Meredith walked into her house and immediately dropped her bag. She'd forgotten how she hadn't been in her own house for days. She missed it; after all, it was her house. She walked into the kitchen and immediately felt small arms wrap around her legs.

She bent down and lifted Connor up into her arms and smiled at him, "Hey buddy. How have you been?"

"I missed you, Meri," he said with a huge smile on his face.

"I missed you too," Meredith looked up at the voice who was speaking and her smile slipped away from her face.

"Oh, Ashton," she said quietly.

"I don't think you could have sounded more disappointed to see me," he said as he placed the dirty breakfast dishes into the sink.

"Not disappointed. I'm just tired," she said as she put Connor down so he could play with his toys.

"Been with Shepherd?"

"No," Meredith said innocently as she grabbed a piece of cold pizza out of the fridge.

"Really?" Ashton asked, almost hopeful.

"Really," she confirmed, "I saw someone at the hospital the other day," she added as she took a bite of the pizza.

"Who?" Ashton asked, surprised by the normality of their conversation.

"Connor's mother," she said simply.

"What?" Ashton asked surprised, "Nichole?"

"Yeah, an ambulance brought her in. Car accident," Meredith said, holding on to the simplicity of her words, no expression in her voice.

"What the hell is she doing in Seattle?" Ashton asked, still stunned.

"Don't know. Don't particularly care," Meredith said before walking out of the kitchen. She kind of felt bad for just leaving him like that, searching for answers, but then again she didn't. After all, she was pissed off at him, he deserved to suffer at least a little bit.

Meredith walked into her room and fell down on the bed, not even bothering to turn on the light. She looked at the ceiling and then at the cell phone she'd picked back up on her way up the stairs. It was flashing saying that she had a message. She knew it would be from Derek. She didn't want to listen to his excuses, but part of her just wanted to hear his voice.

Despite what her mind kept saying, she called her voicemail and waited for the message to begin. "Mer, I was just calling to say, well now I just wanted to say that I can't be happy. I can't be happy without you. I can't stay with her because I love you. And that's never going to go away. I wish I could be saying this all to your face, but I know you can't even look at me and I don't blame you. Just know that I love you."

Meredith dropped the phone and took in a sharp breath. The act she'd been pulling since she woke up easily fell apart as tears rolled down her face. She was tired of being "fine" because she wasn't fine. She was losing it. She wanted Derek and she was tired of fighting it.

"Don't you dare speak down to her. She's amazing. She's everything, more then I ever thought possible. Don't ever say anything about her again."

The words that Derek had spoken what seemed like forever ago finally soaked in. She could see his face as if he was standing right in front of her. Perfectly together, beautiful eyes, silky hair, everything.

"I can't get you out of my head either."

Every moment that they'd spent together replayed through her mind. She couldn't stop it and she had stopped trying. It was no use. His smile kept flashing before her. It was like it was haunting her.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Even the simplest words were different when he said them. She could still taste his kiss and every inch of his body. She rolled over in the darkness as her tears continued to flow down her face. She'd never before felt so alone.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.