"FIRE!" At my command, the band began firing their guns at various recording equipment, instruments and speakers at the gun/golf course. It had been a long day of sessions and I felt they needed a break. And everyone was having a good time blowing shit up at the gun/golf course. And for some reason throwing firecrackers at each other.

"Don't give Murderface any firecrackers," Nathan whispered. "We just have to hold them."

"Hey, can I have a firecracker?" the bassist asked, clearly not hearing what the singer said.

"You know what?" said Pickles. "I think there's some over there."

Murderface bent over to look for the firecrackers. "Where? I don't see any. There's no firecrackers." Pickles put a lit firecracker in Murderface's butt crack. POP! "Aaah! That fucking hurts."

"They're down there somewhere. Just keep looking," insisted Nathan.

"All right." POP! "Aaah! You mother fucking did it again!"

"Murderface," I said.

"What, Wood?"

"You've got to find these firecrackers. They're down there in the sand trap." Idiot.

"The sand trap? Why would there be firecrackers there?"

"Just humor me."

"Okay, fine." He bent over into the sand trap. POP! "Oh, you motherer, ow, that fucking hurt!"

Suddenly, Toki's phone rang. "Hellos? ... Okay." He hung up. "Well, my dad's gots cancer! He's almost dead."

The firecracker I wanted to put down Murderface's pants went off in my hand. "OW!" Thank god I didn't lose any fingers.

(!)

We were in the dining room talking about Toki's...er...problem with his father. "Yeah, he was just, like staring at his shoes and all mumblings. I tries to cheers him up. But fuck him."

"Sounds like he's taking it pretty well," I said.

"Oh, that poor little fucker..." Nathan said. He paused, eating his food. "This is delicious. What is this, crab dip?"

"You know, Toki's kind of in a fragile state of mind right now," said Mr. Offdenson. "He could really use your support."

"Ah, don't let him fool you," said Murderface nonchalantly. "He's tough as nails."

Pickles agreed, "Come on, you don't think Toki is gonna freak out or anything, you know, like do something...should we hide the guns?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Mr. Offdenson said. "I think he's just a little sad."

"He's gonna kill himself?" asked Murderface

"No, I mean he might kill us." said Pickles.

"He's the one to do that. He's a strange... I don't trust him."

"He's fucked in the head," said Nathan.

"He's fucked in the head," said Murdurface. "I don't trust him, and..."

Suddenly Toki walked into the kitchen. "Hello."

"Aah," screamed Nathan. "Don't fucking do that to me."

"Gots to go to Norway now, sees my dad die. Sees ya."

"Sees ya laters, Toki," Skwisgaar said. "Haves a great times."

"Oh, yeah, and say hi to your dad from us," Pickles said. "I mean, if he doesn't die before you get there. Well, you know, say hi to his corpse, I guess. You know, I don't know."

"Yeah, no matter what happens, say hi," said Nathan.

"Dude," I said, annoyed. "You guys are not helping.

"You alls invited to comes to Norways with me and you know, just be pals," Toki offered.

"Oh, that would be great, but...you know, we got to do the record," Pickles said, looking for a way to get out.

"Aw, the album," Murderface said, nodding his head. "Got to work. Got to get to work."

Skwisgaar said, "It's gonna be twice as hard without you, so..."

"I understands," Toki said sadly. He left the room.

"Toki, wait!" I shouted.

Mr. Offdenson said, "Well, since you can't go to Norway because you got to work on the album, let's just work on that album." No one moved a muscle. "Come on, guys. In the recording room, chop-chop. Recording room. Come on, come on. Every one of you, come on. Chop-chop, let's go. Recording room, let's go. Recording room, let's go. Let's go. Come on, let's get it moving."

"Are you trying to do reverse psychology?" I asked.

"Shh!"

(!)

The band didn't leave for Norway. Instead, they went to the arcade to play some games. "You know somethings? You gots a hearts of ice," Skwisgaar said, glaring at Mr. Offdenson. "You have a heart of ice. How are we supposed to records when our brother suffers so badly?"

"He doesn't get it," muttered Murderface.

"Once again, if you're here, you're working on the record," Mr. Offdenson said.

"Hey, I'm gonna go support Toki. I can't work on the album. I'm not cruel."

"That's...surprisingly thoughtful of you, Murderface," I said. "You normally care about yourself."

"What?! I can be selfless! I can think of others!"

"No. Damn it, we should all go," Nathan said.

Pickles randomly threw a firecracker at Murderface. "Ow! Mother fucking firecracker!"

"Murderface, watch your language!" shouted Nathan.

"We're talking about Toki here!" scolded Pickles.

"You still have more of those things?" I asked the drummer.

Mr. Offdenson shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. Fine. You know, just don't go crazy, okay? Don't... whatever. Save your receipts."

(!)

The tribunal started their meeting as soon as word reached social media. "Gentlemen, Toki Wartooth's father is on his deathbed," said Senator Stampingston. "Our psychological death expert, Dr. Ralphus Galkinsmelter."

The death expert was a man with a brown suit and brown hair and matching facial hair. He spoke like a poet being overdramatic. "Toki Wartooth has become a messenger of death. Everything he touches with his love will die for he brings death with him like a blackened cloud hovering in the cold night sky." Everyone raised an eyebrow. "Like the Grim Reaper himself, his guitar is his scythe. He cascades through the open window of your child's cradle to suck the very life from your baby's breath."

"What a load of horse shit."

"How dare you, General!" exclaimed Dr. Galkinsmelter. "You're like a withering toad, eating flies on your lily pad."

"Dr. Galkinsmelter, please behave yourself," shouted Senator Stampingston. "What does this all mean?"

"Toki has suppressed his feelings for his father," the Left Eye said. "The years of abuse will come back to haunt him. His father may even ask to be forgiven."

"Not possible," Dr. Galkinsmelter said. "His death may ignite long-dormant emotions. He will spin out of control into a vortex of madness. He will bring death to us all! He will bring death to us all. Thank you."

The Left Eye held up a picture of Toki as a young boy with his mother and father. They all had blank stares on their faces. The Left Eye said, "It's up to you now, Toki, whether you will forgive your father or not."

(!)

Hours later, we were all in the Deth Copter, heading for Lillehammer, Norway. We were in the bowling alley and it was Murderface's turn.

"You know, I actually am looking forward to going to Norway," Nathan said.

"You are?" I asked, surprised.

"It is the birthplace of black metal. It's gonna be fun. I mean, besides your dad's dying slowly from cancer," he said to an unresponsive Toki. "How you doing with that, by the way?" Toki said nothing. He just stared out into space.

"Like I said, he's taking it pretty well."

"Seems like it, Wood," said Nathan.

"My dad's dead," Murderface said. "He killed my mom, and then he killed himself. Didn't affect me at all. It's part of life."

"How's it gonna affect you," asked Pickles. "You were just a baby, little baby."

"I was never a baby. I had to become a man right there," Murderface argued.

"You're still a baby right now," Nathan said.

"A baby with a man's heart. I'm a warrior."

"You wet your pants when Dr. Twinkletits brought it up," I said. The bassist shushed me immediately.

"My dad is just like a 'stare and say nothing' weirdo," Pickles said. "And if he died, well, you know, what do you do?"

"I actually get along with my dad," said Nathan. "You know, we drink a lot of beer, and we go hunting. If he died, whoa, that would be fucked up."

"I thought your dad hated you for having to spend his free time with your mother and spend his beer money on little kid's clothes," I said.

"We patched up," Nathan said. "But, hey, it's your dad that's gonna die," he nudged Toki's shoulder. "My dad's safe." Toki said nothing. "All right, everyone shut up, all right. This is about Toki right now, okay? Murderface, hold on to this for a second." He handed the bassist a lit firecracker. "Now, what I'm saying is..."

POP! "Aah!"

"I'm sorry. I could not resist."

"That was good," chuckled Pickles. "We talked about doing that for a while."

"That's my bass-playing hand!" screamed Murderface.

"Uh oh, there goes the band," Pickles said, rolling his eyes.

(!)

When we arrived in snowy Norway, we traded the Deth Copter for a snowmobile version of the Dethcycle. "Toki, I don't know where to go," Nathan said. "Where's your dad's house?"

"Well, it's outside the town," Toki said. "It's complicated."

"I want to get this crap over with," Murderface said. "Come on."

"Yeah, let's get it over so we can have fun and goof off," suggested Pickles.

Toki seemed to agree. "Let's just go into town and go shoppings first."

"All right, we're going shopping," Nathan said.

(!)

We arrived at Lillehammer, specifically, at an old timey village. There were plenty of shops and stores that you would find your grandma and grandpa running.

"Hey, where are all the black-metal guys around here," asked Nathan. "I don't see any."

"Oh, there's ones," Toki pointed to a little boy wearing a death metal winter coat.

"He looks like Boo Berry from the cereal," Pickles said.

"Aw, yeah, he's a Norwegian Boo Berry," said Murderface.

Pickles asked Toki, "Hey, shouldn't we go to your family's house and you know, well, check in?"

"We don't needs to do that now," Toki said. "We got still so much mores to see. Behold, there's the first blacks-metal record shops whats starts it all."

"Is that a smoked-fish place?" asked Nathan.

"No, next to it, rights there."

"Oh, the ski shop?" asked Pickles.

"No, there." Toki pointed to a shop with a skull sign that said, "Drep Du Selv". I don't know Norwegian so don't ask what that means.

(!)

Inside the shop there were very strange electric guitars, speakers, costumes that were clearly inspired by paganism and drums that seemed to be made of animal parts. The speakers were playing some sort of Norwegian death metal song, but I couldn't understand what it was saying. "This is my old friend Ronk Snogge," Toki introduced the cashier. The man looked like a KISS cosplayer.

"Well, if it isn't the commercially successful Toki Wartooth," he said bitterly.

"This guy seems like an asshole," Nathan said.

"I am a pagan trapped in the conservative hell that is Norway."

"Yeah, what the fuck are you listening to," Pickles asked, pointing to the speakers.

"This is a demo tape from my band, Hestkuk which means a horse's dick. Do you like it?"

"I don't know. It's okay."

"Then I hate it."

"Hey, where's the Dethklok albums?" asked Nathan.

Ronk shook his head. "I don't sell them. Too digital."

"We record our songs on water now," I said.

"Really?"

"I got a sample right here," I said. I placed a vial of water on the register. "It's a recording of Laser Cannon Deth Sentence."

"Eh, I'll think about it."

"Well, it's nice to see you, but we got to..." Pickles tried to say before Toki interrupted him, "No, let's listens to more demo tapes, right?"

Okay...

(!)

Next, Toki dragged us to a fancy restaurant.

"So, what are we doing in here, Toki?" asked Nathan.

"Oh, 'cause you gots to try these krumkakes with lingonberries."

"They're real brutal. This is a real brutal place." He said it with dry sarcasm.

Murderface looked at a travel guide. "Hey, did you know that Norway has the lowest murder rate in the whole world? The lowest in the world!"

"Wait a minute," Nathan exclaimed. "You mean the murder rate in Canada is higher than Norway?"

"Yeah."

I threw my krumkakes out the window. "That's it!" I grabbed the guitarist by the collar of his shirt. "Toki, what is your problem?! You're clearly stalling for time! What are you so afraid of? That your dad's not going to say I'm sorry for abusing you? For crying out loud, the man is on his deathbed! I'm sure if you give him a chance -"

He pushed me off of him and shouted, "Is not scared of him not saying sorries! Because I'm the one who won't says sorries!"

"What?"

"Yous puts up with beatings, and slappings and the beings put in the punishment hole and then talk to me about sorries! I won'ts go in theres. I won'ts go in theres! I won'ts go! I won'ts go!" He ran out the restaurant, crying his eyes out.

"Fine, go," I shouted. "Run from all your problems, you stupid little boy!"

"Great. Way to go, Murderface," Nathan shouted. Pickles threw another firecracker at him. POP! "Ow!"

(!)

*Cue Why Is Everything So Hard For Toki*

Toki thought of everything that had happened to him as he walked down the forest path, all the times his father traumatized him. The times he put him through backbreaking labor, the times he whipped him, the time he walked in on his father and mother having sex. And yet, he remembered something Wood said to him, "You're the biggest child in this room! You sleep with a teddy bear, you boob! Face it, the reason why you connect with kids so much is because deep down, underneath all that bitterness and brutality, you're a kid! You're scared of your own parents for Christ's sake! That's how much of a child you are!"

Then remembered his response, "Then I don't wants to be a kids anymore!" That's right. He wasn't a kid. Not anymore. It was time to be a man.

"I'ms not afraids anymore."

(!)

We took to Deth Snowmobile into the forest, following Toki's trail. "Toki," we called out. "Toki, come home." Just then, we found Toki standing in the middle of the forest. He had a new look of confidence and bravery on his face.

(!)

We drove to Toki's childhood home. "Seem like you've really grown up out there in the snow," Nathan said.

"Yeah, I take back what I said about you being a kid," I said.

"Now let's go insides to sees my father die," Toki said.

Murderface suddenly raised his hand. "I think I'm just gonna wait here."

"Why aren't you going in?" I asked.

"Ixnay on the cancer-ay contagious-ay."

I blinked. "Why are you speaking Pig Latin?"

"I don't want to catch cancer!"

Pickles agreed with him, "You know what? Cancer may be contagious. You know, I'm just putting that out there. So I'll wait here right before I freeze to death...then I'll go inside, okay?"

Everyone agreed with him. "That's a good plan," said Nathan. "Toki, you take care of it. I mean, it's your deal anyway."

While Toki went inside, Pickles threw a firecracker at Murderface. POP! "OW!"

Pickles was about to throw one last firecracker when I snatched it and tossed it to Murderface, unlit that is. "Would you stop that!"

"Party pooper."

Suddenly, Toki came out with the old, decrepit man that was his father in his arms. "My father's last request is to see the house whats he was born in. We don't have much time. Let's go!"

(!)

"Hurry! He's coughing ups blood!" We drove until we reached an old house on the top of a hill in the middle of a frozen lake. "We'll have to continues on foots."

"We're good right here," I said.

(!)

Toki climbed up the stairs to the dying old man's house. When he reached the front door, he said to him, "Father, I forgives everythings you ever dones to me. Now rest in pe..." And then he slipped on the ice. "Oh! Oh!" His father slid down the hill and out onto the ice. Before anyone could make a move, the ice broke and he fell in the cold water.

Toki freaked out and tried to break the ice. "Oh, nos! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh! Aah! Oh, father. This is horrible. Aah! Aah! Oh, he sinks into the darkness! Aah! Father! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Father!"

Pow! A dart broke through the ice and struck the old man in the neck. His eyes widened, rolled up the back of his head and he exhaled his last breath.

Toki turned around to see Wood holding the smoking blue whale tranquilizer dart gun. "You bastards! You killeds him!"

(!)

I held my hands up. "I didn't want to see him die a slow death! I'm sorry."

"You killed him! I'll kills you!" He charged at me but I fired the dart gun at him. He fell down and landed face first into the snow.

"Incoming!" shouted Murderface. He threw the last firecracker at Pickles, but he missed and it flew into the snowy hill. The tiny explosion caused an avalanche and buried Toki's father's house.

"So," I said, kneeling in front of Toki. "That went pretty well, don't you think?" Toki groaned in response. "I gotta say, you're taking this pretty well."