37 Angel's Tears
Yes, that had definitely been the worst day of my life. I only wish it had remained so. As we escaped from Bevelle, the horrible events filled my mind. Killing a Maester, being branded a traitor, being swallowed by Sin, being roughly dragged off by the Guado... and Seymour kissing me...he might as well have been dissecting me alive. It was awful. It was like he was trying to freeze me to death. His claws had dug deep into my shoulders, cutting them. His lips were like icy torture devices on mine. No, I had never experienced a worse day, not even the day my father left, nor the day my mother died.
I was still wearing my wedding gown. It was short in the front, long in the back, with bare shoulders. It was torn and destroyed, but it was all I had left to wear. We had no rations. Everything was terrible. And I was a married woman. Married to an insane dead murderer who tried to kill us more than once.
Once we were fairly deep into the woods, I put my hand on Auron's arm. "I'm so sorry. I really need to take some time." There was something resembling sympathy in his eyes, though it was more like pity. "That is fine." I wasn't expecting it to be that easy, but when he said that, I ran off into the night. I knew that the Macalania woods were safe; there was hardly ever a fiend there. It was a peaceful sanctuary. Nevertheless, Kimahri followed, to keep watch over me.
Really, I had wanted him leave me alone. I wanted to cry. If I had been alone, I would have cried. But I wanted even more to be strong, or to at least look strong. I ran on and on, trying to let the cold night air wash away my sorrow. It had helped in the past, but this time, it didn't. My misery grew inside me until I was about ready to burst. But I held it all in. I knew that if I had done so before, I could do it again.
Eventually, I came upon a spring. I waded into the warm water, contrasting against the frigidness around me. I gulped in oxygen, having been running for several minutes, I needed to catch my breath. I went deep into the pool, until the water came up to my shoulders. I looked behind me and saw Kimahri standing on the shore. Then Tidus came out of the bushes. Apparently, he had come after us. He whispered something to Kimahri, and Kimahri left.
He slowly approached me, wading through the water. On his face was a look of regret and sadness. "Yuna...I'm sorry...they told me...everything." "Everything?" I quietly asked. "Yeah." He whispered. "Well, so then you know...about the final summoning." I clasped my hands together and searched the surroundings for something interesting, anything to stare at besides his face. "I know...and Yuna...I'm really sorry about all the things I said about...well about everything. I was always rushing us to get to Zanarkand, and to go get Sin...I didn't know what would happen to you, Yuna. I guess...I just hope it didn't make you...more sad." "It's okay..." I trailed off. It really wasn't okay, nothing at all was okay, but none of that was his fault.
"Yuna...Don't do it. Forget about Sin, about being a summoner...come to Zanarkand with me...my Zanarkand." I wanted to, so much, but I just didn't think it could happen. "But how?" He was right near me. "While you were in the Bevelle chamber of the fayth...I went in after you. The fayth told me that he could take me to Zanarkand, my Zanarkand, but that he couldn't take you. But he said that there was a way you could get there. We could find that way, together."
The idea was so tempting. To get away from being a traitor, a murderer, an evil man's bride, get away from my looming death. To go where I've wanted to go since I was a young child. And to go with Tidus. Ever since the day he saved me from drowning in the bottom of the moonflow, I finally accepted that I was slowly falling in love with him. And then, that day, that night, there was nothing I wanted more than to flee the awful, horrible, terrible world of Spira, and go to Zanarkand with him, the one I loved.
I could see the blitzball stadium, all lit up at night. I could watch the Zanarkand Abes play, and I could watch their star, Tidus, play. We could go to those parks he talked about with the crazy rides. We could...I realized right then that I wanted to marry him. Yet I was already married...not to him. And I had a job to do. I loved the people of Spira, even if they were to call me a traitor. I wanted to free them, even at the cost of throwing away my dream.
"Yuna...I know you'd like it there. Come with me." I knew I was going to cry. I couldn't stop it. "I-I'd like to go...someday." I covered my mouth. He spread out his hands. "Well you can." That was it. The floodgates were open. I covered my face. "I can't. I just can't! I can't go!" I wept. More than a decade worth of tears rolled down my cheeks.
Tidus came forward and pulled me into his arms, embracing me tightly. I sobbed, wrapping my own arms around him. He placed a hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. "It'll be okay. Don't worry, Yuna. I'll protect you. I promise, I won't let you die." I tried to believe him. But it just couldn't be. I was going to die, and there was nothing he, or anyone else could do about it. I tried to be quiet, but I wailed, grief closing in on me, suffocating me. I felt his chest heave. He was crying too.
He held me there like that until I stopped crying. Then he leaned away and brushed the tears from my face. I gave him a feeble smile, which he returned painfully. Then he leaned forward, gently placing his lips on mine, sending a soft warmth through my whole body. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy his feather soft kisses. It was nothing like Seymour's cold, forceful kissing. It was wonderful in every way that Seymour's was terrible.
I was lost in the moment, and for a few minutes, I could almost forget the troubles that I faced in life. Eventually, it had to end, though. We went to the shore, and I leaned on him as we looked over the glowing surface of the water. Sparkling crystals surrounded the ethereal lake. The beauty was hard to take in before, but then I was at least a little happy.
"If-if I live...take me to Zanarkand, please." He looked down at me and caressed my cheek. "I promise." Another tear slipped down my face. "Oh, Yuna don't cry...I promise, you'll survive. We'll go to Zanarkand and live happily ever after." He was serious with those words, but then he smiled. "If you cry again, I guess I'll have to kiss you again." The corners of my mouth twitch up. "Well, I guess I should cry, then." He kissed me, and I climbed onto his lap, kissing him back. I never wanted to stop.
"Yuna! Tidus! Where are you?" Wakka's voice echoed through the trees. Like lightening I jumped of Tidus' lap scooting a little bit away from him, pretending to be normal. My heart was pounding and I was breathing hard. Tidus chuckled, smoothing out his hair. "We're over here!" He called. "Where in Yevon's name have you been! It's been more than an hour!" Wakka wildly waved his hands around. "We-we were just talking...we got carried away." I stammered. Wakka didn't seem the least bit suspicious that it had been anything more.
"Okay, well anyway, get back to camp! The others are waiting up." We trudged through the woods, following Wakka to where the my guardians had set up our place for the night. We were both soaking wet, and for the first time since we climbed out of the spring, I noticed how cold I was. Everyone except Wakka knew that something was up. Rikku gave me a knowing smile, Lulu a warning look, as if to tell me to be careful. And Auron, well, he gave Tidus an award-winning glare. Tidus ran his fingers through his mussed hair, feeling awkward. "Uh...hey guys..." I was just as uncomfortable, but I was better at hiding the way I felt, than he was.
"We leave at dawn." I said. "And, I'm sorry for putting you all through this...And, um..." Auron cut me off. "Enough. You need your rest." I curled up in a ball, shivering in my skimpy coverings. Tidus laid down nearby, giving me a mischievous grin. I returned the expression. Something about this boy just made me smile, even on the worst days. And yet...then I decided that was both the best, and the worst day of my life.
That night, my dreams were appalling. I woke many times, sweating, even though I found that I was covered in frost. I looked over at Tidus. His skin was bluish in the crystals' light. His face radiated gloom, but then it change to great wrath, then back again. I watched him for a long time, shivering there on the hard ground.
In the coldest part of the night, right before dawn, he had a fit, and made himself wake up because of it. He realized that he was sprawled across the forest floor, and when he saw me, he sat up, as did I. He crawled over and hugged me, rocking me back and forth. "I'll stay with you Yuna. Always I'll stay with you. I'll never leave you. I'll find a way to save you. I promise." I took his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you..." He sighed and let me go as soon as the morning was upon us. The others rose up as a result of the increasing light, and we ate of the large fruits that hung low trees's branches.
We backtracked through the woods until we reached the Macalania Al Bhed shop. There we purchased much needed supplies for the cold, and I got some proper clothing. We rested there for the night, relishing the warm, soft beds.
We spent maybe another week to get through Macalania Forest before we reached the Calm lands. When we climbed to the top of the last hill, There before us lay an incredibly vast field. Far in the distance was Mt. Gagazet, and just beyond the mountain was Zanarkand, city of the dead.
Auron spoke to Tidus. "The Calm Lands. Long ago, high summoners fought Sin here. The road ends here. Beyond there're no towns, no villages. Just endless plains. Many summoners stray from their path and lose their way here." I turned to him. "But, I've always known where to go. We won't get lost."
On the third day of our trip through the Calm Lands, a man dressed as a monk rode up on a chocobo. Tidus, Kimahri, and Auron where immediately on the defensive, but Lulu and Wakka recognized him as a friend. "Father Zuke!" Lulu called. "Long time no see." He said flatly. "You are Yuna?" I nodded. "I am." "Hmmm...You certainly do not look like Maester Kinoc's murderer." I was flustered. "Please, tell us what has happened!" He jumped off his chocobo, holding the reigns tightly. "Maester Mika has issued a personal order. It said that you and your guardians murdered Maester Kinoc and fled. We are to kill you on sight, or so it says." He obviously did not intend to follow through with the order, nor would he be able to, against the lot of us.
"What of Bevelle?" Auron questioned. "Things are calm on the surface, but the depths are turbulent. After the death of Maester Kinoc, Maester Kelk Ronso left Yevon." The monk's eyes traveled around our group, surveying us. Auron smirked ironically. "Convenient. Getting around will be easier with Yevon in disarray." Zuke nodded gravely. "But be careful, my friends. You have been branded enemies of Yevon." My countenance hung. "Thank you, father Zuke, for your warning." Before he climbed back onto the chocobo, Lulu asked him, "You came all the way here just to tell us this?"
He turned around and smiled a bit. "Truthfully, I was a bit curious to see this summoner that you are guarding. I hope her pilgrimage goes well. For your sake, too. Now I must be off. I shall pray for all of you." He rode away, and as he disappeared into the distance, I realized something. I was beginning to feel like Auron did, about Yevon, at least. I almost didn't want the man to pray for us. I found myself despising Yevon. And I hated Seymour. I was oh, so glad that I had escaped right after our vows.
"Who was that?" Tidus looked at Wakka. Lulu didn't give him a chance to answer. "Two years ago, he was a summoner. Wakka and I were his guardians. But he gave up, here, on this plain. Now, he is a monk at the Bevelle temple. This is my third pilgrimag as a guardian. My first...it ended here, too. I have never been to the lands beyond. Mt. Gagazet towers to the north. And Zanarkand lies beyond."
Many weeks passed before we reached the base of the icy mountain. Throughout those weeks, we had to fight and kill more than a few attackers, sent from the temple to destroy us. But we still came out alive.
Just below the mountain was a store of items for traveling summoners and their guardians. It contained thick blankets, coats, cloaks, leggings, rations, and other various items. We gathered what we needed, dawned our new clothes, and went up the mountain. It was a hard, steep climb, but eventually we got to a large terrace.
It was not hard to tell, it was a living ground. There were caves surrounding us, and slowly, several Ronso came out of them, surrounding us. Kelk Ronso also came to us. "Summoner Yuna and guardians, leave here at once! Gagazet is Ronso land, sacred mountain of Yevon. The mountain will not bear the footsteps of infidels!"
One of Kimahri's old foes approached. "Enemy of Yevon is enemy of Ronso! Leave, traitors!" I was mad. Through all the time that we spent in the Calm Lands, my hate for Yevon simmered in side me, until it reached the boiling point. Auron was right. All we needed was the fayth. It had become extremely obvious to me that the precepts were nothing but flowery rules.
"I have cast aside Yevon! I follow the temple no more!" I shouted. "You will die by those words!" Kelk thundered back at me. "So be it. Yevon has warped the teachings and betrayed us all!" I could not help but angrily declare these things to the ex-Maester, because he was the only one out of all Yevon who would listen, even if he was about to kill me. "Blasphemers!" Kimahri's second rival howled.
Lulu tried to appease some of their animosity. "Lord Kelk Ronso, if I may. Have you not also turned your back on Bevelle? But you still guard Gagazet as a Ronso, not a Maester. Yuna is much the same." "Elder Kelk! Let Biran rend them asunder!" The one who broke Kimahri's horn ten years ago, Biran, got right in Kimahri's face. "Yenke too! No escape! Not one!" Yenke, Biran's less intelligent accomplice taunted Kimahri, too.
"We will not flee! We will fight you, we will defeat you, and we will continue on!" I didn't know how we would win, but I said it anyway. "You have been branded a traitor, but still you would fight Sin? Lost to the temple, hated by the people, yet you continue your pilgrimage? Everything is lost! What do you fight for?" Clearly, I had managed to baffle Kelk. I didn't have to think about it. "I fight for Spira. The people long for the Calm. I can give it to them. It's all I can give. Defeating Sin, ending pain...this I can do...and I will."
Kelk shook his head. "Even sacrificing your soul?" He began to walk away. "Ronso, let them pass! Summoner Yuna, your will is stronger than steel. Tempered steel that even the mightiest of Ronso could not hope to bend. Now go! The sacred heights of Gagazet welcome you."
I was very relieved. "We thank you." I bowed deeply to him. "Summoner! We bow to your will! We Ronso will stop pursuers from temple!" Biran raised his fist. "Thank you." My bow to him was much more shallow, as I did not respect him. "We will shine your statue brightest!" That made me a little sad, but I held my head high. "I fear no one will make a statue for a traitor such as I." Yenke stepped forward a bit. "Then Ronso will make! With grand horn on head!" Such an image in my mind was enough to make anyone smile, despite the circumstances. "That...would be wonderful." The Ronso waved us on, and we moved off the terrace into back into our difficult climb. I wanted to see my statue. But I knew I never would.
When we were out of ear shot, Tidus leaned over to me. "Uh...what did he mean, 'sacrifice your soul'?" I bit my lip. "They-they didn't tell you...When a summoner summons the final aeon, my soul will meld with its, and then after it kills Sin...it will destroy both my body and its own...and my soul will...cease to exist." I gazed up at him. His mouth was hanging open, but then he recovered. "That's not gonna happen." He was completely determined, but I feared that it was false hope; I feared that he was just lying to himself.
Later that day, we came upon a large stack of boulders with spears sticking out of it. "These mark the graves of summoners and guardians who failed." Lulu's voice was lacking in the expected emotion, but, that was just Lulu's way. We found more such piles the farther along we went. "Summoners that die up here...they aren't sent to the farplane. I said sadly. "They die alone; there is no one to send them." I shuddered. "Many have become fiends, and they may want Yuna's company." Lulu's voice was a bit hushed. "So where are they?" Tidus looked around, seeing only the snow-laden mountain side. "Most fiends here are nocturnal. They knew we are most vulnerable at night." Auron stated. "Well," Tidus briefly placed his hand on my shoulder. "Yuna will be fine."