The flat seemed quiet. Too quiet.
John could always remember that there was never any peace in that place, just a relentless noise made up of screams, arguments or meaningless music. Sometimes it would be enough to drive him mad and on other occasions it would merely be background noise that he was too distant to hear.
People came and went all the time ,however the place seemed to be completely empty.
He paused for a moment and took in his surroundings, it amazed him how quickly he had adapted to this lifestyle. His parents had always had well paid jobs and he had never had to go without when he lived at home. Before he ran away, he had had lived in a safe environment where the heating was always on, his clothes was always clean and food was always on the table.
Back then everything was taken care of for him, it was only now in the year since he had left home that he had discovered what it really meant to have to fight for survival.
He had had to put up with the fact that some days he would simply go without eating.
He had had to endure the freezing cold conditions on the nights he had slept rough.
He had learned that people do shameful things if they are in desperate need of money.
He had to learn how to defend himself when faced with danger.
Yes, when he lived at home, he really didn't have any idea about the hardships he would have to face.
John exhaled loudly and slowly lowered himself down onto the bottom step. He pulled the dog in closer, gesturing for him to sit.
"Right she's not here."
He reached out and gave Little Abs a light pat on the head.
"But I do know where she is, on some dodgy street corner with some vile man who of course has his hands all over her."
He shuddered. The thought of another man touching her made him feel sick inside.
"I can't hold it against her, I've lived this life. When ya need the cash, you need the cash."
Little Abs cocked his head to the side, looking up at him with curiosity. Although Little Abs couldn't understand him, he was certain something wasn't quite right with John.
"Between you and me, I've done it myself. You see the way it works is, you've just gotta linger for a while and it won't be long before a car pulls up."
He paused, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself.
"And uh yeah, I mean it's pretty awful but the trick is to just think about the money and what it's gonna buy ya. After you buy what you want, you'll be so out of it that you wont even remember your own name, let alone what ya did to get it in the first place."
He looked at the dog.
"Don't ever go down that road mate, I've been there and trust me it's... well let's not get into that."
He leant across and peered down the corridor, the room that he and Rachel once shared was in sight.
He turned his gaze back to Little Abs.
"You know the last time I was here, I held a knife to my step mum and mugged my old man."
John had sunk to many lows in the times since he left home. Although if he thought about it, that incident was the one he felt the most shame for.
Keeping his eyes focused on the bedroom door, he let go of the lead and rose to his feet.
"Stay here. I won't be long."
Walking into that room seemed like an intrusion. He had never considered the weight of his actions when he lived there before, he was illegally squatting but the place was in such a state nobody did anything about it.
He wondered how his dad would react if he could see him there now. This life John had mapped out for himself, had truly taken Jeff by surprise. In his father's head, John was living with his mother and working hard at school. Instead he was living in on the streets and fuelling his drug addiction.
When he was here last, he and Rachel had slept in sleeping bags. Now in their place was a filthy mattress with a hole in it, from where one of the springs had torn through the flimsy material.
Most people would find this repellent however John had once slept in an empty skip, so he had no qualms about sitting on a dirty mattress.
A quick glance around the room proved to him that she was staying there. Hung up on the door was her tatty grey hoodie, on the floor was a pair of her well worn trainers and over on the window sill was a moth eaten jumper that he recognised as his own.
He closed his eyes, he could picture himself here as if he never left. It wasn't a good feeling, yet at the same time it wasn't the worst one in the world.
He pulled up his sleeve and studied his arm. The track marks were starting to fade yet they were still undeniably there.
He leaned over and felt around until he found the loose floor board. Rachel always used to hide everything that would be deemed as illegal underneath there. John was unsure of why the sudden urge to do this had hit him, but the pull was too strong to fight.
Adrenaline pumped through him when he eventually found what he was looking for. Slowly and steadily he prepared for what he was about to do, it had been a few weeks since he had done and the desire had amplified.
He couldn't help but feel a strange sense of deja vu, once more he was sat on a filthy mattress with his sleeves rolled up and a syringe in the opposite hand.
As he stared at it, all the old feelings of excitement and euphoria came rushing back to him. When he had left the house that day, his soul intention was to find Rachel. Yet now as he stared at the object in his hand he couldn't help but understand his father's complete lack of trust in him.
"Are you here to see me or are you just going to shoot up and leave?" Came a familiar voice from behind him.
In an instance the tight and desperate grip he had on it was freed, as he allowed it drop to the floor.
He sprung to his feet, a look of shock and embarrassment across his face.
"I've been trying, I overdosed and I wasn't going to take anymore."
She shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him.
"How stupid can you get? I warned you not to take too much and what do you go and do?"
"I wasn't here for that, I don't give a monkeys about that stuff!"
She walked passed him and bent down to retrieve what he had dropped.
"Well from what I just walked in on, you seem to give a lot of monkeys."
He looked her up and down a few times, she was wearing denim shorts,a tight fitted vest top and high heeled shoes.
"Well how about you? Just remember that I know what you dressing like that means."
"What's the view like up there on your high horse? You move in with daddy, then all of a sudden you're above all this."
"Don't act so hard done by, I've done it too ya know"
Carefully she placed the syringe down on the window sill before sinking down onto a chair in the corner of the room.
She looked up at him, lowering her tone.
"I know you have."
"I was a homeless drug addict. I was pretty low as it was, if you think about it, I didn't have far to fall from."
She got to her feet, taking a few cautious steps towards him.
"I go out and they don't care about me, they pay me, get what they want and move on."
John nodded, pondering over his own experiences.
"And no matter how hard you scrub, there is no washing away the reminders."
"After I did it, it was so hard to look you in the eye. You knew what I had done and I couldn't take it."
"For me, looking in the mirror was bad enough."
Once more she took another step towards him, leaving them close enough to reach out to one another.
"Why'd you come back for me John?"
He backed away from her and flung himself down on the mattress. He pulled at the laces of his shoes and kicked them off.
"Do you even need to ask?"
"I'm just saying you were..." She trailed off upon noticing him loosen his belt and pull off his trousers. "Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to strip right in the middle of a conversation?"
"Ah c'mon, I'm trying to be romantic here."
Within a few seconds, all of what he was once wearing was now a heap on the floor.
"Do you have some point to make, or is this a habit of yours now?"
"I'm starkers, of course I'm making a point."
She placed her hand over mouth in attempts to suppress the desperate urge to laugh.
"Seriously Rach? You've seen me naked before it can't be that funny."
"Go on then, what's the point you're making?"
"You just told me that they pay you, do what they want with you then walk away."
"And you could find no words to express your feelings, so you had to take your clothes off?"
He shifted over on the mattress and patted the space next to him.
"How about you put cash and drugs aside and do it with someone who loves with you and will be here no matter what?"
She looked over at him, a smile slowly gracing her features.
"You always know how to make things better don't you?"
"I'm glad you think so, but do I put my clothes back on or not? Because it's bloody freezing over here."
She laughed kicking off her shoes and diving in next to him, wrapping her legs around his and interlacing their fingers together.
"Keep 'em off."