I tossed and turned all night, and I didn't know why. I'd been fine before I laid down. I was perfectly content, but the moment I tried to sleep, my mind began racing. I'd never begin to understand why it always happened like that. I finally got tired of rolling back and forth; fighting off things I didn't want to think of, so I got up and headed downstairs. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. I started to go back upstairs when I noticed someone outside as I passed the window. I looked out to see it was Dimitri. I debated on going out there, but I knew the conversation we'd probably have would be a disaster, so instead…. I went back upstairs and laid down, finally falling to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, same time I normally did for practice. I was groggy and realized my body was extremely sore. It was then that last night's events came back to me. Dimitri and I out in the woods, bodies pressed together, one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I found that I had this stupid grin on my face. I rolled out of bed and got dressed, not sure if his 'no practice till I healed' thing was still in effect. When I walked outside, he was sitting on the sidewalk. Even after what he said about no practice, he knew I'd still come out.

"So… am I still on bed rest or are you actually going to let me practice?" I asked. He looked up at me for a second before looking back down.

"We need to talk." He said, his voice somber.

"Oh boy… here we go. Can we not do this now; I just really want to practice." I said. He shook his head.

"We need to do this now. Sit down… please." He said, patting the space next to him. I did as he asked, knowing I'd regret it. "Rose, about yesterday…" He started.

"How did I know that was where this was going…" I muttered.

"Will you just let me talk, please?" He asked, standing up and pacing. I quickly shut up. "About what happened yesterday… I don't regret it. If I could go back… I wouldn't do it any differently… except maybe the location." He smiled at the ground. "Regardless, I should have thought of what I was doing. I shouldn't have been so concerned with what I wanted, over what was good for you. I'd like to apologize for not taking your needs into consideration."

"What are you talking about… I wanted-." He cut me off with a shake of his head.

"I know you did, Roza. I've been trying to convince you of that forever. Regardless, I should have thought of my actions, of the consequences to them. You're leaving in a little over a month." He said. I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. I'd always known I'd be leaving here and going back to Lissa but the thought of leaving him now, after what we'd done made my heart ache.

"I don't want to leave you." I whispered, the words barely audible.

"I know, and I don't want you to go either, but you have to finish school and you have a duty to Lissa, and I have one here." He said. I realized how right he was now. We should have thought about this.

"And if anyone ever finds out about-." He started. I cut him off.

"Adrian knows." I blurted. His face drained of all color, and his Guardian mask slipped over his face.

"You told him?" He demanded.

"No, he knew. He can see aura's since he's a spirit user, and I guess he could see it in us." His resolve shattered.

"How the hell could I have been so stupid? I should have known better. I could lose my job, go to jail." He said, pacing now, running a hand through his hair.

"He isn't going to tell anyone, I've already talked to him."

"He's an alcoholic, Rose. If he gets drunk, and upset with one of us, what's the first thing he's going to tell people?" Dimitri demanded.

"He wouldn't do that to me. He's my friend. He's your friend too, and you need to think about that." I told him.

"It was stupid. I was stupid. How did I let this happen?" He muttered to himself. I recoiled like he'd just struck me with a whip.

"What are you saying Dimitri?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Rose, this is serious. If anyone else finds out."

"No one else is going to find out, Dimitri." I snapped at him.

"I shouldn't have let this happen."

"You just said you didn't regret it." I whispered, the words sounding so small. I'd never tell him, but I had been so terrified he would say he regretted it.

"I don't, Rose. I really don't, but it was stupid for me to have let this happen. I knew the risk-."

"And for me, those risks weren't worth it, right?" I was on my feet now. His face fell at my question. That let me know his answer. "I'm out of here." I turned and started to walk away when he grabbed my wrist.

"Of course you were worth it, Roza. Think of the things we're risking though, our relationship, our jobs, our lives." He told me. I was surprised by the next words that left my mouth because I actually meant them.

"I'd give all that up for you."

"I wouldn't ask you to. Rose, listen… I know it's going to be hard, but we just-." He started.

"Can't do this anymore." I finished for him.

"I always knew this would be the outcome. I shouldn't have done this to you, and I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies." I said.

"Then what do you want?" He asked me. I could tell in this moment, he'd give me pretty much anything just to make me happy again.

"I just want you to leave me alone." I said. He winced like I'd hit him.

"Rose, don't-."

"I'm just…" I took a deep breath and tried again. "I'm going to pack my stuff and leave."

"You can't do that. You've got nowhere to go." He said.

"I'll find somewhere. Right now, I just need to be anywhere but here."

"Roza, stop this." He told me, as I pulled my wrist free and turned away from him, walking towards the house. The moment I reached the door, I heard him growl and heard his fist smack against something. I didn't bother turning to look. I knew if I did that I'd go running back, and there was no time for being weak here. When the door slammed behind me, it was like the door slamming on anything Dimitri and I could have had. The moment that thought entered my mind, the waterworks started. Adrian came around the corner then.

"Rose, what's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I said, trying to walk upstairs. He stepped in front of me.

"You're upset. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help you."

"You can't." I whispered. He looked up and out the window to see Dimitri outside.

"No…" He murmured. For a moroi, he was awfully perceptive.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, trying to walk around him. "I have to pack."

"Pack, where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here." I said, giving him the same answer I'd given Dimitri.

"Rose, don't do this. Think about what you're saying."

"I am." I snarled, before pushing past him and running upstairs. I packed everything I owned back into the duffle bags it had come here in. Tomorrow, I was leaving one way or another. I tried to sleep, but sleep just wouldn't come. I knew it wouldn't though. I tossed and turned, before getting up and pacing my room. You can't leave him, Rose. My heart kept screaming it at me. It's the only way to move on. My head retorted. I was being torn in two. That's when the sobbing started. I wasn't ever much of a crier. I'd never been a baby, but for some reason… I just couldn't stop. I heard footsteps come up the stairs, but they quickly faded, me guessing it was one of the other girls. That's when there was a knock at my door and I knew better. I got up and walked over to it, opening it slowly. The moment I was looking into those brown eyes, I turned away.

"Can I come in?"

"Your estate." I muttered, drying the tears.

"Your room." He said back. I didn't turn to look at him. He walked in, shutting the door and locking it behind him. He was making sure I couldn't run. Ass hole. I started picking up random items and shoving them into my duffle bags for dramatic effect. I grabbed my uniform and started to shove it into the bag, when he grabbed me. "Roza, stop this." He said, pulling me away from the bag and my bed. I yanked myself free of him.

"Why can't you just let it go, Dimitri? It's done. You've made yourself very clear. You don't want any of this. It's okay. I can take a hint." I tried to turn back around, but he grabbed me, stopping me.

"Listen to me, I want this. I want you, Roza. I really do, but-." I cut him off.

"You see. There is always going to be a 'but' in our relationship, and I can't stay here and pretend that there isn't anything between us. It'll hurt more to ignore it than to just leave and forget you all together." I said. He recoiled like I hit him.

"You're going to leave… just like that?"

"What other choice do I have?" I asked him, tears streaming down my face now. "I can't have you, Dimitri. I've known that all along, we've both known that. I don't know why we-." I got choked up and stopped. I watched as his eyes began to water.

"I love you, Roza."

"And I love you… but it doesn't change anything." I told him.

"It changes everything." He whispered, so much emotion conveyed in his voice. He reached up and touched my face, causing goosebumps to rise. I met his eyes and watched as a lone tear ran down his cheek. I felt myself slowly losing any composure I'd had. He leaned in, going to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him bad. I fought with my desires, with how bad my body yearned for him, and turned away.

"It doesn't change the fact that we can never be." I murmured, when his eyes met mine. I watched as the pain flooded through his features. "I meant what I said. I have to leave. I can't get in any deeper than I already am."

"Roza…" He said.

"You're not going to change my mind." I said, my voice slightly stronger. He met my eyes for a second, before turning and walking out, slamming my door behind him. I stood there, staring at the door. One part of me was hoping and praying he'd come running back and into my arms, but the other part knew it was over. I called Lissa on the phone and told her I was leaving, even though I didn't know where I was going. She was upset, and tried to talk me out of it, but I finally had to hang up on her. I felt bad that I couldn't tell her why. I finally laid back down in my bed, and tried to sleep. When sleep finally did swallow me, Adrian was prying his way in.

"Little dhampir."

"Hey…" I whispered.

"How you holding up?" He asked.

"How do I look?"

"Beautiful. You always do." I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered.

"So, I saw Dimitri a little while ago. He was pretty upset."

"I couldn't care less." I told him. Honestly, my heart lurched when he said that.

"Rose, come on now-."

"I don't want to talk about this. If you came here to guilt me into staying, it isn't going to work." I snapped at him.

"I'm not going to guilt you into staying. I'm going to go with you." My jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry… what?"

"I'm going to go with you." He said again. I laughed.

"No… you're not."

"Yeah, I am. I can't have you out there all on your own for another month until they let you back into the academy. I'll go with you. I can drive, and I have money, so I can get us a place to stay… atleast for a little while." He said. I stared at him for a second, realizing he was right. He could definitely be helpful when it came to getting out of this place.

"What's in it for you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Nothing."

"Adrian, don't lie to me." I snapped at him. He chuckled.

"Honestly, Rose… there's nothing in it for me other than seeing to it that you're not living out in the streets for a month." He said. I stared at him, wondering if he had some ulterior motive, but he looked genuine. I finally nodded.

"Fine… I'm leaving in the morning, around the time Dimitri and I have practice." I told him.

"I'll be packed and ready to go." He promised, before the dream world disappeared. At this point, I was already awake and I knew there was no point in trying to go back to sleep. I got up, and got dressed, getting ready for the moment I'd be leaving the man I loved behind.