I own none of the characters of Bones

Bones' POV

I stood on the other side of the hotel room door and looked at the man who only slightly resembled the man she married. The man that stood before me was drunk, I could smell the alcohol wafting from him, he had lost quite a bit of weight during the last two weeks, something I assumed was due to all of the alcohol he was drinking, and he looked like he hadn't shaved lately.

"What are you doing here?" He slurred

"May I come in?"

"What do you want?" Instead of answering him, I pushed passed him and entered the room. "Bones, why are you here?"

"You left our family. There are things that we need to discuss and arrangements that need to be made."

"I'm really not feeling too good. Maybe we can do this another time." He said lamely.

"You're drunk Booth. Not sick. Get your ass in the shower and I'll order some coffee. That will sober you up and then you will feel better."

"I'm not really in the mood."

"And I really don't care. I'm not leaving until we figure us out." I walked out of his room and into the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as I could stand it and then I returned to him. "Now get your ass in the shower." I demanded. We both stood there, glaring at each other until he finally relented and went to shower and I ordered two pots of coffee, one decaf for me and one regular for him from room service.

While I waited for our coffee and Booth to finish showering I ran through the events of the past to weeks again in my mind. I wanted to be sure that I had my facts before when I confronted my husband. The day after Booth walked out on our family, I took my emotions out of the equation and began to analyze Booth's actions since he failed his physical assessment to become an agent. I know without a doubt that there is not another woman in Booth's life. He believes in marriage and the vows he took. He would never cheat on me and he never came out and said that there was another woman. I asked him and he didn't answer me and in a moment of extreme emotional distress I assumed that there was someone else but with my emotions out of the way, I now realize that he couldn't lie to me and that's why he didn't answer me. Something else was most definitely going on.

I have replayed every possible event in my mind, over and over again, trying to figure out when everything went so terribly wrong but I was never able to pinpoint a specific incident. I know that Booth loves me, Parker, Michael and Christine more than anything and I also know that he would never leave us of his own free will. The only reason Booth would willingly walk out of our door and our lives was to protect us and since I confirmed with the F.B.I. that there is no threat against my family, the only conclusion that I am able to draw was Booth left to protect us from himself. I know that his biggest fear is becoming his father, an abusive alcoholic and if he thought that he was on his way to becoming that bastard he would walk away without a moment's hesitation. He would rather be without his kids then risk hurting them.

I had never seen him hurt or attempt to hurt the twins or Parker. In fact, he rarely raised his voice to them so that left me to assume that an incident occurred when I wasn't around. I know that he didn't hit them but whatever happened scared him enough to make him think that he would hurt them so he began, casually at first, making sure that he wasn't left alone with them but what didn't make sense to me was why was he afraid of hurting just two of his three children. Was it because Parker was older Booth thought that he was past the point of wanting to physically hurt him? That didn't seem like a logical conclusion to me but then again, I had no idea what Booth was thinking.

Three days after Booth left, I got my answer when Parker called the house wanting to speak with Booth. Parker had tried his father's cell phone but Booth was not calling him back so I had to tell my step-son that his father left us. Parker had a doctor's appointment, a physical, and he wanted his dad to go with him. Parker was at the age that he was becoming embarrassed about certain things and he wanted his dad, a man, not his mom to go with him and so he was calling to remind Booth of the appointment. I asked Parker why he didn't remind Booth last week when they went out to dinner and that's when I learned that Parker and Booth had not been spending any time alone together. The last time Parker saw Booth was the last time he was at our house for his weekend visits during which time, he hardly saw his father. Booth had been lying to me. All of the nights that I was told that he and Parker were together he was probably hanging out at some bar until the twins were in bed and I found that I was infuriated.

I knew I had to fix this situation. Somehow I had to convince Booth that he is not his father and he never will become his father but I was a loss as to how. Booth wasn't speaking to me and he is too damn stubborn for his own good. When he convinces himself of something, especially if it something negative about himself, it is almost impossible to convince him otherwise. When he is in this present state of mind, he doesn't listen to anyone, especially me. I refused to let my children lose their father because of Booth's fear. He is an amazing father that would never hurt his children. I just had to figure out a way to remind him of that fact and I knew that there really was only one way to actually get him to listen to reason. He had to hit rock bottom and I wasn't going to wait for it happen. I decided to push him to the bottom.

Eventually, I knew Booth would hit rock bottom but I needed to happen sooner rather than later. Michael, Christine, Parker and our unborn baby needed their father and I needed my husband now, not in a month, six, months, a year, or five years from now when he hit rock bottom so I decided to move the process up. Booth's rock bottom would have to be associated with one or all of his kids pushing him out of their lives and hating him. Michael and Christine were too young for that but Parker wasn't. I was uncomfortable using Parker in this situation but as far as I could see, there wasn't any other option. Of course, I spoke to Rebecca about it before I spoke to Parker and Rebecca said that Parker was old enough to make his own decision and she would support Parker's choice. I sat Parker down and explained to him what I thought was going on with his father, mainly Booth's fear of becoming his father. I told Parker that Booth loved him and his siblings so much that he was willing to walk away from them to keep them safe from him. Parker agreed that his father hurting any of them was a ludicrous thought but Booth's actions over the past month made Parker agree with my assessment. Parker had been through so much in his life, especially with Booth's paralysis and it made him a very mature fourteen year old boy. He took the time to really consider what I was asking him to do and then he agreed to make his father think that he hated him.

After the confrontation between Booth and Parker I went to pick Parker up for his weekend with us and I held him tightly as he cried. Through his tears, he asked me if my plan was going to work and as much as I wanted to assure him that it was, I couldn't guarantee it and Parker understood. He told me that he was going to pray that it would. After I dropped Parker off at our house with my dad and the twins I went to the hotel. Booth didn't tell me where he was staying but he used one of our credit cards so I easily located him. After throwing up outside the hotel because of the nervous anxiety that I was experiencing I went to Booth's room, my entire body shaking. I knew the result of this confrontation would make or break our relationship.

I heard the shower shut off and a few minutes later, Booth returned to the room, freshly shaved, water still clinging to his body, wearing nothing but a towel. He looked so damn good and I felt the heat rush to my core. God, I wanted him. We had not made love in two months and my pregnancy hormones were making me extremely horny. I took a deep breath and tried to focus my mind on something else. I did not come here to have sex. I came here to save my marriage.

"I need clothes." He mumbled, avoiding my eyes. While he got dressed I had to distract myself so I poured us each a cup of coffee and added the right amount of sugar to his cup. A few minutes later I heard him moving around so I knew he was dressed. I turned, walked his coffee over to him. He sat in one chair at the small table in the room while I sat in the other, across from him.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

"Yeah. Thanks for the coffee."

"You're welcome." We sat in silence for a few minutes and I knew he wasn't going to make any effort to speak so I jumped in. "I would like for you to tell me what is really going on with you."

"Nothing is going on with me."

"Why did you leave our family then Booth?"

"I didn't leave. You kicked me out."

"How is your girlfriend?" I smarted and he just looked at me. "I assumed that you would be with her instead of this empty hotel room, sleeping in an empty bed. You have such a strong sexual appetite I thought that she would be here fulfilling your sexual needs."

"I…uhhh…she's married so she can't stay here with me." I shook my head in disgust.

"Do you really want to play these childish games?"

"I'm not playing games Bones." He was really pushing my buttons and I was getting pissed off.

"God Dammit Booth!" I shouted. "Quit lying to me."

"I'm not lying."

"I know that there is no other woman."

"You don't know that."

"I know you and I know that you are scared. You are so scared that you lied to me, you broke your promise to me, and you broke your children's heart, so you could leave us. I just want to know why." I practically begged him.

"Parker…Parker…hates me." He finally whispered.

"I want you to ask yourself is leaving us worth the repercussions that you are experiencing?" He didn't answer me. "You love your children more then anything. You would die for them so what has you so scared that you're willing to let Parker hate you and allow Michael and Christine think that you have abandoned them?"

"I…I can't talk about it." I saw his resolve weakening.

"Why Booth? Why can't you talk to me? I'm your wife. I love you. You can tell me anything and it won't change how I feel about you." He stared into his coffee cup. "Seeley, please talk to me." When he continued to remain silent, I moved my chair next to his. I really wanted him to come out and tell me himself but since he won't I'm going to have to do it myself. "Fine. I'll talk and you listen." When he didn't argue with me I grasped his hand and I pushed forward.

"Booth, I know that there is only one reason why you would hurt and leave all of us. You left to protect us from you. Booth you are a wonderful father and I know, without a shadow of doubt that you would never hurt Parker, Michael or Christine and they know it too."

"I did hurt them." He whispered so softly that I barely heard him.

"I don't believe that. You would never hurt them." I repeated.

"I did Bones. I hurt my babies." Tears were streaming down his face.

"Tell me what happened."

"No. I can't."

"Booth…please." I begged him tearfully.

"You were working late and I was home alone with the twins." He began with a shaking voice. "Do you remember when the twins broke the lamp?" I nodded. "That's the night that it happened. That whole night, well most nights actually, the twins weren't listening to me at all. They were running around and out of control. I was cleaning up the mess they made at dinner because they threw more food then they ate." I smiled because I myself have been through many of those dinners. "I had just put the last dish in the dishwasher when I heard the lamp crash to the floor. I ran into the living room because I was scared that they might have hurt themselves. I found them running around the living room, something I told them numerous times not to do." Booth sighed. "I yelled at them, told them that they could have been hurt and not to run in the house they looked at me, laughed and ran off. I cleaned up the lamps I realized that they were being too damn quiet. You know that they are only quiet when they are up to no good. This time I found them in our bathroom and they had taken all of your girly products and shoved them in the toilet. I think that I was tired, frustrated and short on patience but that's no excuse for how I reacted. I got so mad. I grabbed their arms and drug them into the living room and then…"

"Then what Booth?" I asked gently. By the look of agony on his face, someone who didn't know Booth would think that he had done something horrible to our children but I know that's not true. Whatever he did, he has turned it in to something much worse in his mind.

"I…I…" I could tell he was terrified to tell me.

"It's okay Booth. You can tell me."

"I hurt them."

"How Booth? How did you hurt them?"

"I'm not sure. I don't remember." That admission scared me.

"Where you drinking? Did you black out?"

"No. I never drank when I was alone with the kids. Never. Say you believe me Bones." He said desperately.

"I believe you Booth. What happened next? Why do you think that you hurt the twins when you can't remember doing it?"

"I don't think that I hurt them." He suddenly shouted. "I did."

"Okay Booth. I believe that you believe that. What happened?"

"I told you I don't remember. I brought them out of the bathroom and the next thing I know Chrissy said…" I squeezed his hand in encouragement. "My daughter said to me "Daddy, you're hurting me" and ten seconds later Michael said the same damn thing." He pulled his hand away from mine, placed his head in his hands and sobbed. I simply placed my hand on his arm and let him cry. I know he didn't hurt the twins but their words, the words of normal three year olds, made him think that his worst fear was coming alive.

"You're not your father Seeley." I whispered once he finally calmed down.

"I am." He mumbled tearfully. "I'm an alcoholic. I hurt my kids just like that bastard and it's only a matter of time before I start hitting you too."

"You are not an alcoholic. Sure you drink and you drink a lot when something is bothering you but you are not addicted to alcohol. An alcoholic can't go a day without alcohol. You can go a day without drinking. Secondly, I know that you would never hit me and lastly you didn't hurt our children."

"Didn't you hear a damn word I said?" He yelled at me.

"I heard every word." I yelled back. "Now you need to start listening to me. You. Did. Not. Hurt. The. Twins." I felt like I have been repeating the same thing over and over again. I was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to believe me. "I am around them everyday and if you would have hurt them I would have seen a mark on them and I never saw anything."

"But they said…"

"They are three years old Booth. They don't mean half of what they say. There has been numerous times when I have been holding their hands and one or both of them tell me that I am hurting them. They don't want me to hold their hands." Booth shook his head. "Look at me." He refused to meet my eyes. "Seeley Booth, look at me." He slowly raised his red, swollen eyes to mine and I cupped his face with my hands. "Michael and Christine are fine. They were never in any danger from you." I literally saw him crumble, right before my eyes. "Oh Booth." His upper body fell onto mine and I held him as he muttered "Oh God" over and over again.

It took him almost an hour to calm down and when he did, he looked utterly devastated. "When I heard my children tell me that I hurt them all I could think about was Jared with a busted lip and a swollen eye. Jared said the same thing to him and I guess that I panicked. Those words were the beginning of the end for me. The twins, they never listen to me and I grow more and more frustrated everyday and with and the frustration that I'm feeling…I just know that I'm going to snap."

"The reason that the twins don't listen to you is your fault." I bluntly told him.

"What? Why?"

"It's also partly my fault as well. I saw what was happening but I let it go, hoping it would work itself out but it didn't and I'm sorry. I should have stepped in."

"What are you talking about?"

"Booth you have never disciplined the twins. You would tell them no and when they don't listen you never follow through so they know that they can get away with anything without fear of repercussion." It felt so odd to be discussing Booth's parenting problems with him since he has been a father, a great father to Parker for fourteen years.

"I can't follow through."

"Why not?"

"Because if I…I might be able to stop."

"How did you handle Parkers discipline?"

"I only had Parker on every other weekend and those weekends were about having fun. Parker was always really good and if he was being bad I only had to tell him once with a raised voice and he always listened to me. The twins, it's not so easy with them. They don't listen."

"You need to make them listen."

"I can't. I'll hurt them."

"You won't Booth."

"I will. My father hurt his kids and I will hurt mine."

"Dammit, why can't you believe that you aren't your father? I believe in you. Why can't you believe in yourself?" I stood up, wiped away my tears and walked away from him. "What in the hell am I fighting for Booth? Why am I fighting to keep our family together, to keep you in our children's lives when clearly you have no desire to remain part of our family?" I grabbed my purse. "I'll see a lawyer and initiate the divorce proceedings." I walked over to the door, placed my hand on the handle and waited for Booth to stop me but he didn't say a word so I opened the door and away from the man I love more than anything, sobbing softly as I walked down the hallway to the elevator.

Booth's POV

The instant that the door shut I knew that I couldn't let her leave. I knew when she stepped onto that elevator our life together was over. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't lose my wife or my family. I grabbed my room key and ran out of my room and down to the elevator. It was almost closed but I stuck my hand in between the doors and they opened back up to reveal my Bones, standing in the corner, crying.

"I want my family back Bones." Without a word she walked out of the elevator and wrapped her arms around me, crying softly.

"We want you back." She mumbled into my neck.

"Please, don't let me hurt them. Please Bones." I begged her

"I promise." We stood in the hall, wrapped in each other's arms until the elevator doors opened again and another couple had to clear their throats since we were standing right in front of the elevator. We reluctantly broke our embrace, I took her hand and we returned to my room.

"Bones, I am so sorry." I told as we settled back in our chairs.

"Why didn't you talk me, share your fears, and tell me what was going on?" I could hear the hurt in her voice. "Why couldn't you trust me?"

"I didn't want you to know."

"Why not?"

"I thought that you would hate me."

"Why on earth would I hate you?"

"Because I hated myself."

"We could have avoided all of this hurt if you would have just talked to me. God Seeley, you are such a selfish bastard. Do you have any idea what in the hell you put me through, what you put Michael, Christine and Parker through, how much you hurt us?" I tried to answer her but she just continued to yell at me and I let her do it. I know that she had a lot that she needed to get off of her chest and frankly, I deserved what she was dishing out, much worse actually. She continued to yell at me for thirty minutes and when she was done we talked for over an hour about my actions, my thoughts, my mistakes and her feelings on the situation.

"I'm sorry Bones."

"Damn you Booth. I don't want to hear that right now. I am so angry with you. We are married. We are supposed to love, support and trust each other through the good and the bad times. You have done a great job during the good times in our marriage but when things got bad for you, you didn't keep your promise. You walked away instead of talking to me and that's what hurts me and pisses me off. I trust you with everything and you can't trust me. What kind of marriage did we have if you never trusted me?"

"What can I do?" She shook her head.

"I was ready to divorce you. The day you walked away without a fight, that day, I almost went to see a lawyer."

"Why didn't you?"

"You should know that I never give up, especially on something that I really want or when I know that I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I want to be married to you, I want a family with you, I want the life together that you promised me and I knew how wrong you were so I had many reasons not to go see a lawyer."

"Thank you Bones. Thank you for fighting for our family but…"

"But what?"

"I think it's too late."

"Why do you think it's too late?"

"Parker hates me and what kind of family can we have if my son hates me?" I mumbled as Parker's words, "I hate you," ran through my mind.

"Parker doesn't hate you."

"When I went to go pick him up today and it was bad Bones. It was really bad. He…"I had to take a deep breath to keep myself from crying. "He told me that he hates me. He actually spoke those words to me."

"I knew that you wouldn't listen to reason until you hit rock bottom and I knew the only way that you would hit rock bottom would be if you thought that your children hated you so Parker agreed to let you think that he hated you."

"What?" I could not be hearing what I thought that I was hearing. "You set me up?" I snapped. "How could you use Parker like that?"

"I really struggled with this Booth. It wasn't easy for me. I spoke to Rebecca and she said that it was up to Parker. I spoke to Parker and he agreed to help."

"I don't believe that. Parker would lie to me."

"He did it because he loves you. We know that you would have hit rock bottom eventually but by then, by the time you realized how wrong you were, it would have been too late."

"Parker doesn't hate me?" I wasn't sure if I should be grateful that it was a hoax or extremely pissed off that it was a hoax.

"No Booth he doesn't hate you. He is very angry with you but he doesn't hate you."

"I think that I should be really, really pissed off right now."

"That's an option but just remember that we did it because we love you." I sighed and rubbed my temples.

"God, I really screwed things up haven't I?"

"Yes you did." I laughed. Only Bones would be that honest.

"Can we go home? I miss my kids."

"Are you willing to change? Are you willing to be the twins' father, in every aspect of their lives?" I knew what changes that I had to make. We talked about them. I had to start following through on disciplining the twins and Bones would be right next to me making sure that I didn't go to far and among other things, I had to go back to Sweets for therapy.

"I am."

"There is one more thing that you need to know."

"Oh God. Now what?" I can't imagine what else there is for me to learn.

"I'm pregnant Booth." Okay, I did not except that.

"But how? We haven't had sex in…"

"Eight weeks. It's been eight weeks since we last made love."

"How pregnant are you?"

"Eight weeks."

"When did you find out?"

"The day before you left."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

"You should have told me when you found out. I should have known."

"When should I have told you Booth? After you came home drunk or maybe I should have told you the next day when you were letting me think that you were sleeping with another woman? When would have been the best time to tell you that I was pregnant?"

"I should have known."

"Would it have changed anything? If I told you about the baby would you have stayed?"

"I…I…"

"Exactly. Before I told you I had to know what your intentions were. I was afraid that if I told you about the baby before you were ready then you wouldn't make the best decision for you. You would have stayed for the baby and a family can't stay together for the children. It's not a good environment for anyone." She's right. If she told me about the baby at a different time then I probably would have come home and things would not have been good. I would have avoided the twins, avoided Bones and things would have been really bad. Now at least I know that I'm coming home for the right reasons. I'm coming home to be a father and husband because I want to; because I love my family.

"Bones, you didn't want any more kids. How do you feel about this baby?"

"Another baby was something that I didn't want. When you were in your wheelchair, it was really hard for me." The guilt I felt must have crossed my face because she reached for my hand. "I don't blame you Booth. Please know that." I nodded. "I know that you did the best you could in your position and at first when you began to walk again things got easier for me but I still didn't want another child."

"You don't want this baby?"

"I didn't say that. When I discovered that I was pregnant my immediate thought was that I didn't want this baby but that thought didn't last long. This baby is a part of you and me and I love and want it. I even wanted it when I thought that you weren't coming home."

"It's not supposed to be like this."

"What do you mean?"

"You're having a baby and that should be a happy time for us but it's not. You found out that you were pregnant and I destroyed our marriage. You should have been happy not crying and wondering if this baby is going to know who I am. Now every time I look at this child, I am going to be reminded of the ass that I am."

"Oh my God. I never realized what a selfish bastard that you can be." She suddenly burst out. "Guess what Booth? Everything is not all about you. Yes, you caused this nightmare but you have four children that you need to think about now, one who has yet to meet you and three at home. It's about them and their need for their father in their lives. For once can you please put your guilt on the back burner and focus on what's important, your children? If you put half as much effort into being a father as you put into feeling that everything bad that happens is your fault then I believe that you could be the amazing father that you once were."

"You're right Bones. I am a selfish bastard."

"I miss the Booth that I married. I miss all of the smiles, the laughter, the touches and the happiness we shared." Bones had tears rolling down her face so I took a step forward and gently wiped them from her soft cheeks. "I miss you Booth."

"I'm here Bones."

"Physically yes you are here but you've changed.' She laid her head on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. God, it felt good to have her back in my arms again

"I promise you that I am going to find the man that you married and things will be like they used to be. We will be a happy family again." She pulled away and looked at me.

"If you come home with me tonight you cannot leave us again. If that is something that you can't promise me then I can't have you coming home. Right now, the twins are too young to remember that you left us for two long weeks but if you leave again the twins will remember and I won't let you hurt them like that so you need to make your choice."

"I've made my choice Bones."

"You can take your time. You don't have to rush into anything. I'll give you as much time as you need to come to the decision that is best for you."

"I don't need time. I know what is best for me. I want to come home. I want to be the best father that I can be to Parker, Michael, Christine and our new little one and I want to be the best husband to you that I can be."

"You never said how you feel about the baby."

"I very happy about our child and hopefully when it arrives I will be the father I once was. This baby deserves that and so do the twins and Parker." She finally smiled at me. Granted, it was a small smile but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Come on. Let's go home." I was so glad to hear those words. I quickly packed up my meager belongings.

"Hey Bones?" I asked as I zipped up my suitcase.

"Yes?" She answered coming out of the bathroom.

"Are we okay?" She took a minute before answering.

"No we're not. I'm still hurt and angry but given some time I think that we may be okay again."

"For what it's worth Bones, I really do love you."

"It's worth something Booth."