Kim smiled again as she motioned for Blake to join her on a nearby couch. It was the loveseat he and Tori had occupied earlier, but with the two of them being so slight, there was plenty of room for both of them to sit. Their new position gave them a handy spot to survey everyone else in the room. Cam, Billy and Haley were at the main computer station, deeply engrossed in fixing the transporter glitch that had been troubling Conner. The Dino Rangers were camped out of the big couch with Hunter opposite the computer display. Beyond them was the circle of ninjas, still in deep meditation seeking out Tommy or Dustin.
Kim noticed Blake's gaze drifting again toward Hunter. Blake definitely felt a fierce pride in his brother…but there was something else there too. And Kim, though she was feeling more inclined to talk, found it easier to guide Blake in talking about himself than opening up about herself. So she followed her instincts as she had with countless students and friends in the past.
"You really miss him."
It was more of a statement than a question. Blake threw a half-hearted smile Kim's way, and was preparing to make a flip response. But she didn't miss the guilt and jealousy, however fleeting, on his face, and didn't give him a chance to respond. Instead, she went for the kill. She had enough experience to know that going right for the heart of the matter from the start saved a lot of time in the end.
"You don't really think Conner would be able to take your place, do you?"
Blake's nakedly shocked expression was answer enough, but he tried to cover it up "What?! No…of course not! I…" Blake's words were saying one thing, but his face said another. His gaze drifted over again to the couch where Hunter was attempting to make Conner more comfortable without waking him up. Kira silently passed a pillow over to him, and while he adjusted the slumbering Red Ranger she realized that her new position suited her better. She promptly drew another pillow over for herself, curled up into a ball and settled down in the space between Conner and the couch.
Kim tried to see Hunter the way his brother did. She got the feeling Hunter was rarely so solicitous of anyone other than Blake. The gentle way he was tending to Conner was something Blake had never seen him do for anyone outside of his family. Very likely, the only time Hunter ever wore that particular expression of gentle concern on his face was when Blake was sleeping or sick enough not to remember it. It was hard for Blake to see Hunter care for someone else with such concern because it brought up uncomfortable feelings for him. That in turn, made him feel guilty and angry at himself. Kim knew from her own experience that this was a situation that needed to be nipped in the bud.
Kim scooted closer to Blake to lay a hand on his arm. Her touch drew his attention and his gaze. The fleeting emotions that crossed his face were nothing compared to what she could feel from him. Immediately Kim could sense him wanting to withdraw; again, she didn't give him the chance. Instead of insisting he share more of his own feelings, she shared her own. Without words, she passed to him her own feelings of freedom and guilt when she left her team. For her it was different because her team was still active, but all of the things she went through and had felt were the same.
Kim caught Blake's gaze again. His expression now was one of wonder at being able to communicate using pure emotion and profound relief at finding someone who understood what he was going through. And Kim could admit between them, she was feeling the same.
"After I left for Florida," Kim stated softly, "I was so excited just to be away. It was fun and scary and awesome and exciting. I loved my school, I loved my teammates and I loved being able to focus totally on gymnastics. I loved each and every day...but the nights were really hard."
"I know what you mean… I love riding." Blake said in an equally soft tone. "I love being out there racing and getting to travel all over the country. It's really awesome!" Kim could see in his eyes how sincere his feelings were. Then he dropped his gaze. "But it's hard too…being away from everyone. Tori…Hunter…I feel like they're doing so much more important stuff. They're all changing, and I'm still out there riding bikes. I'm the one who left, but I feel like I was the one left behind."
Again, Kim understood exactly what Blake was feeling – not just because she could feel it from him, but because she'd lived through it herself. For a simple, quiet moment, they sat being comforted by a perfectly understanding heart. Kim softly withdrew her hand from Blake's arm, no longer needing a physical touch to be bound to him. She scooted back and drew her legs into a pretzel under her. Blake turned to face her, pulling his right knee up, and folding his left leg under him.
Kim shared her feelings of loneliness and being isolated from the team. Blake couldn't catch all of the details of the situation from her emotions, but he knew that it was an old pain and one that she wanted desperately to alleviate. It was what she had picked up from him and why she had responded so strongly. She hoped that by sharing her story with him, he would never feel the isolation from his team the way she'd felt with hers. Because of her age and experience, Kim was more adept at picking up details from Blake's emotional state than he was with hers. She hadn't realized in all the years she'd been teaching and coaching that the instincts she followed to counsel her students lay heavily with the "heart" type she'd always been.
Blake, so relieved to find someone who could relate to his situation, was now eager to share his feelings – if for no other reason than to get them off his chest. But being unused to communicating with pure feeling, he resorted to speaking instead. "This thing with Hunter and Conner…I just feel so stupid about it. Of course Hunter would help him. It's what he does. He's wicked overprotective." He gave Kim a look to underscore his statement; it made her chuckle because behind it was all of the exasperation of a younger brother who's unable to get his big brother off of his back.
Blake's exasperation surged into a spike of jealousy which he ruthlessly suppressed. Kim intervened. "Blake, you've got to understand…it's totally okay to feel however you feel. You've had Hunter basically to yourself your whole lives; it's natural to feel jealously when someone else comes in the picture. There's nothing wrong with how you feel." She tried to underscore her statement with insistence and understanding. Blake was hearing her, but he wasn't buying it. So she tried another tactic.
"Blake, we feel things all the time. You can't put a positive or negative on how you feel anytime you think you're feeling something "bad". Jealousy is a natural emotion. It's only "bad" if it takes over all of your thinking or made you want to do something to hurt Conner."
"I would never do that!" Blake responded heatedly.
"Of course not!" Kim agreed. "That's what I'm saying. Listen to your emotions, acknowledge them, but don't let them take over." Kim's own surge of emotion as she spoke was clear enough for Blake to pick up on.
"Is that what happened to you, Kim?"
Now it was Kim's turn to look away. Her gaze drifted over to where Billy was working. He was no longer in the thick of things; he was standing slightly off to the side watching Cam and Haley. Kim was amazed at his poise, and how confident he was. Kim pulled her gaze away and looked back at Blake who was waiting expectantly. "I listened to my emotions…but they did take over. But the time I cleared my head, I was faced with such a huge mess…" She sighed deeply. "I waited too long to try to fix things, and in the end I just ran away from my feelings…at least with the people who mattered the most."
Kim was unable to continue to speak because she was too choked up. Unshed tears took in her big brown eyes. Blake moved instantly to close the gap between them and gave her a fierce hug. Kim was grateful for the support and hugged him fiercely in return. "Don't let your team get away from you, Blake. They're the most important people you'll ever know."
In her embrace, Blake could feel all the love and admiration Kim had for her teammates past and present. In his embrace, Kim could feel all the pride Blake had, not only in his brother, but in all of his teammates; but nearly equal to his pride was Blake's concern for Dustin and the others and how this mission would shake out. Perhaps it was because they were so in tune with each other and through each other the others who were assembled, that Kim and Blake were the first to realize that something significant was occurring with the group working with Sensei Kanoi.
Blake could feel the strong echoes of Dustin's panic, and Shane's powerful reaction to it. Kim could feel Tommy's intense need to protect Dustin against whatever agent had moved against the Yellow Ranger and guilt at his inattentiveness in his time of need. Before any of the others in the lab could react, Kim and Blake were already in motion. The explosion of power that rocked the small circle threw the ninjas in all directions. But for Blake there was only one destination. He had a sense that in this situation Hunter's physical power was not what Shane would need and as he rushed by the couch where Hunter was seated he sent an "I got this one, bro" message to his brother. Then he put Hunter out of his mind so he could focus on Shane.
Because he'd been so open with Kim at the time he felt Shane's distress, Blake felt so much more from Shane than he ever had before. The choked sob from Shane nearly brought Blake to his knees, but the Navy Ranger never stopped moving. He was amazed that everyone in the room wasn't overwhelmed with Shane's emotions though he could sense that Tori was having a hard time. Grateful that Tori had Kim to help her, Blake dropped to Shane's side.
Though Blake had no gift of mind-speech, Shane's thoughts were so caught up in his emotions that he was easy to read. I let him down again! (rage) I'm helpless! (despair) I'm useless! (inadequacy) Dustin HATES needles! (FEAR) Each thought/emotion cycled through in a flash, repeating over and over. And each time, Shane became tighter and tighter with tension, attempting to quash his roiling emotions. Blake instinctively knew that if Shane continued he would be crushed under the weight of what he was carrying; he had to let it out.
Blake reached out to lay his left hand on Shane's chest, and placed his right hand on his head. He positioned himself to give Shane as much privacy as possible because he already had a plan and knew what he had to do. Even Blake's gentle touch had caused Shane to withdraw even more – there was no more time. Blake leaned in, speaking softly so only Shane could hear. He reinforced what he had to say with every shred of power he could muster as he whispered, "Shane…Dustin needs you more than ever now. If you give up on yourself, you're giving up on him too. We're going to get him back…he owes me fifty bucks."
Blake's completely random and inappropriate non-sequitor forced a completely involuntary laugh from Shane, which led to a more natural release as he allowed himself to cry. Once Shane stopped fighting himself, Blake became aware of movement in the room, as if everyone was waiting for that to happen. He was glad that people were starting to move away – it was bad enough for Shane to break down, he certainly didn't need an audience for it.
Blake stayed where he was while Shane cried himself out. As Shane's breathing became less labored and the tension left his body Blake shifted slightly in order to scope out the lay of the land. Deliberate or not, the shortest path to the steps leading up to the kitchen was free of any impediment. Now that Shane was somewhat under control, Blake could feel a growing sense of embarrassment from him. He needed to get Shane out of the lab before that became the next issue.
"Shane, if we make a break for it, we can get upstairs in two seconds."
Shane didn't even lift his arm off of his eyes to check for himself. "'kay." He used the wall as a lever and pushed himself off of the floor. Blake caught him before his forward momentum caused him to fall in the other direction. Drawing Shane's right arm over his shoulder, Blake half-pulled, half-guided Shane to the stairs. Everyone in the lab conveniently found somewhere else to look while the boys made their way up to the kitchen.
Once the door to the kitchen was heard opening and closing, movement resumed again in the lab. Cam looked questioningly at his father. "He will be alright, Cam. Shane is in very good hands." Neither Kanoi nor Kim missed Hunter's beaming grin.
Blake dropped Shane into the nearest chair at the kitchen table. Shane wearily laid his head on his arms and sat quietly. He wasn't talking to Blake, but Blake could still sense how he was feeling. Shane was totally worn out from his emotional episode; the one good thing about it was that he was simply too exhausted to be really embarrassed. Blake hoped he'd be able to talk him around before that became a real issue.
Throughout the day Blake had noticed that whenever Hunter was attempting to get Conner back on his feet he tried to get him to eat. And now that he thought about it, Shane and Hunter always had a tendency to eat a lot especially after an arduous battle. Blake felt that Shane had pretty much been through the wringer, so he began searching for something to feed him.
I hope Dr. Oliver has a stash of junk food somewhere…Shane needs some comfort food!
Blake had only scanned two or three cabinets when he hit the jackpot. Right behind the box of granola bars was a box of graham crackers, and right behind that was the bag of marshmallows and two big bars of chocolate. "Score!" Blake cried jubilantly. The honest excitement in Blake's voice was enough to make Shane crack a smile, but not enough for him to lift his head to see what Blake had discovered.
Blake brought his treasures over to the stove and was glad to see that Tommy had a gas range, not electric. He gathered a plate and some shish kabob forks and set the first few marshmallows up for toasting. While he kept himself busy preparing the snacks, he tried to "read" Shane and tried to plan his next move. By the time the first s'mores were assembled Blake had pretty much decided he had no plan, and that he'd speak to Shane from the heart – it always worked for him in the past, this was no time to try to be something he wasn't.
Blake carried the plate over to the table and slid it next to Shane's elbow. He helped himself to a s'more and sat down in the chair opposite Shane. He could feel Shane's tension increasing, but the level wasn't extreme. Blake took an exaggerated, noisy bite of his s'more. "Ummm…perfect! I am the master of marshmallows."
Shane finally moved, propping his chin up on his folded arms so he could look sardonically at Blake. "Master of marshmallows?" he repeated. Unconsciously he reached for a s'more. He sat up straighter and started eating.
"Yeah, just ask Hunter. My marshmallows are never burned or undercooked. I'm a slow roaster." Blake delivered this statement with a perfectly straight face.
Shane reached for another s'more with his left hand while licking melted marshmallow off the fingers of his right hand. "Umph…" he muttered in appreciation. Blake took it as a compliment. He didn't know if it was the food in general or the sugar specifically, but to Blake, Shane already looked a hundred percent better.
Taking advantage of Shane's improved state of mind, Blake decided to cut to the chase. There was no telling how much time they had so Blake dove in. Catching Shane's eye he asked, "What happened down there?"
Immediately Shane spiked rage, despair and fear – but it was not incapacitating like it had been in the lab. And it surprised Blake to realize that Shane wasn't carrying his own fear; the fear was really Dustin's.
Shane grabbed another s'more and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. Blake gave him some time to eat because he could sense that Shane was trying to give himself time to gather his thoughts, not to avoid Blake's question. Blake nibbled on his own s'more and tried to project support to Shane.
"We were all there, backing up Sensei, you know? It didn't feel like we'd been meditating too long, but when Sensei takes the lead like that, time just sort of slips away." Blake nodded his understanding.
"Then from out of nowhere, I could feel Dustin - he was panicked!" Blake could feel Shane surge with fear again; it was strong, but again it was like an echo because it wasn't Shane's own fear, it was Dustin's. What was stronger was Shane's anger and helplessness. Blake felt battered by the raw emotions, but didn't have the experience to cut himself off from what Shane was feeling. So he just dug in like he would against a strong wind and listened as best as he could.
"There was a needle." Shane shook his head like he was trying to clear the image from his mind. "It came out of nowhere…just this big needle." Shane surged again with empathetic fear for Dustin's panic. "Dustin doesn't just hate needles…they completely freak him out. He never had a chance to get away."
Now Blake could feel how Dustin realized he wasn't alone and when he opened his eyes all he could see was the needle. Blood surged, adrenaline poured, throat closed in panic, but he couldn't get away. The pain in his arm was nothing compared to the panic that the needle was in his arm. In his mind he screamed out for Shane, the only person who'd ever been able to help him through his fear.
Blake drew in a deep breath and tried to divorce himself from the shared memory – Shane didn't seem to realize what had happened. He continued talking. "Did you ever notice down at the track...whenever Dustin got hurt bad enough to need stitches or something he always managed to distract the medic long enough to get away?" Blake brought his attention back to what Shane was saying, it seemed to help his clear his thoughts.
He really thought about what Shane had just asked. A dawning understanding came across his face. "Now that you say that, I think I did notice that."
"When we became Rangers it was easier for him because of our quicker healing ability. Plus, Tori with her water element was able to help ease a lot Dustin's minor scrapes and cuts." Blake nodded again, this time with a fond smile. Tori had eased many of his own bumps and bruises.
Shane continued quietly. "As long as I've known Dustin, he's had this needle thing. One time...he had to get a tetanus shot. It was so bad…"
Blake winced sympathetically. "Ooooo…."
"It was before we met you guys, not long before we became Rangers. Dustin took a harsh fall on the track and some jerk had left some scrap parts where they had no business being. Kelly could not take the risk of Dustin getting an infection and insisted that he get the tetanus shot. His mom actually called me because Dustin said he'd only get the shot if I would be there. With his dad being gone and everything, he didn't want his mom to see him freak out." Shane let out a deep sigh as he recalled the incident. "I pretty much wrapped him up in a bear hug and he pounded my arm black and blue. His doctor was cool…never told his mom how bad it got."
Blake could feel Shane's emotions that were tied to the event and realized that the greater issue Shane was dealing with was not Dustin's fear or his own anger – it was his inability to be physically present to help Dustin in his time of need. It made so much sense to Blake in light of "body" types – Shane's physical distance from Dustin while at the same time knowing he was facing repeated traumas was more than he could handle.
Blake was feeling a little overwhelmed himself and at a loss for what to say next when his cavalry arrived in the forms of two lovely ladies, Kim and Tori. Tori wordlessly slipped into the seat next to Shane and place her hand in his. He squeezed it gently, "You okay, Tor? I didn't mean to pull you out like that."
"I'm better 'cause you're better." Tori looked at Blake and graced him with the heart stopping smile she reserved only for him. "Thanks." she whispered. Blake reached across the table for her free hand. They needed no words as his heart spoke easily to her mind.
After a moment, Blake broke contact and pushed himself away from the table. As much good as he had done for Shane, Tori could do even more, and he was feeling the need to get his own equilibrium back. He left Shane and Tori talking softly and he went back to the stove to roast a few more marshmallows. Kim was in the process of doing the same.
"Good idea." She motioned to the fixin's.
"It seemed to help. I'm going to make a few more to bring downstairs." Blake skewered a few marshmallows. "Are you going to stay up here?" It felt important to him that Shane and Tori not be left alone.
Kim nodded in response. She understood what he was feeling because she felt the same way too. The worked in silence for a few minutes, but it wasn't strained or awkward. As Blake put the finishing touches on the s'mores he was preparing, Kim gently reached out to touch his hand. "You did a good job, Blake." He felt so much more than her words could convey, and he appreciated it.
When Blake returned to the lab there was a lot of muted activity. Blake worked his way around the room with the cookies. Billy and Haley politely refused the offered s'mores on the grounds that they did not want to get melted marshmallow on the sensitive computer equipment. Aisha and Adam were hovering near Rocky who was seated but looking dazed on the couch. Rocky gladly accepted the offer of s'mores and helped himself to four; Aisha seemed slightly disapproving until noticing Rocky's almost immediate improvement after inhaling three of the snacks. She grabbed a few more to keep in reserve. Cam declined the s'mores, but Kanoi accepted them with thanks.
At last, Blake finished the circuit of the lab ending up at the couch where Hunter was still trapped beneath the Dino Rangers. "Did you save any of those for me?" he asked.
"The best ones, bro." Blake replied grinning. He placed the plate on the arm of the couch near Hunter's right hand. And since there was no room for him on the couch, Blake pulled a chair over and parked himself slightly behind the couch on Hunter's right side. Then, closing his eyes, Blake leaned over and let his head drop onto his brother's shoulder.
Finally – a port in the storm. His proximity to Hunter allowed Blake to regain a feeling of inner calm that had been blown apart by the encounter with Shane. Now I get it. I get it and I can feel it too. Blake could no longer harbor any jealousy toward Conner now that he understood just what the Red Ranger was getting out of being in contact with Hunter; it was what Blake had always taken for granted since becoming a Bradley. Hunter was his touchstone, his physical center. He was so grateful for his brother and at the moment all he wanted to do was soak him in.
To say that Hunter was startled by Blake's movement was a gross understatement. In their lives, Hunter was the one who sought out physical contact, Blake almost never did. He was in an awkward position, but that didn't stop Hunter from reaching back with his right hand to place it on Blake's neck. Blake's deep sigh of relief was an indication that it was just what he needed.
"You okay, bro?" Hunter's voice was low but full of concern. Blake nodded and smiled into his shoulder – some things would never change. He was feeling better already, about everything.
