A big hug and thank you to Harmony Winters and Skylar who helped me understand many complexities that this chapter needed. Also, big kiss to Mertz who challenges challenges and challenges me all the time! LOL Te quiero, chica.

Ok, on with the soap opera…..

"Life is the art of being well deceived; and in order that the deception may no man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."-Nathaniel Hawthorne

Chapter 36: Demons that Never Left

The group assembled in the conference room waiting for doctors Gorma, Driver and Maryann to walk in. When Driver saw the entire Voltron Force along with the princesses and Coran, he looked at them surprised. Allura picked up on his expression and offered him a sympathetic smile.

"Dr. Driver, Keith's well being concerns his entire family," Allura assured him. "Please speak freely. We all want to know what is happening with him."

Nodding, the doctor began, "The surgery itself was a success. I navigated through the nerves and tissues, finding the object without any major challenges or obstacles. The problem is the chip that I retrieved, as you know, is not the chip that was originally implanted on the commander."

Shaking her head, Maryann sighed, "It's a replica of the one I created, but it's not mine. They must have created their own to control him. There was something in that chip that made him different from the one that was originally implanted."

"Like what?" Romelle asked curiously.

"I think this new chip," Maryann began, "made him capable of killing humans."

"Are you sure?" Allura asked.

She nodded, confirming her thought, "It's the only thing that my original would not do."

"It makes sense," Lance suddenly said as everyone turned to him. "Remember the night of Keith's supposed coronation? We fought and just when I thought he was going to kill me, he hesitated. He couldn't do it and God knows I pushed him."

Romelle then added, "When he shot Coran, I don't think he meant to kill him either. It was just a tactic to throw us of. After he terminated communications with all of you, he showed me how to prevent Coran from bleeding out and called MedTech himself."

"And when he killed Throk, I thought he would kill the slave we encountered in his room," Lance voiced out, not particularly looking at anyone. "But he didn't either."

"Was the slave human?" Maryann suddenly asked.

"Yes."

The doctor nodded again, "I'm positive that they changed the chip now. My chip was not designed to terminate human life, only Drule. He killed Drules but Keith never killed humans."

Sven pointed out, "Not until the night that Zarkon asked Keith to kill the prisoner in front of us. They must have switched the chips by then. He wanted to make sure his device worked."

It must have been the night Haggar interrupted us. Allura thought, remembering the witch's words before she struck Keith with her staff. The princess turned to the professor, "Maryann, why didn't he kill me when he had the chance in Zarkon's throne room? I remember her using magic to …get him to kill me."

"I don't know," Maryann shrugged. "Her chip wasn't perfect. The human body has a way of rejecting foreign objects that don't belong to it. Keith's body was rejecting that chip as much as I think he was rejecting mine."

"Come to think of it, I think he did," Lance offered. "They were times where I thought Keith was in pain. When he took me with him on his mission, I saw him in pain more than once."

The room quieted down for a moment as all the occupants were lost in thought.

"So, what now?" Pidge finally asked, "I mean, is Keith alright now?"

Maryann and Dr. Driver looked at each other. Driver spoke up, "As you know, the chip that Maryann designed was meant for Drules. However, it was meant to stay permanently in the Drule. Once they were removed, there were side effects."

"What happened when you removed it?" Hunk inquired looking at the professor.

"Well," Maryann began. "From the studies, the Drule experienced a lapse in memory. They didn't remember anything from the time the chip was implanted to the time it was removed. For some Drules, the memory lapse was permanent. However, for others, if the memories came back to them, they fell into fits of rage and homicidal tendencies."

Allura's heart pounded. Maryann caught her expression and immediately wanted to put her worries to rest, "Princess, the Drules natural behavior is to be violent, thus the fits of rage. In Keith's case, his natural behavior will come out. So, he may not remember anything at all or his natural tendencies will override his response to the memories."

"What do you all think are his natural tendencies?" Driver suddenly asked, his interest in his patient rising.

"He needs to be in control," Lance snorted.

"He's quiet, too pensive at times," Hunk remarked.

"He's not the easiest person to read," Sven finally finished, sighing heavily.

Coran nodded in agreement, "He'll want to understand why he behaved the way he did."

Maryann sighed, "Well, if he remembers…we need to make sure to treat this situation delicately. He's going to have a lot of questions and there are no easy answers."

The room remained quiet as everyone thought how they would even begin explaining the last month to the commander, if in fact he remembered.

VVVVVVVVVV

Keith's eyes opened slowly. The dull white of the florescent lights above blinded him at first, but he forced his eyes to adjust by blinking rapidly. Slowly, he realized he was in a bed.

Voices filtered into his ears. He felt so stiff, as if he hadn't moved in a very long time. Keith looked around. MedTech? How the hell did I get here? He thought as his surroundings became more familiar to him.

Keith looked at the half-opened door of his room. The voices came from outside. He suddenly caught a glimpse of the princess as she passed by, "Prin…cess," Keith croaked, unable to understand why the words felt so forced coming out of his mouth.

"She'll be right in buddy," he heard another voice. Keith slowly turned his head sideways to see Lance on the other side walking toward him. He tried to rise, but a sudden wave of pain exploded in his chest, he gasped in pain.

"Keith, you need to take it easy. Lie down," Lance helped him back down.

"Lance…what…happened?" Keith asked, his eyes wide opened, unable to understand why he was in MedTech and why he was in pain.

Lance carefully studied him before he answered, "What's the last thing you remember?"

Keith lowered his gaze, trying to search through his memory, but found it blank, "I…don't…" he shook his head slowly.

Lance took a deep breath, "It's okay Keith, just rest. We'll explain everything to you later when you feel better. I'll call Allura for you. Be right back."

It only took Lance a minute or so to call the group in. Allura was the first to walk into the room. She immediately went to him, "Keith," her voice full of excitement, but still a bit guarded.

"Are you…alright?" He whispered, looking intently at her.

Surprised by his answer, she tilted her head in question. "What do you mean Keith?"

"Were…we…attacked? Did they…hurt…you? Is that how…I got here?"

Allura looked up to Lance, who shook his head. Understanding, what her friend told her, the princess turned back to Keith, "Yes…it was an attack, but we're all fine. Just rest, we'll explain it to you when you're better."

He nodded, although, slowly and stiffly. "Everyone else…okay?"

Everyone else began to let him know they were present. As he heard the voices around him, he became more aware, acknowledging everyone. He eyes then fell on the advisor, "Coran…you too?"

The advisor looked at his arm band, "I'm fine Keith, nothing this old man couldn't handle," he lied and offered him a warm smile. Keith looked confused, but also tired, he only nodded. He stated, "I'm thirsty…"

Allura walked over to the table next to Keith's bed, picked up a water pitcher and poured some water into the plastic cup that held a straw. She gently held the cup to his face and put the straw against his lips. "Here's some water. Tell me if you want more."

Nanny, who was also in the room took notice not only of Allura's actions, but also in her features. Not once did she look at anybody else in the room, her sight solely focused on the commander. At that moment, the governess understood what Coran had previously told her in the MedTech waiting room two weeks prior. Confirmation was right in front of the governess' eyes. Allura was in love.

A few seconds later, Dr. Gorma arrived along with Dr. Driver, "Commander, good to see you're awake. Let's take a look at you."

"Hunk…the lions," Keith suddenly stated to the room, after he signaled to Allura he didn't want any more water.

Hunk came closer to his friend's bed, "They are fine Keith. Everything is under control. Just try to get better."

Dr. Driver sent everyone a signal to leave with his eyes, "We need to examine the commander."

"He doesn't remember anything," Sven whispered to Driver he gestured the group out. He turned his attention back to the commander, "We'll return after the doctor examines you, Keith. Come on guys."

The doctor nodded in understanding.

After everyone left, Gorma turned to his patient, "Alright Commander, let me present to you Dr. Warren Driver. He…assisted me with your surgery."

Xxxxxxxx

Several minutes later, Gorma and Driver walked out of Keith's room, "Well, physically he's stable. He's disoriented, that's to be expected as well, but with time that will go away," Driver mentioned.

"What now?" Pidge asked.

"We continue to observe him," Gorma nodded. "We did tell him he was shot in the chest, but didn't tell him the specifics of the battle. I told him Dr. Driver was his thoracic surgeon."

"For now, all we can do is wait. Maryann is reading over her studies to see if there is anything else you all should know," Driver volunteered. "I'll stay on for a couple of days to make sure he heals properly from my procedure."

Gorma nodded, "Thank you Warren."

The doctor nodded his acceptance.

"Can I go in to see him?" Allura asked.

"Yes, of course, Princess. Go on in," Driver stated, smiling.

She excused himself from the group and went back into the room.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Keith heard the door open and watched as Allura slowly walked in. He lifted his head up a bit from the pillow and offered her a soft smile, "Hey," he whispered, still struggling to get the words out.

"Hi," she smiled as walked up to him to take his hand. "How are you feeling?"

Keith's smile fell as he answered, "I don't…know…lost."

The princess tilted her head curiously, "What do you mean?"

"I don't remember…anything. Thought it come…back by now." Keith answered, closing his eyes.

Placing her hand against his cheek, Allura soothed him as she spoke to him gently, "That's not important now. What's important is that you get better."

"I feel so tired," Keith told her, rubbing his cheek against her hand.

"Then sleep."

He shook his head weakly as he closed his eyes, "I feel like I've slept forever."

Allura leaned down and put her lips close to his ear, "You don't have to sleep. Just close your eyes and rest."

Keith sighed heavily, "Allura…I don't want… to be alone. I feel lonely…abandoned…"

The princess caressed his hair as she whispered back to him, "You're not alone. We're here. I'm here."

"Don't leave me."

She kissed his forehead, "I'm not going anywhere."

VVVVVVVVV

The next four days brought back a sense of normalcy around the castle. Lance walked through the halls heading toward MedTech, feeling better than he had in days. Finally, things were getting back to normal. They escaped Doom even if Zarkon and Lotor were MIA, for a while. Sven and Romelle left the evening before, after seeing that things had lapsed back to normalcy.

Even better, Keith seemed to be adjusting nicely. Thank God, Maryann's theory was right and he remembers nothing. Lance thought as he went to MedTech that morning to visit Keith. The commander seemed to get stronger by the day. His only complaint, however, was a feeling of loneliness he could explain and quite couldn't shake. Maryann had told him that it must be on of the side effects and that she was keeping a close watch on it.

Allura was also happier. She had glued herself to Keith. Lance laughed when Keith asked him why the princess continued visiting so frequently. If he only knew. Lance thought as the memory played in his mind. The lieutenant was looking forward to today. After his visit, he had a very special date, Lunch with a certain pretty French scientist! Lance remarked to himself as he punched in the codes to open the door to MedTech.

His smile faded however when he saw the commotion in the lobby. Nurses walked briskly from one end to the other. Doctor Gorma was on the communicator, speaking to control. The environment around him felt hard, rough, and nerve racking. Then, suddenly, Lance felt a tap on his shoulder, "Maryann, what's going on?"

Maryann's eyes were filled with worry and fear, "Keith complained of a bad migraine and nausea this morning. The nurse gave him some medication along with an anti-nauseate. When she came back to check on him an hour later...he was gone."

"What!"

"He's gone, Lance! We've searched all over MedTech and we can't find him. Dr. Gorma is calling control to have them put out an alert."

Turning to leave, Lance called out, "I'm going to check his room. He hates MedTech. Maybe he decided he rather recuperate there."

"Wait!" The professor called out roughly.

"What?" he tried to maintain his calmness as he turned back toward her.

"Lance…I think he remembers," she sighed in frustration.

Sighing heavily, he breathed out, "Damn it! I have to go. I have to find him."

VVVVVVVVV

Lance dashed into Keith's room calling his name, but found no one inside. He searched around the room and found nothing out of the ordinary.

"Keith, where could you have gone to?" Lance whispered between breaths.

He turned around to leave when he suddenly stopped. The lieutenant closed his eyes, hoping that what he was thinking was wrong. Slowly, Lance deviated from his destination, "Please...please..." he kept repeating as he headed to the nightstand. He opened the drawer and swore once more when he saw what was missing. He turned around and ran out of the room.

xxxxxxxxxx

"He couldn't have gone very far," Coran stated to the group as they all met in the control room. Almost immediately, the advisor began barking orders.

"Hunk, Pidge check around the perimeters of the castle. Allura, go with the guards and check everywhere inside," Coran looked around, "Where's Lance?"

"Right here!" He came running in, "Keith took his gun." The lieutenant stated with a grim expression in his eyes.

"Damn it!" Hunk shook his head, "Pidge, let's go." He ordered his younger friend, who ran out right behind him.

"Why would he take his gun?" Allura questioned for a moment before it dawned on her. "No!"

"We'll find him as fast as we can," Lance assured her. "I'm just thinking about where he'd go. "

"We have everyone working inside and out of the castle searching for him," Coran advised, "Maybe the stables? Although, I don't think he's strong enough yet to ride."

"Well, maybe he took a cruiser," Lance offered. He went straight to the control panel and punched in a code, "Bingo! He did take a cruiser, but where?"

"The lake!" Allura blurted out. "He told me once that he went to the lake when he wanted to think."

"I'm heading over there." Lance turned to run out of the room without waiting for an answer.

"I'm going with you," Allura started to follow him.

"Allura…"

"No, Lance! I'm going with you," she told him firmly.

He nodded to her then held out his hand. She took it as they ran out of the control room together.

VVVVVVVVVV

The sun had not yet showed itself from beyond the lake. Early morning mist hung around them, making it challenging for Lance and Allura to survey the area. As Allura walked closer to the lake, she felt chills creep up her spine. The air felt musty, thick and an eerie feeling possessed her.

"Where is he?" Lance asked, searching the area.

"He likes sitting near the water," Allura answered. "Perhaps those oaks that grow closer to the water's edge." She pointed to some large trees near the lake.

Nodding, Lance replied, "Let's search there first." As both walked closer, they found Keith reclining by one of the oaks near the lake. The morning fog was slowly vanishing over the sleeping water, but it still hadn't cleared completely around them. He had taken off his hospital attire and put on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Stay back. Let me speak to him first," Lance told Allura.

She nodded, her eyes staying on Keith.

"Keith," Lance called out as he walked slowly toward him, but halted when Keith stopped him abruptly.

He looked at Lance, a disgusted look in his eyes "Stay away from me," he seethed as he pulled the gun and pointed it at Lance.

Lance could almost see him clearly despite the mist of the fog. He could make out his friend's shape by the tree, sitting down along side of it, leaning back against the trunk and the gun pointed straight at him.

Shocked to see his friend's action, Lance stepped back and tried to reason with him, "Keith, you shouldn't be out here. It's too cold and you...you just got out of surgery a couple of days ago. This isn't good for you. Besides, you're scaring everyone."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you all keep it a secret from me?" Keith asked, his hand with the gun shaking.

Lance didn't know how to answer him. All he managed to say was, "We were going to tell you, when you got stronger."

"You're a bad liar, Lieutenant," Keith shook his head. "Care to try it again?"

Letting out an exasperated breath, he told him, "We thought it best...for you."

"For me?" Keith let out a humorless laugh.

"Keith..." he began, but Lance was quickly cut off.

"I couldn't sleep last night. Thought they were nightmares," Keith started. "This morning, I woke up with a pulsing headache. Then, the flashes came. They were painful, but real. I remembered...I remembered everything. I wanted to throw up," Lance thought he saw his head bob a little as his friend asked. "Was it real?"

"Keith..."

"I shot you," his voice cracked.

"Yeah…but it didn't hurt," he tried joking unsuccessfully. Keith ignored him.

"I…decapitated Throk?" sounding more like a question in between breaths.

Silence. "Answer me Lance," his voice rose and the hand with the gun shook even more, "Did I kill Throk and decapitated him?"

"Yes," Lance hissed out with pain, not wanting to make his best friend hurt any more.

"I shot Coran." A statement this time.

"Yes."

Keith closed his eyes, remembering what the advisor told him days before, Another lie. "I killed a prisoner...for no apparent reason."

Lance sighed deeply, "Yes."

"I tried to kill you…" he repeated as he closed his eyes and wiped the tears away with his other arm, remembering the scene in Zarkon's throne room.

"You couldn't control what you were doing," he reassured him.

"I," Keith breathed heavily, praying that the last question was not true. More tears ran down in his face as he asked, "I...raped…I raped Allura?"

"No, you didn't," Lance took a step closer.

Silence for a moment he stuttered, trying to convince himself that was Lance stated was true, "I remember...I remember...I remember doing that."

Lance noticed that Keith didn't sound coherent. He risked another step, but Keith would not allow him to come nearer, "Don't...don't come any closer!" he raised his voice again. With those few steps, Lance finally realized he gripped the blaster harder when Lance stepped forward. He immediately retreated before Keith turned his gaze once again to rest on the lake. Just like Maryann had said, he's not thinking logically. I have to stop him somehow.

"Listen," Lance told him carefully, using his hand to motion to the princess to stay back when he felt her coming closer. She refused. "Allura told me what happened. It was not rape. It was consensual. She agreed. She wanted to. Keith, she loves you!" As the fog began to clear, he took a better look at his friend. The commander was shaking, pale and breathing erratically.

Silence again until he uttered. "I...ah...I almost killed her. If it wasn't for Lotor...I would have killed her. God, I would have killed her." The hand with the gun shook harder.

"That was all Zarkon's doing! You can't blame yourself," Allura suddenly yelled.

"Allura?" he turned his head slightly when he heard her voice.

"Please don't," she begged as she moved forward. "None of it was your fault."

"That's not true...that's not true...that's not true," he shook his head, disagreeing profusely.

"Keith, let's go back to the castle. We can talk about it at MedTech. You can't be out here that long. You're already shaking from the cold," Allura gently but firmly told him.

"I'm not cold…just lonely. So damn lonely."

That word again Lance thought he saw Keith bob his head and then shook it, as if trying to stay awake. Is he passing out? He noticed his friend lowering his blaster.

"Keith let's go back. Let me help you," Allura continued.

Keith ignored them and turned his attention back toward the lake, the fog lifted. He began to see the stillness of the water, the very light breeze that feathers the leaves on the trees that surround it, "I've always...liked the lake. It was peaceful...tranquil. I..could always regain...my calm, my focus. I think I...solved my problems while...feeling the breeze on...my face. It was refreshing…feeling the pure, clean air around me. The lake centered me. I want to remember that feeling one last time." He paused, now crying, but then looked at his blaster, "Just one last time. But I don't feel that…I tried searching for it…but I can't feel it. All I feel is damn loneliness! I don't want to feel this...I don't want to be here..." Keith looked at his blaster intently and breathed harder.

Lance gasped, astonished by the last statement then pleaded, "Don't do this." Allura looked at Lance with pure terror in her eyes.

Keith ignored him, "It's ironic...Lance. I started my...life as a criminal and I'm going...to end in the same path."

"You're no criminal. Keith, you're not well. Zarkon...he did things...but you'll recover, I promise. Just trust us to help you. What you're experiencing is not permanent."

"What do you mean?" Keith asked as he picked up and pointed the gun toward himself. "Of course it is! Do you think I'll ever forget? It's plastered in my mind. i can't get the memories out!" he yelled.

Lance's eyes widened, "Don't do anything stupid, Keith!"

"Keith, please!" Allura shouted.

That mirthless laugh escaped Keith once more and this time much powerful. It made them cringe. Lance remembered that Keith laughed exactly that way under Zarkon's influence. The person Zarkon wanted to create still lingered within his best friend.

"I wouldn't shoot myself," he finally put the gun down and began gesturing with his hand. "It's too...messy." he said, starting to slur his words a bit as he laid his head against the tree trunk, "I hate messy. This is…cleaner."

A wave of relief passed over the princess, Good, if he passes out it'll be easier to take him back. Just as the first wave passed, a second made its appearance. Knowing fully well that relief would only come if the gun was away from Keith, Allura decided to play along with him, "Okay, since it's too messy, you wouldn't mind handing me the blaster, would you?"

Without hesitation, Keith tossed the blaster to Lance instead, albeit, a bit sloppily. Lance picked up the weapon noticing the safety still on. "Can we go home now?" he asked carefully.

Keith chuckled darkly, "I am," he simply whispered before he said no more.

Lance waited a moment more before he carefully moved closer, "Keith," he called out, but received no answer. He looked at Allura, who sprinted to Keith without question. Quickly, Lance followed, finding Keith slumped down, his head lying on his chest.

"He's out," Allura said.

Lance sighed heavily and took out his communicator, "This is Lance. We found him."

"Thank heavens!" He heard Coran call out, "Was he at the lake?"

"Yes, Allura and I are bringing him back."

"Is he breathing?" Allura looked up at Lance sounding alarmed.

Lance kneeled and checked his friend's heart rate by pressing his middle and ring finger onto his neck. He tilted his head and frowned, a bit alarmed by the slowness of the beats, "Keith, answer me."

When he didn't get a response, Lance slapped him on his cheek lightly to get a response,"Keith, answer me!" Again, no response, not even a moan.

"What's wrong?" Allura asked, her tone rising.

"He isn't responding," Lance looked around, something was not right. He felt it. He noticed Keith's tightly, gripped left hand and forced it open that his eyes widened. He held an empty pill container. 'The anti-depressants!'

"Oh my God!" The princess gasped as she looked down on the bottle.

"Coran, get me Gorma!"

"What's wrong?" His tone rising as he sensed the panic in the lieutenant.

"Get him now!"