Chapter 36 - I'll be home for Christmas

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.

Traveling and passing unnoticed amongst humans was something Edward Cullen had practiced for many years, so he made much faster time than the Volturi guards. He used his mind reading gift almost constantly; scanning the thoughts of the people for the one person who noticed he was too different or the rare one who recognized his nature. He could avert disaster by glamoring them to believe that they had seen nothing out of the ordinary other than a young man with a very pale complexion.

Of course, the one thing he was always on the lookout for was someone whom he could not hear. Another Bella, or Bella herself.

The closer he got to her homeland the more he thought of her.

He had arranged to meet Alice at Seattle airport and he assumed Jasper would be with her. She had told him that her visions of the future were clear up to a point, and then they just ran out. A new experience for Alice and one that she was not enjoying. She was so used to knowing the exact minute that an event happened, that the uncertainty left her head blind. She was struggling in the same way a person would who had lost their eyesight. Reaching in the dark and stumbling.

He wanted to read her mind; to see what she could not see. Did all their futures run out? Or was it just such a large road block that nothing beyond it could get through?

Her clear mental signature acted like a beacon for him and he found them waiting for him just inside the exit door to the pick-up zone. She clutched his hands and poured out all the visions in one concentrated burst. Jasper, who obviously knew how agitated and upset she was, rubbed her shoulders.

"I can't tell anything!" she said. "Time, place, date… anything."

"You know it is the presence of the wolves."

"I know and given they are so bound into Bella's future… oh…" She paused. "I haven't shown you that."

He glanced up at Jasper.

"She has a mate; similar to Sam and Emily… an imprint."

He could read Jasper's memory of a phone conversation in which Billy Black had forewarned them of this.

"A mate? So he's a wolf? From the pack?" Edward had never expected this.

Jasper said, "Yes, but the more recent one. They have two packs now."

Alice added, "And he's old."

"Old? Show me, Alice."

"I can't… he's a wolf; it's all black, but I did do some research." Alice was very adept with modern technology; mostly for online shopping, but she had become quite good at hacking. Emmett had taught her a few tricks of the trade. He was always an early adopter of tech. "I looked him up."

"Edward, are you sure you want to see this?" Jasper asked.

He gave a stiff nod. "Wait a second, he's on the Internet?"

But Alice had just started to show him rather than wait for his answer. A montage of images flashed past. A history of Joshua Uley who preferred to be called Josh, Native American model and bit part actor. A modeling bio listed his specifications, height, weight and date of birth. A date that made him now forty five.

More images; studio shots and head shots and then images from Facebook pages of the party animal in his habitat; a drink always in one hand and a woman in the other. Then a foray into dream reading and alternative therapies. Mentions of him on blogs about mysticism and gushing testimonials from his clients. The final straw was a grainy YouTube video of him naked in what appeared to be a porn shoot.

"That was too much, darlin'," Jasper chided.

"Oh… sorry."

Edward was unnaturally still. "This… this is Bella's imprint?"

"Yes."

"And Sam's father?"

"Yes."

"I-I need some time to process this. He's forty five?"

"The guard arrive in Denali on the first. They mean them no harm but after that, they will head south," Alice said.

"And the Quileute are waiting on our answer," Jasper said. He was thinking about impending battles and that it was already the twenty ninth.

But Edward was still caught on Josh's age. "Forty five," he said, like a broken record. "Will he get younger?"

"No, I don't think so," Jasper said. "Billy Black's diabetes has healed and he is walking again. He got interrogated by Carlisle on the health side effects. It seems that it doesn't reverse aging, just gives them fast healing and the other wolf benefits, so they are the same age but feel twenty years younger."

"That's almost her father's age." As a boy caught at an eternal age of seventeen, he just couldn't process it. He heard Bella's question that day when she had guessed his nature. 'How long have you been seventeen?' she had asked him.

He might be over a century in age but how it felt to be physically forty five was not something he could even comprehend. And the fact that he was still a virgin made it more difficult.

Nor could he grasp why Bella would be attracted to that. She had always been so eager to stay young.

"We should get going; meet the others. They have all missed you," Alice hinted.

"Yes." The bewildered vampire followed his siblings to the car.

"Josh?" Bella asked. She could tell how upset he was by the look on his face.

He shook himself. "Sorry… I just… didn't expect that."

"Are you sure it was Allison? I mean she must have changed."

"I've seen her in Sam's head, so I know what she looks like now."

"Of course." She paused. "I know we didn't mean to shove it in her face, but we kind of did. You have to talk to her."

He sighed. "I know."

She patted his bare ass. "And you need to get dressed."

They started to walk back to the meeting hall after Josh had trotted back and collected his clothes from where he had left them.

"We still need to work on the shield," he said, as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. He looked at her seriously and then added, "Before Edward arrives."

"He can't read my mind," Bella scoffed as she reached for his hand and started to walk. She stopped with a jerk, pulling at Josh's hand. "Oh, fuck. I didn't think of that."

"Exactly. He can read my mind and I don't know if you want to protect him or me or both of us…"

It was her turn to sigh. "I was just flashing the whole forties pack things I'd rather they didn't see, seeing as how that is your favored training method. So all he has to do is read their minds."

He chuckled.

"But I would like to limit the damage as much as I can. He loved me; he wanted to marry me and I virtually left him at the altar."

"That's hard for anyone to deal with." He lifted their joined hands to his face and kissed the back of her knuckles.

"Yes, and he's so dramatic about things. I don't want to cause a scene."

"Plus, we really need the Cullens help here. We know they are waiting for Edward to give the okay to help us. No matter what heavy hints Jasper gives."

"He loves a good fight. All the emotions are just out there; it must be like a buffet for him. But I think he's right; Edward will help."

"So we need to train." He tugged at her hand to encourage her to keep walking. "Which pack?"

"No. Not Jake's pack. Just NO. Paul and Quil will tease me forever!"

He grinned at her. "Oh, come on. We might be able to teach them a thing or two."

"I dunno… Paul has been a wolf for a long time… imagine the sexual positions you can get into with super strength added into the mix." She paused. "I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

His eyes glazed over. "You really shouldn't have."

"Okay then, I will make a deal with you. I will work on the shield if you talk to Allison tonight."

He tilted his head and looked down at her. "And then I get to try new positions?"

"I'd be stupid not to agree to that deal."

"I feel better, already."

"Phone her first," she suggested.

Josh took Bella's advice, he didn't want to arrive on Allison's doorstep unannounced, so he rang and asked permission to come over. She agreed that it might be a good idea and when he suggested that evening, she agreed to that, too.

He didn't need to ask the address, she was still living in their old house. He walked over trying to clear his head and think about what he wanted to say to her, or if it was just better to say nothing and let her say everything. Oddly he had been prepared for the house to be different, but what he wasn't prepared for, was that it would be almost exactly the same. Things had changed so much for him.

He knocked and waited for her to open the door. She looked at him , turned and walked away. He took a breath and stepped inside, closing the door gently after him. She was sitting at the kitchen table with her arms folded tightly.

He took a chair and sat down opposite her.

She looked older than Josh expected her to, as if being a single parent had been more wearing. He knew that it couldn't have been easy for her. The deserted wife. He felt guilty. The fridge was covered in photos and drawings; mementos of her grandchildren.

She didn't offer him a drink.

He cleared his throat. "I am sorry that you saw us together like that. I apologize." He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for; it had been a coincidence, but he wasn't sure where else to start and as Bella had said, they had shoved it in her face.

"Was that her?"

"Izzy? Yes."

"Charlie Swan's daughter?"

"Yes."

"You looked… happy."

He couldn't say anything to that.

"I was babysitting and missed that meeting, otherwise maybe I'd have some wolf looking at me like that."

He didn't know what to say to that, either. It reminded him of Embry's thoughts that he wasn't good enough for an imprint. He rubbed at the back of his neck. "They are not all… easy," he suggested.

"No. I heard about Billy and Leah."

Sam had probably told her. He shifted on the chair and held his hands folded tightly together in front of his crotch. "Did you ever re-marry?" he asked.

She gave him a look as if he had no right to ask that before she answered, "No. You?"

"No. You could have. I signed the papers for you."

She lifted her chin and stared at the wall behind him. "There's been a few guys… but no one long term. I didn't want to take the risk."

He thought that might have made it harder for Sam as a child; no father replacement, either. Did that make his life more stable or less? He didn't know.

Silence.

He noticed his knuckles were white from holding them too tightly, so he forced himself to let go and to relax. He breathed, trying to concentrate on breathing. He put a hand flat on the table. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Allison. I don't even know how to begin to apologize to you… but… I'm… sorry."

She shrugged. "It doesn't make a difference now."

He heard the 'now' and wasn't sure what she meant. "It wasn't you," he offered. "Or Sam."

She didn't speak.

He took another breath and scraped at the table with a fingernail. "It was… I don't know how to explain it… I had dreams."

"Dreams for yourself? Things you wanted?"

"No, dreams… like a shaman… but I didn't know that was what it was."

"I heard about that… from the meeting."

"Yes, like that. They frightened me. Too different … too weird."

She nodded. "I remember you having nightmares."

"That's why I drank."

"Anesthetic."

"Yes… but then… it wasn't enough."

"And we weren't enough," she pointed out.

Silence.

"So you left," she said.

His voice was so quiet. "The dreams were less intense away from the rez."

She stared at him. "We could have gone with you."

"I-" He was stumped. "I h-honestly never thought of that."

"No." She took an audible breath. "It still doesn't explain the women."

He hung his head. "No. There was no excuse for that."

She eyed him off. "She's different," she accused.

He knew she meant Bella. "Yes, she is." She was his imprint.

"You love her."

He was silent.

"You never loved me, not really. I had you, but you weren't really mine. Not even having your child pinned you down." It sounded as if she had spent a long time working that out. "When I heard you'd come back, I was angry and then I was concerned for you. Eventually, I felt pleased you'd come back, once I got over my anger. It came at me sideways; your sudden return… and I thought… maybe."

Oh, God. He had never thought about if she had thought he'd come back for her.

"But you're with her. It hurts to see you with her; to see you so happy." She shook her head. "I know I should say something nice… but that's the truth."

"I-" he started, then stopped.

"It makes it worse," she whispered the last word.

"That's... honest."

Silence.

"So," she cleared her throat. "You're here now? If you're the next shaman. You're going to live on the rez… with her?"

He nodded. He hadn't even thought about how he was intruding into what had been Allison's world for so long.

"I'm not leaving," she preempted.

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"I have grandkids, here."

"I know."

"You'll have kids with her. She's younger. And she can do that for you… now… when you want them."

He winced. "Sam is a credit to you," he tried, changing the subject a little.

"He is a good son. Wonderful. Having him made me get my shit together and keep it that way. I couldn't give up. Somebody had to put dinner on the table."

"Because I wasn't here and I didn't send you money regularly." He hadn't exactly had a regular income but he had made deposits into her bank account when he could.

"No. You didn't. And you knew where we were. It's not the money that hurts. You missed every single birthday and every Christmas. I bet it didn't even occur to you to send a parcel to your own son."

Josh closed his eyes. All he could see was an image of young Sam waiting for the mail and pretending that it didn't matter when there wasn't any. As he got older, he probably tried not to look for it. Josh could never make it up to them.

"I thought you'd be better off without me," he confessed.

"You're his father!" She stood suddenly as if she couldn't be still anymore. "Maybe we were better off without you. Didn't spend money on booze or weed, that's for sure." She eyed him off.

She pointed at him. "You may be the tribe's best hope, but you're not mine. I don't trust you and Sam and I have learned the hard way, not to rely on you. And Sam doesn't need you in his life now. He's got a family of his own."

"I know… with a third on the way."

She crossed her arms and looked murderous.

"I should go," he said. He didn't say back to Bella. But he knew that was what Allison was thinking.

He stopped in the doorway. He didn't look at her but he said, "I'm sorry, Ali." The old affectionate shortening of her name just slipped out.

"Don't!" she spat. "Just… don't."

He left.

He felt battered.

He didn't go straight back to the cabin. Running as a wolf didn't appeal, either - not when he had to share his thoughts with others. So, he sat on the beach where he and Bella had watched the sunrise and he stared out to sea and tried to calm his spirit.

He became determined to prove her wrong. He had to save the tribe. Save all the families; old and new. Save his sons and save Allison. He'd do it because the gods had asked him to and to prove his worth to that one woman; the mother of his son. To make up for everything he had done wrong.

And to make sure that there was a tribe; and a place for his future children and grandchildren to grow up.

He was very subdued when he did go back to the cabin.

Bella just looked at him. "It's all said now?"

He nodded.

"Now it can heal," she suggested.

He held her very tightly that night before he could fall to sleep.