Hi, I'm baaaaaack lol. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I think I managed to reply to pretty much all of you eventually. This chapter kind of ran away from me so if anything seems out of character then I'm sorry and its seriously un-beta-ed so if there's any mistakes then sorry :)

Disclaimer: I dont own Bones

Chapter 36

Up the hill backwards

Temperance Brennan's office, The Jeffersonian Institute, Washington D.C., Monday 7th July 2008, 10:57 a.m.

It's funny sometimes how thing work out. You can spend your whole life working towards a job and then, after you get promoted, realise you don't enjoy it. You can redecorate your whole house only to decide you want to move. You can save every penny for that designer dress only for a friend to comment that yellow really isn't your colour. And you can work incredibly hard to keep a secret only to blurt it out at the first available opportunity…

Temperance Brennan felt sick, sick and paranoid, and it was these factors that had resulted in her being sat in her office alone clutching a stick of white plastic tightly in her hand. The two-three minute period of waiting had long elapsed and she had read the result a million times already but she wasn't ready to let go quite yet. When she had arrived at work that morning, the pregnancy test tucked neatly away inside a brown paper bag, she honestly had had no idea of what the outcome would be. In her eyes it was 50/50, she was either pregnant or she was not. The stick said 'not' and her natural predisposition for scientific truth meant she was inclined to believe it.

So why couldn't she let go?

The answer to that question was fear. She was afraid that if she were to take her eyes off the test for even a fraction of a second the result would change, that it would tell her she was pregnant, that her life would be over. It was illogical, she knew that, and it sounded melodramatic to say a baby would destroy her life but it was true. If she was pregnant then there was only one person who could be the father and it wasn't her fiancé. A baby would just be one more little mess in her whole world of trouble, it was the last thing she needed. Then again…she wasn't pregnant…the stick said so…

In the twelve minutes since the result had appeared on the white plastic she had all but managed to rationalise her symptoms, to make them about anything but a baby. Her dizziness was due to a lack of sleep, her nausea, she decided, was down to her pre-wedding jitters and the fact that her period was late was purely a physical manifestation of the stress she was undergoing. Thinking it through now made her morning dash to the pharmacy seem ridiculous but it hadn't felt ridiculous at the time.

The hand on her office door moved slowly downwards and she left go of the test in a panic, haphazardly tossing it into the waste paper bin beside her desk. She snapped her head up just in time to see Angela attempting to manoeuvre both herself and the carry-cot containing her infant daughter through the door.

'Ange', what are you doing here?'

'Well hello to you too.'

'Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you.'

Angela settled in the seat opposite Temperance's desk and set the carrier down beside her chair. For a woman who had given birth just a couple of weeks earlier she was looking remarkably well.

'I couldn't stay at home any longer; it's driving me crazy being cooped up all day.'

'What about Jack? Isn't he on paternity leave?'

'Yeah but he got up with Em' last night so I thought I'd let him rest and me and Emily have come to visit our favourite 'Auntie Temperance''.

Brennan laughed.

'I'm pretty sure I'm her only 'Auntie Temperance''

'True, true. I'm afraid she's not much company, she just got off to sleep. She seems to like being in the car.'

'Well, several studies have shown that small children find the experience of vehicular motion soothing.'

This time Angela laughed.

'And there was me thinking she just liked looking at the air-freshener.'

Temperance smiled.

'Its good to see you Angela, it really is.'

'Its good to see you too, not least now I hear that your wedding has been moved, to less than three weeks away, honestly sweetie, it really doesn't give me long to plan an outfit.'

'How did you find that out?'

'I got the invitation silly, how did you think I'd found out?'

'I don't know, James is kind of dealing with everything.'

'How much is everything?'

'Well…I picked my dress and the flowers and…actually that's about it.'

'Don't you want to be more involved?'

'To be honest Ange' no, I don't. It sounds terrible but I just want the wedding over as soon as possible.'

Angela smiled slyly.

'I get it, you want the wedding over so you can just enjoy the marriage, oh Bren' honey, that's so sweet.'

Temperance said nothing and Angela had no idea how far off the mark she was. Down in her carrier Emily mewed and Angela bent down to see to her. It was then Brennan realised her mistake. As she started to sit back up straight Angela's eyes coincidently flicked across the room towards the waste-paper bin, landing firmly on an incriminating piece of white plastic. She looked at her friend and spoke in a whisper.

'Bren'?'

Temperance sighed and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them there was a look of hope and mild wonder in Angela's eyes.

'Are you…?'

Honesty was always the best policy right?

'Don't get too excited, its negative.'

Angela's face fell.

'Oh sweetie, I'm sorry…'

She said it before she could think…

'I'm not.'

'But…I thought…you…'

'I've never wanted kids Angela, you know that.'

'Yeah, but that was before, I thought now that you're with James…'

'Deciding to get married doesn't make me a different person Angela, and it certainly doesn't alter my position on child-rearing. I don't want children.'

Angela looked confused, as if this was a completely foreign concept to her.

'But what about James, doesn't he was children?'

She paused before answering, recalling her bathroom conversation with Booth just two days earlier.

'I think he probably does but I've told him my views…'

'Just like you told him you views on marriage then accepted his proposal?'

'Like I said, just because I changed my mind about marriage doesn't mean I want kids.'

'But why not, I just don't get it. You'd be a great mom, and James would be the perfect dad. I mean come on Bren' you're marrying the guy, he's smart, funny, good looking, what better person could you possible want to reproduce with? And just because it hasn't happened this time doesn't mean there's anything to stop you. One false pregnancy test doesn't affect the rest of your life; you and James could still…'

She could never quite say why she did it, all she could say was that something inside her snapped, the deep well of secrecy finally ruptured and the truth came pouring out. All her best laid plans; all her deception and artful manipulation of the truth went to waste simply because she needed to tell someone. The problem was that that someone was her one-time best friend and her timing couldn't have been worse.

'I don't want a baby ok! I'm glad that test is negative because I don't want to have James's baby and I'm even gladder the that test is negative because if I was pregnant it would be James's anyway!'

Angela sat for a moment in shock, opening and closing her mouth several times in silence before she finally spoke. Temperance for her part avoided her friends' gaze and stared instead at the intricate weave pattern of her carpet.

'What do you mean?'

There was no longer any point in beating about the bush and she sat up straight, looking Angela in the eyes and speaking the words that could ruin her.

'Angela, I'm sleeping with Booth.'

It wasn't dramatic, it held no hidden meaning, it was what it was. And yet it was also probably the most important sentence she had ever said which probably explains Angela's reaction.

'YOU WHAT!'

At the sound of her mothers raised voice little Emily awoke and let out a small cry which Angela responded to, scooping the baby into her arms and pacing the room.

'I'm sleeping with Booth.'

'I heard you the first time, I'm just having a little trouble believing you'd do something that stupid.'

'Angela…'

'I mean you said it was nothing. After the kiss incident you told me it was nothing, that you'd put a stop to it.'

'I tried.'

'Apparently you didn't try hard enough.'

Temperance became once again fascinated in her carpet as Angela's disapproval rang in her ears.

'When? When did this start?'

Brennan thought of lying but her eyes betrayed her as they flicked from the carpet to the baby in Angela's arms and back again.

'No. The night I had Emily?'

She didn't need to answer; the truth was present in the blush on her cheeks.

'I needed you and you were with him, busy cheating on your fiancé.'

Temperance refrained from mentioning all the times over the past year she had needed Angela, the times when she had needed a friend, someone to talk to, and had found no one willing to listen.

'It didn't happen like that. Neither of us set out to hurt anyone…'

'You're having an affair, how can it not hurt anyone. I know remember.'

Temperance figured Angela was mad enough at her anyway and went on to ask the question she had wanted the answer to for months.

'Was Hodgins having an affair?'

Angela looked at her, her eyes unreadable.

'As close as. He was meeting a woman he knew through his business connections. They didn't sleep together, they just had coffee. And it hurt Bren' it hurt so god damn much and what you're doing to James is worse. You're having an affair in ever sense of the word.'

'Its not an affair, it isn't like that.'

'Then what is it like?'

'Its…its…'

'Does he love you, Booth, does he love you?'

Temperance looked up, surprised by the question.

'Yeah, yeah I think he does.'

Angela's expression softened slightly and she sat back in front of her friend rocking the baby girl in her arms.

'And do you love him?'

Brennan sucked in a sharp breath and thought for a moment. Did she love him?

'I...I dont know.'

There it was, as honest as she could manage. Angela had that odd look on her face again, as if she was trying to puzzle her out.

'And do you love James?'

'I dont know any more.'

Angela shook her head in something resembling pity.

'Well you'd better hurry up and decide because the longer this goes on the worse it will be when it all comes out, and believe me, it will come out. Things like this dont stay secret for long.'

'You dont have to tell me that remember. I know what its like for everyone to know your business.'

'Then you know how bad this is going to be. You've been through this once already with that mess with Davison...'

'Dont call it that, dont call it a mess, he's dead Angela.'

'Yeah and we dont want a repeat of that do we.'

Temperance just stared at her 'friend', incredelous at her insinuation.

'I cant believe you just said that.'

'I'm just saying...'

'I know exactly what you're saying. Davison is dead Angela. Fact. I slept with him. Fact. But that does not mean the two events are linked and I am sick of walking on eggshells around people. It is not my fault he's dead!'

She had shocked herself and she slumped down into her seat, chest heaving and eyes blazing as she avoided looking at Angela. It was the first time she had ever actually said it outloud. The first time she had even let herself think it. It wasnt her fault. She wasnt to blame, not one little bit. Davison would have gone to that crime scene whether she'd slept with him or not. He'd have been shot whether she'd slept with him or not.

'Look Bren, we're sick of walking on eggshells too. I've avoided telling you this for months now. Whether his death was your fault or not you should have never slept with Agent Davison. Even putting that aside have you any idea what the past year has been like for us, watching you fall apart. You've been a mess and it has been so hard trying to help you because you push us all so far away.'

Brennan refused to feel guilty.

'We have all been so damn preoccupied with trying to keep you together that when you met James we were actually relieved. Relieved that maybe this was someone who could take care of you, wwho could make it so that we could stop being your minder and start being your friend again. So Brennan when you go and screw it up by sleeping with the man who is at least part of the reason you fell apart in the first place forgive me for being less than sympathetic.'

Brennans face was blank, a few rapid blinks the only indication of the hurt Angela's speech had inflicted.

'What happened to us Angela? We used to be so close.'

'People change. You changed. I cant support you in this Brennan. I cant condone this affair. I dont want to be involved in this.'

'You already are.'

Angela thought for only a split second before she realised.

'The ball, you used me as an alabi to spend the night with Booth didnt you?'

Brennan didnt answer but instead asked a question of her own.

'Are you going to tell him. Are you going to tell James?'

Angela looked from her to her daughter and back again before she sighed.

'No, I'm not going to tell him but you should. This is your mess. I dont want to be responsible for the fallout.'

Angela stood, placing Emily back in her carrier and heading for the office door.

'Angela...'

'Look Bren, I want to be there for you. I want things to be like they used to be but that cant happen until this is all over. You're getting married in three weeks for crying out loud. I wont tell James but I wont lie for you either.'

Temperance stayed silent as her friend opened the door before Angela turned and threw one last parting comment to the anthropologist.

'Oh, and dont use me or my daughter as an excuse for this ever again.'

With that she was gone, the office door slamming shut behind her and Temperance was alone once more. She rested her elbows on the desk, pressing her face to the palms of her hands for a moment before sitting back up and reaching for the phone. He answered on the third ring, just as the first of the sobs she had been holding in burst from her lips.

'B-Booth...can I see you...I-I...I really need a friend right now...'