Chapter 35: The Last Mabelcorn
Yesterday was my 17th birthday. And today was my birthday party. Nothing big; just a couple of friends over with the party at my house. Cake, presents, ice cream; you know, the basics. My birthday was Gravity Falls themed this year. Every present I got this year was Gravity Falls related merchandise.
The party ended not that long ago, too, so now I was headed off to Gravity Falls.
"Hey, guys! Guess what?" I said, coming through the portal into the hallway next to the twins.
"What is it?" Mabel asked.
"I turned 17 yesterday!" I replied excitedly.
"Whoa! 17 already?" Dipper exclaimed.
"I know, right? And my birthday party was today!" I said. "I would've invited you, but there were a few people at the party who know who you two are, but don't know that there is a gateway between your world and mine. I did bring you some cupcakes, though!" I continued, holding out a paper plate with two cupcakes on it and giving one to each twin.
"Thanks!" The twins were about to eat the cupcakes when they saw the edible design on them: it was the twins, Stan, Wendy, and Soos looking at something not pictured, although Mabel was actually holding onto something that was difficult to make out on there.
"I may or may not have had a Gravity Falls themed birthday this year. You can eat that design too, by the way." I said, answering their curious looks. The twins looked at each other, shrugged, and began eating the cupcakes. When they were done, they threw away the wrappers and Dipper walked up to the closet door.
"Alright. Grunkle Stan's gotta have some decent board games." Dipper said as he opened the closet door.
"Let's see. 'Battle Chutes and Ladder Ships', 'Necronomiconopoly', 'Don't Wake Stalin'…" Mabel read the titles of some of the board games.
"Hey, what's this?" Dipper said, picking up a board game. "'What Could Go Wrong?: The Board Game'. 'The last players who opened this box never made it out alive!'."
"Well, I guess I know what we're doing today."
"This should take up the next 21 minutes."
"Family meeting! Family meeting!" Ford called from the living room. We headed into the living room as the twins threw their wrapped away. "Ah, children. Come in, come in."
"Ooh, mysterious scrolls and potions. Are you going to tell us we're finally of age to go to wizard school? Is there an owl in this bag?!" Mabel said eagerly, about to look inside the bag on the table.
"No! I can assure you if there's an owl in this bag, he's long dead." Ford replied as Mabel frowned. "Now tell me, children. Do any of you recognize this symbol?" Ford asked, showing us a picture of Bill Cipher. The twins gasped.
"Bill." Dipper said simply.
"You- you know him?" Ford questioned.
"Know him? He's been terrorizing us all summer!" Dipper replied. "I have so many questions and theories."
"Dipper's been pretty paranoid since Bill turned Nathan into a living sock puppet." Mabel said.
"The important thing is we defeated him twice." Dipper continued.
"Once with a skeleton and once with running." Mabel added.
"It was a lot more heroic than it sounds." Dipper stated.
"I can confirm all of this." I said.
"The fact that you've dealt with Bill is gravely serious." Ford replied.
"So, how do you know Bill?" Dipper asked.
"I've encountered many dark beings in my time, Dipper." Ford said. "What matters is his powers are growing stronger, and if he pulls off his plans, no one in this family will be safe! Fortunately, there should be a way to shield us from his mental tricks. A way to Bill-proof the shack." Ford continued, pulling out a blueprint of the shack and circling some places on it. "All I have to do is place some moon stones here, here, and here, sprinkle some mercury, let's see… I always forget the last ingredient." Ford took out Journal #1 and opened it up. "Ugh. Unicorn hair."
"That's not, like… rare, is it?" Dipper asked.
"It's hopeless. Unicorns reside deep within an enchanted glade, and their hairs can only be obtained by a pure, good-hearted person who goes on a magical quest to find them." Ford explained. Mabel screamed.
"Grunkle Ford, can I please go on this quest?! I am literally obsessed with unicorns!" Mabel said. "My first word was unicorn, I once made my own unicorn by taping a traffic cone to a horse's head…! Are you even looking at the sweater I'm wearing right now?!" Mabel's sweater was a unicorn on a red, orange and yellow background. "Not to mention that I'm probably the most pure of heart person in this room."
"That's true, she has a point."
"I can't argue there."
"So can I go on a mission to get that hair? Please please please? I'LL GIVE YOU MY BLOOD!" Mabel shouted.
"Very well, but it won't be easy. Take this. And this." Ford said, handing Mabel the journal, and a loaded crossbow.
"Ooh."
"I haven't been in this dimension for a while. It's okay to give children weapons, right?" Ford wondered.
"Psh. Come on, dawg." Mabel said, holding the crossbow, which fired. The arrow shot through the window, and set off a car alarm.
"Ah! It's the cops! Gun it!" Stan yelled from outside, as tires screeching was heard before the car sped off and several small barks were heard. Mabel pulled out her phone and pressed the speed dial.
"Candy, Grenda, Wendy! Clear the afternoon!" Mabel exclaimed into the phone as she left.
"So, what are the odds she get that hair?" Dipper asked.
"Unlikely. I've dealt with unicorns before, and if I had to describe them in one word, it would be: 'frustrating'." Ford replied.
"So, what are we gonna do about Bill?" Dipper asked.
"Follow me." Ford replied, leading us into the basement, and down the elevator to '2', unlocking the door, and opening it. "Welcome to my private study, a place where I keep my most ancient, and secret knowledge. Even your uncle Stan doesn't know about this place." Ford walked forward, and Dipper and I followed. Dipper saw a painting covered by a sheet, and was about to peek underneath.
"Dipper, come along. If we can't Bill-proof the shack, we're going to have to do the next best thing: we're gonna have to Bill-proof our minds." Ford continued, taking a metal helmet out and flipping the switch, causing the helmet to open. Ford turned on various other switches as well and put the helmet on my head (after I took my hat off).
"So, what is Bill, exactly?" Dipper asked.
"No one knows, for sure. Accounts differ of his true motivations and origins. I know he's older than our galaxy, and far more twisted." Ford explained. "Without a physical form, he can only project himself into our thoughts through the mindscape. That's why he wants this." Ford continued, holding up the rift. "I dismantled the portal, but with this tear, Bill still has a way into our reality. To get his hands on this rift, he would trick or possess anyone."
"So, how do we keep Bill out of our minds?" Dipper asked.
"Well, there's a number of ways. I personally had a metal plate installed in my head." Ford explained.
"Heh heh. Good one." Dipper chuckled. Ford lightly knocked on his cranium, creating a metal clanging sound. Dipper awkwardly cleared his throat.
"But this machine is safer. It will scan your mind, bio-electrically encrypting your thoughts so Bill can't read them."
"Why are you doing me first?" I asked.
"Well, since you're from another dimension, and you know the future, your thoughts would give Bill a huge advantage if he picked up on any critical information. Now say hello to your thoughts." Ford said, turning the machine on.
"I'm so glad it's finally my birthday! I really wish I got the Nintendo Switch I asked for, though." "When are the new Steven Universe episodes coming out?" "I wonder if 'Nuclearmageddon' is a good story title for a nuclear apocalypse." "M-m-m mm, mmm-mmm-mm m-m-m…" "Oh, man. I really wish I had a girlfriend. Will I be single forever?" "I really really hope Starco becomes canon in Star Vs. The Forces of Evil Season 4! Starco forever!" Those were my thoughts on the screen. The humming one was to the tune of Megalovania.
"By the way, you never told me what your history with Bill was." Dipper said.
"Dipper, do you trust me?" Ford asked.
"Well, yeah, but—"
"Then you'll trust that that's not important." Ford cut off Dipper.
Meanwhile, I had fallen asleep and began dreaming. They were normal dreams at first, until the last one.
I was standing in a forest; the ruins of the shack in the distance. Then the trees spontaneously combusted and burned very quickly, leaving nothing but ashes in less than five seconds, and the ashes on the ground were in the shape of a very familiar-looking eye as I heard a very familiar-sounding laugh.
"Where are you, Bill?!" I shouted. In front of me, the ashes all gathered into a single pile, floating up in the air, and began glowing as it shaped itself into a triangle, before a bright flash of light appeared for a split second and the ash was replaced with Bill Cipher.
"Well, well, well, well, well well well well well well well." Bill said as he split up into six copies of himself in a triangle formation with three triangle-shaped holes in between. "Look at what we have here. It's my favorite extra-dimensional puppet! Nathaniel Isaac Vikse, my dear friend." ('Vikse' is pronounced 'Vick-see'. You'd be surprised at how often a five letter name is mispronounced.)
"I demand to know how you know my full name!" I yelled.
"That's not important right now. You and I both know I've got big plans. I've been making deals, chatting with old friends, preparing for the big day." Bill continued. "Sixer thought shutting down that portal would stop me, but he was wrong. I just need that rift and, well… let's just say that this place is gonna learn how to party. And once I take over this dimension, I plan on taking over your dimension as well. And I'll just need to get your portal remote to do so." Bill continued, as the triangle-shaped gaps between the six Bills filled in and the six merged into one large Bill.
"And just what makes you think that I'll just let you take over this world and my world?" I questioned.
"Simple: I'm willing to make you a deal. All you have to do is allow me to get that rift, and give me your portal remote, and I'll be willing to allow you to rule over the galaxies with me. Any problem you encounter, you'll have the power to destroy it!" Bill continued. "I'll even give you a girlfriend like you want so much! So what do you say, Bedrock Armor? Is it a deal?"
"Hmm. That is a tempting offer. But you're forgetting one thing." I said.
"Oh? And what's that?"
"Love gained from hypnotism, mind control, or anything else like that isn't true love at all! So I'm gonna have to pass!" I yelled.
"Hm. I suspected you'd say something like that. So I have another offer for you." Bill replied. "Help me pull off my plans, and give me your remote, and I'll give you the power to see if anyone is in love with you, your very own galaxy, and more. But if not… you'll regret it."
"And how is that?" I asked, slightly intimidated by the voice change. Bill snapped his fingers and I felt a very weird and impossible to describe sensation on my chest. I peeked under my shirt and saw a Bill Cipher emblem on my chest.
"This mark I gave you will kill you if you don't agree. All I have to do is snap my fingers, and BOOM! Bye-bye forever! All your muscles and bones will be scattered out over a ten foot radius!" Bill explained. "So how 'bout it now? Will you help me out, or die in a bloody explosion of skin and organs?"
I was officially scared now.
"…"
"I'm waiting." Bill said.
"…Okay, fine." I muttered, so quietly that it was barely audible.
"What was that?" Bill asked.
"I said fine." I said, slightly louder, but still pretty quiet.
"I can't hear you." Bill said in a mocking tone.
"FINE!" I yelled.
"THAT'S what I like to hear!" Bill said. "Oh, and by the way, if my plans fail, I'll kill you. If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you. If anyone finds out about this, I'll kill you. It doesn't matter who it is or how how they find out. I'll kill you." Bill said, laughing as he faded out and my dream ended with an image of the zodiac, an image of an eye like that of Bill's, an image of a six-fingered hand with a 1 in it, and an image of the portal machine in quick succession.
I woke up to the helmet clattering on the floor after Ford tossed it off, knocking the curtain down and revealing all of his old Bill artifacts. I discretely peeked under my shirt and saw the Bill Cipher emblem still there.
"Why- why were you shaking hands with Bill? You said Bill would possess anyone so he could get this." Dipper told Ford, grabbing the rift off the table, and almost dropping it.
"Careful! Hand me the rift. Now, boy!" Ford ordered.
"Why were you really scanning Nathan's thoughts? Are you Bill right now?!" Dipper questioned, grabbing the memory eraser gun and pointing it at Ford as he backed away.
"Now just-just calm down, p—"
"Pine Tree?! Is that what you were going to call me?" Dipper exclaimed.
"I was going to say 'please', kid!" Ford replied.
"Great-uncle Ford told me to protect the rift. Get one step closer, and I'll shoot. I'll erase you right out of Ford's head!" Dipper threatened.
"It's me, Dipper, it's your uncle!" Ford responded.
"Trust no one. Trust no one. Trust—" Dipper muttered.
"Hand it to me!" Ford demanded. Dipper shot the ray and it bounced off of Ford's face, ricocheting around the room before shattering the screen of one of the machines, effectively breaking the whole thing. Dipper quickly got up and tried to fight back some more as Ford picked him up.
"Let go of me!" Dipper exclaimed.
"Now, now. Just calm down. Look into my eyes. Look at my pupils. It's me, Dipper. It's me." Ford reassured. Dipper finally calmed down at this.
"I tried to erase your mind. I'm so sorry." Dipper apologized.
"It's okay, Dipper. Besides, my mind can't be erased anyway, remember?" Ford replied, tapping on his head with his knuckles to make the metal plate clang. "If that really was Bill though, you would've done great. I should've been more like you when I was young. Dipper, I was a fool to try to hide all this. The reason I've been trying to prepare you for Bill's tricks is because Bill tricked me. It's the biggest regret of my life. Bill wasn't always my enemy, Dipper. I used to think he was my friend. Long, long ago." Ford began.
"I had hit a roadblock in my investigation of Gravity Falls, until I found some mysterious writing in a cave. Ancient incantations about a being with answers. It warned me not to read them, but I was desperate." Ford explained. "I read the inscription aloud, but nothing happened. Until later that afternoon when I had the most peculiar dream. I met Bill in the dream. He told me he was a muse; that he chose one brilliant mind a century to inspire. What a fool I was; blinded by his flattery and games. He became my research assistant. He was free to move in and out of my mind as he pleased. We were partners.
"When he told me that I could complete my research by building a gateway to other worlds, I trusted him. He said this was the way genius happened: with a little help from a friend. It seemed that I was on the verge of my greatest achievement. Until my partner got a glimpse of Bill's true plans. I'd been betrayed. I shut the portal down, severing the link between Bill's world and ours. I had to hide my instructions so no one could ever finish Bill's work. Bill's been waiting for the gateway to reopen ever since. All he needs to do is get his hands on this rift. To Bill, it's just a game. But to us, it would mean the end of our world." Ford finished.
"Oh, man." Dipper said.
"Oh, man, indeed." Ford agreed as we headed upstairs.
"Ugh, I'm so embarrassed about earlier. I'm such an idiot." Dipper sighed.
"From now on, no more secrets between us." Ford said. "We're not the first two idiots to be tricked by Bill, boy, but if we work together, we could be the last."
"You know, it'd sure be nice if we had some unicorn hair." I said.
"Did someone say 'unicorn hair'?" Mabel exclaimed, hitting her fist full of unicorn hair on the table.
"Yup." I replied.
"Well, we got some unicorn hair!" Mabel said.
"Also some unicorn tears, unicorn eyelashes…" Candy added.
"They finally gave us this treasure just to get rid of us." Grenda said as she dumped a treasure chest full of gold and other things on the table.
"It can't be." Ford exclaimed. "This is a great day, girls. With this unicorn hair, we'll be able to completely shield the shack from Bill's mind reading tricks."
"Is it okay?" Mabel asked.
"Better than okay, it's perfect. You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel." Ford replied.
"Thanks, Grunkle Ford. But today I learned that morality is relative." Mabel said.
"MONEY!" Stan shouted, running past the table and grabbing as much of the gold as he could and running off with it as I laughed.
~Time skip brought to you by: Getting a death threat from the one and only Bill Cipher was exactly how I wanted to spend the day after my birthday… NOT!~
Dipper glued the last strand of unicorn hair on the side of the shack, connecting the hair all the way around. The hair glowed, and a large blue mystical shield appeared around the shack before turning invisible.
"Perfect! This will protect us from Bill. As long as we're inside, our minds are safe." Ford said. "Listen, Dipper. I realize now that it's time that I tell you everything I know about Gravity Falls. No more secrets. Go ahead and ask me any question you have."
"Why is Gravity Falls so weird?" Dipper asked.
"An excellent question, my boy. I myself was obsessed with finding an answer to this question when I was younger." Ford began. "Follow me." The three of us borrowed Stan's car and we drove up to the town border. We got out of the car and went to the top of a hill as Ford pulled a bag of jelly beans out of his pocket.
"Think of everything in this universe as a jelly bean; made of the same basic materials, varying in color and flavor, but more or less all conforming to an expected pattern." Ford explained. "But every now and then, one comes out odd; weird." Ford pulled out a jelly bean that looked like two of them had fused together. Then he put it back in the bag, and dumped the entire bag on the ground. All of the beans tumbled down the hill—except for one. The deformed one seemed to magically bounce up the hill right to the town border. Dipper's eyes widened with realization.
"My theory is that Gravity Falls is a weirdness magnet. Everything from gnomes to fairies to men with six fingers like myself are drawn to this town. I believe that my arrival here—and quite possibly yours, too—was not a coincidence. It was fate that brought us here." Ford explained. "You and I are some of the strangest beans this town has ever seen, Dipper."
"Mason." Dipper blurted out suddenly, surprising himself. Then he repeated himself. "My real name is Mason. Dipper is just a nickname. But everyone got used to it, and now it feels too late to tell everyone the truth." Dipper said. "And it's kind of a dumb name, anyway. Don't tell anyone."
Ford smiled and tusseled Dipper's hair. "Your secret's safe with me, Mason." Ford said. "And I think it's a great name. The Masons are a great secret society, you know."
"No worries, Mason. I won't tell anyone. It'll be just 'Dipper' for now, until you're ready." I told him. Dipper smiled.
"Thanks, guys." Dipper said.
"No prob, Dip." I replied, heading through the portal back home.