Naruto; What If

Fifth Arc; Golden Age

My standard form of writing applies.

" " - Spoken

' ' - Thought

"Jutsus" - Jutsu. Some are kinda bastardized, so don't expect much.

( ) - Commentary. You should know how this goes by now. We see things. I have snarky smartass comments. You want laughs. I see a mutually beneficial deal here.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Chapter 36 - Guess who's back, bitches.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

I have something very, very important to tell all of you.

APRIL FOOLS, DUMBASS! HA HA HA HA HA!

~~Badadumdunbum~~

"Auuugh..." I heard someone groan, as though in great pain. The sound was strangely familiar, and yet so far away. After a few moments, I realsied why.

It was me.

I blearily opened my eyes, blinking back the light. I was lying down, on a comfortable bed.

'Huh...?' All around me, white. Flourescent lights blinded me for a short while, but as my eyes slowly adjusted, I became aware of a presence-

Right next to me!

It was a struggle, but I worked up the energy to turn my head, looking to whoever was sitting by my side. After a moment, my eyes focused, and I could make out their long, purple hair.

Wait. Purple?

"It's about time you finally woke up." Anko looked up, smiling at me.

Heh, should've known. I took a breath, and forced my sore, unwilling body to comply, sitting up.

It really freaking hurt, man.

"Anko. Least I got to wake up to a pretty face. Where's Naruto and Sakura?" First thought that popped into my head; where was my team?

"Sakura's around goofing off. Naruto's in the other bed." She made a pointed glance behind me, and I turned to look.

There he was, lying in bed, bandaged up to the point of looking like a mummy. Eesh. Looking back to Anko, I had to ask. "How long was I out?"

" Oh, 'bout three weeks."

"WHAT?!" Th- Three weeks?!

"Pff, hahahahahahaa! Oh, the look on your face!"

My eye twitched. "Not funny. How long?"

"A day. You're just in here for chakra exhaustion and slight poisoning; those ration pills can really take it out of you if you aren't careful. Speaking of which,"

She leaned forward, scowling as she grabbed a fistful of, the shirt they'd thrown me in, whatever it was, and started chewing me out.

"I saw that technique you used. NEVER USE THAT AGAIN!" She shouted, looking decidedly pissed. "You could've been killed, doing that! Didn't Kakashi tell you not to play with lightning?!"

Eheheh, maybe he did. I smirked; couldn't help it. "Heh, must've missed that lesson. Or he was too late to give it. C'mon, I'm fine. Aside from being a bit sore and having wierd-ass dreams, anyway."

"Wierd dreams?" She parroted, looking dubious.

"Yeah, we were all actors on stage, even Doto, playing for the camera. And- Sakura was a DUDE. In a dress. So was Koyuki! I mean, hell, it was Ebisu playing her! And Ibiki was acting as Doto. Man, it was wierd. What's worse, Neji flirted with Sakura, and didn't mind that she was actually a guy. I tell you, it was the single wierdest dream ever, even compared to the one where Naruto took over the world with ramen."(Name-dropping aside. LotLoF)

. . .

"...Are you sure you're not insane?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Don't think I'm gonna like what I'm about to hear. " 'Cuz my daddy told me not to get involved with crazy people." And she said this completely fucking deadpan, with a straight face, even.

"Anko, I'm not even going to bother pointing out how wierd and hypocritical that sounds."

"Uh-huh. You feeling alright? Aside from the dreams?"

Nodding, I replied, "Mm-hm. Sore and stiff as hell, but I'll live."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Sore and stiff, huh? I distinctly remember you complaining about those two exact things the night before we came here." Anko then leaned closer, wrapping her arms around me, taking a shaky breath. "When you didn't get back up, I was so worried... I thought you were dead. Don't- Don't do that to me again. You hear?"

I smiled warmly, returning her embrace. "No promises... But I'll do my best. I expect the same of you."

She pulled back slightly, as our gazes locked.

Oddly enough, right about here, this was starting to feel just like one of those ero-manga that Kakashi always reads.

Somehow, we got closer and closer, and just as our lips touched-

*SLA-BANG!*

"Anko-sensei! I've brought lunch- HEY! STOP THAT! NO SEX WHILE HE'S RECOVERING, DAMNIT!" Both Anko and I levelled our sardonic glares in her direction, just as she slammed the door shut and marched over. "I can't believe you two! You're still supposed to be resting, and you! You shouldn't be encouraging him!"

...She's going to cockblock us until we go home, isn't she?

Jashin damnit.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Two days, it took. That's when Naruto and I were both up and about, ready to get moving again.

We were ready to leave, but stayed a day to watch the inauguration of Princess Koyuki Kazehana, as the new leader of the Kazehana clan, and lord of the Land of Snow.

Heh, it was a rather sappy affair, truth be told, but we got free food, so no complaints here.

After the ceremony, we said our goodbyes to Koyuki, collected the rest of our payment, and made our way out of the city, heading for the nearby port. We were catching a different ship home, but that didn't bother us. We just wanted to get home.

My body was still a bit sore, but I'd worked most of the stiffness out of my limbs, whereas Naruto still had a few bandages left, but he was looking upbeat as ever. Man, I envy him his ability to bounce back from anything.

The boat ride was uneventful, which was good. Boring is good. No danger, no chance of being horrifically killed, and no enemy ninjas. That's a good day, in my book.

Ahem. Not to say that there weren't problems.

Heheheh. Sakura thought she could keep us from fornicating by plopping down in our cabin, saying she'd leave when she was sure we were asleep.

...She was sadly mistaken. And very angry, as she stormed out in a huff. Naruto won another bet that night, apparently.

Heheheh, he's gonna be rich by the time he's a Chuunin.

Took two days, but we arrived back in the land of fire. Another hour of travelling on foot, and we arrived back home at the village.

It was nice, arriving back home after more than a week away.

We went straight to the Tower

~~Badadumdunbum~~

"So, how did the mission go?"

"Like all our missions, it turned out to be a lot more complicated, and a HELL of a lot more dangerous than we'd been told. But we're alive and the mission's completed." Naruto summed that up quite nicely.

"Hm. Looks like you all have got the same luck as my team did. Anko? How would you say they did?"

Our substitute sensei grinned. "Perfectly, Hokage-sama. Though the two boys are far more reckless than I'd like," A pointed glance was shot towards both Naruto and I. "I couldn't ask for a better Genin squad. Sakura showed once again that her intellect is unsurpassed, able to comprehend and predict enemy strategies and motives. Naruto got his sorry ass captured, but he did great escaping and protecting the princess. He even took down the enemy leader, albeit with some aid."

"Mm-hm." Tsunade had this slight smile on her face, as though she was going to thoroughly enjoy what was about to happen. I don't like where this is going.

"And Sasuke's abilities are comparable to any Jounin I've worked with. His combat skills are beyond those of any of the Chuunin, complimented with strategic and leadership skills. In a word, his performance was excellent-"

Tsunade cut off Anko with a simple question. "In or out of bed?"

I was very, very tempted to facepalm, but I maintained my discipline. Predators are attracted to movement, after all. Sakura and Naruto both snorted, trying not to laugh, the bastards. Not helping.

Anko must have been fighting to keep her expression neutral. Hmm. She knew that Tsunade was trying to embarass her. "Both, actually. Were you interested in hearing the details, Hokage-sama?"

HA HA HA! Excellent reversal!

Tsunade chuckled to herself, shaking her head with a smile. "That won't be necessary. But next time, would you two kindly refrain from letting your instincts interfere with the mission?"

"Of course, Hokage-sama. Never in public, not during the day, always have a clone sentry, and don't forget to leave time to actually sleep." I beamed, showing off my tranquil smile with tongue in cheek.

I take it my antics were a good alternative to the usual monotomy, as Tsunade smiled and turned in her chair, waving us off. "Nothing further. You're dismissed for the day."

We all bowed and left, walking along with our payments for the mission. I was looking forward to a little R&R with Anko, possibly spend some time with Naruto and Hinata, too.

Ahh, what to do...

"C'mon."

Anko tugged me along towards home, smiling all the while.

I take it she was more interested in spending some time getting to know our bed again. Heheh, I admit I was in just as much of a hurry as her to stretch out my muscles a bit more.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

We got to my door, and Anko stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot." She reached into her pack, pulling out something. "I saw this lying in the snow. You stabbed Doto with it, didn't you?" She was holding my knife; it was black with soot, and the hilt looked a bit rough, but other than that, it was serviceable.

"Yeah, thanks. I wondered if anyone had picked it up." I took it from her, looking the weapon over. Yeah, polish and sharpen it up, replace the handle wrapping, and it would be good as new.

I sheathed it, opening the door and stepping through-

Inside, Kin was sitting at the table, staring at us. "Huh. I was wondering when you two would get back."

"Uh-huh. Nice outfit." She'd gone shopping after all. She wore a sleeveless shirt, new bracers, leggings with shorts over them, and shinobi sandals. Her hair was up in a ponytail at the moment, but she still had her old scarf. Black and white, kinda like a cowhide pattern. Huh.

"...What about it?" She sounded dubious.

Great.

"Nothing, just saying it's nice." I smiled as warmly as I could, but the gesture was wasted.

*Khuh Khuh Khuh!* Someone was pounding the the door, just behind us.

Expression souring, I cursed. "Jashin damnit." I walked over to the door, kinda eager to get this interruption over with so Anko and I could get reacquainted.

As I pulled it open, I found an Anbu I didn't recognize standing on my doorstep. Deadpanning, "What, already? I just got back, can't you people harass me in an hour, or five?"

He shook his head, monotonously replying, "No. Two Kiri missing-nins walked right up to our gate and requested a meeting with the Hokage. They said to speak with you to confirm their identities and intentions."

Two Kiri mis-

Oh. OH. Okama and no-brows. Gotcha.

"Two, you say? From Kiri? Zabuza and Haku. I'd bet money on it."

Anko moved up right behind me. "Missing-nin from Kiri? Sasuke, what did you do...?"

I turned with a grin. "Something stupid, but clever. I'll be back in a bit. Why don'tcha get ready?" She returned a tentative smile, but looked worried. I think she might've heard the name Zabuza before.

"If you say so... But hurry back."

"Of course, I hate to keep a lady waiting."

From behidn us, Kin sniped, "No you don't, ya bastard!"

Ingrateful little thing, isn't she?

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Stepping out, I followed the Anbu all the way to the Hokage Tower, entering her office. Inside, Tsunade sat behind her desk looking irritated, while Zabuza Momochi and Haku Yuki were sitting in relatively small chairs across from her. They both turned to look when we entered, ignoring the three Anbu standing just behind them.

"Heya, guys. You two arrived earlier than I'd expected." I greeted, as Haku inclined his head and the big guy grunted a reply. Man, he was really dwarfing the chair he sat in. I think Tsunade had them put small chairs in her office for that reason; to make whoever was sitting down feel uncomfortable.

First things first; I reached into my pouch, retrieving my sword-scroll. I unsealed Headchopper, carefully maneuvering it as I returned the weapon to its owner, the big man standing and looking it over. "Huh... Looks like it's seen use."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're surprised I can use it? You should see Naruto. He's got the Samehada."

Zabuza's stare shot onto me in an instant. "The Sharkskin? There's no way in hell that brat took down Kisame."

Grinning, I said, "He didn't have to. Myself and Itachi killed him, right after his weapon chose the blonde blockhead over fishface. It was kinda funny, seeing the big-ass thing follow him around like a puppy."

The Demon chuckled, replacing his weapon on his back. "Good to have it back. Mind telling the guards to stop trembling?"

...I could feel the killing intent rolling off the four Anbu, each of them eager to get rid of the two. Hm.

"Heheh, they're all a little twitchy. You should see 'em on holidays. But yeah, such a show of force is unneeded. Tsunade, would you kindly dismiss them?"

Tsunade stared at me, unblinking. Not sure if she got my intentions, but she might've.

I merely quirked a brow. "Neither of them are strong enough to face a Sannin. And do you think I'd give them an in if I couldn't take them both myself? Er, no offense, you two." Both merely stared at me; Haku was probably wondering if I was talking out of my ass or being entirely serious, while Zabuza slightly soured at my offhanded dismissal of his abilities.

"...Anbu, wait outside. Don't listen in." None of the four showed an outward reaction, but I could tell they were glaring at me. Probably entirely thrown for a loop, too.

After they'd filed out and shut the door, I readdressed the Hokage, getting straight to the point. "I figured we could use a few more skilled shinobi after the invasion, to bolster our forces. I take it you know who they are; Zabuza Momochi, Demon of the Mist, former Jounin of Kirigakure, and Haku Yuki, last surviving member of his clan, trained as an assassin by the big guy himself."

Tsunade leaned forward, interlacing her fingers, covering her expression. "And you invited them to our village, when?"

Zabuza shifted, speaking. He still had bandages covering his face, but wore a different outfit, one likely from a tropical area. Guess they took a vacation? "It was two months ago. The kid offered a deal, said your village would need more shinobi after an incident. Judging from the way a few buildings look like they've been repaired recently, he was right."

Tsunade's gaze settled on me. "Two months ago? And just what 'deal' did you offer, Sasuke?" Her voice held promise of imminent pain if I said the wrong thing.

Err, diplomacy time!

"I faked his death and got Kiri off his trail, we all split Gato's stolen funds, and they come here to work as ninjas of the Leaf. Even if the losses from Oto's attack weren't as high as expected, we still need every able body we can get; a potent bloodline that no longer exists anywhere else and a veteran Jounin are fairly valuable, if you ask me."

"...The council will have to take a vote on it. Zabuza." He locked eyes with her. "Just how did you become a missing-nin?" Ah crap.

Least he knew better than to let any anxiety show. "For attempting, and failing, a coup de'tat against Yagura."

The blonde turned her glare upon me, again. "Aye-yai-yai. Again, taken care of. Yagura has been under Akatsuki's control for years, now. They'll try to kill him and capture the three-tails within a year or two, maximum. The most likely candidate for his replacement is Mei Terumi; if I recall, she has masterminded a coup similar to yours, though with more widespread backing. People have grown tired of his tyrannical leadership, and I'd predict a short, but bloody, civil war to break out soon enough, unless Akatsuki gets to him first or if he steps down."

Wide-eyed stares around the room, as Tsunade had heard from Jiraiya and Hiruzen that I was from the future, apparently. Well, hopefully I'll get her backing on most of my little, projects.

"...Well, that wraps things up with a nice little bow. Sasuke, you planned all this out beforehand, didn't you?"

I grinned, nodding. both Haku and Zabu were staring holes in me. So I turned and gave them a thumbs-up. "Congratulations, now you know. I saved your lives."

Again, they stared. "What do you mean?" Zabuza rumbled, starting to look irritated. Or confused, it was hard to tell with him.

"You were both supposed to die on that bridge; Haku with a raikiri through his chest trying to save his mentor, and Zabuza from fighting those hundred goons with both his arms broken. Okay, all you need to know is that I know the future; anything else is just details. No questions, I'm not saying why or anything else, just take it at face value. You're breathing and whatever you do is of your own will, though I'd prefer you hold up your end of our bargain."

Silence. I love it.

Then, finally, "Kid, you're a devious little bastard."

I smiled pleasantly. "I know, aren't I just?"

Tsunade was shaking her head with a smile, before standing. "I'll call the council in for a meeting. Don't get your hopes up, but they just might go for it."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

It took two bloody hours of waiting and shooting the shit, but the assembled shinobi council was waiting for us. As we entered the room, I found the entire council's eyes on me more than the two missing-nin in question.

Did I cause THAT much of a scene last time? Heheh, my bad.

As I took my seat, Tsunade began by firstly, immediately shifting the focus onto me. Damnit. "As I just found out a short while ago, we have two missing-nin requesting to join our village. As their benefactor, Sasuke, you start. This will be done on a majority vote, with myself being the tie-breaker if necessary."

Great. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. Two months past, I arranged a deal with Zabuza Momochi, former Jounin of Kirigakure. In exchange for my aid keeping Kiri from searching for him, he agreed to join our village in our time of need, seeing as our military strength has been stretched after Orochimaru's invasion."

"Two months ago?" Shikaku asked, sounding indifferent as usual.

"Yes, two months. I'm prone to episodes of far-sighted thinking, at times."

He sat back, arms crossed, thinking.

"Bringing missing-nin into our ranks is always dangerous... What do we stand to gain? Zabuza is well-known as the Demon of the Mist, but just what can you do?" Tsume asked, looking pointedly at the feminine boy.

Haku smiled, not saying a word, merely holding out his hand. He focused his chakra, and water appeared to coalesce in his hand, solidifying into ice, and finally into a senbon.

I smiled, taking the chance. "Haku is the last surviving member of the Yuki clan, believed to be wiped out during the bloodline purges of Kiri. The last time I faced him in combat, I guaged his abilities as those of a Chuunin, though when aided by the final form of his kekkei genkai, he poses a formidable threat to Jounin, even. He possesses the skills of a Kiri hunter-nin, and I would guess he's gotten a bit stronger in those two months."

Chouza seemed to be mulling that over. "Another bloodline is always a welcome addition. I've heard tales that the Yuki clan was especially dangerous, as they've always got access to an unlimited supply of weapons. But what Tsume says is true; hiring missing-nin is precarious territory."

Hiashi leaned forward, inspecting the two Kiri natives carefully with his byakugan. "Though nervous, their intentions are pure. Hm. It seems you are capable of more than provoking fights and causing havoc, Sasuke." Hey! I take offense to that. I'm also a very competant lover. So says Anko, and she's got experience in that area.

*Sniff* ...I kinda wish she didn't. I'd cherish being her one and only.

And I LOVE causing havoc! So screw you for making that out to be a bad thing. "Why thank you, Hiashi. I'm a delinquint of many talents."

I swear, he was thinking 'Delingquint is right,' But I digress.

"Another bloodline in our ranks would be worth some risk..." Danzo muttered, his visible eye staring hard at Haku. I think I saw the boy shiver.

"Yes, it would. But my deal offered them jobs, not a prison cell filled with whores, nor did I include being forcefully indoctrinated into your private army, Danzo. The CRA cannot be forced upon anyone, especially not individuals whose clan is not native to our village." Tossing out my knowledge of Root and reminding everyone that the Clan Restoration Act is voluntary, I figured I'd get that out of the way early. I wouldn't want to be forced to impregnate a bunch of girls-

Wait. Well, I would, but hey. It's the principle of the thing.

The old cock glared at me, as Shikaku shifted and glanced between us, the intelligence in his eyes spinning once more. I take it my position on the subject was clear, as many of the others began looking like they were close to making their own decisions.

"You became a missing-nin after leaving Kirigakure. How and why did you leave, exactly?" Shibi Aburame asked the big bandaged badass, shifting his sunglasses. I kinda like how EVERYONE ignores whatever conflicts come up in the council room. Really wierd.

Zabuza shifted slightly. "I lead a coup de'tat against Yagura's regime. Since I'm sitting here and not leading my village... It failed."

Inoichi harumphed to himself. "He attempted to kill his previous employer. For what reason should we trust him, an oathbreaker?"

"I never broke my word." The Demon's voice was soft, but reverberated around the room.

"And just how is that?" Tsunade asked this time, sounding somewhat curious.

"My oath is to protect the people of Kiri, not the Mizukage. A man like Yagura... He is not fit to lead a village. He ordered the bloodline purge, as he mistrusted anyone with a kekkei genkai after the civil war. After so many years of seeing the people I swore to uphold being oppressed- And it only getting worse. I intended to put an end to it, but I acted too soon. There was, an incident, and I took a risk by putting my plan into action a year early. That was a fatal mistake on my part. After it failed, I made my escape and brought the demon brothers and Haku with me; he was made an orphan by the purges. During our travels, I trained him, working as many jobs as I could find to get the money to try again."

He said all that without taking a breath, too. Shit, he's long-winded. Then again, that's to be expected; he's from the Hidden Mist, after all. After his tale, most everyone in the room was looking like they'd made their decision. Tsunade looked from left to right, observing our expressions.

"If anyone has any more questions, now's the time." Silence. "Very well, then. Shall they be accepted into the village, or denied citizenship. The voting starts now. Sasuke, start us off. For or against." I was on her left, at the far end. Right.

"Since I went to the trouble of bringing them here, for, obviously."

Shikaku was next. "Hmm. There are many unknowns. However, the rewards seem to be worth the risks. For."

Tsume came after him. "Huh. A bloodline and a Jounin... One that gave Kakashi trouble. Yeah, Shikaku's right. For."

Inoichi frowned, possibly because of his friend's choice, possibly because Tsume smelled like wet dog. Either way. "Yes, there could be a great benefit from bringing them in... But the risks aren't worth what we seem to be getting. Against." That's one against, thee for. Hm. Good start.

"Hnn... Yes, our forces are at an all-time low. Adding more skilled shinobi is a boon at a time like this. With one stipulation; a full psychological evaluation, and probationary period. For." Koharu was on my side, for once. Hm.

Moving to the other side of the table, Homura gazed at his teammate for a few moments. "I can see your reasoning, Koharu. I second her stipulations; for." Hm? Huh. I figured at least one of the elders would be against.

Danzo was next. "Adding to our numbers now is a priority, given the likelihood of Orochimaru returning. For." I wonder what he's planning now?

Chouza didn't hesitate. "For." Hm. He sided with Shikaku, I think.

Shibi was solemn as always. "Caution is what seperates the intelligent from the reckless, and in these times, it is better to play safe, then to regret later. Against."

And finally, Hiashi. "It seems the result has already been decided. For."

Tsunade nodded, looking around at the assembled councilors. "Very well. By a vote of eight to two, Zabuza Momochi and Haku Yuki will be made shinobi of the Leaf. However." She looked pointedly at the two in question. "You will both undergo a full psyche evaluation, as well as a physical one to guage your abilities. After a probationary period in which you will be under surveillance, you will be granted full citizenship. Council dismissed."

And everyone seemed to stand up at once, turning and filing out. Huh. Just another day, then.

Hm, things to do.

Haku and Zabu were following Tsunade back to her office, where I assume they'll work out the details. But before that. "Oy, Hiashi." I caught up with the prude, noting the way his back stiffened ever so slightly.

He turned, staring down at me impassively. "Yes?" Clipped tone, very statue-esque. Eh, he's not happy about dealing with me, that's for sure.

"I have something to offer you, if you'll hear me out."

His eyebrow rose, a slight hint of an actual expression. "And what could you offer that I would want?"

"A technique allowing for greater physical abilities, along with heightened chakra levels and control, gained at unheard of speeds through relatively simple training."

I think I had his attention. "And what technique would this be?"

Shrugging, I remarked, "Haven't named it. But before I tell or explain it, there are three conditions."

He took on this 'I knew it' expression. "What is it you want, then?" He sounded more curious than anything. Good, I'm selling it. Heh, if I was a used-car salesman, every one of these bastards would have a four-year-old Toyota and I'd be rich as shit, man.

"First is that it be taught to ALL Hyuuga, regardless of branch, family, status or ability. Second, that you allow Hinata and Hanabi both to choose whomsoever they wish to take as their mate, and not attempt to force them into an arranged marriage."

"No." I blinked, but didn't have time to voice my irritation at his backwards asshat ways, when he continued. "I have already allowed Hinata to pursue a relationship with Uzumaki, whether or not she has noticed. Though I appreciate your concern for her, your attempts to extort and coerce me into a change of heart are starting to wear thin."

I blinked, again. "Well, damn. Smarter than the average bear. My final condition is not passing her over as clan heir; she would do her utmost to usher in a time of peace and stability, which is something we'll need in the coming decades. If you honestly believe Hanabi would make a better clan head, that is your choice, but if you follow that route, then please; never have Hinata branded."

"...The choice of my successor will be made when they have both had time to prove their worth. Again, you waste your time and mine, as no child of mine will ever be marked with the brand while I still draw breath."

Oh. Well, that's comforting. "Then that's good, you're only stuck with ensuring all Hyuuga are equally taught."

He continued to stare at me. "And just what 'technique' is it?"

I smiled brightly, surging my chakra. "You're looking at it."

He took a step back when my chakra flared, but after a moment, he understood my meaning, activating his bloodline. Within moments, he looked me in the eye again. "Your chakra system is exceptionally strong, but I do not see what you mean."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Actually, you did, closer than anyone else has. You just haven't quite figured it out. Y'know how shinobi are stronger than normal people, because of chakra? Well, that's because we subconsciencely use it to make our bodies even stronger, tougher, and able to withstand the rigors of our lifestyle. I figured out a method to speed up the process, and force my body to strengthen itself manually. Build up as large an amount of chakra as possible, and consciencely force it to flow through the body nonstop. The more chakra, and the faster the flow, the stronger you become."

After that brief explanation, Hiashi continued to stare at me, expression blank. "And you've known this, how long?"

Shrugging, "Ehh, about four or five months, give or take. I'm still fine-tuning it, figuring out new and different ways to play around with it. It's the way I've become as fast and strong as Kakashi, since my sharingan gives me the perceptive abilities and reaction time to make full use of it. I came up with it on a lark though, trying to perfect treewalking."

"...For a brat, you are a genius."

I smiled pleasantly. "I know, right? I expect you to follow through on making sure it is taught to all Hyuuga, though. It'll become integrated into the gentle fist style, further ensuring that the Hyuuga remain at the forefront as masters of taijutsu combat, faster and stronger than opposing ninja. With as little as a tap or a poke, one can send enemies twice his size flying. Given that the Hyuuga already have very fine chakra control, it'll serve as a fine training method."

The older man nodded, comprehension finally having dawned in his features. In exchange for something trivial, he was gaining a method of turning children, such as myself, into warriors on-par with Jounin when it comes to physical abilities.

...I think he'll finally overlook that bit with Kaiten and every other time I've pissed him off.

After exchanging a few more pleasantries, I went on my way, stopping in the Hokage's office just as she was bringing up the issue of where the two former missing-nins would be staying.

"Oy, Tsunade. Erm, if you're hard-pressed for a place to stash our two newest recruits, I think I've got an extra house or three lying around here somewhere."

Tsunade snorted a laugh, shaking her head. "I'll take your word for it. Well, you two, you're stuck with Sasuke for now. Report in tomorrow morning at eight sharp for the psyche eval. And try not to provoke anyone, I've got enough paperwork to deal with as is."

Zabuza and Haku both nodded, standing. While they scurried out the door, I called, "Tsunade, you DO know that shadow clones can cut down how much work you've got by the number of clones, right?"

She blinked, staring at me. "Why didn't I think of that?!"

I shrugged. "That's what Hiruzen said, too."

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Ugh, so tired.

Politics done, everything else dealt with, and now I've got new neighbors. Lovely.

They followed me back to the Uchiha compound in silence, taking in the sights of the village. I gave a very shorthand tour; as in, what was along the way.

"Ichiraku's is the best ramen shop in the entire country, hands-down, period, end of report. There is no better anywhere. We've got a few nice stores around, such as Hame's clothing and essentials, they've got excellant deals on clothes and anything that isn't sharp and pointy. Then we have the best gear shop around these parts. It's owned by Tenten's family, ah, what was their surname? No matter. Their stuff is made by Io himself, big name weaponsmith, a genius and an eccentric. He made the masterpiece you see strapped to my back." I hooked a thumb at the sword on my back. "Other than that, we've got X-rated mission right down that alley over there, if either of you are lacking in the, ah, 'subtle' department of romance."

Zabuza seemed to blink, staring down that alley we passed. "...Was that a man wearing a miniskirt?"

Man in a miniskirt? "Oh, yeah, that's Roy. Good bloke, but he's got an off-color sense of humor. I think he wears that thing every Thursday for some reason, something to do with metal and alchemy, I can't remember."

"Right... Subtle, funny."

I shrugged. "Heh, you shoulda seen the last thing Anko brought home from that place. Makes the skirt look like a victorian dress."

"Victorian dress?" Haku asked, sounding puzzled.

Oh, right. "Er, think of a dress under a dress under a massive coat with laces running through several hundred eyelets. Very complicated, and takes an hour to put on or take off. Don't ask, they weren't very popular."

"I think I'll take your word for it."

Welp, we(Finally) got to the compound.

"Right, this house over here," I pointed to the one I'd first woken up in, and have been staying in the entire time. "Is where I live. Any of the other houses, you're welcome to. Try not to burn 'em down, I'll need a few of 'em in a decade or two."

The two shared a look, shrugged, and then went to the house that was two down, likely so as to avoid any noise issues at night.

Just before heading off, Haku turned to me and bowed. "Thank you, Sasuke-san."

I shrugged. "S'nothin', it's good to see you're both still up and about. Er, if the old warhawk with the bandaged eye comes around, or if someone shows up asking you to go with 'em, come and get me. And don't sleep with any strange women sent to get knocked up with ya, pretty-boy." I grinned one of my mischievous, favorite-kid-brother grins, the kind that Naruto has perfected.

He smiled, a dry chuckled escaping his feminine lips. "I'll try to resist the temptation, though I get the feeling I'll be approahced by more men than women."

Can't- Resist, urge... To, insult!

"Well, so long as whoever it is makes you happy, it doesn't much matter, I suppose."

He blinked, and after a moment, he blushed bright red. "W-what? N-no, no! That's not what I meant! I'm not interested in guys!"

"Whatever you say, Okama." And I shut the door, chuckling, I heard his shout of angrish.

Heheh, I think he's going to be unhappy when he finds out that EVERYONE is gonna be calling him that.

~~Badadumdunbum~~

Over SEVENTY THOUSAND views! And over two HUNDRED reviews! Awesomesauce!

Allllll over Anko's face. Heheh, bukkake!