A/N: Because of you ... something something the sidewalk ... something something so I don't get hurt ...
I have NFI what the words to this song are...

Chapter 36

Because of You

Edward's POV

After twenty-four hours without release, an erection has got to cause some kind of serious psychological damage. I was fucking sure of it. It was getting painful and exhausting; making me feel like a horny sack of impulses and not much else.

But, there was no way I was going to trade in or risk what I had with Bella at the moment, over something that could be easily fixed by simply whacking off in the shower.

I had to accept it; I was just going to have to console myself with this daily ritual until I could have sex with my girlfriend.

I thought that's where Bella had wanted it to go tonight. It was where I was taking us when she put the brakes on. It was probably a good thing, though. I hadn't really planned ahead on it. I had no condoms, and I had no idea what Bella's status was on birth control. I wasn't even sure if she was a virgin or not, and we had only been officially a couple for little over a week; never mind that I felt like I'd known her all my life.

I suspected Bella was a virgin; she was way too uncertain for me to think otherwise. Only, last night, how she'd been with me ... she contradicted it a little bit. Actually she contradicted it a whole fucking lot.

The fact that it took her months to completely open herself to me, made me think she was a virgin. I know I didn't really help smooth out the path for us with most of my actions, but it was obvious how guarded she was, and knowing her mother no one could blame her. But when it came to kissing me, to pulling me against her; to wrapping her legs around me and pushing herself against my dick and almost fucking crippling me in the process, well then she seemed to know exactly what she was doing. And she was by no means shy or uncertain.

But fuck, we hadn't even come close to talking about shit like this, and how the hell did I breach the subject of asking about her sexual past—or lack of—anyway?

I'd never had sex with a virgin before. At least, I didn't think I had, and I had no idea how I was supposed to handle it.

At the same time I really didn't want to think about Bella's sexual history—that she'd been with someone else. I knew it was irrational, but just the idea of it...

Jesus.

I had to shove these thoughts from my mind and get some sleep.

Huffing out my breath, and bringing my hand to rub my forehead, I turned to look at the Star Wars themed digital clock radio on the kid's nightstand.

It was 12:30 am.

I had to get up in five and a half hours, but even though I was beyond exhausted, I was finding it hard to fall asleep. One reason was because I was buzzing like an exposed nerve, and amped up on arousal. The reason I was in this condition was because Bella's limp, warm, unconscious body was draped over mine. Her head was lying against my chest, her arms wrapped loosely around me, while her knee was bent straight into my groin. It kind of sabotaged all attempts to kill my hard on, while keeping me, painfully, on the edge.

I curled my arm more tightly around her waist and rested my hand against her bare hip. She took a long, slow breath, released it, squirming against me, mumbling my name almost incoherently.

Smiling to myself, like the goofy prick I felt like, I angled my head forward to press my lips to the top of her head. Her hair was silky and was scented with some estrogen based aphrodisiac that I was sure was designed specifically to turn poor bastards like me into slaves. I inhaled her in deeply before a flood of desire instantly made my erection come fully back to life.

Fuck!

I groaned lowly and deeply, only half under my breath. I was going to have to get up earlier and have a shower first; though, how the fuck I could last that long was any one's guess.

It was my own fault. I should have told Bella to go back in with the girls, but like the masochists that I was, I didn't want to let her go. And she'd turned those endless brown eyes on me and told me she wanted to stay with me. And, the blood from my dick still hadn't made up for the depleted amount circulating in my brain. And, at the time I was still in make out mode and was little more than a horny, sweating, drooling mess.

She stirred again before curling her hand around my neck and entwining her leg around mine, removing her knee from my tortured groin.

I fell asleep around 1:00 am.

. . .

"EDWARD, OI—MATE, YOU IN THERE?"

I woke with a start, almost knocking Bella sideways off the bed.

Gazing around confused for a moment, I attempted to get my bearings when the window was banged loudly.

"EDWARD!" John's voice called through the glass this time.

In a rush, recognition hit me. I glanced at the time hastily. It was 6:00 am.

"Oh shit!" I muttered, careful not to disturb Bella, as I jumped from the bed. "I'LL BE RIGHT OUT!" I called back.

Pulling off my track pants, I hastily threw on the first pair of jeans I found, before dragging a t-shirt over my head. Then, turning around to grab my shoes, my eyes caught with Bella's.

"You forgot to set the alarm," she mused, her smile growing more adorable by the fact that she was still half-asleep.

Breaking into a grin, I winked at her. I couldn't risk walking outside with a larger boner than the one I was hanging onto, if I kissed her, after all. "You kind of distracted me. Later, alligator."

She only flashed me that usual, half cynical grin of hers, before carrying my shoes, I left the house and climbed into John's 4X4.

Kel's parents were having a barbecue in her honor that afternoon, and afterwards her friends were going to celebrate her life with a bonfire. It was something they often did, Bella had informed me.

I'd agreed to help the guys assemble one.

I was anticipating another day of hard labor and another night with Bella pressed against my dick. I wasn't sure which one would be more painful, and it didn't help that over the last two nights I'd barely slept more than six hours.

It wasn't that I didn't want to spend every waking minute with Bella. I did. In fact, it was hard to stay away from her, but having her sleeping with me for another night, having her body in such close proximity to mine, while knowing, physically, there wasn't anything I could do…? Needless to say it was becoming a new form of torture.

Chris dropped John and I back off just after midday, and the way I felt went beyond buggered. I was fucked! The lack of sleep had caught up with me and because I'd slept in, I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. On top of this, I'd drunk two cans of beer, because apparently in Australia nothing can ever get done without it. On an empty stomach it only made me feel queasy and sluggish.

And four hours of lifting around twenty foot long, fallen tree branches was fucking backbreaking.

"You look like you could use another cold one, mate," John said to me with a quick grin as we walked through the front door.

Oh, God. No.

"Thanks, but I'm good. I might just head to the shower," I replied, rubbing the dried sweat—that was itching the shit out of me—from the back of my neck.

"Righto. I'll tell the old lady to leave you some lunch then." He slapped me on the back as I turned down the hall.

When I opened the kid's bedroom door to grab a fresh pair of clothes, my cell started buzzing from the nightstand where I'd left it. I picked it up.

Mom.

"Hey, Mom," I said, rubbing the back of my head lazily.

"Hi, sweetheart. Just seeing how everything is," she replied cheerfully.

"Good—it's all good."

"You sound tired," her voice lowered.

"I'm fine."

"How's Alice and Bella?"

"Good."

"Okay, well—" she began, but was interrupted by Emmett's loud boisterous voice. "Hang on, sweetheart." The receiver made a few noises as she muffled the phone. "What is it, Emmett?" I heard her ask him as clearly as she'd just spoken to me.

"Tell Edith he had better have gotten a good root in with Bella! I'm sick of his moody, no-rooting bullshit."

I closed my eyes and groaned only semi beneath my breath.

The phone made another shuffling sound. "Emmett wants to tell you that he hopes you're taking good care of Bella," Mom relayed with a dry voice.

"Tell him I am," I insisted, a little too hastily, immediately desperate to hang up the phone. "Mom, I've gotta go—lunch!"

"Okay, darling. Give Alice a kiss for me and Bella my love."

"Okay, I will," I said before quickly hanging up.

Throwing my cell on the neatly made bed, I ran both my hands down my face with an exasperated sigh.

Fucking Emmett!

In the shower I was too exhausted to jerk off. Not that I had the need to after all the 'hard yakka' I'd done that morning. I could barely summon my limbs to run the soap over myself, and every muscle within my body was stiff and aching. I only stood under the spray with my forehead resting against the glass screen—which was all that held me on my feet—and closed my eyes.

There was a polite tap on the door, alerting me to the fact that I'd spent a shitty amount of time in the shower. I turned the water off immediately.

"Edward?" Carol's voice called through the door. "Your lunch is ready. Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah—I'm fine. Coming now," I replied hastily.

Carol was a great cook and she kept us well fed. When I walked into the kitchen—feeling like a gluttonous prick having just soaked up all the household's hot water—she ushered me to the table and placed a huge bowl of, what looked like, Irish stew in front of me with a few bread rolls. I devoured it like I hadn't eaten in weeks.

"The girls are out with the horses," she explained to me, taking my bowl and cutlery from me with a small exasperated smile, when I attempted to clean them in the sink.

"Okay." I mumbled with an awkward smile.

"It's good to see Bella so happy again. I almost don't recognize her—smiling so much," she added, wistfully.

I grinned to myself. Mainly because at the mention of Bella's smile, I got the image of that smile she was always directing at me—owning my ass and seeing straight through me, while flirting with me at the same time. It fucked me up, and made me immediately regret that I wasn't more proactive in the shower.

The minute I spotted Bella, I definitely regretted it.

As I walked around the back of the house toward the paddocks, I was just in time to see her pull herself up on a chestnut horse and swing her leg over the saddle with this kind of graceful agility that was completely out of left field for her.

It was so fucking hot that I stopped dead in my tracks, with my jaw elevating somewhere down near my balls.

I just stood in a stupor for a moment, before I released my breath and forced myself forward. I wanted to just watch her as she guided the horse around the paddock with so much ease that she seemed to move completely as one with it, while her hair whipped out behind her. It was almost fucking erotic.

This was not the Bella I knew, at all. In fact, from the first night in Australia, I got the impression she wasn't comfortable around horses. She'd frozen up like she was actually scared of them.

Though, there was several photos of her on top of horses on her Facebook…

I was still contemplating this when I approached the fence, leaning up against it, and propping my elbows on the top railing; my eyes not once deviating from her.

"Did you know Bella could ride horses?" Alice turned to me, her eyes wide with surprise.

I only shook my head, still unable to tear my gaze from her. There was a lot of things I didn't know about Bella, apparently.

Becoming aware of me, Bella slowed the horse down and led it back in my direction; stopping right at the fence. She released the reins, ruffled the horse's mane before jumping from the saddle with the same swiftness she'd had a moment ago.

"All yours, Alice," she said as the horse nudged her with its nose. Chuckling softly, she patted its long neck, before her eyes rose to meet mine.

I grinned at her, probably coming off as horny and strung out as I felt; she returned it, seeming slightly amused, and only breaking her gaze as Alice squealed in anticipation.

Helping Alice adjust and fasten the helmet under her chin, Alice then propped herself up into the saddle while Bella unbuckled something to change the length of the stirrups.

In typical fashion for the little rat, Alice proceeded to lead the horse around the paddock with way too much confidence, as Bella climbed under the fence railings to stand by my side.

I turned to her, to pull her closer to me, but she was already staring up at me, her brow wrinkled with concern. "You look buggered, Edward."

"I'm okay," I replied, breaking into a grin before draping my arm over her shoulders. "Where's Nummi and Rach?"

She snaked an arm around my waist then turned back toward the barn, just as they came into view; both leading a horse. "They're going to teach Alice to ride," she explained.

I nodded then looked down to her again. "I didn't know you could ride, Bella. You gave me the impression you were ... scared of horses."

Her expression seemed to cloud, before she broke my gaze. "I'm not scared of them ... no. Kel, was just so into her horses. It ... was hard to see them again." She shrugged then bowed her forehead to my chest momentarily, before she turned her eyes to watch Alice trotting along the fence line. She suddenly looked as lost and overwhelmed as the first day we first arrived.

Pulling her fully against me, I enclosed both my arms around her. Everything she felt—everything that reflected in those fucked up haunted eyes of hers—seemed to rebound within me. And every time that heartbroken fucking look flooded her expression, it practically tore my chest open.

Sighing deeply, she relaxed against my chest for a moment, before untangling herself and reaching up to wrap her arms around my neck. It caused her shirt to inch up and I became exposed to her warm, naked skin beneath my fingers. This was before she connected her lips to the side of her neck, and completely conquered me.

I could only groan—struggling to prevent it becoming audible and letting her know what she was doing to me.

She could so easily reduce me to a pile of drool, and I wasn't sure I was comfortable being so completely under her control.

I rested my chin on top of her head, trying to stop my hands from all out groping her. I could still recall the feel of her body in my hands from the night before; it was a temptation that almost got the better of me, and I had to keep reminding myself she was still struggling with her grief.

I roughly cleared my throat. "You wanna go for a walk?"

She made a deliberate attempt of mimicking me, by clearing hers. "Yes."

I grinned, exhaling as I did, before releasing her and grabbing her hand. She caught my eye and smiled up at me, full of playful warmth, and just like that she was back.

Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed the back of it, and let her lead me further down the paddock. We passed the tree that we'd sat under on our first night in Australia, until we were among fields upon fields of sheep. Eventually, the paddock came to an end and open countryside was suddenly spread out before us. This is where Bella led us, over to a small patch of green grass, directly in the sunlight, before we sat down.

I leaned back on my elbows, closed my eyes and soaked in the sun. It was high, warm and made me immediately drowsy. Taking a deep breath, I released it into an exhausted groan, before turning to Bella; squinting from the glare.

She was eying me, her brow puckering with concern.

"Your eyes are bloodshot. How much sleep did you get last night?" She was serious and as she continued to gaze at me, her expression hedged towards ... guilt.

Always guilt…

I sighed this time and rolled my eyes at her affectionately; she only threw me a shrewd smirk in response.

Reaching up to her, I cupped my palm around the back of her neck, and as I pulled her down to meet my lips, I laid my head in her lap.

She had to practically fold herself in half to merge her mouth with mine, while her hair spilled over my face. Tucking it behind both her ears, she pulled her lips from mine, pressing them momentarily to my forehead, before sitting herself back upright.

I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my face, before Bella began running fingertips over my forehead and through my hair.

I kept my focus only on her touch, and it was so soothing that I could feel myself drifting off to sleep—if not for the fact that my dick was in direct competition with my exhaustion.

Her fingers moved tentatively over the scar that ran just below my hair line, before they trailed down my forehead and over the other reminder of that fucked up night; the scar I got when her asshole cousin sucker punched me. She didn't linger over it, and I wasn't sure whether she felt me tense—I felt fucking bare naked—but soon her fingers were running down my face to my mouth. Then tracing her fingertips back and forth over my bottom lip, she gently tugged my mouth to open.

"What are you doing?" I asked breaking into a grin, while my eyes remained closed.

She only replied by placing her fingers over my mouth before I felt her shift forward and bend over me again. Her hair swept over my face, engulfing my senses with the scent of her shampoo, only moments before her parted lips locked with mine.

She kissed me softly, with her hands gently about my face. It was tender and affectionate, and just on the edge of intensifying each time she pulled back.

It threw me into action.

Gliding my hand along her back, and with my fingers entangled in her hair, I cupped it around the back of her neck. Holding her to me more securely, I opened my mouth a fraction more and deepened her kiss. She didn't object to it; in fact, I felt the air escape through her nose rapidly before she took another breath and kissed me back with more intensity.

It was just her lips and mouth, nothing more. But even still, I became too immersed in it—and quickly longed for more. It was never enough with her; even now, the realization that I was actually kissing her was blowing my fucking mind away, but it seemed irrelevant. After all the shit I'd put myself through to get Bella and me to this point, it should have been enough, but it wasn't. As my heart raced a marathon in my chest, I knew it, and as my erection strained painfully behind the button fly of my jeans, I felt it.

Maybe I was just a selfish, horny sack of shit, but I was struggling to fight against it; struggling to keep some boundaries between us.

Which was pretty fucking ironic considering I'd spent most of the time that I'd known Bella attempting to tear down her boundaries.

Still…

I'm guessing Bella sensed this from me because she pulled her lips from mine and again rested them on my brow. Though, this time, when I felt the air escape her nose, it was with a sigh.

I had no idea whether it was seeped with regret, or weariness—or from just as much exhaustion as I was feeling.

Then, seeming almost reluctant she straightened back up, and when I opened my eyes she was staring around her with a sad, faraway look in hers.

"Hey?" I nudged her gently.

Her gaze flickered back to mine and she smiled. She seemed conflicted at first, before it quickly grew warm.

"You okay?" I asked her gently.

"Yeah," she answered, nodding her head simultaneously as her smile broadened gently. She went back to running her fingers through my hair, elaborating not long after, "I'm not really looking forward to this barbecue tonight. It ... seems final now. You know?"

I gazed at her fixedly for a moment. Her whole face began to slowly transform with pain again—only briefly—before she seemed to push it away.

She was trying to be brave, but she was still faltering.

"I know," I agreed quietly, pulling myself from her lap and sitting up.

She turned her eyes on me. They were swimming with fucking heartache, despite that warmth of hers shining within them.

I took her hands in mine and pulled her gently against my chest. "Just promise me you won't get yourself lost in at all again, okay?"

She nodded, answering with a short mumbling reply into the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Or I will come in there and get you," I teased her, only I was deadly fucking serious at the same time.

She pulled back to look into my eyes before softly chuckling, and shaking her head to herself slightly. "What would I do without you?"

"Hmmm ... you'd throw up in your hair," I joked.

She immediately shoved me playfully, with a mocking scowl, then, grabbing my face, almost impulsively, she planted a deep, soft kiss on my lips that was almost long. When her lips parted slowly from mine, it almost fucking killed me. It wasn't just her kissing me, or us fooling around; it went so much deeper.

It was the physical equivalent of the night before, when she told me she loved me.

. . .

By the time we headed back to the house, Alice was still in the paddock, only now she was running the freaking horse around the fence line like she'd been riding all her life.

"She's been thrown off three times," Rach spoke matter-of-factly, while I groaned to myself internally, dragging my hand through my hair subconsciously.

"Oh, God!" Bella declared, laughing softly to herself.

"She is so stubborn." Nummi chuckled. "She gives new meaning to the term, getting back on the horse."

"I can't watch," I said abruptly and pulled Bella with me towards the house.

But before I took more than half a dozen steps, she held me back. "Edward, stop. You worry too much, and you need to de-stress!"

She pulled me back over to the paddock fence, her grin turning wry. I allowed her to, only half begrudgingly, because I would have followed her into fucking Dante's seven circles of hell at that moment.

Fucking poetically, I realized exactly how right Jazz had been. Bella had my balls right in the palms of her hands; she always had. I was only glad the prick wasn't here to say something fucking witless like he usually did. Even on the way to the airport, while I had my girlfriend beyond distraught in my arms, the asshole still managed to ask me if I needed a chili to cool down. It was the first time I'd ever seen Alice give him a look that wasn't suggestive. But Bella, on the other hand, seemed to snap out of her anguish for the briefest moment and almost smiled. It was only because of that, that I gave the asshole a reprieve.

"I think she's finally got the hang of it," Rach's voice severed my thoughts, bringing me back to the present moment.

I focused back on the little rat, who was riding the horse with even more confidence than she had earlier. I scoffed, shaking my head to myself.

"Do you want a ride, Edward?" Bella asked me.

"Bells!" Nummi spoke up, after sucking in her breath; teasing her. "Get a room!"

"Nummi..." Bella mumbled.

I glanced up to her. She was sitting on the top railing on the inside of the paddock fence and the instant my eyes caught hers, she snapped them away. She wasn't quick enough to conceal the awkward look on her face, and even as she kept her face averted from mine, I could still see the shade her cheeks were rapidly turning.

I hadn't seen her face turn this red since condoms and cucumbers…

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I moved as close to her as possible before murmuring against the back of her shirt, "We can do that later."

She immediately tensed, and just as I was about to fucking kick myself, Nummi suddenly spoke up, "Shoot! We'd better pack it up soon. We still have to go into town!"

Kel's mother had put the girls in charge of the meat for the barbecue, which meant a trip to the butchers. Bella had insisted in going too, so we all were—because Rach had told me earlier that the possibility of running into the bitch mother again was high.

"Edward, why don't you stay here and see if you can get some sleep? You look terrible," Bella suggested as we made our way back to the house. She squeezed my hand and smiled up at me as if in emphasis that she'd be okay without me, but there was no chance that was going to happen.

"I'll stay, if you stay with me," I countered, lowering my voice and trying to tease her, when I was serious.

Her eyebrows pulled together before she drew in her breath and huffed it out. "I can't hide. Besides, I probably should confront her," she said lowly, becoming lost in her thoughts as the frown etched more deeply across her face.

This scared the shit out of me. The last encounter she'd had with her mother, she'd pulled back to timbuc-fucking-too and it took a bottle of vodka to get her out of it. Yeah, I was worried she'd pull away from me again—I guess that made me a selfish prick—but I didn't want to see her go backwards. Plus, there was no way on this fucking planet I'd sit idly by while her mother assaulted her again. Female or not, I'd break her fucking neck if she laid a finger on her.

"Edward, you're..." Bella spoke up hesitantly before she abandoned it.

I glanced down at her, my edginess retracting to confusion. "I'm ... what?"

"You're doing that thing again where your face goes from frustrated to worried to pissed off to ... scary..." her voice trailed off, and she sighed, rubbing her brow as though I was adding to her stress.

Jesus, she could read every expression that crossed my face.

"I'm just worried about you, Bella, that's all," I conceded.

She released my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling herself against my side. "I'll be okay—I promise."

"I'm still coming," I insisted, grinning at her replying frown.

"Stubborn…" she murmured, as a small smile inched across her face.

. . .

Bella seemed relaxed and at ease to the trip into town, until we stepped out of the car, that it; she immediately went tense and her face drained of all color. Clutching my hand tightly, she kept close to my side, walking stiffly, until she practically put herself behind me.

Rach and Nummi noticed her reaction, but didn't mention it. I figured they knew her a whole lot better than I did, so I decided not to bring it to her attention, either. Alice as usual took it to a new level and took Bella's other hand, wrapped it around her waist and slung her arm over Bella's shoulders.

Alice's contact definitely seemed to loosen her up; she eased her vice-like grip on my hand and released her breath, before her face almost instantly relaxed into a warm smile. It wasn't until we were about to walk into the butchers that she immediately froze. I only had to glance down at her and see her wide eyes and pale, fearful expression to understand instantly.

Before I could look over to where Bella's eyes were staring transfixed, I heard her mother's voice.

"I want a word with you!"

I straightened up, almost on impulse, immediately on guard.

"Get her out of here, Nummi," Rach said lowly.

"No! I'm okay," Bella insisted, refusing to budge, even as I tried to pull her behind me.

The color slowly came back to her face and a kind of angry resolve immediately melted the fear from her expression. She kept her hand clamped around mine, but stood her ground as her mother walked straight up to us.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" the bitch accused her, folding her arms and ignoring Rach who placed herself directly between her and Bella.

"What?" Bella demanded, her face suddenly twisting with disbelief. She was trembling and her hand that clung to mine was practically wet, but seeming to ignore it, she raised her head boldly, without cowering, and faced her mother.

"You know darn well, what," her mother spat back.

"Fuck you, Renee!" she suddenly burst. Her voice wavered a little, but her tone was hard and pissed off.

Holy shit!

"How dare you—you ungrateful little—" her mother took a threatening step forward.

Rach and Nummi immediately blocked her path, just as Alice lunged forward, and since my first reaction was to shield Bella, I struggled to hold fucking Alice back from going on a rampage.

"Get out of my way, girl!" The woman growled at Rach.

"You'd better get out of my face," was Rach's low, hard edged response.

Renee paused, her gaze falling on Rach, as if gauging her, before turning her hard, narrow eyes back towards Bella; having obviously decided not to call Rach's bluff. "I raised your sorry ass—" she began, but Bella cut her off; pulling herself stubbornly from behind me.

"Raised me? You didn't raise me. You did nothing but abuse me my entire life!" There was no more fear, and she was pissed off. "Kel's mother fed me, Nummi's clothed me, and Rach's gave me a place to sleep when you were drunk and beating the shit out of me. You did nothing!"

"You lying piece of shit!" her mother spat back, seething. She took another step toward us again, as I immediately put myself between her and Bella, but this time Rach forcefully shoved Renee back.

"You're the God damn bloody liar here, not Bella! Don't pretend we all don't know the truth, now, Mrs. Dwyer," Rach mocked her.

Shit, even I would have cowered from her; though, Renee stood her ground clinging to her fucked up sense of self-righteous indignation.

"Rach, it's okay," Bella said calmly, stepping out from behind me, and drawing her attention to her mother; her eyes resolute. "I have nothing more to say to you, Renee. All you ever cared about was your men and your alcohol. You were never my mother, and now you're nothing to me."

Her face was flooded with emotion; she was madder than hell, but at the same time, she was … hurt.

I drew her to me, not comfortable with taking my eyes fully off her mother—who was screaming furiously, as Rach shoved her away. She was calling Bella disgusting fucking names; making me rue that I couldn't take the bitch down.

"Get me out of here, Edward," Bella suddenly whispered, her voice wavering.

I snapped my gaze down to her; she looked pale again and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. I suspected her reserves of bravery were running on empty and she was falling into panic mode again.

Tucking her under my arm, I led her away in the opposite direction. I could feel her openly shaking against me as she clung to me, her fists twisting into my t-shirt. It was making me fucking tense, but my first priority was to get her as far from her mother as I could.

Glancing over my shoulder to make sure she wasn't following, I noticed Alice was close behind us, and when my eyes met hers, she only shook her head in shock and disbelief.

This was the secret Bella had been unable to confide in her—to confide in me.

Spotting a small park, a safe distance away down the street on the other side of the road, I headed there.

As soon as we stopped, Bella pulled from my arms. Her head was bowed and her chest continued to rise and fall deeply.

I held my breath, afraid to speak. Afraid to spark her into action; to allow her mother to poison her again.

"Are ... are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked delicately.

She nodded her head vigorously, but kept it lowered. "I'm fine, Alice." Her voice was too full of emotion and she sounded almost irrational.

"Baby…" I began, holding my hand out to her apprehensively. "You were—"

"Edward," she cut me off, but it was neither a question nor a statement.

Bringing her palm flat to her forehead, Bella raised her head; her eyes were closed and her brows were pulled tightly together. She was struggling, and I wasn't sure if she was winning. Then, bringing both hands to her face, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and took a long, deep, heavy breath.

There was nothing I could do but stand before her, helplessly, with baited breath, feeling her slipping away from me. All over again.

But after a moment, Bella slowly removed her hands from her face before her gaze met mine. Her eyes were burning, but at the same time, they looked slightly manic; nothing at all like the bottomless pits of despair they were the last time she ran into her mother. Then she did something that took me completely by surprise; she pushed the air from her lungs in a sort of incredulous scoff.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed, shaking her head slightly to herself, her expression a combination of disbelief and awe. "I can't believe how good that felt!"

A/N: A good friend made a banner for this fic. The link is in my profile. I love it. Anywho, thanks for reading, peeps. xoxo