Chapter 36
Well, I haven't updated this story for a while but I didn't intend to abandon it...just a lot happened inbetween – working and writing another story with a co-author...Check out Look but don't touch if you're interested...
So, Daryl's a father now at the tender age of 18. He got the family that his own Dad said he would never have...He's been through a lot and learnt a lot along the way and he's scared shitless that he will repeat his father's mistakes...But we know he could never do that, don't we?
i.
Daryl
I held my baby daughter in my arms and was terrified while Mira was sleeping upstairs, she did that a lot these days.
The responsibility – I could almost taste it and it scared me shitless – more than being in prison and fighting back, more than watching Merle torture Dad before he killed him. Even more that what that bastard used to do to me.
Because what if I made a mistake? Fucked up? Turned into him?
I shook my head.
Would she like me? I trailed my forefinger gently down her cheek and I swear she smiled. But she was too young for that and I was kidding myself. Probably my Merle would say it was gas.
Speak of the devil, he came into my living room and plopped himself down beside me, nearly dislodging us off the sofa.
'Watch it!' I growled but he just grinned and ruffled my hair.
'How's my little princess?' He crooned at her and leant over me to look at her face and closed eyes. 'She got a name yet?'
I shook my head. 'We're still thinkin'.' I lied.
'Ah...If you two don't hurry up, I can think of one...' He cooed obviously already in love with her and somehow that made me feel a little better. Before he put his arm around me, of course. He'd never touched me much before he saw what Dad was doing to me (Dixons didn't cuddle) and then he started doing it all the time. As if to make sure I was really there, safe.
'You'll be OK.' He whispered to me. 'Don't worry. And if you're not, I'm here to help.'
I nodded, grateful for his reassurance not matter how I pretended not to, I needed him.
'Merle...I don't know what to do...' I admitted shamefacedly and turned away.
'It'll come. Ya a natural...'
'How is she?'
I shook my head, not willing to tell him our problems.
….
After Merle left to go back to his place and I put her down in her crib in our room. But she was restless.
'Mira?' I shook her.
'Wh...what?' She fluttered her eyelids.
'You've been asleep all day...since 2.' I said. 'The baby...she needs feedin'.'
She turned her back on me. 'No...'
I lost my temper then when our daughter started to cry. 'Well if had tits with milk, I'd feed her myself but I don't! So you have to! You're her mother!'
She turned back to me again, eyeing me blearily. 'You bastard. You know what he did to me!'
'Yeah?' I knew I was being a Grade 1 Asshole but I'd had enough. It had been more than a week since her birth and our baby still didn't have a name and everytime was a struggle to get her mother to feed her. Worse – she
I knew what Barry had done to her and even before then, I wasn't an idiot. But he'd captured me and tried to kill me too and didn't she see that she need to snap out of it? Take care of our daughter or at least look at her?
Everytime I put her in her arms and made her feed her, it was like I was forcing something terrible on her and she handed her back to me as fast as she could.
Making me feel like a real shit. Even my brother who probably sensed our problems didn't know the full extent of them.
Worse, almost as bad as not wanting to touch our daughter was her not wanting me to touch her either. The doctor had warned me about this...she needed time to recover and I wasn't asking for much. But when I bent down to kiss her, she would turn her head away. I only tried to hold her hand and she would shake me off.
Surely it wasn't normal? I knew what Barry had done to her and I was willing to give her time but it was like she hated me and our daughter.
I couldn't fix her or stop the worst from happening which it did.
Our father was right.