My Choice

I didn't expect to Tamaki's betrothal to upset me. I kind of expected that it would happen one day but I always figured I would see him again, even if not at as a lover. Tamaki would be faithful to a wife. He loves with all his heart.

Hell, he loved me with all his heart. His whore, his courtesan. The most I could ever have hoped for was to be his mistress.

I didn't even expect that.

The thing that hurt the most about this whole shitty situation was the fact that he didn't love the woman he was going to marry. He was going to be faithful to a stranger he never met and may probably never love.

But who am I to think that. I have no right. What if he did end up loving her? He could. And if she is just as kind as he is, it won't take long for him to fall for her.

This thought made me groan. It's really not my business. Tamaki's life is Tamaki's life, not mine. I need to move forward. I gotta pull myself together.

Hikaru and Kaoru had ushered me to the nearest bathroom so that I could gather my wits again.

Right after Tamaki made his announcement my face was wet... I mean really wet. I wasn't sobbing but my face looked horrible. Well, according to the twins that is.

I splashed some water of my face, wiped it up and took a couple of cleansing breaths. I have to get out there and get over this.

Pushing myself away from the sink, I fixed a couple strands of my hair and left the bathroom as soon as I was sure I looked like less of a mess. I just needed to get back to the group.

But my way was blocked because outside the door was the dark figure Kyoya. He was leaning against the wall right in front of me. In his usual manner I watched as he tilted his head in consideration before adjusting his glasses. The smile that graced his lips was sad and more than a little concerned.

"Haruhi, we need to talk." His voice sounded stern but I could see in his eyes that it wasn't like that at all. Kyoya was genuinely worried for my sake. My heart clenched at that thought.

Biting my lip, I hung my head. I really didn't want to talk about anything. The only thing I could think to do at this point was put up that wall. That ever oblivious, guarded wall that I used to have before Hika and Kao broke it down.

"I'm fine, Kyoya." I said looking him dead in the eye. There was no emotion on my face other then annoyance which was emphasized by the exasperated sigh I let out.

I tried to slip past him and head back to the group but he grabbed my arm and tugged me back. In a quick, swift motion he spun me around and placed me firmly against the wall. I squeaked once I hit it and once more when he placed a kiss on my lips that was firm and demanding.

Eyes wide open and heart beating like mad, I lost all use of my limbs. When Kyoya finally pulled away from me I watched him with surprise and confusion. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think.

He let me go and stood there with his calculating stare. It made me feel just a little bit uncomfortable and I started fidgeting. "Are you going to be honest with me now?" He asked in a deep voice.

My eyes locked with his and his hand came to up to touch my cheek. "Haruhi." He said my name with a calm tenderness that made my heart ache. His touch made my eyes close and I let go of the breath I was unintentionally holding.

"Tamaki will be hurt if he sees you like this." he said. "He is doing the best he can to try and make this transition easy on you girls."

"I know." I muttered. Finally consenting to that fact I was indeed upset about this. "I just wish that there was something I could do. If only I knew that he would be happy when this is all over."

"You're concerned with his happiness?" Kyoya smiled at me. True, it was a sarcastic smile. Like he couldn't believe that I would have that sort of feeling for a man who was first and foremost a professional client.

"Tamaki is a good man." I gave my reason to him with a shrug. My wall of uncaring was starting to build up again.

"He is a good man." He agreed. But he let out a disappointed sigh and shook his head. "It is a pity that he will be with her, however."

"Her who?" I asked. "You know who he's gonna marry?"

"Of course I do. His family and my family are close business partners." He began to walk away down the hall towards the group. He beckoned me with a nod of his head to follow, which I did. "Tamaki is, unfortunately, my best friend."

"Unfortunately?"

"He can be a bothersome friend sometimes." Was Kyoya's simple explanation. "I would rather not get into it."

I nodded in understanding. We walked down the hall and just before we reached the door I asked. "Who is she?"

Kyoya smirked at me. "Maybe it's not just his happiness you are concerned with. Could it be that you are jealous?"

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind." I reached out for the door but he caught my wrist. Then he slowly brought my knuckles to his lips, kissing my hand gently.

"Don't be to concerned over this. He knows his place, just as we all do. Your feelings will fade in time and he will learn to live with his new wife."

I frowned at him and his clever ability to know what I am feeling and thinking. "Let me just get back to the work you are paying me for." I snapped. "I wouldn't want to disappoint the Circle."

When we arrived the twins were waiting close to the doorway. Honey and Takashi were having a conversation with Umihito while the two younger brothers watched in silence. Shiro was practically glued to the cute Hima girl's face. His groping and kissing was becoming a little too reminiscent of Kyoya and myself during our time at his vacation house.

And Tamaki was surrounded by the remaining girls of the circle.

The two girls that were all over Hika and Kao in the previous meeting were practically crying at Tamaki's feet. Iris was beside him drinking tea and had a look of sadness on her ever composed face. Kurakano, who I've never talked about, was sitting on the other side of him holding his hand, while Reiko didn't even seem to be bothered to comfort him. She just observed the scene from the sofa she had not once budged from.

The more I looked at this scene the more I realized, we truly were a small group. Two girls have left since I've joined this group and one rejoined, though from the looks of it, she won't be here for very long. Shiro doesn't look like the kind of boy who is willing to share.

With Tamaki leaving, there would be no need to add more girls. Or so it would seem. But just the thought of Tamaki leaving was still foreign. It was just not right in my mind.

I associated him with the circle. Him and Kyoya were the two main instigators in getting me involved in this group. It just feels wrong. This whole thing feels wrong.

"Hikaru, Kaoru." I said to them calmly. "I think we should go."

"What why?" Kaoru asked, surprised by my statement.

"I'm not going to get a booking today. Everyone is too busy to need me. Lets go." I pretended to shrug off everything in a serious 'I don't care what happens now' sort of attitude.

"You're such a bad liar." Hikaru rolled his eyes but in his own way place his arm around my shoulders to show that he understood.

"I'm going to tell them we're leaving. I'll meet you two back at the car." Kaoru said as he plunged his hands in his pocket and went straight to Kyoya.

Honey saw us turn to the door and looked like he was about to say something but Takashi placed his hand on his cousins head to get his attention. I saw the small shake of his head telling him to just let us go for now. I gave a thankful short smile to Takashi for this, which he returned before Hikaru led me out.

"Talk" Hikaru commanded me when we got back to the Hitachiin manor. We were in his room sitting on his bed. Kaoru was closing the door behind him, sealing out any one who could over hear us talking.

"There is nothing to talk about." I lied.

"Bullshit" Kao stated bluntly. "Tamaki leaving is not what's upsetting you. You told us about this after you got back from your date with him a week ago."

I frowned at them both. They are just too damn clever for their own good sometimes.

"You better start talking Haruhi. You've got two days to get over whatever it is so that we can go to this party. We are not going to worry about you and you are not going to get into it with this girl." Hikaru practically growled at me.

"Why would I get into it with her. I don't even know her." I snapped back. "And why would she be there?"

"You are so thick sometimes." Hikaru groaned. "Weren't you even paying attention!?"

"Hikaru, she was upset. Let it go." Kaoru defended. He plopped down on the bed next to me.

I bit my lip to keep my temper in check. Seriously, Hikaru can frustrate the hell out of me sometimes.

"Haru," Kao said calmly, placing on hand on my knee. "What Hika is trying to say is that you need to get over this because the party we are going to is his engagement party."

My eyes snapped open wide in shock. "He invited us to the engagement party!?" I couldn't believe this.

"It's his own private joke really, bring the women he really cared for to show up the woman he doesn't want." Kao laughed unconvincingly.

"That's not funny, Kaoru." I snapped.

"I think it is." Hikaru said. "It's something we would do if we had to marry someone we didn't want."

"That's just mean." I felt my anger start to rise at this. "Why would he even consider that? It's so cruel."

Hika and Kao looked at each other. They held their little mental twin exchange before they simultaneously scooted closer to me.

"To be honest, Haru." Kao began.

"It was our idea." Hika finished.

I looked at them both. Hikaru grabbed my chin and turned my face to look at him. "Tamaki cared a lot for you and for Iris and for the others. The guys are his brothers in a sense too."

"You gotta figure as an only child, he must be lonely." Kao placed his head against mine.

"You remember what it was like before. Right?"

Hikaru is not usually one to bring up the past but in this case he was right. Before him... before them, I was rather lonely. It was just me and dad. I never had siblings and dad's family had disowned us a long time before my mother passed.

I was grateful to the Hitachiins for being my family and I guess, it would make sense that having them around during a time of disappointment would make things just a little bit better.

Tamaki having us there would be emotional support. Or at least that is what they are trying to get me to think.

"But why his engagement party?" I asked them. I was saying it more to myself and I didn't really expect an answer but I got one anyway.

"Easy," Hikaru smiled. "You girls are going to show up that bitch."

I frowned at him and would have told him off but Kaoru interrupted my thoughts.

"This is why you need to get over whatever is bothering you. You are not going to confront her, Got it?" Kao warned. "We don't want a repeat of the fucking gala mess."

"I'm not stupid enough to fight with someone at the top of the stairs again."

"Good. Now tell us what is really bothering you and lets get to picking you out a fucking brilliant outfit." Hikaru shoulder nudged me.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "You guys are not going to let this go." It wasn't a question, just a comment.

The twins adjusted themselves on either side of me, each of them taking a hand. I squeezed their hands in response and decided that maybe now, I could admit to even myself the truth. The reason this whole thing hurts so much.

Maybe I didn't know it at first. Perhaps I didn't really want to admit it but truthfully, this is really what it all comes down to.

"Tamaki is a good man. They all are good men." I sighed. "One day, they are all going to move on. They won't need me anymore."

"Stupid." Hikaru said. "You are always going to be needed. Don't be such a dumb ass."

"He's right. Tamaki never said he didn't need you."

"It's not just them. You idiots. It's everyone."

The two of them looked at me, but I continued to stare at the floor looking at the little bristles of the immaculate carpet.

"Dad doesn't come around much anymore. He's always busy with clients. And mom..."

"Your mom died, that's no ones fault" Kaoru snapped, totally getting me wrong and jumping to his own conclusion.

"You want me to talk? Then fucking let me talk." I frowned at him. Kao bit his lip and locked eyes with Hikaru. Normally I would expect that the one who would jump to the wrong conclusion would be Hika but I know too well that the roles do switch once in a while.

Hikaru squeezed my hand and I continued. "Without mom, dad really started working hard but he never fell in love again. It was just the two of us and yeah, like you said, it was lonely. You guys became my family and it helped. I wasn't alone."

I sighed. "I don't consider them as family like I do with you two but they mean a lot to me. I want them all to be happy and yes, I have come to love them. In a twisted sort of way."

"The truth is, I don't know what's ahead. It's not simple anymore. It stopped being just sex and I don't know when all of this changed. Work, home.. love. It's blending together. The detachment is gone."

"Haurhi" Hika said my name with sadness in his voice.

"Satoshi and Yasuchika gave me an out. They said I could get out of the circle if I really wanted and live a normal life with either you guys or with one of them. Then Tamaki straight up asks me to marry him, only to find out he did it out of fear of this engagement and not because he loved me..."

Hikaru stood up suddenly. Kaoru called out his name in surprise but he ignored his brother and spun on his heels. His face was furious. "He asked you to marry him. Just like that? For that reason? I'm gonna kick his ass. I never would have helped him if I knew..."

"Sit down, you idiot." I snapped.

"Let her finish, Hika." Kao said calmly. "Go on." He urged.

"After Tamaki's proposal, I find that Kyoya wanted me to be his. Then Honey and Takashi started confusing me with whether or not they had interest and once I figured that being a courtesan is the best choice, you two pull the threesome on me."

They both looked away embarrassed.

"I don't know what I want, okay? That's the truth and I am scared to death over it."

Part of me felt relieved to have finally said those words. Another part of me was feeling foolish.

Admitting the inner babel out loud is difficult for me sometimes. Normally I could think things through and act on them in a conscientious manner. But lately I've been in an upheaval of emotions. So much so that I've been acting immature and lost. Uncertainty doesn't suit my personality at all. Especially when I have been focusing so much on my love life.

I fell back on to Hikaru's bed with huff. A heavy burden felt like it was lifted off of me but I still had the ache inside of not knowing where I should go from here.

The bed shifted on my right side and I looked over to see Kaoru, propping himself up with one elbow. His free hand was brushing the bangs from my forehead. "We've told you too many times, Haru. You think too much."

He sighed and reached over. He tugged me into a hug as Hikaru decided to come back to side beside us on the bed. "Yeah," Hika began. "We need to fix that."

"I'm not sleeping with you two tonight. So get that thought right out of your heads." I growled at them. I was so not in the mood for their games.

"Psssh, Get over yourself, Tanuki" Hikaru smirked at me, plopping down on my free side. "But I do think a game of dress up will be fun. What do you say Kaoru?"

"That does sound like fun." He looked down on me and smirked. "And I think I know the perfect dress."

As usual, my death glare didn't work.

Kaoru was wrong, he didn't have the perfect dress. Because fifteen "perfect dresses" later we ended up putting me in a ball gown with a corset like fitted top. No sleeves or straps because, as Hikaru said, it made it easier to get at my weak spot.

I fucking hate him sometimes.

The final gown was definitely something Tamaki would love. And since he made this a formal occasion it was necessary. It was a soft pale lavender, and had little roses stitched into various points on the gathered part of the gown. I suck at describing the beauty of the outfits the twins make, but in the end, I looked like the princess Tamaki always called me. Without the makeup and hair extensions.

Oh, and just to make this night as irritating as possible for the new 'bride'. Hikaru and Kaoru dressed up the other girls in the circle too. With those two on the job, I knew without a doubt that they would be beautiful.

The party started before we arrived. The twins and I came in the limo this time. It was their way of showing their wealth... because apparently that is what you're supposed to do at times like this.

Of course, It's times like this that I can't help but roll my eyes at them.

The boys were on either side of me, escorting me like that have done for years. But once we were inside, we ended up wandering in out own directions.

Now, I must say that the whole party was set up so that the bulk of it was being held in the ball room of Tamaki's main estate. But like the parties the twins held in the past and like the ever eventful gala, other rooms were also used in entertainment. This time I figured it's best to stick where the majority of the people were.

Tamaki's announcement was made early on in the evening. The future bride, Eclair Tonnerre, was beaming triumphantly.

I recognized the name easily. The man at the garden party who tried to assault me was a guest of her family. But I'd rather not remember that at a time like this.

The place was filled with dignitaries and such. Many of them were business colleagues and old friends. Some family. Basically, snooty rich people with sticks up their asses. If they didn't recognize you then they ignored you. Which is what happened to me.

I was fine with it. Because the only people I would talk to here wouldn't be Tamaki's great uncle or his cousins, nor would I try and talk to any of his business friends. There would be no point in it.

I would much rather talk with the people of the Circle anyway.

I spotted the girls easily due to the fact that they were wearing dresses I recognized as those in the Hitachiin label. The boys were easier still to find. I would know them anywhere.

My neck grew goosebumps when I felt a trail of fingers touch my shoulder. Familiar as it was, I was a bit concerned to be receiving it at a time like this. But instead of reacting and drawing attention I said.

"The party is beautiful, Tamaki."

He let out a low chuckle. "You knew it was me?"

I shrugged. "You really shouldn't touch me like that at your engagement party. People will get the wrong idea."

He stood beside me with a glass of wine in each hand. He handed me one all the while giving me his princely smile. "To bad for them the wrong idea is the right one. You look absolutely radiant tonight."

"Blame the twins for that." I snorted out, rather unladylike I might add.

"I would thank them for that." He countered. "Thank you though, for coming. I know it's not an easy thing to ask but I am glad you are here."

"No, it's not easy," I stated bluntly. Poor Tamaki started to slump but I spoke up again before he could complete the bout of depression, "But even if we can't be lovers anymore, I still want to be your friend. That's why I came, really." I said calmly taking a sip from the glass.

It wasn't necessary to state the obvious difficulties of such a relationship. I knew it was hopeless to think he will still be around. After all, he's moving to France and who knew when he would ever come back to Japan.

"Yes, I would like that." He looked like he wanted to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes but instead of the usual hug that would follow, I watched as he wiped the tear that was forming in his eye, smile at me and took my hand in a gentlemanly fashion.

The kiss he placed there was almost too formal. "Thank you, Haruhi."

"Anytime." I said softly. He gave me one last sad smile before letting me go and stepping away. With a growing numbness, I watched as he wandered away from me to greet his other former favorite, Iris.

The party lasted a long time before most of the acquaintances departed. Those of us in the circle had a silent agreement that we would not leave until everyone else had. If this was to be one of the last times we would be together then we were going to prolong it as much a possible.

Of course we all remained at arms length. We put up the pretense of formality and causal flirtation. It was as if most of us were meeting for the first time. Stupid really, since we all knew each other well.

I caught Aokano's eye before she found her way to the twins. She smiled at me, blushing slightly in embarrassment that I knew what she was after. I just shrugged my shoulder giving my silent consent that she should just go ahead.

I still didn't know where I really belonged. If it was with the twins or the circle or even just one man in the end. So I had no right in telling the twins they couldn't be with the others. It just seemed fair in my mind. Though Hikaru promised me, and this made me roll my eyes, that he and Kaoru would save the threesomes for me.

I sighed as I watched the endearing idiots flirt with her.

My shoulder suddenly grew cold, like a creepy feeling had just brushed up beside me and I noticed for the first time the woman who was announced as Tamaki's fiancee, had approached me. She was wearing a red silky gown that clung to her slim figure and her straight brown hair was groomed to smooth perfection.

Her makeup, in my opinion was just a bit too much, and I couldn't help but have the thought that she would look better if she just stuck to a more natural look. Sheesh.. and I am the whore? Looking at us you would think the roles were switched.

"So," She said in cold detached voice. "You must be Fujioka." She held in her hand this weird contraption that looked like tiny binoculars on a gold stick. An odd accessory if you ask me, and she was using it to look me up and down.

"Yes, I am." I said calmly. Pleasantly in fact, which I might add was difficult for me to do. But I promised the twins I wouldn't start anything.

"Hmm.. I expected more from Tamaki's whore." She spat at me. I didn't react at her comment so she continued. "Don't give me that innocent look. I know fully well who you are."

I didn't think I was giving her an innocent look. I was just looking at her. "I am a friend of Tamaki's" I said honestly. As of right now I was no longer his lover so I couldn't call myself his whore, his courtesan or any other equivalent.

She huffed out a forced laugh. "Do not pretend. I have spent the better part of the year gathering information on this man" she paused and gave me a disdainful look. "and his friends."

I frowned at her. Deep inside me I was struggling not to say anything rude. I wanted to keep true to my promise so I blinked in confusion. "I'm here as his friend, his companion to congratulate him on his marriage to you."

Shit, I didn't mean to make that word sound so sarcastic.

She twirled her little stick thing in her hand. "It doesn't matter. You hold no power over him and even if you tried, your family will fall under disgrace. Ootori will not even be able to protect you once I'm done."

Was she stupid? If she knew anything about me she wouldn't be telling me this. Fuck it. No one threatens my family or my friends. Hika and Kao are just gonna have to forgive me for this.

"What the hell are you going on about?" I snapped. "My family has nothing to do with anything."

She smirked at me. Her confidence was building. So much so, that any common sense that she should have had was being clouded by her growing arrogance. "Listen you little slut, If you come anywhere near Tamaki again I will send out all those lovely photos of your little group fucking around with men who are beyond your reach. The Hitachiins will dump you so fast once they find out their precious little soon to be heiress is the whore who has been screwing around with my fiance and his best friend." Her eyes went into snake like slits.

"Not to mention, Ootori will be disgraced to the point of loosing no only his company but his honor as successor as well." She tilted her head so that she was looking down on me with that disgusted look. Her beauty was no longer evident in my eyes when she continued to smirk triumphantly.

My fists clenched. "You have no proof that I am doing anything wrong. And no matter what you say, the Hitachiins will never abandon me."

The woman had the audacity to turn her back on me and take a few steps away so that she was behind me while she spoke. "Ootori didn't destroy all the photo's and if Ayanokouji wasn't in prison she would have been able to gather more information for me. Too bad she didn't finish you off before now. Well, no matter. Tamaki is mine" I turned my head to the side just enough to see that she was looking back at me from the corner of her peripheral vision. "and once the wedding is over my family will finally have the funds to destroy the Ootori corporation."

That was it, I snapped. Furiously I spun on the spot. To hell with the volume of my voice. To hell with anyones opinion.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Blackmail? Extortion? You are talking about serious crimes." I cried out. "You don't deserve Tamaki. You don't even belong in this room."

The crowed in the room was small. The circle, the girls, Tamaki's father and the parents of the 'bride' were all watching us. Of course the servants of the house were no longer working and some were even poking their head into the room.

"I am sick and tired of people trying to threaten the ones I love. And you... you are the reason that most of the bad shit happened to me. You were the one responsible for the photos!? For the reason that Ayanokouji was after me?"

I saw Hikaru from the corner of my eye, He was furiously trying to break away from Kaoru to get at this woman. I shook my head ignoring him, which had my eyes fall on Reiko. She narrowed her eyes at me an nodded.

It was then that I understood. My choice was made. This was it.

"I may not be his lover but I care for Tamaki. More than you would ever understand. You can go ahead with your blackmail. But we will never back down from you." I looked in the direction of each member of the circle.

The men were grinning at me, giving me the courage to continue. Hika and Kao settled down and were glowering at the woman before me, but they didn't get in my way. Reiko continued her sly dark grin while Iris beamed at me. The others were boldly grinning and holding their hands close to their hearts.

"I bet that in all your searching you didn't know that I am fully versed in the legal system. Or maybe you just assumed that I have given up on my sense of justice." I was feeling confident. "Too bad for you that I fully intent to represent the Ouran Circle."

I felt the evil smirk that I picked up from the twins grow across my face. "Do me a favor, go ahead with your blackmail. Print those photos.. because the moment you do. You're going down."

I gave her one final glower and spun on my heels. My fury was still burning inside me but the smiles, and grins and applause that I received from my friends was having a calming effect on my nerves. Kao was grinning proudly at me but just as his happiness was making my confidence grow, his eyes grew wide in fear.

My heart clenched when I spun around and just in time Kyoya had grabbed the hand of the girl who intended on striking me. I gasped in disbelief but recovered quickly.

"Miss Fujioka." Kyoya said in his most professional tone. "Please take note to add attempted assault on our lawyer to the list of charges against Miss Tonnerre."

My heart was bursting with contentment when I saw the look of pride mixed with love that was in his eyes as he gazed down on me.

"Thank you, Kyoya." I said softly and found myself traveling over to Tamaki.

"Haruhi..." He breathed out my name lovingly and took me into a hug.

"I have one question for you, Tamaki Suoh." I said in a tone that would rival Kyoya's professionalism.

He let me go for a moment, concern growing on his always emotional face. "Y-y-yes?"

"The next time we cosplay together," I dropped my voice so that only he could hear me, "... can you please stay in character?" I had to tease him. It was only fair.

The blush on Tamaki's face was brilliant. The poor guy could only nod before taking his hand and covering his mouth.

I stepped away from him and grinned evilly. The following upheaval was just enough to be too loud. Tamaki's father was confronting the Tonnerres while the servants began a round of noisy gossip. Kyoya had called in a couple of body guards to take Eclair out of the room.

So much for the engagement party.

Once I found myself in between the twins, I noticed that the girls were being escorted out by various members of the circle. All of them were grinning at me and a few mouthed their thanks to me. But it was Yasuchika who approached us.

"So you've made up your mind?" He asked bluntly. "Very well, as long as you are willing to live with the consequences."

"I am," I held eye contact him when I said that. The boy returned my gaze sternly.

"Good." He stated in a detached cold tone but his eyes gave him away when they flicked away guiltily.

"Thanks Chika," I used the informal name which made him double take at me. I leaned down and pecked his cheek, "And thank Satoshi for me."

The boy's face flushed pink when I smiled at him. He can try to pretend that he doesn't care for the girls in the circle. But I've learned, that he's just like the rest of them.

The men of the Ouran circle love with all their hearts. Just like Hikaru and Kaoru, they have torn me from a small lonely world, made me apart of them.

As complicated as it has become, my work and personal will never truly be balanced. They have become a part of each other, a part of me.

I've made my choice. I will continue to love these men, I will help them with whatever they need. As a courtesan, as their Haruhi, I will do my job to make them happy. Because their happiness is mine.

It was a comforting thought in it's own twisted way. But that's just how I feel.

I glanced up at each twin in turn. "Hika? Kao?" I prompted them.

"Yeah," Hikaru said.

"Lets go." Kaoru finished.

After such an eventful night, it was nice to just take the hands of my best friends and go home.