Disclaimer: I own nothing as usual- also, the song in this chapter is Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera
Two days passed.
Kurt had stuck to his decision, barely talking to Blaine though it pained him to- he never felt like this last time. It wasn't a physical pain unlike when he was on the rooftop, it was different, hard to pinpoint but definitely there.
He had an idea of what it could be, but refused to acknowledge it- it was impossible anyway, right? It couldn't be what he suspected, they were friends, and only friends. Besides, Blaine didn't like him that way, he couldn't- he was broken unlike all the other people who could date. And Kurt knew this, so why was it hurting so bad?
Meanwhile, Blaine tried to get Kurt to talk to him- he thought they were friends, maybe verging on more, so why was Kurt ignoring him? He'd told Cooper this whilst Kurt had been sleeping, confessing his thoughts to his older brother and hoping he could understand them.
"Well it's obvious, squirt. Think about it, why did you take the bullet for him?"
"Because I didn't want him to get hurt," answered Blaine without even having to think about it, "he doesn't deserve it."
"And why's that?"
"He's been through too much already-"
"But you've been through a lot too, Sadie Hawkins, remember? So what was the real reason?"
"I- wait, that was the real reason! Anyway he's my best friend."
"Yeeeah, and that explains why you've barely smiled the last few days.."
"..He's not been talking to me.." said Blaine eventually, eyes drifting towards the lump under the covers of the bed next to his.
"Blainers, are you an idiot? Of course he hasn't, he's scared! It's you who needs to talk to him. That's how me and Stephanie broke up, lack of communication."
"We're not dating!"
"You should be." Cooper muttered, low enough that Blaine couldn't hear.
"What?"
"Doesn't matter- look I need to go phone my agent. A new part in a movie's come up which I should be perfect for- I'm getting the audition script sent through as we speak, it's gonna be awesome. Anyway, remember what I said! I'll see you soon."
That night was the third since Kurt had started ignoring him. Blaine hadn't slept much, contemplating Cooper's words. He'd tried to talk to Kurt, he'd done everything: simply talking to him and hoping for an answer, writing letters and getting his brother to place them on Kurt's bedside to read in his own time, he'd even drawn silly pictures, trying to earn a smile.
What he didn't know of course, was Kurt secretly read them when Blaine slept, feeling a tug of his heart (though he'd never admit it) as he looked at the pictures. Often, they were of Iron Man with an assortment of other characters, usually from Disney. It might have been coincidence, but Kurt was touched that Blaine had remembered the first film they'd watched together.
Another day passed. Burt had visited but Blaine's father and Cooper had been unable to- something about the house being repainted. Instead, Blaine had talked to Burt whilst Kurt slept, although Blaine had a suspicion the boy was faking. His breathing was more uneven than it was when he slept, usually it was lighter too. Not that Blaine had memorized Kurt's sleeping or anything.
That was also the day he found out about what happened to Karofsky. He wasn't sure how to feel about that.
It was actually the day after that when Blaine first heard it. He'd been slowly weaned off the morphine and onto another painkiller that was supposedly less addictive. It did make the pain more prominent though.
It was near half three in the the morning when he woke up, his shoulder hurting like he'd been shot again.
He cursed under his breath, wanting to massage away the pain but knowing he'd disrupt the stitches if he did. Knowing there was no way to make to make the ache subside, Blaine closed his eyes, hoping to escape it that way.
It was only when he closed his eyes and began to focus on the different noises which filled the room- yet another attempt at distracting himself from the pain- that he heard the whimpering.
It wasn't whimpering as such, it was more as if someone was crying, yet trying to conceal it. It reminded Blaine of when he'd been in fourth grade and he'd lost Cooper's power rangers toy he borrowed and hid in a cupboard to avoid having to tell him. The only difference was this crying sounded so much more raw and vulnerable, as if the world was collapsing around them. It didn't take a genius to realise who it was coming from, the clue being there were only two people in the room, and Blaine was certain the sounds weren't coming from him.
Slowly, Blaine twisted his head so he could see Kurt, though what he'd say to him, he had no idea. Unfortunately, as he did so, the overly starched bed creaked, making the noises stop after an audible gulp of air, as if Kurt was holding his breath.
"Kurt?"
Blaine's voice was like a megaphone in the silence, splintering the fragile cloud of laconism which hung over the room. As Blaine expected, he gained no reply.
"Kurt.. please- say something?"
He wasn't going to give up on Kurt- he couldn't.
"Kurt? I- I miss you."
It was a simple phrase, yet there was no other way to put it. He missed the way his cerulean blue eyes would light up when he saw something he liked. He missed Kurt's adorable blush when he would bring him coffee in the morning and the way his hair would be unbrushed, reminding Blaine of an endearing kitten. He missed the way Kurt would bake utterly delectable cookies then barely eat any so Blaine would end up almost feeding him them.
But most of all, he missed their friendship and the fact that he'd seemed to have lost it.
"Kurt... will you at least look at me?"
The pain was evident in Blaine's voice now as he whispered the words, his heart shattering even more if possible when the other boy lay still. He began to think back through the time he had known Kurt, wondering if that would be the key to the mystery of how to make Kurt smile again.
One of the most prominent memories was of when Kurt had been visited by Finn and Puck, the group had been almost inseparable those two days and it was hard to remember if Kurt had been any happier before then. Blaine doubted it.
Still, he didn't think that would make him smile- his dad had sat with him during most days and yet Kurt was still quiet and drawn in on himself which was odd, considering how close Kurt had told him they were.
Another memory of him showed Kurt when the pair had first met and when Blaine had just been explaining how he didn't hate him for moving in with him. That happiness was different, it was more introverted and less clear. It was a happiness for acceptance.
However, there was one that was clearer than the rest, though Blaine wasn't too sure if it counted as a happy memory. It almost certainty didn't.
The memory was from when Harrison had made Kurt have a panic attack and Blaine had ended up hugging him and singing 'everybody hurts' to him. Eventually, Kurt had calmed down enough and had just been sitting, holding onto Blaine. Though Kurt had never spoken about his old glee club, Blaine knew the new directions often sung about their problems as a way of healing, and Blaine wondered if that was why they had connected. Through song.
"Kurt? I-"
He paused, not knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry. You- you don't deserve this and I-" Blaine's voice cracked, "just please don't shut me out.."
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
As he sung, his voice was quiet and shaky, still unsure of himself as he tried to get his message across to Kurt. It contrasted greatly to Blaine's usual singing voice, this time each word was laced with his doubts and confusions. Would Kurt ever even look at him again? Did Kurt hate him for bringing him outside and making it easier for Karofsky to reach him? Or worse, did Kurt blame himself?
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.
Everything that happened was over his head- over both their heads. Neither were adults and neither deserved what had happened to them. And now Blaine's insecurities were over his head to, and without Kurt, he was drowning.
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Anything. Even just a tiny look- anything to tell him that he hadn't given up. That he was still fighting, and that their friendship wasn't lost. Say anything.
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.
Tears were beginning to form as he looked over at the still lump on Kurt's bed. Since Blaine had started talking, it hadn't moved at all and Blaine wondered if he'd just made things worse. Although in the song he may be saying goodbye, Blaine knew he never could to Kurt.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
If Blaine could rewrite history, he would change every bad thing that had ever happened to Kurt. He would fix all his problems with a snap of his fingers. But he couldn't. So maybe saying sorry was the best place to start.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...
"Please Kurt- I think I.. I think I might love you."
As Blaine looked over at the other bed through wet eyes, he saw the boy still hadn't moved, and his breathing was deep and even. He wondered if Kurt had even heard him at all.
The next day Blaine awoke late, courtesy of the awakening last night. Kurt was sat up on his bed, Theo, Fors, Wes and David crowding around him, none of them noticing he was awake yet. Though it was the group of visitors who were doing the talking, Kurt had a small smile playing on his face and, momentarily, Blaine just lay there, watching him. It had to be the happiest Kurt had appeared since he'd entered the hospital.
"So I told them it wouldn't be strong enough to hold them both, of course, they didn't listen-"
"Yeah, but you didn't use those exact words," cut in Fors as David continued to tell Kurt the story. Blaine recognised it already; this particular memory was famous around Dalton- it was pretty much a legend.
"I seem to remember a lot more threats and swears," agreed Theo.
"Shh! Anyway, I said it wouldn't be strong enough, but the still decided the rope would hold, so there they were, dangling over Wes' bed as he slept-"
"We weren't dangling, we had complete control of the situation-"
"Except you fell. Onto me," Wes glared at the twins.
"At which point they all fell off the bed and got soaked from the cups of water they'd put there earlier."
"And all that for a gavel," finished off Blaine, deciding it was time to announce his presence. Hearing his voice, David jumped enough to make him nearly fall off the bed where he was sitting while Kurt looked over at him smiling, before dropping the contact quickly.
"Blaine!" Four voices shouted at once before Blaine was crushed in a hug, it only stopping when Blaine gave a loud shout of pain as they accidentally squeezing his wound.
"Oh my God, I forgot about that! Sorry!"
"Well done Fors"
"Shut up Theo."
"You shut up.'
"Both of you shut up," Wes said, stopping the argument before it could exacerbate, "how are you Blaine?"
"I'm fine, except for the bullet wound. That hurts, but I'll be okay soon."
"Well you did say you always wanted to go out with a bang."
"Was that a pun, Theo?"
"Maybe," the boy smirked, high-fiving his brother.
David sighed deeply before deciding to join Kurt at his bedside. He knew once Theo started it was hard for him to stop.
"Anyway Blaine, we brought you coffee."
"And Kurt, the nurses said you weren't allowed it though."
"But we snuck it in anyway."
"You told me you dumped it," groaned Wes at the twins, looking about to see if any of the nurses had heard.
"Well that would have been a waste."
"Besides, Kurt's not ill yet."
"But the nurses specifically said that the coffee would mess with Blaine's system more because of the drugs."
"Don't be a buzzkill Wes, it's not like we were going to let him drink it."
"Wait, what?" Blaine asked, looking around to see if the twins were joking. He hadn't had coffee in what felt like forever.
"Well what kind of friends would we be if we made you ill?"
"That would just be cruel."
"And we're anything but that."
"So we thought we'd just drink it in front of you," grinned Fors, taking a sip of the hot liquid and looking down at Blaine whilst Theo giggled.
"I hate you guys."
"Aww, are you getting cranky, Blainey? You know Kurt, when we first met Blaine, Wes and David were-"
"Okay!" Blaine said loudly, distracting the twins from telling the story of how he'd got his nickname. He knew that story all too well, yet it never got any less embarrassing. "Don't you guys have to go break into some dorms or something?"
Suddenly, the twins exchanged meaningful looks, as if they'd both remembered something. The change in their emotions was sudden, the playful grins quickly turning serious.
"Actually Blaine, we'll be right back."
"Hang on, you don't have to go, I was joking."
"Oh no, we just remembered something."
"Something very important."
"But don't worry-"
"You didn't offend us."
And with that the twins were gone and there was only Wes and David left. They stayed like that, just the four of them for a good few hours, simply chatting and wishing them get well soons only the underlying statement of gladness that both boys were still alive went unsaid, yet you could tell David and Wes were thinking it.
After three hours, the twins still hadn't returned and Wes and David were forced to have to return to Dalton in order to get back before curfew. It was nearly an hour until the gates were going close and it was and hours worth of driving to get there so they had to hurry anyway.
And that meant Kurt and Blaine were left alone for the first time since they'd both woken up.
They sat in silence for a bit, Kurt not wanting to speak and Blaine not knowing what to say. He wasn't sure whether to bring up last night or not after he wasn't sure if Kurt had heard the song. However, he knew he couldn't let the silence between them continue.
"Kurt?"
The paler boy looked up, not quite meeting Blaine's eyes but not looking away anywhere near as much he did this morning.
"I just wondered.. how are you?"
..
"Kurt?"
..
"I-" Blaine sighed, sinking deeper into his pillows, "what happened to us Kurt? Before we were best friends, don't get me wrong, we still are- just.. why are you avoiding me? What've I done wrong?"
Kurt looked up, sadness and confusion coating his features. Blaine hadn't done anything wrong- it was him.
"Because nothing that happened was your fault," continued Blaine, unable to stop now he'd started, "you couldn't control it. I'm not blaming you, the warblers aren't blaming you, heck, even Karofsky's dad isn't blaming you; none of this is your fault so why are you avoiding me?
"If it's because of me leading you outside during the dance, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, I'd- I'd do anything just say something." Suddenly Blaine had a brainwave. "Say something," he repeated, "I'm giving up on you."
For a moment, Kurt looked like he was about to cry, or breakdown but within the last few moments he caught himself. Blinking rapidly to prevent tears, Kurt glared at the ceiling, doing anything to stop himself looking at Blaine.
Without meaning to, a broken whisper escaped Kurt along with a stray tear he hurriedly wiped away.
"You can't love me Blaine. You can't."