Chapter Thirty-Three - Betrayals
Guessing that she would have returned to her chambers, Heine headed straight for TaraLeila's room and quietly knocked at the door. "Tara?"
But when there was no answer, he cautiously opened the door and peeked inside, but the Knight wasn't there.
Where else could she have gone?
He quickly went to his own room instead, wondering if perhaps she'd gone there in the hopes that he would follow her inside, but she wasn't there, either. Then an idea came to him, and Heine headed to the palace chapel. Sure enough, as he stepped inside, he found TaraLeila kneeling before the altar in supplication. More surprising, however, was that she'd removed her tabard and was clutching it to her chest like a talisman.
Without a word, Heine approached and knelt beside her, carefully watching her out of the corner of his eye. She didn't react at first, and he wondered if she'd even realized he was there.
"I suppose... 'twas bound to happen eventually. I just... I just hoped it never would."
"Does this have to do with whatever Prince Eins said to you on the terrace?" Heine asked in a low voice, even as something inside of him hoped that TaraLeila would refuse to answer.
She bowed her head, staring down at the tabard she held.
"Aye."
She rested her face against the folds of her tabard for a long time, then she let out a shuddering breath, lifted her head, and slowly, almost painfully, began to speak.
"I was but a bairn when the Uprisin' happened, and the earldom of Ceanntíre, my home, was no different than the others as the Uprisin' swept across the land."
"Which side did the Earl fight for?"
Her fingers clasped so tightly around her tabard that they slowly went white.
"Father fought for the High King, and our continued allegiance to the Triple Kingdoms."
"Was that the Earl's position as well?"
She closed her eyes. "Father was the Earl."
His mouth falling open, Heine recoiled in surprise. "What?!"
TaraLeila nodded, her eyes still closed. "Aye. Lord Iain Crois an Rathad, Earl of Ceanntíre. But that's no' all. Ye see, before she married Father, Mam supported the Separatist cause. She didn't trust Avalon to no' overreach itself one day and try to exert a greater influence over the Marches. But then she met Father, and she left that part of her life behind. Or so she thought. But when the Uprisin' finally began, and the killin' started, they tried to convince her to rejoin them, and to sway Father's influence on behalf of the Separatists."
Her voice grew fainter. "Father found out."
Heine's heart ached in his chest. "Tara..."
"He... he went mad that night. Even though Mam swore by all she held dear that she'd abandoned them, he didn't believe her. How could he? Our own fields ran red with blood as the Marches went to war, our own people killin' one another."
Slowly, Heine realized what had to be coming.
"I heard him, rantin' and ravin' about no' bein' able to trust anyone anymore. And then... then Father drew his sword, and he cut her down without a thought. And even as the servants ran, he cut them down. One after another. Mam was dyin', but still she begged him to stop. He didn't listen. Then he grabbed a firebrand from the hearth and threw it against the tapestries on the wall, and another onto the rug. The flames spread through the house, the smoke fillin' the air, along with his rage."
Tears were slowly sliding down her cheeks.
"I wanted to stop him, but... I was five years old. What could I do? So I ran and hid in my room. But then I heard Father come down the hall. He opened my door, and I knew... I knew with everythin' in me that he would kill me. The rage was so strong, he... It mattered naught to him that I was his daughter... all he could see and hear and feel was hate. But he only got one step... and then he collapsed, and there was Mam behind him. She'd stabbed him in the back and then she fell."
TaraLeila looked over at the tutor, her pale blue eyes filled with anguish. "Father just lay there, Mam dyin' at his feet, the servants' bodies scattered like broken, bleedin' dolls throughout the house. Then he looked at me. He said no' a word. And I saw the light leave his eyes. But I couldn't move, no' even when the flames reached my room."
"Tara-" Heine drew her against him, holding her tightly, but he could feel her tears slowly dampening his clothes.
"Then the ceilin' collapsed, and I was trapped in the fire. I was certain I would die there too, with Mam and Father. Part of me wanted to. But then... someone else was there, pullin' away the beams, fightin' back the flames to escape with me out the window."
"The Knights," Heine said quietly, fitting another puzzle piece into place. "That's how you survived, and why they took you in. They were the ones who rescued you."
She slowly nodded. "Aye. Aindriu McKenna saved me." Leaning back from Heine, TaraLeila reached up and pulled at her collar, and Heine could see the burn scars along the top of her shoulder. "He and the others were no' even sure I'd survive. Months passed before I could even walk."
Remembering the horrific scars he'd seen across her back after she'd been shot, Heine thought it nothing short of a miracle that a five-year-old child had survived such an ordeal.
"Aindriu and the other Knights told His Majesty of what had happened. Charles III, James's father, knew that Father had been a supporter, and could no' risk having the earldom fall to the Separatists. It was proclaimed that Iain's daughter had survived and was hidden away as a ward of the Crown. In the meantime, the Rose and Cross would step in as a neutral steward of the earldom, supporting His Majesty, but no' persecutin' the Separatists. Neither side wanted to cross the Knights, and so Ceanntíre has been held in stewardship."
"All these years, I've still an... an inheritance to claim. However, I'm no' sure 'tis the right thing to do. Because it has its own obligations and duties, duties that would no' allow me to continue on as a Knight."
And the last of the pieces fell into place. "That's what you wanted to talk to me about. The inheritance you mentioned is-"
"-the earldom of Ceanntíre, the title of Countess, and a seat on the Highlands Council of Lords... as well as the scandal of my mother bein' suspected as a traitor, and both my parents bein' murderers."
Heine exhaled sharply. "It's more than that, Tara. If His Majesty is seriously willing to consider you as a possible match for Prince Bruno, you owe it to him and to the prince to tell them the truth."
"Are ye completely mad?!" she gasped. "I can't go to them and tell them this!"
"Tara, Prince Eins already knows, and if he does, so does Count Rosenberg. There's no way they'll let something this damaging stay hidden for long."
She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth in frustration. "If no one finds out before I leave Granzreich, when I go, I'll no' return. Granzreich can forget I was ever here, and His Highness will be safe from scandal."
Before he could stop himself, Heine snapped, "The TaraLeila I know would never do something so cowardly."
The moment the words were out, the tutor would have given anything in the world to take them back as he saw the shock and then anger blazing in her eyes.
"Ye... ye resigned your post to avoid any hint of scandal bein' connected to the princes. And now ye sit there and criticize me for keepin' my own past hidden from him? How DARE ye?!" She was shouting in fury by the time she was done, and Heine instinctively moved away.
"Tara, I-"
She cut him off, pale blue eyes filled with angry tears. "Ye of all people should understand, but no... ye're just like everyone else, judgmental and closed-minded. I thought better of ye, Heine."
She leapt to her feet and whirled to leave, but then she froze in her tracks as she saw Bruno standing just inside the chapel doors.
And from his shocked expression, it was clear that the prince had heard every word.
Standing before the altar, TaraLeila's face went completely white.
"Prince Bruno..." she whispered. "I..."
"This... this can't be true!" Bruno stared at her in shock, but TaraLeila turned her face away from Bruno in shame. "Dame TaraLeila... please tell me it's not true!"
The prince felt as though he were being torn in two. Part of him wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, to comfort the turmoil that was so clearly raging inside of her. But at the same time, to know that her silence had put his own position as heir in jeopardy - he couldn't accept it.
"You knew," he whispered. "I know Professor Wittgenstein told you about what Eins and Count Rosenberg had done to my brothers, and how hard we had to fight to keep scandal from our names. But I never believed that you, an upstanding, honourable Knight, could-"
"Highness," Heine said warningly, already regretting his own sharp words.
At that, TaraLeila turned to face Bruno, her eyes bright with tears. "Do ye truly believe I did it on purpose? That for some reason I would want to bring ye down? Is that truly what ye think of me?"
The frustration and hurt boiling over within him, Bruno shouted, "You could have told me! At least if I had known, we... we could have taken steps to mitigate this, so it wouldn't have mattered!"
TaraLeila bowed her head, twisting her tabard in her hands.
"I never wanted ye to find out," she said at last, her voice filled with a sadness so deep that it rocked Bruno to the core. "I tried so hard to put it behind me, to make a new life for myself."
The prince put one hand to his forehead, wishing it could calm the angry, hurtful thoughts racing through his mind.
"You didn't trust me enough to tell me," he said slowly, and she recoiled as though he had struck her.
"No' trust ye? I let myself believe that I could be happy with ye, that life could be worth livin' again, that I could finally let go of my past and let myself lo-" She stopped before she could finish the word, but Bruno's heart ached within him at the pain he saw in her face.
"TaraLeila..."
Pushing her way past Bruno, she fled the chapel in tears.
Bruno stood frozen in place, his emotions roiling inside at the memory of the anguish he'd seen in TaraLeila's eyes.
Then he was dimly aware of Heine guiding him toward a pew and forcing him to sit.
"I am sorry you had to learn of this in such fashion, Prince Bruno... then again, I... I can understand a little of what you feel."
"Do you?" Bruno said softly.
The tutor sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "My prince... do you remember when you and your brothers first discovered the truth about my past?"
It was not an experience that Bruno felt he was likely to ever forget.
When Bruno didn't answer, Heine went on. "You'd uncovered the truth that I had been arrested for the attempted assassination of a crown prince, as well as grievous assault against five members of the Royal Guard. Yet you never abandoned your faith in me." The tutor rested one hand on the prince's shoulder. "Is your faith in her so easily shaken?"
Put that bluntly, Bruno dropped his gaze and slowly shook his head.
"No, Master... it's just... it's just... how could she not tell me?!"
Heine sat beside his student, turning his cap over and over in his hands.
"I still can't claim to know the entire story, Highness, but TaraLeila was already considering forfeiting her inheritance, and planning to remain a commoner Knight for the rest of her days. She... she never anticipated meeting you, or caring for you as she does. Once that happened, well..." The tutor sighed. "It made her choice that much more difficult."
Bruno wrapped his arms around himself, trying futilely to keep himself from trembling, and Heine rested one hand on his shoulder.
"In the end, Highness, it comes down to this... knowing now what you do... how do you feel about her?"
If I were cold-hearted, I wouldn't feel as I do, where all I want to do is know the warmth of her smile, to embrace her strength and her grace, to take her in my arms and hold her for as long as this life allowed.
Bruno bowed his head and swallowed hard, then he looked up at Heine with tears in his eyes.
"I love her, Master. Part of me wants to hate her, but... but I can't."
"If you truly feel that way about her, my prince, then she deserves to know. Don't let her make a choice that both of you might regret."
"Then why did you not tell the woman you cared for about your own feelings?" Bruno asked, not stopping to think about how his words might hurt the tutor. "You said you were afraid. Was it truly so difficult to tell her how you felt?"
"The situation was different for me," Heine replied, anger giving an unintentional force to his words.
"How?" Bruno demanded. "How was it any different? Was she a noble?"
"Her social class had nothing to do with it. When I met her, I was a poor, starving tutor, who could barely afford the clothes on my back and the food on my table. I had clawed my way up from the streets, fought every day of my life for even the slightest of blessings, but she... she deserved so much more."
Heine's hands clenched into fists. "You cannot imagine what it would have meant for me to call her my own, to know that a soul as rare as hers could bless my life for whatever time she was in it. She was promise itself."
"You are one of the bravest men I've ever known, Master," Bruno said quietly, never taking his eyes from the tutor's. "I don't believe that you would have turned away from her, not when you had fought so hard to improve your lot in life."
Heine rounded on his student with clenched teeth. "I was a common criminal, Highness, I didn't deserve the love of someone who devoted her life to justice-"
Too late, he realized what he had just said, and Bruno's face went totally ashen.
"What?!" he whispered. "You... you can't mean..."
Heine turned away, but not before he saw the look of stark pain and disbelief in Bruno's eyes.
Bruno couldn't have moved from where he sat if he had tried, so stunned was he. "TaraLeila."
"You... you care about her a great deal, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Can't you just see it? Dame TaraLeila saves Professor Heine from some terrible fate, and he falls in love with the beautiful Knight, who then must leave, her duty calling her far away..."
As he realized that Licht's melodramatic remark had actually been far more accurate than any of them had supposed, Bruno was only vaguely conscious of Heine stalking out of the chapel.
Alone in her room, TaraLeila knelt beside her bed, her hands folded in prayer as hot tears wound their way down her face.
What do I do? I'm no' strong enough to endure the pain of bein' around Heine and the others, to see day after day the disdain and distrust in their eyes. Forgive me, Lord, for my cowardice.
"Ye always seem to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders... but it need no' be that way. Ye are allowed to be happy, ye ken."
"My heart broke eighteen years ago, and I've managed without it just fine."
TaraLeila had recognized even then how hollow her statement had been. But now that she knew what it meant to lose her heart to someone, only now did she understand what true heartbreak was.
But I know what I must do now. I must give it all up... Ceanntíre, my title here, even... even Bruno. I can't hate him, nor can I hate Heine... 'tis wrong and weel I know it. So I will do my best to forgive them, and I will set aside my feelings for them. I am no noble – no' by birth, no' by decree. I will live out the rest of my days as TaraLeila MacIntyre, a commoner Knight, and Alannean Crois an Rathad will die once and for all. And...
She hid her face against her tabard.
... and I will never return to Granzreich again.
To be continued...