A/N No offence was taken Kami1, I just wanted to explain that I'm not the kind of writer who is able to write 30-odd chapters about Ron and Hermione being together and happy, I'd find that so boring!

Welcome to all the new names and all the others who have been suffering technical problems with this site...touchwood my alerts have sorted themselves out now.

Chapter Thirty-Four - Head Above Water

Harriet had set up a nice little camp for Ron outside Dee's door over the last couple of days. She brought him an upholstered armchair to replace the hard plastic one he had taken from the day room. She had also brought his pillow and duvet for him so he could sleep there at night. Rayner had not really approved of his vigil but she couldn't persuade him to give up and let her try to coax Dee back out into the real world so she had backed down enough to tell him she would leave them to work through their grief in their own way as long as hygiene, nourishment and sleep weren't neglected while they did.

Well Ron had seen to the nourishment side of things, He would go to the refectory to pick up their meals and Dee would go to the bathroom while he was gone. Then Ron would return and set Dee's food outside the door and go for a short walk, giving Dee enough time to open his door and take in the plate. Ron assumed that Dee was sleeping, as there wasn't much else he could be doing in a room with nothing but a bed in it and he never heard any sounds through the door after about eleven o'clock at night.

Ron would close his eyes but he tried not to drift off as he was seeing Jo more and more now. Jo and his wrists ripping open and being told he was unclean over and over again...sometimes he couldn't fight the sleep anymore and he would find himself back in that nightmare until he forced himself to wake up again and found himself trembling and sweating, his knees pulled up beneath his chin as he was curled up in the chair.

He had been woken by the sound of a girl screaming his name inside his head at around five thirty and decided that it was as good a time as any to go and run himself a bath. Dee was asleep, nobody else was around to look at him with sad eyes and ask him how he was holding up, he liked it when he was the only person awake. It felt like he had nobody to bother or worry him, he could go where he pleased and never have to justify anything to anyone. He liked it when there was nobody else but him.

As he lay back in the warm bath he suddenly remembered the dream that Jo had confided in them that time after her session with Rayner. She was alone and wandering around, not passing by another living soul, and thoroughly enjoying the feeling. He understood that now. It worried and comforted him at the same time. He was worried that his mind and hers were on the same page most of the time and it comforted him that he really did understand her after all...she hadn't been a total stranger.

He reached for the bottle of non-generic shampoo; he shook his head at the idea of a clinic like this bulk buying Latvian liquid soap to save money, and worked it into a lava in his hair. His hair was getting really shaggy now, he thought about getting it all cut off like Dee's but then realised how odd it would look to see them both walking down the street with skinheads. Old women would attack them with their umbrellas. Skinheads had a very bad reputation as thugs and Ron had seen the way some people felt intimidated when Dee had made eye contact with them as he passed by. Maybe he'd just stay scruffy he thought. It felt in keeping with his character after all.

He dunked his head under the water and shook the suds out of his hair when he thought he heard something, a muffled echo that sounded just like his name. He broke the surface of the warm water again and rubbed his eyes. He looked around the bathroom and saw nothing, and then he listened again.

"Ron?" the voice echoed through the door again and this time Ron could make out who it belonged to.

"Dee?"

"Are you ok?" Dee's voice sounded worried.

"Yeah I'm just, y'know, taking a bath. What are you doing up at this time?"

"What are you doing taking a bath at this time?" Dee was worried about something and he sounded kind of angry too.

"Well I thought you were asleep so I'd be ok to leave you for a little while. I asked you first though, what are you doing up Dee? Bad dream?"

"Something and nothing..." Dee seemed to mumble.

"Ok." Ron said warily before deciding to point out that something big had just happened as far as Dee's recovery was concerned, "Um Dee?"

"Yeah?"

"You're out of your room."

"Yeah." the voice said through the door.

Ron frowned, would they only be able to talk through doors from now on or was this just a coincidence?

Ron had been sitting in the bathtub painfully still and really needed to fidget a little but he didn't want to make any splashing noises and break the spell of Dee actually conversing with him at last. He couldn't take it anymore and sat up straight, the sound of the shifting water echoing around the walls of the bathroom.

"Ron?" Dee asked, sounding very nervous.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I was just checking."

The frown lines ironed out of his face as he began to understand what was going on in his friend's head.

"Dee did you think I was..." Ron began but Dee suddenly let out a tidal wave of words, interrupting him before he could even begin.

"It's pathetic really. I just woke up and I called through the door for you and you didn't answer so I opened it a bit to see if you were sleeping, you sleep sometimes don't you? Anyway I looked and you weren't there and you're always there so I didn't know what had happened to you and I had a bit of a panic attack. I know; how sad is that? I'm so needy its not even funny. I'm just so messed up that I can't hold myself together unless I know that my best friend's sleeping in a chair outside my door. That's just mental isn't it? That's not right. I'm clearly going insane."

"Dee," Ron tried to interrupt the flow, "take a breath, and calm down mate."

It was as if Ron hadn't even spoken,

"I can't believe that I'm such a wreck now that I expect that of you all the time, I expect you to live outside my door despite the fact I won't even talk to you or look at you and I'm just such a nut-job right now I can't think why you haven't just opened the door and dragged me out. I mean it's not as if the doors in this place lock do they?"

"Dee?" Ron called over the verbal diarrhoea.

"How disturbing is that though Ron? That I felt sick because I didn't know where you were and wandered the halls looking for you. Something's not right about that. Something's not right about me."

"Dee!" Ron called again, much firmer than the last time.

"Sorry."

"Did you think...?" Ron couldn't bring himself to say it, "When you used to sit outside the bathroom talking to Jo, was it just that you couldn't get enough of her company or was there something else as well?"

There was no response.

"Did you do it to keep her talking Dee?" Ron pressed on, determined to get to the bottom of this.

"I just wanted to be sure that...you were really just having a bath." his voice sounded so ashamed at the admission.

Ron felt himself shiver despite the bath water still being comfortingly warm around his body,

"Dee I'm not going to drown myself. I swear I won't."

"I...I didn't mean to..."

"I promise." Ron said, his eyes boring into the closed door, willing his friend to believe him.

"It's just that you two were so similar." Dee said, a quiver in his voice as he spoke now.

"I am not going to drown myself in the bath and I am not going to hang myself from the light fitting, I am not going to do that Dee."

Ron listened carefully and thought he heard a small sound on the other side of the door, something that sounded like sniffing; he strained his ears and heard a soft whimpering.

"They've changed all the light fixtures anyway." Ron found himself saying with the most inappropriate and uncontrollable flippancy that he surprised even himself.

"That's not funny!" Dee hissed, his voice uneven but clearly angry.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I said...I'm sorry Dee."

There was a louder sound coming through the door now, Dee was weeping and Ron was naked and in a bath, there wasn't a hell of a lot he could really do to help his friend right now.

"Dee why don't you go back to your room, or the day room? That's a better idea, go to the day room and set up the chess set..."

Damn!

There was nothing they could do that didn't remind them of Jo. She had bought the bloody chess set. Dee had been with her when she bought the bloody chess set. There was nothing either of them could think of to do that wouldn't remind them of their happy times with Jo.

"I'm crap at chess." Dee's broken voice sighed.

"Well practice makes perfect." Ron struggled to keep control of this situation.

"You never practiced and you're already perfect."

"Well fate has to give me something doesn't it? Have you forgotten the time I tried to change channels on the TV with Rayner's mobile phone?"

Dee almost laughed.

There was another long uncomfortable silence and Ron struggled not to freak Dee out by making another splashing sound. Eventually Dee spoke again. His voice sounded as if he had been attempting to pull himself together, though he still sounded clearly upset.

"Her pillow lost its smell."

"Huh?" Ron blinked as he tried to keep up with his best friend's state of mind.

"Jo's pillow. It just smells of me now. She's completely gone for good."

"Yeah she has."

"I know you tried to distract me while they were doing it by playing the radio that time but I heard the orderlies clearing out her room. It's empty now isn't it?"

Ron's heart contracted in his chest,

"Yeah. They even took her bed away; there are just empty walls in there now. I think Rayner did it for us. To make us let go of her."

Another long pause followed.

"Thank you for keeping me company all this time." Dee said quietly.

"You're welcome."

"Listen you're probably...shrivelling-up so I'm gonna...I'll go and wait in the day room for you. I'll see you in a little while yeah?"

"Yeah cool. Oh and Dee?"

"What is it?"

"Make us a cup of tea on your way would ya?" Ron waited for a response, biting his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'll see if I can nick some biscuits as well." came his response.

Ron smiled and allowed himself to move in the water again, knowing that the sounds wouldn't worry Dee anymore. As Dee's footsteps grew fainter Ron lay back in the tub again and thought to himself.

Was he really just like Jo?

ooo