour with your for a bit and asking me out here to live with you and work with you on your album… it's an honor. No matter what I will always be grateful."
"I want it to work Jake." I told him honestly, "I want to be able to date you and to stop missing Nathan it's just really hard. He's…"
"You don't even have to say it." Jake stopped me, "I understand. I've been there. First with Nikki, then with Peyton. Granted Nikki left me so maybe I was the Nathan in that situation…"
I know my face fell as soon as he said it and immediately he stopped, frowning at me.
"Sorry. Bad joke?"
"Maybe a little too soon."
"Sorry, but the point is, I know how it is to have left someone that you love and not be able to get them back. I left Peyton and now she's married and pregnant. She's moved on and that sucks for me but I'm trying to move on too. Maybe that's why you and I click. We're both recovering from leaving the people we love and trying to come to terms with not being able to get them back."
He had a point. I hadn't really thought about it before, but it had only been 7 or 8 months since Jake and Peyton had broken up. On one hand it felt good to know that maybe Jake understood what I was going through more than I realized. On the other hand Peyton had moved on with Xander, married with a baby on the way, only 7 or 8 months after breaking up with Jake. Would Nathan move on that quickly too?
"We just need to take it slow Jake. I'm not really ready to jump into another relationship and I don't want to hurt you." I was finally being honest with him. It felt good to tell him the truth.
"I understand. Slow is good." Jake kissed the top of my head again and squeezed me a little, "We can take it as slow as you want. It's new ground for both of us. We should tread lightly."
I nodded and this time, when we fell into silence, it was a comfortable one. There weren't things left unsaid hanging in the air.
"We should go to Tree Hill." Jake blurted out ten minutes later, after we had been sitting in silence staring out the window, "I mean, we don't want to be here for Christmas right? And the label doesn't need you to start recording or anything until after the holiday's. What's keeping us here?"
"Um… Nathan's in Tree Hill." I responded, "I highly doubt he wants to see me right now."
"We'll stay with my parents. We can have Christmas dinner with them, maybe see Lucas, and then come back here before anyone else even realizes we were there. Nathan wouldn't even have to know."
"They're all having Christmas dinner at Savannah's house. Everyone. Lucas, Nathan, their parents, friends… everyone. We wouldn't be able to see Lucas."
"We could see him during the day or something. Or even the day after. It doesn't have to be for Christmas dinner." Jake was trying hard to persuade me, "Seriously. You know you don't want to spend Christmas in this house in Los Angeles. You want to be in Tree Hill."
"I do but it's not a good idea Jake. It would cause way too many problems if anyone else found out we were there. Too much drama."
"Tree Hill always has drama. How much drama could we really cause?" I looked up at Jake to see his face scrunched up, clearly hoping he could talk his way into this, "Please?"
"When would we leave? Jenny's sleeping. It's a 7 hour flight and it's 7 am on Christmas Eve. The airport is going to be crazy. The flights are probably sold out."
"Well let's try. Come on." Jake moved from behind me and then helped me up from the couch, leading me through the house to where my computer was set up in my makeshift office.
He sat down at my desk and the computer sprang to life, me standing behind him while he began the search.
"Alright look, Delta has two tickets on a flight that leaves in three hours. As long as I carry Jenny in my lap she's free. If we book it and pack now, we can be on it." Jake looked up at me expectantly, "You wanna do it?"
I did want to go to Tree Hill for Christmas. If we left in three hours our flight would land around 8 pm Tree Hill time. That was plenty of time to get to Jake's parents house, relax, have dinner, get Jenny to bed and still be able to maybe see Lucas. It was tempting but…
"What about all of Jenny's presents? We can't take those to Tree Hill with us. There's too many." I countered.
"I will go buy her more. With the money I've saved up lately, the money I made playing on tour with you, I can afford to get her new presents and besides, she's 17 months old. What does she really care anyway? Haley… quit finding excuses. You want to go or not?"
I groaned and caved. If I was honest I hadn't put up that much of a fight. I really did want to spend Christmas in Tree Hill, despite the drama that may ensue. I had only been gone for a month and already I missed my home.
"Alright, they need a credit card to book the tickets. Can we use yours and I'll pay you back for my ticket?"
"I'll go get it." I ran to get my credit card from my purse and then returned, handing it to him so he could complete the purchasing process, "And don't worry about paying me back. This will be my Christmas present to you."
He smiled, reaching up for a second to hold my hand and bring it to his lips to place a soft kiss on my knuckles.
"This is going to be great. I promise."
Ten hours later, as we landed in the Tree Hill airport, I was doubting my decision making skills. This was a seriously bad idea. Really, really bad idea and I couldn't believe I had agreed to it. Was I insane? I had to be. I should not be in Tree Hill on Christmas Eve. It was going to be a disaster.
"I changed my mind." I said suddenly, stopping in my tracks as we walked through baggage claim, "I can't do this. I'm gonna go get a ticket back to LA."
"No." Jake took my hand in his free hand and urged me forward, "Come on. This is going to be good. You'll see. Look, there are my parents."
Jake's parents rushed to us, making a big fuss over Jenny, kissing her and Jake as if it had been forever since they had seen them. Jake finally introduced me and then they hugged me, thanking me for being so great to Jake and for coming for Christmas. They seemed like great people but that didn't change the pit that was growing in my stomach as we got closer to the doors leading out of the airport.
"So we decided we wouldn't have dinner until you got here. We started it a little later so it should still be hot when we get back to the house." Jake's mom said, "And then if you two want we'll watch Jenny and get her to bed so you can go visit your friends."
I looked up at Jake almost panicked but he smiled, wrapping his arm around me and squeezing me to his side.
"Maybe we'll do that. It might be fun right Haley?"
All that continued to run through my head was how bad an idea this was.
"Oh my God, that's Haley James!" I suddenly heard from somewhere to my left, "Haley! Haley!"
Suddenly I was swarmed by four teenage girls, probably about the same age as me, who pushed Jake and his parents to the side. They were all scrambling to get things from their bags and I was confused for a minute as to what all the fuss was about.
"We are huge fans. We've been to four of your concerts." One of the girls said, "I thought you didn't live in Tree Hill anymore."
"I uh…" I was still very confused by all of this, "I don't. I'm here visiting. Jake?"
"Oh my God, you're Jake Jagielski. You sang When the Stars Go Blue with Haley for the last leg of the tour. I love your voice." One of the girls switched her attention from me to Jake, "Can I have your autograph?"
"Can we get pictures with you guys?" One of the other girls asked me at the same time.
"Um, sure." Jake frowned over at me but began to laugh a little as he signed the paper that had been shoved towards him, "Haley?"
I finished signing the autographs that the girls wanted and then moved towards Jake. We posed with each girl individually for a total of four pictures and then they went running off, screaming happily that they had gotten our autographs and pictures.
"That was interesting." Jake laughed as we recovered from the mania, "You ok?"
"I'm good." I started to laugh too, "That was really weird."
"You guys seem to be doing well for yourselves." Jake's dad commented as we continued the walk through the airport. We had just reached the doors to the outside and it was almost lucky that those girls had distracted us. Now I didn't feel like hyperventilating at the idea of walking out of this airport.
"That's never really happened." Jake replied, "At least not to me. Haley?"
"Sometimes people at concerts asked for an autograph but never like that." I admitted, "That was surreal."
Before I knew it we had made it to the car and put our bags into the trunk. Jake strapped Jenny into the car seat his parents still had in the back of their car and then he and I sat on each side of her, his parents up front.
"Thank you for picking us up from the airport." I said to his parents as we drove, "I really appreciate it especially since we didn't give you much notice."
"Not a problem at all." His mom replied, "We haven't seen Jake and Jenny in so long we're just so glad that you guys are here at all."
"We're glad to be here." Jake said, reaching over Jenny to put his hand on my shoulder.
The rest of the car ride was filled with Jake and his parents talking about what had been going on in each other's lives. I stared out the window at the familiar sights and once again remembered where I was and all the reasons why I should not be here. Especially when we passed the apartments that Nathan and I used to live in, I felt my breath hitch and my heart began to ache.
"You ok?" Jake asked quietly, looking over at me.
I nodded, not wanting to share with him while we were in a car with his parents, and he must have understood because he didn't push it any farther.
I pretty much floated through the conversations during dinner and getting settled into Jake's parents house. My body was present but my mind wasn't really there. There were so many other things for me to think about. So many things that being in Tree Hill brought back to mind. Most of them had to do with Nathan.
"We didn't know if you two share a room or not…" Jake's mom flipped on the light in what I assumed was Jake's old bedroom. She smiled at us and Jake turned to me, his eyebrows raised.
"If not, we can easily make up the couch for Jake and let you sleep in here Haley." His mom continued, "Either way is fine."
"We can share a room." I said, smiling at her and then over at Jake, "Thank you Mrs. Jagielski."
"Really Haley, you can call me Stella."
"Thank you Stella."
His mom left us alone as Jake set a sleeping Jenny in the crib which was still set up near the bed. She stirred a little but finally seemed to get comfortable so Jake tucked a blanket around her and then went to sit on the bed sighing loudly.
"What?" I asked him, still standing near the door.
"Home." He said simply, "I forgot what it felt like."
I smiled at him and moved to sit next to him on the bed, resting my head on his shoulder, his hand immediately wrapping around my waist.
"It's nice huh? No matter how long you're away you come back to Tree Hill and it just feels right."
"Yeah." He nodded, "You should call Luke. See if he's up to seeing us tonight."
"Um… actually, I was thinking maybe we could just see Luke tomorrow or something. I thought maybe tonight we could just take a drive, the two of us. Maybe go to the river court? I bet you haven't been there in a really long time."
"That is true." Jake placed his finger under my chin, turning my head up to look at him as he placed a very delicate kiss on my lips, "You're gonna be ok. I know it."
I nodded and then kissed him again, this kiss a little less delicate but still soft.
"Let's just take a ride."
We turned out the light in the bedroom as we moved out of the room, leaving a nightlight on for Jenny just in case. Jake told his parents where we were going and then the two of us headed out to his parents car and got in, Jake driving as we headed out into the town.
We drove through downtown, looking at Karen's Café which was dark at this time of night on Christmas Eve. I looked at my watch and realized it was now after 10 pm. Chances were everything was going to be closed now.
"Ah, Tree Hill High School." Jake pulled into the empty parking lot and laughed, "Miss it?"
"Yes." I admitted, "You know me. I'm a dork Jake. I like school."
"Oh yeah, I forgot." Jake laughed, "Well I don't miss it. Let's go to the river court."
We headed across the bridge to the river court and I was excited to see it again until I saw that there were other people there.
"Oh Jake, no. We can't do this." I started to reach for the wheel instinctively to make him turn around, "Jake seriously."
"Stop." Jake smacked my hand away lightly and stopped the car, just feet behind where the rest of the cars were parked, "Um, well, they've seen us now. I know Lucas recognizes my car."
Everyone on the court was staring in our direction and I hoped for the love of God they couldn't actually see us.
"Turn around Jake. We cannot go over there."
"We have to. I have to at least. Lucas knows this is my car."
I groaned loudly as he turned off the car and I slunk low in my seat, hoping still that no one had seen me.
"We can either do this together or you can try to hide, but more than likely, since I'm pretty sure they all know we're dating, they'll figure you came with me."
"Why do they all know we're dating?" I suddenly freaked out a little, feeling mortified.
"Because I called Savannah and asked her opinion on it before we started. I told her we had slept together and you told Lucas, so chances are the news has spread."
Everyone on the court was still staring and at this point I figured it was inevitable. I rolled my eyes and reached for the car door, using the handle to swing open my door so that Jake and I could step out of the car at the same time.
As soon as we did, every sound of the night seemed to stop.
Lucas was the first to approach us, and he did so slowly as if he wasn't sure he was really seeing what he was seeing.
"Oh my God." Lucas grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in the strongest hug I had ever felt in my life, "What are you doing here?"
"Last minute decision to be home for Christmas." Jake answered for me. I wouldn't have been able to answer even if I had tried. Lucas was squeezing the life out of me.
"Luke, air please." I croaked and he jumped back immediately.
"Sorry." Lucas smiled at me, "I'm so glad you're here. I…"
My eyes connected with Nathan's suddenly and I ceased to hear Lucas speaking. He moved to say hi to Jake and although the movement registered in my head, I couldn't tear my gaze away from Nathan's. He was just standing there, staring at me.
"Hey guys!" Savannah was the next to greet us, standing in front of me, breaking the connection between me and Nathan, "What are you doing here? I thought you would be in LA already."
"We have a house there." I replied, the first real words I had spoken since we had stepped out of the car, "We just didn't feel like it was really Christmas so we came here instead."
Savannah hugged me and as she did whispered in my ear.
"You ok?"
It still surprised me that she, being Nathan's best friend, would care if I was ok or not. More than anything else, I wished I had seen how nice she was before my jealousy had destroyed my marriage.
"Maybe." I responded as she moved away from me again and went to say hi to Jake.
"Well, come on. You're here now. You may as well brave everyone else." Lucas slung his arm over my shoulders and led me up towards the court.
By this time Nathan had headed for the opposite side of the court, clearly choosing to ignore me as the best option to deal with my presence. Peyton sitting with Xander and Mouth at the picnic table didn't get up to greet me either. Mouth, Skillz, Bevin and even Tim came over to see me, greeting me and Jake happily, but the people I wanted to acknowledge my presence ignored me. Peyton and Nathan seemed intent to forget I was there.
"Hey, where's Brooke and Camille?" I asked, suddenly realizing there was someone missing from all of this.
"Brooke is in California. Camille is in Chapel Hill." Lucas replied, "Brooke's parents summoned her for the holiday's. She left a couple hours ago. Camille will be back tomorrow."
"That's funny." Jake laughed, "We got here a couple hours ago."
"How long are you staying?" Savannah asked, glancing back to the court where Nathan was still shooting the ball around by himself.
"Uh, we haven't booked our flight home yet." Jake answered for us, "Maybe a couple of days, right Haley?"
I nodded but I was still watching Nathan. I really wanted him to say something, anything, as long as he admitted we were actually here.
Slowly but surely we made our way over to the picnic table where Peyton and Xander still sat, Xander's arm around Peyton who was leaning against him. I could see them talking in hushed tones and I knew this was bound to be awkward. Not only was I positive Peyton was mad at me for leaving and never calling to talk to her, but with Jake and Xander meeting for the first time, there was an added element of weird.
"Hey Peyton." I made the first move towards her and she did look my way, "Hi Xander."
"Hi Haley." Xander replied but Peyton didn't speak. She just shook her head, rolled her eyes, and turned the other way, looking back at Nathan who wasn't alone anymore. Skillz, Bevin, and Tim had all returned to the game.
"Xander, this is Jake." Savannah finally broke the extreme ice and introduced her brother to Jake, "Jake, this is my brother Xander."
"Nice to meet you." Jake reached for my hand which I let him hold as he used his other one to shake Xander's hands.
"You too." Xander sort of looked him up and down as if measuring him up but then softened and smiled at him. He had to realize that Jake was no longer his competition.
"No hi for me Peyton?" Jake tried to get Peyton's attention and she turned to look at him, rolling her eyes at him just as she had me. For him though, she actually spoke.
"No, there is no hi for you Jake. There would have been a hi for you had you not shown up with Haley on Christmas Eve knowing that it would effect the people who rightfully deserve to be enjoying the holiday right now." Peyton glared at me and I realized she wasn't just upset, she was pissed at me, "I have tried everything to see Haley's side of this whole ordeal, but it's just insensitive for you two to show up here like this. You have no right."
She spoke the last line at me and I could feel my face falling. I hated being the subject of anyone's anger, no matter how much I deserved it.
"Peyt…" Xander put his hand on Peyton's leg and leaned over to whisper something to her. She rolled her eyes again as he spoke but nodded and then sighed.
"Sorry Jake." She apologized to him but not to me, "I shouldn't have taken that out on you."
She stood and gave him a hug, narrowly avoiding hitting me since I was standing so close to him at the time.
"It's good to see you." She told him and then returned to her seat next to Xander and became quiet again.
"Jake, you want in on the game?" Savannah broke the silence a few moments later, "If we can convince Xander or Mouth to play we'll have even teams. And if not, you can just be on Luke's team since they're getting their asses handed to them."
"Shut up!" Lucas pushed her slightly and they broke into laughing, "How about it Jake?"
"Yeah, I'm in."
"I'll play." Xander joined them and they all headed out onto the court, leaving me with Peyton and Mouth at the picnic table.
"Peyton I…"
"Don't." Peyton said simply, "I cannot believe you showed up here."
"I wasn't trying to upset anyone Peyton." I pleaded with her, "Seriously, I wasn't going to come but Jake really wanted to be in Tree Hill for Christmas and then after dinner we decided to go for a ride. I tried to get him to leave here when I realized you were all here but he wouldn't and then… I really did not want to upset anyone."
"Whatever." Peyton sighed, "I've been rationalizing everything since you left. Trying to sort of defend you for why you would have left but showing up here, like this is inconsiderate. Nathan's doing ok again and you just… whatever. I'm sure you don't even care."
"No, I do care. I don't want to mess anything up for him. I really don't."
"It's fine Haley. Let's just watch the game."
I sighed, knowing that whatever I said right now wouldn't matter. When Peyton was pissed there wasn't really anything you could say to change her mind.
I decided to take her advice, watching the game instead of trying to talk. It seemed to be a very friendly game, and yet still competitive as it always was with people who knew how to play the game well. The teams were Lucas, Skillz, Bevin and Jake versus Savannah, Nathan, Tim and Xander. They seemed happy playing the game and at least watching, I felt like I was participating in a tiny sliver of Nathan's life, sort of like a voyeur but without being weird.
After an hour of sitting in silence with Peyton and Mouth at the table, Peyton stood, wrapping her arms around herself and yelling out to Xander before they could pass the ball in again.
"Hey baby! I'm freezing. Can we go?"
The game stopped immediately so that Xander could step out but they all came over to say their goodbyes. Jake joined me and we watched as what appeared to be this extremely tight knit group of friends say goodnight to each other, most of them vowing to see each other later and it was then I remembered that they were all having Christmas dinner together. They would all be at Savannah's house for that.
"I should get going too." Lucas sighed, looking over at me and Jake, "Where are you guys staying?"
"With my parents." Jake replied and then looked at me, "If you wanted to go with Luke to see Karen and stay there tonight though, you could."
"My mom's with Larry tonight actually and I'm staying over there too, weirdly, in Peyton's old room." Lucas laughed, "You could totally come with me though Hales. I'm sure my mom would love to see you."
"Maybe tomorrow night." I looked up at Jake and he smiled at me, "Christmas with Jenny is kind of important. We were able to bring some of her presents with us so I want to see her open them."
I looked back at Lucas in time to see Nathan standing behind him and glaring at us, then motioning to Savannah that he was gonna go back to the court and once again ignoring me.
"Tomorrow night then." Lucas hugged me, "I'm glad you're here Haley. You too Jake."
He headed off to his car, Mouth following since Lucas was going to give him a ride home. Skillz and Bevin said quick goodbyes to us and then they too headed off to their car. Tim was the next one to go which finally just left Savannah standing with us and the sound of the basketball in the background with Nathan on the court.
"So, I would invite you to this shindig we're having at my house tomorrow but…" Savannah looked over her shoulder at Nathan and sighed, "It would be too weird."
"We understand." I told her, giving her a hug as I believed Jake and I would be the next to leave, "Tell him I said hi at least ok?"
Savannah nodded and smiled at me, moving to give Jake a hug.
"Don't leave town without saying bye." She called out to us as she headed back to the court leaving Jake and I as we headed for the car.
"We won't." Jake called back.
We closed the car doors as we sat inside the car and we just sat for a minute, watching Savannah and Nathan fall into an easy rhythm on the court. It seemed as soon as they figured we were gone, Nathan began to smile again, laughing with her as they continued their own one on one game.
Jake turned on the car and looked over at me, sighing.
"I now see exactly why you would have thought they were cheating." He said simply, "Were they like that before?"
"Yep." I sighed too, "Exactly the same."
Just as I spoke Nathan grabbed Savannah around the waist and pulled her to him, kissing her hard on the lips as she jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. My jaw dropped open and my heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces all over again.
"Except for that." I mumbled.
As quickly as he could Jake pulled the car away from the river court and out onto the road again, directing us towards his parents house. We rode in silence but even if he had spoken, I don't think I would have been able to say anything back.
When we had parked the car in the driveway of his parent's house again, he turned off the ignition and we continued to sit in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Jake broke the silence.
"They slept together." He said with a sigh, "When I called to ask Savannah what she thought of you and I dating, she told me they had slept together, her and Nathan, the same night you and I did for the first time. I would have told you Haley but she told me it had only happened once and wasn't going to happen again. I had no idea that we would have seen that tonight. I…"
"It's not your fault Jake." I stopped him before he could continue, "I told her to date him. Remember? When she and Lucas came to see us in Chapel Hill, I gave her my permission. I'm not really surprised she took me up on it. They're… I don't know. If you knew them as friends before, the way they knew each other for mere hours and were already best friends. The way they almost read each other's minds. It was crazy weird Jake and instead of appreciating the bond they shared, I got jealous. I didn't want her to have that bond with him if I couldn't and I didn't. We were in love and happily married but we didn't have what they had. I let it get the best of me."
"One day you're going to have to forgive yourself." Jake said simply, turning to me looking me directly in the eyes. "Everything happens for a reason Haley and don't get mad at me for saying this but just maybe, this is how it was supposed to be. Maybe you were meant to be a superstar and you weren't going to get that being married to Nathan."
I contemplated what he said. I didn't want to think that he was right but his statement did land in the realm of possibility. If it was true what everyone said, that everything did happen for a reason, then maybe what had happened with my relationship with Nathan was for a reason. Maybe it was just something we had to go through to get together later in life. Maybe we would never be together again. I wouldn't be able to know for sure until the future became the present.
"Let's go inside." I said simply, reaching over and placing my hand on Jake's knee, "This night has tired me out."
He nodded and we both got out of the car, heading for the house. The living room was bathed only in the light of the Christmas lights sparkling on the tree in the corner. It was enough to light our path to our bedroom which we entered easily, closing the door quietly behind us.
The first thing I noticed was that Jenny was no longer in her crib.
"My parents must have taken her to their room." Jake said, knowing what I was thinking as I glanced at the empty crib.
"Oh." I turned to him and nodded.
Within a few minutes we had both changed into pajamas, mine a simple t-shirt and flannel pants. Jake's were just the flannel pants. We climbed into the bed together and as we did on the occasional night we did sleep in the same bed he wrapped his arms around me and brushed the hair off of my neck to place small kiss just below my ear.
"Goodnight Haley." He whispered softly.
I closed my eyes, attempting to turn off my brain so that I could relax. I kept seeing the kiss between Savannah and Nathan in my head. It was so passionate. So happy. Like they had done it a million times.
I wondered if Savannah had lied to Jake. Well, obviously she hadn't told him the whole truth because she swore it was a one time deal, her and Nathan sleeping together, and from what I saw, I would doubt that. Jake and I had only had sex once. I knew what two people who had only had sex once looked like and Savannah and Nathan definitely were not those people.
I sighed, willing myself silently to really stop thinking about this. I had to stop thinking about it or I would go crazy. I had to turn my brain off. I needed a distraction.
In his arms I turned to look at Jake, his brown eyes sort of sparkling, a reflection from the light filtering in through the window. He seemed to stare so deep into my eyes that I felt he could read my soul. I wanted to be able to read his but I hadn't figured out how yet. I wanted to figure out how.
"Kiss me." I whispered to him, placing my hand on his cheek, guiding his lips to mine where he had no choice but to connect.
It started slowly, our lips joining lightly, only the pressure of a feather being applied. His hand on my waist tightened, pressing my body into his and the passion began to grow. For a minute there were only kisses but the mood started to shift and soon I found his body on top of mine, his weight bearing down on me and his hands exploring places they hadn't been before.
If I was honest they probably could have been to the places they were going now, but I didn't remember our first time together very well. I had been extremely drunk, not like now. I hadn't known what I was doing. Now I knew exactly what I was getting into.
"Are you sure?" Jake asked, his body hovered above mine, ready to consummate our newfound relationship for the second time, "We don't have to do this."
I couldn't make myself say yes. I wanted to say I was sure but the words wouldn't leave my mouth. I had to show him instead.
His lips came crashing down onto mine, my fingers laced through the hair on the back of his head and in one swift movement he was inside me. My back arched involuntarily and we both moaned. His movements in and out of me heightened my senses. The world suddenly smelled better, felt better, looked better.
"Jake…" The sound of his name rolling off my lips seemed to spur him on. He moved faster, harder, and with a purpose, "Mmm… Jake."
The room was beginning to spin as my release built and I could feel his too. We were both close, almost as if on the edge of a cliff, we just needed to jump. I wanted to say something. I wanted to find the perfect words to bring him to the edge, the words that would spur him to jump with me, but my brain had effectively been deactivated. I couldn't think. I didn't want to think.
I started to scream as I came, forgetting we were in his parent's house until he covered my mouth with his and inhaled my scream instead. It turned out he had jumped with me.
A few minutes later, as we lay in bed, his arm wrapped around my waist and his lips pressed against my naked shoulder I sighed. My brain began to work again but this time, instead of remembering what I had seen at the river court earlier, my thoughts turned to Jake. Just as I had said to myself earlier, he was my distraction and while I had enjoyed myself just now, I again felt bad for using him. I used him as my distraction.
"Thank you." Jake mumbled, placing one last kiss against my earlobe, "Merry Christmas."
I felt him drift into sleep and willed myself to go the same way. My last thought before sleep took over was something I may have to debate with myself later.
You can't use someone who isn't willing to be used.
Author's Note part two: I'm kind of liking writing these little end blurbs. :) Anyway, I know I usually warn you ahead of time that there will be sex in the chapter, but I sort of wanted it to be a surprise this time, so that's why I didn't say anything before. Hope no one was offended. It wasn't too graphic. :) Thanking you all for reviews in advance!