Rodney came into the conference room to see half a dozen tablets and two laptops already spread out across the center of the u-shaped table. D was standing behind the table, plugging a long silver cord into the back of the flat screen monitor behind the chairs.
"Morning, Dr. McKay," D greeted him as she plugged the other end of the cord into one of the laptops, "You're early. The meeting doesn't start for another ten minutes."
"I know," Rodney set down his coffee cup and the tablet he carried in his usual spot, "I was hoping to find you here actually."
"Me?" D tilted her head to the side as she turned to face Rodney, "Why? You're not currently working on anything that would require my assistance."
"I have questions," Rodney scowled, "And no one will give me straight answers."
"I see," D tapped her fingers on the table as she studied Rodney, "Having this conversation will not sate your curiosity, Rodney. It's only going to leave you with more questions."
"Are you a spy?" Rodney questioned, "Or some sort of secret agent?"
"I'm Dr. Weir's executive assistant," D responded easily, "What use does she have for a spy?"
"Who did you work for before you came here?" Rodney asked.
"You've read my personnel file," D answered, "It includes my employment history."
"All your file says is that you worked for a bunch of US intelligence agencies," Rodney huffed, "Some of which I've never heard of before. It doesn't say what you did for them. What kind of work did you do before you came here? And don't give me that threat assessment crap because I'm smart enough to know there's more to it than that."
"The United States government paid me large sums of money," D replied smoothly, "to utilize my unique skill set on their behalf."
"Utilize your skill set to do what?" Rodney narrowed his eyes.
"To analyze a particular set of data," D came out from behind the table, leaning casually against the front of it, "and present them with a set of solutions to correct the problem."
"Do you practice speaking in vague phrases that no one understands?" Rodney crossed his arms over his chest.
"Sometimes," D mirrored his motion, "But it also comes fairly naturally to me."
Rodney scowled, "How did you know it was Caldwell?"
"As I've said before, I analyze things for a living," D explained, "Once I saw all the data laid out, I calculated the probable scenarios and chose the one that was most likely."
"You figured it out while you were giving us the profile," Rodney continued, "That's why you got all distracted. But you didn't say anything. Why?"
"I did say something," D corrected, "Just not to you."
"What?" Rodney pouted slightly, "Who did you tell? Why didn't you tell me too?"
"I told Dr. Weir because I work for her," D replied easily, "I told Colonel Sheppard because he was in place to be of use as a back-up plan. I didn't tell you because your poker face sucks and you would've given everything away."
"That's not true," Rodney protested, "I don't know where everyone keeps getting this idea that I can't keep a secret. I've worked for the SGC for years without letting anything slip. I haven't told anyone about the AI, even though there are several people that could help me figure out how the system works faster."
"It's not that you can't keep a secret, Rodney," D dropped her arms and stepped forward to brush her hand down his bicep lightly, "It's that you're an expressive person. You're honest with little to no social filter. Whatever thought comes into your mind comes straight out your mouth. If you do manage to hold something back, the thought is still written across your features like words in a book. You're easy to read. It's a refreshing change from most people. I actually kind of like it."
"I'm not-" Rodney flushed pink, "I don't-"
D smirked as stepped back, "You just called me annoying in your head,"
"Because you are annoying," Rodney huffed, "Why did the Goa'uld call you the Angel of Death? That's what Angelus Mortis means. I looked it up to make sure. He made it seem like he knew you. Well, not knew you but knew of you. He said no one ever saw your true face, whatever that means, and lived. He also said you weren't quite human."
"Rumors and stories," D shrugged, "People like to gossip and before you know it, things are blown way out of proportion. My reputation was fairly well known in certain circles back on Earth."
"Reputation for what?" Rodney eyed her cautiously, "Because there was an awful lot of really disturbing flirting going on between you two."
"I wasn't really flirting, Rodney," D shook her head, "That was a distraction technique. That was me using the Goa'uld's lust for power to maneuver him into a position which would allow me to inject the symbiote directly. Lust is an easily exploitable character trait. I can make a target give me what I want by pretending to give them what they want."
"He called you Azrael," Rodney frowned, "Is that your real name? How do you get D from Azrael or vice versa?"
"You don't," D ducked her head as she turned back to the electronics, "Was there anything else, Dr. McKay? I have to finish setting up."
"You somehow managed to respond to all my questions without actually answering any of them," Rodney huffed as he reached over to pick up his coffee cup, "Do you smoke?"
"What?" D turned back around to look at Rodney curiously as he sipped his coffee, "What kind of a question was that?"
"Obviously you don't smoke anymore," Rodney gestured with his empty hand, "unless maybe you smoke that weird red leaf the Athosians have but I'm pretty sure that's less like tobacco and more like pot and you don't seem like the type. I was wondering if maybe you used to smoke before you came here."
D blinked twice before she tilted her head to the side and repeated, "What?"
"Your voice. It's all scratchy and raspy," Rodney explained slowly, "It sounds like you had a decade long two-pack-a-day habit. It's worse today than it usually is but that's probably because of the bruising from the Goa'uld trying to choke you yesterday. So do you, or did you rather, smoke?"
"No, I don't smoke," D answered automatically, "When I was a thirteen I screamed so loud and so long that my vocal chords were damaged. Since the incident was repeated thirty-five additional times over the course of three years, the damage became permanent. It's the only injury I've never been able to fully heal."
"Oh," Rodney shifted nervously on his feet, "I didn't mean to-Wait a minute. That was honest, wasn't it? Like with no evasions or that answering without answering stuff you do."
"Huh," a small scowl creased D's forehead, "It was. How did you do that?"
"I don't know," Rodney gave her a smug smile, "But I'm going to figure out how so I can do it again."
"I'd rather you didn't," D looked to the doors as the rest of Rodney's team came into the conference room, "Morning, Colonel Sheppard, Specialist Dex, Ms. Emmagan. The rest of the senior staff are on their way and should be arriving shortly."
"We've got all day," John looked between Rodney's wide grin and D's annoyed scowl, "I'm surprised to see you here so early, Rodney."
"I was just-" Rodney started.
"Sticking his nose where it doesn't belong," D interrupted, moving over by Teyla to lay her hand against the other woman's arm, "I am sorry for your loss, Teyla. If you wanted to take the day, I'm sure Elizabeth would understand."
"Thank you, D," Teyla leaned her forehead against D's for a moment, "but I do not believe that Charin would want me to wallow in grief."
"If you need anything…" D dropped her hand and stepped back.
"I will not hesitate to ask you," Teyla smiled softly.
Ronon stepped close to D and hooked a finger in the zippered collar of her shirt, pulling it to each side to survey the bruises on her neck. He pulled his finger out and lifted his hand to tap against the small cut in her lip.
"Better," Ronon nodded.
"I heal fast," D raised an eyebrow at him, "Is this going to be a thing now?"
"Yeah," Ronon grinned widely, "You started it, kuahine."
"Started what?" Carson asked curiously as he came into the room.
"Nothing," D smothered a smile, "Morning, Dr. Beckett. How is Colonel Caldwell doing?"
"Hermiod finished the calculations this morning," Carson informed her, "We were able to successfully remove the symbiote and Caldwell is resting comfortably. He'll be taken back to Earth when the Daedalus leaves tomorrow morning for a full evaluation and debrief. I'm guessing you're the one who's responsible for the missing drugs in my infirmary?"
"Yeah, sorry about that," D replied easily, "I would've asked first but I couldn't take the chance that anyone would find out what was going on."
"I don't suppose I'll have to report the theft then," Carson slid into one of the chairs.
"You could, I suppose," D shrugged, "It would give First Sgt. Lock something to do other than trying to find the new location of Radek's still."
"I thought Lock had given up on that by now," Zelenka shook his head as he and Lorne came into the room, "He will not find its new location. I have made sure it is well-hidden this time."
"Morning, Major Lorne," D nodded to each of them, "Dr. Zelenka."
"You have a still?" Lorne eyed Zelenka cautiously.
"Best to pretend you didn't hear that, Lorne," John drawled, "Makes your life less difficult."
"Right," Lorne sat down, "My hearing seems to have declined greatly since coming to Atlantis."
"How unfortunate," D deadpanned as she moved back around the table to start typing on the laptop, "So everyone knows, there's coffee, water, and other various drinks on the side table over there. Both lunch and dinner will be delivered and there are ten minute breaks scheduled every two hours, but if you need anything else while we're here today, feel free to ask."
"I need-" Rodney started.
"Nope," D cut him off.
"But you don't even know what I was going to say," Rodney half-whined.
"Like a book, Rodney," D glanced up from the laptop screen, "This meeting effects the entirety of Atlantis. If you can come up with one good reason for you to be excused – one that I can't refute before this meeting is officially scheduled to start – I will not only personally convince Dr. Weir you don't need to be here, I will quit my job as her assistant and come work in your lab on whatever projects you want."
"Really?" Rodney brightened.
"Absolutely," D finished typing on the laptop and looked at her watch, "You've got exactly three minutes starting…now."
"I have dozens of experiments that I am personally supervising," Rodney spoke rapidly as he set his coffee cup back on the table.
"You've already cleared your schedule," D shook her head, "which means there's nothing urgent that can't wait until tomorrow."
"We found out the City's operating systems were tampered with yesterday," Rodney scowled, "I should be going over the code to make sure there wasn't any further damage."
"That might have worked," D admitted, "If I didn't know that you spent the majority of yesterday evening consulting with Hermiod about beam extraction and that you assigned a team of nine people to go through the systems. If you were really that concerned about the City's systems you'd have seen to it personally last night."
"My time would be better spent working on figuring out the MTI," Rodney argued.
"You said yourself that project would most likely take at least a year," D countered, "The twelve hours you'll spend in this meeting won't make that big a difference. You spend more time than that playing games with Colonel Sheppard."
"Project HAL," Rodney narrowed his eyes.
"Same reasons as the MTI," D moved around to the front of the table again, "In addition, you get your best results with natural ATA positives, the strongest of whom are attending this meeting."
"I'm traumatized from the events of yesterday," Rodney crossed his arms over his chest, "and I need to go speak with Dr. Heightmeyer."
"You are not traumatized, Rodney," D rolled her eyes, "Even if you were, the only reason Dr. Heightmeyer is not attending this meeting herself is because she's staying with Colonel Caldwell until the Daedalus leaves."
"I hate meetings," Rodney huffed petulantly.
"I hate sifting through several dozen emails every morning," D claimed, "but I do it anyway because it's part of my job. You're not even trying, Rodney."
"Sitting in the same chair for twelve hours," Rodney unfolded his arms and took a small step forward, "is terrible for my back. I'll be in pain for days."
"Poor baby," D stuck her lower lip out and leaned back against the table, "I'll give you a massage to make it better."
"Wait," Rodney flushed pink, "Really?"
"No," D snorted, "But I'm sure Carson can be convinced to give you a painkiller. One minute."
"Coffee," Rodney spoke quickly.
"Right there," D pointed to the side table.
"Blood sugar," Rodney tried.
"Meals delivered," D shook her head.
"I'm not prepared," Rodney waved his hands around wildly.
"Liar," D grinned.
"I don't care about the City's future," Rodney threw his hands up in the air.
"Another lie," D cocked her head to the side as she turned to face the door, her eyes narrowing fractionally, "Fifteen seconds, Rodney."
"If you get me out of this meeting," Rodney offered, "I won't do the question thing again."
"That's not a reason, that's an attempted extortion," D stood up from the table and walked towards the doors, "And you don't even know what you did the first time, so I doubt you'll be able to repeat it. Time's up. Excuse me, I have to go take care of something."
"Idiot," Rodney grumbled under his breath.
"Jackass," D spoke over her shoulder as she left.
"Wow," Lorne looked between Rodney and the doors, "It's like watching tennis, only way more exciting."
"What?" Rodney frowned at Lorne, "What are you talking about?"
"Not tennis," Zelenka shook his head, "Like fencing. We are keeping score in the labs."
"Oh yeah?" John smirked at Rodney, "Who's winning?"
"You have to ask after what just happened?" Carson grinned.
"You've never seen them argue science," John leaned back in his chair, "He wins over half the time then."
"Score is currently fifty-seven to forty-eight," Zelenka informed them, "In favor of Dr. Vaughn."
"None of you are as funny as you think you are," Rodney scowled around the room as he sat in his chair.
"I am not having this conversation with you anymore," Elizabeth's annoyed voice drifted into the room, "I have more important things to attend to now. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"
Elizabeth strode through the doorway, a red-faced Kavanagh following closely behind, and D a step behind them.
"You treated me like a criminal," Kavanagh reached out to grab Elizabeth's arm, "I'm not done talking to you."
Just as Kavanagh made contact with Elizabeth's elbow, D's fingers snapped around his wrist, eyes darkening as her grip tightened.
"Choose your next actions with care, Dr. Kavanagh," D's expression hardened but her voice remained calm and even, "Release Dr. Weir. Now."
Kavanagh's angry gaze shifted to D and his fingers uncurled from around Elizabeth's arm.
"Do we have a problem here?" John stood as Elizabeth took a step back.
"No problem, Colonel," D kept her now black eyes on Kavanagh, "Peter and I were just going to have a quick chat. Weren't we, Peter?"
"A chat," confusion came over Kavanagh's face as D pulled gently on his wrist, "Yeah…fine, whatever. Let's have a chat."
"D, you don't-" Elizabeth started.
"It'll only take a moment, ma'am," D led Kavanagh from the room.
D stopped on the balcony, turning Kavanagh to face her as she shifted her grip and raised her other arm so both hands were wrapped around his wrists before she started speaking quietly.
"Elizabeth," Carson looked over to her nervously, "Should you be letting…?"
"It's fine," Elizabeth replied tightly, "Besides, he probably deserves worse at this point."
"What's going on?" John questioned.
"Dr. Kavanagh is upset about his treatment yesterday," Elizabeth explained, "He's been in my office the last half hour expressing his unhappiness."
"I could shoot him," Ronon offered, glaring at Kavanagh's back from where he sat.
"Thank you, Ronon," Elizabeth smiled wryly, "But I don't think it will be necessary after his conversation with Dr. Vaughn."
"I believe you may be right," Teyla raised an eyebrow as D finally released Kavanagh and the man gave her an unpleasant smile.
D took a step back and tapped her earpiece, turning away as Kavanagh disappeared in a wash of light.
"All settled, ma'am," D smiled politely as she came back into the conference room, "Dr. Kavanagh wanted me to express his apologies for wasting your time."
"He did?" Elizabeth asked skeptically.
"Yes, ma'am," D inclined her head, "Dr. Kavanagh had a personal epiphany while we were speaking. I believe he's turned over a new leaf. The SGC should find him a model employee from now on."
"Model employee?" Rodney scoffed, "Kavanagh? I doubt it. What did you do, Red, blackmail him? Threaten him? Pull some sort of Jedi mind trick?"
"I don't know what a Jedi mind trick is," D moved over to the table to pour a cup of coffee, "so I'm going to assume the answer to that question is no. I left a post-hypnotic suggestion in his mind so that every time he hears his name he'll want to be as helpful as possible."
"Really?" Rodney's eyes widened, "You hypnotized him in that short time?"
"No, Rodney," D rolled her eyes as added cream and sugar to the cup, "I told him if he didn't behave I'd shave off that stupid ponytail he's so proud of."
"Oh," Rodney sank into his chair, "That works too, I suppose."
"What do you mean you don't know what a Jedi mind trick is?" John wondered.
"That's a very good question," Lorne agreed, "Star Wars is practically required watching at the Mountain. You've never seen any of the Star Wars movies?"
"No, I haven't." D moved around behind the tables to take her seat, sliding the coffee cup in front of Elizabeth, "I was only in Cheyenne Mountain for a total of six hours. Is the Jedi thing from Star Wars?"
"Star Wars are the movies with the robots," Teyla asked curiously, "and the glowing swords, yes?"
"Lightsabers," Rodney corrected with a quick hand wave, "You seriously haven't seen any of the Star Wars movies?"
"I've been busy," D shrugged.
"We are having a Star Wars marathon this evening after the meeting is finished," Zelenka pointed a finger at D, "Everyone here will attend."
"Perhaps we should get started then," Elizabeth moved one of the laptops in front of her and smiled as she sipped the coffee, "Since it seems we're going to have a busy night."