Chapter Thirty Six
Lois trudged through the bullpen seeking out Clark, he wasn't there…again. Where did he keep disappearing to? She had a major lead on the Blur and the first person she'd wanted to share it with had been him.
Which was a surprise in itself because she never shared her leads or by-lines with anyone. She was very protective of them and her sources. But Clark wasn't just anyone anymore was he? No, he was…something else entirely now and she found herself wanting to share everything with him.
It was almost time to leave for the day and he'd told her he'd be back to pick her up but he wasn't anywhere in sight. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and was about to dial when it started ringing, the caller id stating it was Oliver.
"Hey Ollie, you haven't seen Clark by any chance have you?"
His voice came through quiet, almost reluctant, she thought. "Uh no I haven't. Listen Lois are you busy tonight?"
"Well since you ask," she started grinning. "I'm going Blur hunting."
"What?" He sounded shocked. "Lois no, it's too dangerous, you could get hurt."
"And that would be different than any other day here how?"
"Fair point but still, you don't even know this guy."
She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Ollie, he's not dangerous…"
"How do you know that for sure?" he pressed.
"Well, I don't for sure but come on, the guy saves lives. How can he possibly be dangerous?"
"Just trust me on this one, you don't wanna get mixed up in his world."
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You sound like you know him." She waited a beat. "Do you know him?"
There was a definite hesitation there, she thought. Maybe the Green Arrow knew him but couldn't say, no matter, she would find out eventually. "No, of course not. But just because he makes a few saves doesn't mean you can just run in all guns blazing. I know you and you're only gonna end up hurt…or worse."
"Ollie, we've been over this, I am a big girl I don't need protecting. I didn't need protecting from your secret did I?"
"Yes actually you did." he said tersely and she knew he was thinking of the time she'd been kidnapped and her head pushed under water in order to learn the Green Arrow's true identity.
She waved her hand and sat down in her chair. "That's beside the point. Was there a reason you called?"
She heard Oliver sigh and knew that she'd convinced him to drop it. He knew her well.
"Well before you go doing something reckless and endangering your life…again, I was hoping that I could invite you to dinner."
At this she frowned. "Uh listen Ollie…"
"It's nothing like that Lois. I just need to talk to you. It's really important."
He sounded troubled, something was definitely bothering him and she was still his friend. "Okay, where?"
"My place. I'll pick you up, I'm cooking."
That spiked her curiosity. Oliver usually preferred an open setting if he had bad news to deliver, that way the recipient couldn't make a scene. Though she'd always wondered what he'd actually do if said person did actually make a scene, how he would cope with it.
"Uh sure okay, I'm almost done here. Pick me up in a half hour."
"Great, thanks Lois I appreciate this."
"Oliver," Her tone softened. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, well I hope it will be. I'll see you later."
"So how are things between you and Lois?" Chloe asked as she clacked away on her keyboard at Watchtower.
"Great actually, well aside from…" Clark replied, standing behind her in his Red-Blue-Blur outfit. He'd stopped by to see her between calls on his patrol, wanting to know if anything he might've missed had popped up on her radar. But she suspected there was more to his visit than work. He looked like he really needed someone to talk to.
Chloe stopped and turned around, her head tilting in sympathy. It seriously had to suck that he'd had everything he'd ever wanted right there in front of him and he'd only been allowed to have that for a day.
She truly felt bad for him and for Lois, because even though she didn't know anymore, she was missing out on a very important part of Clark. And Clark was missing out on sharing that side of him with her again.
"Yeah I know. I'm sorry Clark."
He shrugged and gave her a sad smile. "It's not your fault Chloe."
"No but I still feel bad. And I could kill Oliver. Honestly I don't know what he was thinking."
"I do. But as much as I want to hate him right now, I can't. He needs help Chlo."
She shook her head. "I don't know how you can be so calm about all this. If it was me I would've done a lot worse than just break his wrist."
Clark frowned, looking defensive. "I didn't break his wrist, he went for me."
"You know what I meant."
"Yeah. Believe me, I'm as angry with him as I can get but what would it solve to act on that anger? Nothing, it would just make the situation worse. Then I would have to explain to Lois why I beat up her friend."
Chloe watched him for a silent moment, wondering what was going on inside his head. Sometimes he was very difficult to read. Others, he was like an open book.
"Speaking of Lois, what are you going to do?"
"About what?"
She sighed in exasperation. "You know what! Are you going to tell her your secret?"
Clark looked at her and opened his mouth to speak, but then it was like he was looking right through her. His eyes became unfocused, as if he was seeing something she couldn't.
"Clark?" "Well thank God I finally found a normal guy
His face heated at the memory of what he'd planned to do in that office with her but he pushed it aside to focus on whatever this vision was supposed to mean.
Chloe studied his face as he seemed to be locked in some sort of trance, much like the ones Lois used to have. It was pretty clear he was remembering something.
"Clark?" She shook his arm gently and he snapped his attention back to her, blinking rapidly. "What happened?"
He frowned, thinking. "I'm not sure."
"Did you have a memory flash thingy?" she asked, she was never really sure what exactly happened when they occurred, since Lois had never told her fully. He nodded but didn't say anything else.
"So?" she said impatiently. "Are you going to tell Lois your secret or not?"
A slow smile crept up his face, which surprised her a little. "You know, I never actually told her the first time."
"Huh?" Okay, now she was confused, Lois had told her that Clark had confessed everything to her.
Still smiling, but with hazy eyes that were now remembering, he said. "She knew all along, from the memories, she always knew and yet she said nothing. She waited for me to tell her. But Lois being Lois, eventually it had to come out that she knew and that's when I told her. But it wasn't voluntarily. I told her because I could no longer hide it from her." He frowned at the last part. "But that wasn't true. Deep down I wanted to tell her."
He took a deep breath and looked Chloe in the eye and she saw a steely resolve there. "I want to tell her."
She calmly placed her hands on his shoulders, though inside she wanted to scream at him. "Then what are you waiting for?"
"Not yet, it has to be the right time. I can't just blurt it out."
"The longer you leave it, the harder it will get."
"I know, but don't worry." He kissed her cheek and walked to the door, still smiling. Then he turned back and looked at her.
"Its definitely time for Lois to meet the real Clark Kent."
"So what's this all about Ollie?" Lois asked as she stood in the kitchen of his penthouse, watching him pour two of the largest glasses of wine she had ever seen. He really was stressed out about something. He hadn't looked her in the eye since she'd gotten here and he seemed to be on edge, very twitchy.
He turned to her and held out a glass to her, still avoiding her gaze. "Dinner will be ready soon. I hope you're hungry."
"Oliver," she said, her tone forcing him to look at her. "What's going on with you? And why do you have your arm in a cast?"
He looked grimly at his wrist. "It's a long story."
She sighed in frustration and put her glass down. "Tell me I didn't just blow off dinner with Clark, which by the way, wasn't very easy to do, just so you could have a pity party."
Clark had been okay when she'd texted him telling him not to bother picking her up. But when she'd mentioned she was meeting Oliver, he'd called her right away and seemed pretty anxious for her not to go. Obviously something was going on between the two of them but she couldn't figure out what it was.
"Look whatever's going on Ollie, I'm sure it can't be that bad. Just tell me."
He looked sad, she thought. "I did something terrible Lois. And I may have lost a good friend in the process."
"Okaay, what did you do?"
"Well, the thing is, you're gonna hate me when I tell you."
"I could never hate you Ollie, dislike maybe, but not hate. What is it?" Ignoring the sensation that something was terribly wrong here, Lois crossed her arms and waited patiently.
"Okay," he murmured, more to himself than her, gathering the courage. "Remember when I took you to see Serena and she stopped your memory flashes?"
"Yeah?" she replied warily.
"Well, she kinda…did something else too."
Lois narrowed her eyes. "What else?"
Oliver closed his eyes and bowed his head, looking almost ashamed. "I asked her to do something. I asked her to take away…certain memories…that you had."
Lois felt her spine stiffen as her brain registered what he was telling her. "What did you just say? Because I swear I heard you say that you asked someone to mess with my mind, to steal my memories."
"Lois…I never wanted…"
"But you wouldn't do something like that would you? You wouldn't willingly let some stranger take away something that might've been important for me to remember. Would you?" she demanded, her temper starting to rise. "Not to mention the total invasion of my privacy!"
"Lois, please just hear me out." he said, holding out his hands in a pleading gesture.
"Oh I'm listening. And it better be good."
He raked a shaky hand through his blonde hair and looked at her with such anguish that for a second she almost folded. But she couldn't, not yet. Not until she heard everything he had to say.
"I asked her to remove a certain memory, not a lot of them. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I now I'm not so sure…"
"So what you're saying is, you played with my head and now you're starting to regret it? What did she erase?"
"I can't tell you." he replied and before she could explode he carried on fast. "It's not my place to tell you Lois but you have to believe that I would never do anything to hurt you."
"What. Did. She. Erase?" she said slowly.
"Something that I thought you would be safer off not knowing. And now I see that it wasn't my responsibility to do that."
Lois shook her head, angry, astounded and confused all at once. "What the hell are you talking about?" He sank down into a chair and held his wrist gingerly.
Then it dawned on her. "This is about Clark isn't it? You erased something about Clark! What happened Ollie, tried to erase my feelings for him but it didn't work so you moved onto plan b?" She was yelling now, and she didn't care. Her anger was winning out.
"I just wanted to protect you Lois. I owed you that much. You can't understand and I know how much you must hate me right now,"
"I'm coming pretty damn close, how could you Oliver?"
"I'm so sorry Lois."
Angrily she swiped at the tears now building in her eyes. Because as mad as she was, she was hurt too. "So why tell me now? Huh? Why let it happen and then decide to tell me now? Guilty conscience getting too much for you?"
He shot out of his chair and grabbed her shoulders, his expression pleading. "Lois please, I never wanted to hurt you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing."
"How can you say what the right thing is for me? I take care of myself, I make my own decisions." Without thinking, Lois pulled away from him and threw her arm back, punching him right in the jaw. He landed flat on his back on the floor with a thud, his breath leaving him with a whoosh.
"I trusted you Ollie. This is worse than anything else you could've done to me. We're talking about my memories here, my mind. My private thoughts. I thought you were supposed to be my friend. Was that what you meant when you said you may have lost one? Or was that about Clark?"
"Lois…" he groaned, getting back to his feet.
"Why did you do it?"
"I don't know," he said with a cough and she saw, with a little satisfaction, that she had cut his bottom lip.
"Tell me why!"
"Because I thought I was still in love with you!" he yelled back, stunning her for a moment.
"What?"
He sighed, obviously he hadn't meant that little snippet to slip out. "I was jealous alright? There I said it. I was jealous that Clark had you and I didn't. My life has spiralled so far out of control that I don't even know who I am anymore. I thought I still loved you, that I still wanted you and I wanted a chance to make things right again."
All at once, a lot of little things made a lot of sense. "The hospital, after I was shot. The hostility towards Clark, the flowers and spending time with me. You were still in love with me?"
"I thought I was. But I realise now that I was still in love with the idea of you. That I was holding too tightly onto a past that didn't exist for me anymore. I had my chance with you and I blew it." He wiped his mouth and stood up straight. "Lois, I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, so am I." She walked back through the living room, over to the elevator. He raced out behind her and grabbed her arm.
"Lois, don't leave like this."
"Let go of me Oliver. I can't even look at you right now, you erased part of my memories, and that is about as low as you can get. I need to not be around you right now or I'll do something I'm going to regret."
She got into the elevator and refused to look at him as she slammed the door down. It was only then that she allowed the tears free reign to run down her cheeks.
The night air hit her face, drying her tears as she stepped onto the street and headed for the only place she wanted to be right now. Clark.
Oliver stood staring at the elevator door long after it had closed, his mind numb. Well, he'd done it. She would probably never speak to him again and he wouldn't blame her one bit if she didn't.
But it was out there now, the truth. He'd done the right thing, confessing. It killed him that he might've lost both Lois and Clark's friendships for good, but he'd had to do it, he'd had to make things right.