I momentarily wonder how Tobias and I got to the little farm on the outskirts of Amity, which has become one of my favorite places on earth but quickly dismiss the thought. I don't care how we got here, I'm just happy to be lying in his strong, loving arms under the stately oak tree by the crystal clear blue pond. We're wrapped around each other, laughing, talking, and simply enjoying each other's company. He's caressing my hair and kissing my temple, telling me everything is going to be alright. Why is he saying that?
"Please open your eyes, love," he pleads. I wonder why he sounds so sad. "Come back to me, Beatrice Grace." I drag my heavy eyelids open and confusion muddles my already foggy brain. My beloved Amity farm slips away only to be replaced by sterile white walls of a dreary infirmary examination room. I sigh. It was just a dream; a lovely dream but a dream nonetheless. I turn my aching head to find Tobias' red-rimmed eyes gazing down at me.
"Hi," I mutter. "What's wrong, baby?" I reach up to caress his sad face but stop when I see the IV in the back of my hand. "What's going on, Tobias? Why am I here? Am I sick?" He leans over and gently presses his lips to my forehead.
"I have been so worried about you, Tris," he says, obviously distraught. "You collapsed at home this morning … yesterday morning. You don't remember?" I try to think back but my mind is flooded with images of making love at the farm and I smile. "Why are you smiling? I've been worried sick. It's almost 3 in the morning. You've been unconscious for hours."
"Were we at Amity?" I ask, bewildered. "I remember making love." The small smile turning up my lips evaporates when I take in his expression. He's staring at me quite alarmed.
"That was two weeks ago, love," he slowly whispers. Two weeks? My heart starts pounding heavily in my chest as evident by the EKG that I must be hooked to. The steady beeping has risen to a high-pitched scream. I've been unconscious for two weeks? No, he just said I collapsed this morning.
"We made love, though, didn't we?" That seems pretty clear even though I swear we were under the oak tree by the pond.
"Yeah," he says sounding somewhat relieved. "Last night and again this morning." He wraps his arm around the top of my head and plays with my hair while he laces our fingers together.
"I must be mixing my dream with reality," I say with a yawn. "I was having the most wonderful dream right before I woke up. We were by the pond in each other's arms then I opened my eyes … and I was here." I hear the disappointment in my voice. "Why am I here? You haven't told me." I take a mental inventory of my body and besides extreme fatigue and a dull, throbbing headache, nothing is wrong that I can determine.
"I need to tell a nurse you woke up so they can page Zander," he says.
"What aren't you telling me?" I ask.
"I'll tell you everything when I get back," he says. "I promise but I need to let the staff know that you woke up."
"Okay," I say. "Hurry back." I'm watching him walk toward the door when Marlene walks in dressed in black scrubs with a stethoscope draped around her neck.
"Oh good, you're awake," she says, sounding relieved. "How are you feeling?"
"Confused. I wish someone would tell me why I'm here," I say. Marlene and Tobias share a worried glance, and I can't help but wonder what it's about. "My head hurts, and I'm so tired even though Four says I've been asleep all day. What's wrong with me?"
"Your blood pressure has been dangerously elevated all day," she says as she presses a button on a machine next to my bed. The blood pressure cuff that's already wrapped around my upper arm tightens until it's almost painful then gradually starts releasing. I hadn't even noticed that I was attached to it until she turned it on. "I don't have any other details I'm afraid." She notes the reading from the machine in my chart. "Your numbers are still elevated."
"Would you page Dr. Parrish for me, Marlene?" Tobias says. "Tris seems to have some memory loss."
"Of course. He asked us to contact him when she woke up anyway but I will page him STAT." She looks at Tobias as she answers then turns my way. "What's the last thing you clearly remember?" she asks as she continues to write in my chart. My brain is in such a fog that I really have to think hard about the answer.
"Dancing at Will and Christina's reception," I say. "Did I hit my head or something?" Why can't I remember? It's very frustrating. "What's going on? Someone please talk to me."
"I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you, Tris," she says as she listens to my heart and lungs. "I'll page Dr. Parrish. He'll be here as soon as possible. Feel better."
"Thanks, Marlene," I say, sounding defeated. As she turns and walks out the door, my stomach growls.
"I'm hungry, Tobias."
"I'll get you something to eat," he says. "Would you like anything in particular?"
"Something light would be nice," I say. "Then will you tell me what's going on and what I missed while I was out?"
"I'll tell you everything I know after you've eaten. You're probably famished since you haven't had anything since the cake at the reception." He kisses my forehead and gives me a weary smile. He looks so tired. "I'll be right back, love."
"Thank you," I say. I curl up on my side after he leaves me alone, trying to remember what happened yesterday but my mind is frustratingly blank. A sheet of paper on the hospital table captures my attention so I pick it up and smile. Tyler drew me a picture. It's nothing more than a page full of colorful scribbles but to me it's a priceless masterpiece. About five minutes later, I hear a commotion in the hallway, and I listen carefully to the soft voices.
"What are you doing here?" Tobias asks someone and he's not being very nice.
"I came to see if Tris is awake yet and how you are doing," Tori says. "I know today hasn't been easy on you."
"She finally woke up about an hour ago but she's acting strangely," he says. I have? Hhm. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here. I hold you partially responsible for her being in this condition." What in the world could Tori have done to cause me to be in the infirmary? "If you had just kicked that little bitch out of Dauntless like she deserved then none of this would be happening.
"Four, I am sorry," she says.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, Tori." He's very angry. I'm not sure I've ever heard him speak this way to anyone. "I could have lost my wife today. I could have lost my daughter." What? "Her blood pressure was so high." I hear him choke on his words. "Olivia has to be gone before Tris gets out of the infirmary." Olivia? "I didn't do the things she's accusing me of. I never touched her, I never kissed her, and I sure as hell never fu … had sex with her. If you have to investigate these claims, you don't know me very well." Some things are coming back to me at the mention of her name but what does she have to do with me being in the infirmary?
"I believe you, Four, but in the interest of propriety, there needs to be an investigation," she says.
"Fine," he says huffily.
"I understand why you're upset," she says.
"I don't think you do," he says. I notice his tone has changed. He sounds … lost. "Olivia is trying to break up my marriage and tear apart my family for some unknown reason. You didn't hear the lies she told Tris in front of everyone in the cafeteria." Lies? Oh, what have I forgotten? "You know what the worst part is, I honestly don't think she even likes me. I think she's going out of her way to make it appear as if she does. This is all a game to her."
"I've talked to her at length, Four," she says. "I think she has it bad for you."
"I really don't care," he says. "She is nothing but a nuisance, has been since day one. It took everything I had today not to wrap my hands around her throat and choke the life out of her when she said that I didn't want my kids … in front of Tyler. The bitch broke his heart and made him cry. Investigate if you must but get … her … out … of … here. I promised Tris that she'd be gone, and I plan to keep that promise. While you're at it, find out who helped her with the photos. They're playing with fire, messing with my personal life. When I find out who it is, and I will, they're going to be out on their ass, too." Photos? Lies? Tyler? My head starts hurting trying to remember what he's talking about and tears come to my eyes.
"The decision hasn't been made but you might have to go under truth serum," she says.
"I'll go under truth serum only if you put her under first," he says. "As a matter of fact a formal interrogation would be helpful. Tris and I both have thought she has had an alternative motive for joining Dauntless."
"I'll call Jack in the morning and schedule it," she says. "I better get home. Maybe I can still get a couple hours sleep. Give Tris my best."
"I brought you a turkey sandwich and some chips," he says when he comes back in the room. He pulls the adjustable hospital table over my lap and puts the food along with a bottle of water on it.
"Thanks," I mutter. "Everything is kind of fuzzy, Tobias. Why am I here? I heard you in the hallway talking to Tori. What did Olivia do this time? She said something to Tyler that made him cry? I'll kill the bitch." He sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand.
"Calm down, love. I don't care if it's for me, for you, or for Peanut but please calm down. Eat first then I will tell you everything," he says. "Zander is on his way to check you out." I unwrap my sandwich and take a bite. It tastes so good.
"I heard you tell Tori that you could have lost us," I say when I finish my food. I worriedly rub my belly as I ask the question. "Why?"
"Your blood pressure has been dangerously high today," he says. "That's why you have to stay calm. He pauses like he doesn't want to continue but finally does. "We had a run-in with Olivia in the cafeteria before breakfast. I kicked her out of Dauntless but she told Tori some things that were not true and now there's an investigation. I'm sorry. I guess I didn't handle the situation very well. I should have put her in her place and kicked her ass to the curb after she came on to me."
"Run-in?" I whisper. It feels like there is a memory tickling the outskirts of my brain, so close and yet so far. "I think I know why this morning is fuzzy … or yesterday morning. I don't think I want to remember." He moves the tray table and sits down beside me, holding my hands.
"It's been one hell of a day," he says. "I was so scared. Don't ever do that to me again."
"I'll try not to," I say leaning over and gently pressing my lips to his. "Where are the kids?"
"They're at my place," Zander says as he walks into the room. "They're both fast asleep and have been for hours. They're in good hands. How are you feeling, Tris?" Tobias gets off the bed and rolls the table out of his way.
"I have a headache, and I'm really tired but mainly I'm frustrated," I say. "I have no clear recollection of what happened today. Why is that?"
"Stress," he says. "Let's check your blood pressure." He hits the button on the blood pressure machine and the cuff starts squeezing my arm. "It's higher than your last few readings but you were unconscious then." He pulls a rolling stool up beside the bed and sits down then checks my pulse. "Pulse is good. If I were to check your heart rate on the monitor, would I find a spike since you woke up?"
"Yes," I confess. "I was confused and scared."
"It's imperative that you stay calm," he says. "Stress is your number one enemy right now, Tris. I want you on modified bed rest for the next five days, which means I want you off your feet and resting the majority of the time. The kids need to go to daycare like normal. A short daily shower is fine. Bathroom breaks are fine." I raise my brows at that. "Yes, some women on strict bed rest have to use a bedpan. Count yourself amongst the lucky ones. No picking up Tyler or Tessa. Have Four bring her to you for her feedings. You may fix yourself a quick meal but I would prefer someone else doing the cooking this week. No sex."
"No sex?" I say, disappointment ringing clear in my voice. "But that's probably my greatest stress reliever."
"It also elevates your blood pressure so no … sex," he says.
"Fine," I mutter.
"If you think you can follow these instructions, I'll send you home for the next five days. Otherwise this room is going to be your home away from home."
"I'll be more relaxed at home," I say. "I would like to go home, when you release me of course."
"As soon as you've had two normal readings in a row you will be discharged," he says. "As for your memory loss, it's just your brains way of telling you that what you're dealing with is too much. Some great stress relievers are meditation, yoga, massage."
"Sex," I murmur and he chuckles at me.
"Are you pouting?" Zander asks.
"Yeah, sorry," I say with a long drawn-out sigh. "I'm just being difficult. It's in my nature but if you told me to stand on my head while reciting the alphabet backwards I'd do it for my baby."
"I know," he says. "That actually sounds more like a great dare for your next Candor or Dauntless party. Keep it and give it to Zeke. I'd pay to see that."
"He'd do it, too," Tobias says.
"I'll leave you two alone," he says. "A nurse will be in periodically to check your blood pressure. Two normal readings in a row and you can go. Get some rest, both of you. And that's an order."
"Thanks, Zander," I say. I watch him walk out the door and lie back in bed.
"Will you stay with me?" I ask. "I always feel better when you're with me."
"Of course. There's no place else I'd rather be." He walks to the other side of my bed, slips his shoes off and slides under the thin blanket beside me. I feel myself relax the moment his arms are around me.
"I'm going to rest my eyes for a bit," I say. "I'm sorry about all this. I love you."
"None of this is your fault," he says as he kisses the top of my head. "I love you, too, so very much. Sleep, love. I'll be here when you wake up." I drift off in his arms, yet I'm aware of my surroundings. The nurse comes in four times before she gets two normal readings in a row, and they finally discharge me to home. Tobias wheels me up to the Pire in a borrowed wheelchair then insists on carrying me up to bed. Thankfully it's still early and there aren't a lot of Dauntless members milling about giving me sympathetic smiles.
"Are you going to work this morning?" I ask as we're lying in bed. "I'm sure you haven't had any sleep."
"I should check on the transfers," he says. "I missed the entire day yesterday. Uriah covered for me during their practice bouts. I'd rather stay here and pamper you though." He's lying behind me, lovingly running one hand over my bump. I turn over so I can see his face.
"You never told me what I missed," I say.
"You missed me sitting at your bedside begging you to wake up," he says. "I was by your side the entire day. I never left."
"What did Olivia accuse you of?" I ask.
"I'm not sure I should tell you this," he says. "It will be stressful for you."
"I think it will be worse if I'm left in the dark," I say. "I heard your entire conversation with Tori. She accused you of abusing your power, didn't she?" He's quiet, staring into my eyes for the longest time. I'm about to roll over when he sighs.
"She told Tori, Will, and Harrison that I promised to alter her initiation results if she slept with me. She went on to say that we were having a full blown affair under everyone's noses. She also told them that I promised to leave you and the kids for her. She claimed I gave her my name. She also claimed that we had sex here and in our old apartment." He puts his hands on either side of my face and waits for my reaction.
"Why would anyone believe that was true?" I ask. "It's absurd." I put my hands on his and lace our fingers together. "I remember what she said in the cafeteria. I don't know how I could forget it. I would really like to see the kids before I fall asleep. How is Tyler?"
"The last I saw him he was worried about you," he says.
"Can you go get them for me?"
"Of course," he says. "Can I get anything for you before I go?"
"Yes, a kiss," I say. He leans up against me and gives me a quick tender kiss. "Thank you." I close my eyes after he leaves and must fall asleep. The next thing I know Tyler is whispering by my head but my boy really doesn't understand the concept because he's not very quiet. I open my eyes, and he's smiling at me.
"Hi, Mommy," he says. "You feelin' bettew?"
"I am because you are here," I say. "Thank you for drawing me the beautiful picture. It really made my day when I woke up."
"Tess helped," he says.
"She did?" I can't hide my surprise.
"Yes, she did," Tobias says. "She held a crayon and made a wavy line but we had to take it away from her when she tried to put it in her mouth."
"That's yucky," Tyler says.
"That's right. You shouldn't eat crayons."
"That what I told hew."
"You're a great big brother," I tell him. "Where's Tessa?" Tobias goes into her room and comes back a moment later. She's asleep. He very gently puts her into my arms after I sit up and she wakes up.
"Sshh, don't cry," I say. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"She's probably hungry," Tobias says. "Stella had to get up and feed her in the middle of the night." Oh, my stress eating baby. She could sense the trouble yesterday also. "Tyler, why don't you come with me and help me make Mommy breakfast in bed." He nods excitedly and goes to get off the bed but turns back and gives me a hug and a kiss.
"I love you, Tyler. I love you, Tobias," I say.
"Love you, Mommy," Tyler says as Tobias says, "I love you, too. You have no idea how happy I am that you're home." I watch them until they turn to go downstairs.
"I love you, too, little one," I say as I put her to my breast. Tobias was right, she's very hungry. "Don't ever let someone try to tell you that Mommy and Daddy aren't your real parents. We love you to the moon and back. You're our precious little angel. And Peanut you were conceived in love. There has never been a single moment that Mommy and Daddy have not loved and wanted you. That evil girl was lying." I pat my rounded belly lovingly then decide to forget about Olivia. I refuse to let her hurt us anymore.
Tobias and Tyler bring me a bamboo lap tray with a plate full of fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy thick cut bacon, mixed fruit with honey and yogurt, and wheat toast with honey butter; freshly squeezed orange juice; a cup of black tea; and a vase with four red roses, one from each of the people who love me the most, he explains. After we're done, he calls Stella to pick up the kids and take them to daycare.
"Bye, Tyler," I say. "You have a good day. I'll see you when you get home." He hugs me tightly and I squeeze him just as hard. "I love you."
"Bye. Love you, too, Mommy," he says. Tobias hands me Tessa and I get an inkling of just how difficult this week is going to be.
"Bye, baby girl. Mommy will miss you today. I love you so much." Tobias takes her back and heads downstairs just in time for Stella to pick them up. When he comes back upstairs I convince him to lie down with me again. "You're exhausted. Please at least consider getting a few hours' sleep before going to the training room."
"I can do that," he says. "Now roll back over so I can wrap my arms around you."
"So bossy," I murmur as I roll over. He pulls me against him, and I relax the moment I'm in his arms. I'm out like a light within seconds. Apparently passing out is exhausting.