"Natalie?" Sara asked as she came in, "How you feeling?"
"I'm good. Thanks for coming" she said, "And I can't thank you enough for lending me your clothes, I brought them back, they're not washed but-"
"It's no problem, just make sure you have something to wear home"
"Thank you so much"
"So" Sara insinuated.
"So what?"
"So how was last night? There's only so long before Nate comes back, and I want details" she said.
"Oh" Natalie said, "Um-"
"Did he like the dress?"
God, you're beautiful. He'd said that, and she remembered how her heart had skipped a beat in reaction, how he looked when he'd said it, how much love she'd heard in his voice.
"Yeah, I guess he did"
"Well, don't leave me hanging! Did he show you how much?" she practically burst.
Natalie couldn't help the tear that slipped out as she remembered that he had. She could feel the shudder he'd sent down her spine when his raspy "I love you" had left his lips. The thought only caused more tears.
"What's wrong, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"I hate him" she said, wiping the tears away, as if that would stop them.
"Honey, no one cries like that because they hate someone"
"I should though. He took advantage of me and the whole situation, he left me, he lied-" she couldn't keep going for the tears rolling down her face.
"And he took care of you, and he wouldn't rest until he knew you were okay. And he made sure you weren't alone"
"It worked to his benefit" she said, though she knew this was a weak defense.
"He really could have lied to you. Told you it was 2006, took you away, lied to you forever, you would have gone and been none the wiser" she said, "Instead he made sure you'd get the drug to make you better. He pulled strings to get it early"
"That doesn't undo everything he did before" she said, still crying.
They were interrupted when Nate came in.
"Hey" he said simply.
"Hey" Sara greeted him for the both of them.
"How're you doing Natalie?"
Natalie wiped her tears and was about to tell him she was fine when he cut her off.
"It doesn't make much sense to me that when two people could be so happy together they choose to be miserable by themselves" he told her.
"He lied to me" she repeated.
"He didn't like it"
"Then he shouldn't have done it" she said.
"He's just about as bad as you are right now" he said, "Won't say it, neither will you, but I can tell"
"No offense guys, but you don't know-"
"John told me all about your story" Nate said, "Yeah, he made a lot of mistakes. He regrets it, and I bet you do too. But is your pride worth losing more time?"
"Don't for a second think that I haven't been happy these last few days. To have the chance to hold you and tell you I love you- I wouldn't trade it for anything" He had been genuine, she'd heard it in his voice. He really did want those few days, he really meant what he'd said. She could always tell when he was lying, especially to her. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, there were a million examples of times he'd kept things from her. This had been no different, he'd just led her along and taken advantage of her.
"This isn't about pride" she came back through her tears, "He lied to me about everything. We haven't been together in over a year, and he just let me believe-"
"That he cares about you and loves you?"
"Nate-" Sara tried to interject.
"If he loved me, he wouldn't have cheated"
"Do you really believe that?" Nate asked, "That you mean so little to him? How do you explain the last few days, then?"
"He really does care, Natalie" Sara said softly, "He wouldn't leave your side for anything when you were out of it. Nate thought he'd die from lack of sleep or starving himself before he left you alone"
"Did he tell you he gave me blood?" Natalie asked softly, "I don't believe he even remembered"
"We're good" John said, hanging up the phone, "We can get married tonight"
"We don't have a license"
"I know the clerk at City Hall"
"What about witnesses?"
"I already called Brody, I'm Jess is waiting for you to ask"
"Pennsylvania mandates a blood test"
"Yeah, the judge said since we're both in law, we'd need to know and since you were an FT, you'd already know the important stuff-"
Natalie wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed him lightly.
"I probably sound crazy right now. I do want this" she said.
"Too late to back out now" he said, smiling.
"Okay, listen to me" she said, "I want you to know, just in case- I'll run a blood test for us later in case you ever forget, and I'll call Michael so he knows in case you forget"
"What?" he asked.
"Your blood type is O positive. Mine is A positive. That means if something were to happen, you could donate to me. I couldn't give you blood" she said, "But I promise if it comes to that, I won't rest until I know you're going to be okay" she said, laying a hand on the side of his face.
"I know you won't" he said.
"Alright" she said, "I guess we're really doing this"
"Been a long time coming"
"So not how I pictured it"
"What? Marrying me?"
"No, it's always been you" she said, "I just always thought I'd force you into a big wedding, reception, free bar"
"Of course" he said, through a smile.
"And I'm sure you always thought you'd make love to your wife on your wedding night"
"Well, you didn't get this way for lack of doing so" he joked, rubbing her very pregnant belly.
"That doesn't bother you at all?" she asked skeptically.
"I'll tell you what. Once this little one's born and its safe again, and believe me am I counting, you and I can have a private reception up on the roof, and then I'll carry you across our threshold, and I'll make love to you all night"
"That sounds great" she said, "So you're okay with this?"
"You'll be there?"
"Yeah, I'll be there"
"Then it'll be the wedding I've always wanted"
Natalie kissed him.
"What time do I need to be there?"
"11"
She took a deep breath. "Oh my God"
"Yeah, I know you, you got a bunch of stuff to do. Go, you're gonna need the time"
"I love you"
John kissed her, murmuring an indistinguishable, "You too" against her lips.
"He did what?
"He donated blood when I first got here, more than he should have actually. He didn't tell me" Natalie was confused.
"I'm sure that with the rest of the drama, it didn't come up" Nate said.
"Maybe" Natalie said quietly.
"He loves you" Sara told her, "I could see it in how he looked at you yesterday. He must have thought you were the only one in the bar"
"He's always looked at me like that" she said quietly.
"Love like that only comes once in a lifetime" Nate said, "Throwing it away would be a waste"
"What if he hurts me again?"
"I think it's worth the risk" Sara said, "Yeah, you might get hurt, but is that worth never feeling happy again?" she said, "And you were so happy when he was with you. I know deep down you love him"
"He'll just leave me for a case again" Natalie said, trying to find a reason this wouldn't work again.
"No he won't" Nate said.
"Maybe not for a while, but at some point-"
"Well, he might mentally, but, he's not going to the FBI again" Nate said.
"Maybe not right away, but when they need him again-"
"He's been barred"
"What?" Sara exclaimed.
"Why?"
"He lost it when he found you, there was a lot of blood. He asked to have an ambulance called and I did" he said, "So he could have blown the sting. And then when he said that he knew about Allison Perkins, he also said he wouldn't be interrogating anyone because he wasn't going to leave you alone" he explained, "Actually, I think the only reason the other guys didn't flat out kill him over it was because I figured out it was you and they felt bad for him"
"He chose me" she said quietly, a tear rolled down her face.
"I'm only going to say this once, so listen good. I don't know what we've been doing these last few years, but you belong with me"
He'd chosen her then, and he'd chosen her now. Every time, she convinced herself he'd finished with her that he'd moved on and she was left clinging to the past. If he had chosen her over the FBI, maybe there was hope for them, maybe all this had been worth it to know in the end that they were meant to be together.
"What about the other woman?" she asked quietly, needing to hear the answer she'd known for a year.
"I know what happened, but there was never really another woman" Nate answered, "At least, not like you. John said he knew he made a mistake leaving you for a case and everything that happened after that, and he wants nothing more than to be able to fix it"
"You okay?" Sara asked her.
"I was really hard on him"
"It's not too late" Nate told her.
"You two could be really happy together" Sara said, "and we got our happiness because of your story. We just want to see you guys happy too"
"It would make me really happy to put that ring on your finger and see it through this time" She had been so sure she'd wake up and ask him for it. It must have hurt him to see her be so sure and know she'd all but spit in his eye when she woke up. For the first time, she was realizing how much those three days must have taken a toll on John. Sure, he'd smiled and held her but the whole time he knew what would become of it. He'd been so careful not to lead them too far. Except for last night, though she supposed they both had gotten lost in the moment, like they always did. It had felt so right to be with him like that again, his wonderful weight pressing into her. It had made her feel alive in a way she hadn't in months, in a way she never had with anyone else. If she was honest with herself, she didn't want to never feel that way again. Her dream hadn't changed, even she hadn't vocalized it in the last year, all she'd wanted was for John to come home and for them to get married, to be happy together for the rest of their lives. He'd been the only one who'd ever really understood her, who'd ever believed in her unconditionally or who'd ever understood how proud she was when she accomplished something. When she'd gotten her FT license, her parents had been proud sure and Jess had congratulated her, but John had been the only one to tell her he was happy for her and that she could do anything she wanted in the world. In a lot of ways, she had already made this decision, and now they just had to follow it through. She only wondered if she hadn't driven him too far away with her coldness earlier
"Will you tell him I want to talk to him?" she said, and she knew her voice gave away how scared she was.
"Anything else?" Nate asked.
"No" she said.
John sat with his head in his hands, he knew Nate was right, that he should fight for her, follow her home and make her see how much he loved her. But right now, he just felt defeated. He'd put his heart on the line the last few days to show her he still loved her and she had shot him down flat. She thought of him as just another bad decision she'd made, another mistake in the people she'd let in her life. It wasn't far from the truth, her life would be a lot less complicated if he'd just stayed out of it. When they'd broken up before, he'd tried convincing himself she was better off without him, after all she'd gotten married, had a successful career in business and gotten certified in forensics while they'd been apart. Her life had been torn apart and she'd it back together, all without him to help her. He knew she'd be fine without him, but he also knew he could never be fine without her.
"Hey" he heard, and finally sat up to see Jake sitting down in the chair next to him.
"What now?" John said in response. He couldn't deal with Jake right now.
"Didn't think you should be alone"
"Like you care"
"Here" Jake said, handing John a cup of coffee.
"I could use something stronger" John said, taking it and taking a sip.
"Yeah, but you look like shit" Jake said.
"Nothing a few days and few bottles of Jack won't fix" John said, trying to make it sound like he'd get over it.
"Same old John" Jake said and when John looked at him to question it he answered, "I remember what you were like after Caitlyn. Work til you couldn't work anymore, drink til you fell asleep. Eventually, you just kept working"
"That was different"
"Yeah. Cuz you never looked at Caitlyn the way you looked at Natalie"
John looked into his coffee, unwilling to face the pity that would be in his friend's eyes, "Well, she's not looking back at me like she was"
"I get it, you know" he said.
"Oh, you get it? That's why you've been a jerk this whole time, because you get it?" he said, clearly agitated.
"I didn't- I didn't mean to come off that way, the whole situation, it just hit close to home and I reacted before I could think about it" he said, "I'd been dating this girl for almost a year, and I started thinking she might have been the one" he paused, "then they put me back undercover and I told her I'd be leaving and I didn't know when I'd be back. She left, told me she couldn't deal with being a fed's girl if it meant constantly being second to the job"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" John started to apologize.
"No, you're entitled. You had to deal with an impossible situation and you're hurting" he said, "And I was a jerk"
"We've had fights before, she's left me before. I should be used to it"
"If she's the one, it'll always hurt. It's never going to get any easier"
"That's promising" John said, and took another sip of coffee.
"I am sorry I reported you. If I had thought about it, I would have done exactly what you did"
"I'm not angry about that. I did break procedure, I left you guys high and dry. I deserve to lose my job"
"Rough week. Lost your job and your girlfriend"
"Natalie's never been just my girlfriend"
"I could tell"
"Maybe it's a blessing in disguise" he said, "My old boss wants me to take my old job. I'd be close to her"
"Can you deal with that if she never gives in?"
"I don't know" he said, "I've dealt with her hating me before. If I can just see her-" he said, "I don't know, I'd be fine as long as she didn't move on. But I can't stop that"
"And I don't suppose you plan on moving on"
"Not after her. I can't. I've tried, but I can't"
"Cuz you love her"
"I ignored that for so long. When I finally got it, I left for a case. Now it's too late"
"I saw the way she looked at you. Somewhere in her heart, she has to still love you"
"I do believe that. I just don't know if that's enough anymore"