Disclaimer: Well, Harry Potter isn't mine, so… Mind if I borrow them for a bit? I promise that I'll give them back when I'm done! *crosses fingers behind back*

Remember: Prongs … Lily

.o.O.o.

Chapter 35

Lily, please, you have to talk to me. I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-

I shouldn't have lied. I was wro-

Would you just st-

Could you please stop ignoring me? I didn't mean-

You know what? I've done nothing wrong. I didn't lie because I wanted to; I lied because there was no other choice. I wanted to be your friend, Evans, so I did what I could to make it happen. Maybe you think I'm despicable or something for doing that – especially given that you appear to be convinced the only reason I made these damn books was to get inside your head – but I was dying not being to tell you how I felt.

Did you hear me, Evans? It killed me not to be able to say 'I love you.'

Because I had to back off or you would've gone on hating me.

So, sorry that I found a way around that.

And yes, it was a bonus that I could get feedback about what I was doing right or wrong, but it's not like you would have told me if I had asked.

And you've hurt me too, Evans. More than you know. Just by doing little things that made you happy like telling that damn Rory Capers that you loved him. That felt like a stab to the heart, did you know that? No, Evans. You didn't. Because all you can focus on is that I didn't tell you I was Prongs.

If that one little thing is all it takes to separate us, than I guess that's it. There's nothing I can do if your affections for me are so easily destroyed.

…

…

…

Can you not find it anywhere in your heart to forgive me, Lils? I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

.o.O.o.

February, 1977

Lily sat up with a start as her door banged open and Marlene McKinnon strode in angrily, crossed to the covered windows and yanked the curtains open, admitting the blinding light of a mid-morning sun.

"Marlene?" Lily asked confusedly, staring at the intruder. "How'd you get in here?"

"Alice gave me your password," she said. "You've been sulking for weeks which has forced me to take over your job. James has been trying to do his best to show me what to do, but we both know he doesn't really know how to do the schedules properly. He's getting sick because he's emotionally exhausted and I don't want to be around him so you need to get your arse out of bed and stop moping and get back to your job because pretty soon, Dumbledore'll force him to slow down and divide the work with Remus-"

"Oh, that'll go over well." Lily muttered.

"It will actually, considering that James and Remus made up last week."

"What?" Lily asked, surprised.

"You haven't exactly been paying attention to anything recently, so you shouldn't be surprised that you missed a few things. Look, quite frankly, I'm tired of dealing with him, especially given he's not supposed to be my problem, so get your ass out of bed and do your own work."

Lily blushed and looked down at the comforter she held bunched in her hands. She hadn't gone out of her room since the incident unless absolutely necessary. She had even skived off a few classes. Her emotions were in turmoil.

On one hand, James had been a prick. He had lied many times and quite on purpose. He had entered into a relationship with her based on what had a gleaned from using those lies. A realization that the person you loved had only been a front put up by an absolute prick so that he could get close to you tended to leave a person confused and emotionally drained.

"I don't want to deal with him right now." Lily said, lying back down and pulling the covers over her head.

"Why? What happened?" Marlene asked, sitting down on the foot of Lily's bed. Lily just shook her head. "Come on." Marlene prodded. "I swear talking about it will help."

So Lily told her. She told Marlene about Prongs, and how they had started talking and gotten to know each other. The sweet things that he had said and how close the two had become. She talked about how she was the girl he was in love with and how special she had felt, knowing that of all the girls in the school, Prongs had fallen for her and reached out to her. Lily had felt special and wanted and cared for. Prongs was who she had poured her heart out to time and time again. He consoled her and took care of her in ways Lily couldn't even explain.

She told Marlene about how she had fallen in love with him. With his specific tastes in music, his teasing remarks, the way he danced around the point when he didn't want to talk about something, pulling out just the right topic to divert her attention and then enthralling her with his words, weaving stories and images until she couldn't remember her question in the first place.

Lily could spend hours talking to Prongs and it would feel like minutes. Her hand would cramp from all the writing and she wouldn't even stop to stretch it out. There were days when she had to physically lock the book away so that she could do her homework and she would have to remove the Celtic ring, it was burning so hot with his insistence that she pay attention and answer him.

He was the one she had talked with when she was unsure of anything, and now… he was gone. By the time she finished, she was crying. "I thought that I was in love with two boys." Lily said, "One of them sweet and the other one James. I don't know what to do anymore."

"James is sweet." Marlene protested.

"But there's all that messy history between us." Lily protested. "I don't see him as sweet, I see him as Potter. Prongs was sweet."

Marlene looked confused. "But isn't it good then that he's James? It should make everything perfect. Why did you break up with him?"

"He lied to me." Lily insisted. "Over and over. He used Prongs to find out what I like and what I don't like. And he used it to get close to me."

"He sounds creepy when you put it that way." Marlene said, curling her lip. "Although, in all fairness, lies aren't the strongest basis for a relationship."

Lily sighed and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. "I just need some space from this. It's all to close and stifling." She leaned forwards and put her head in her hands. "I just need to figure out if I can trust him."

"Avoiding him isn't going to help anything." Marlene said seriously. "Come on. Get up."

"Why?" Lily moaned.

"Because it's Valentine's Day and there's a Hogsmeade trip, and you're coming." Marlene reasoned. "You need to get out of this room and back into Hogwarts life. So you can either get up and shower on your own or I can practice my non-verbal Aguamenti spell. Your choice."

.o.O.o.

"God it's crowded." Lily complained and she and Marlene shoved their way into the Three Broomsticks later that night.

"It's Valentine's Day. What did you expect?"

"Do you see a table?"

"There." Marlene pointed to a small booth in the back corner of the tavern and the two girls pushed their way through the crowds before collapsing into it.

"How did you convince me to come here again?" Lily asked, cringing as a man stumbled into their table on his way to the loo.

"I didn't convince you, I threatened you."

"And why are you spending Valentine's Day with me instead of Sarah?" Lily asked, glancing towards the bar to try and catch Rosmerta's attention. The pretty barmaid was too busy flirting with a black-haired wizard to pay attention. Lily gave up and glanced back at Marlene. "You know, Sarah? Your girlfriend?"

"We broke up." Marlene mumbled.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lily asked. "God knows I've gone on long enough about mine."

"No, I'd rather just forget about it." Marlene said. "Where is Rosmerta?"

"Flirting." Lily said. Marlene glanced at the bar and her eyes widened.

"Uh-huh. I can see that." Marlene smirked. Lily glanced over to see that Rosmerta was leaning suggestively far forwards as she conversed with the man. Lily giggled.

"What?" a voice said behind Lily's shoulder. She glanced up to see Earnest Fillmore, the male sixth year prefect, standing behind her.

"Rosmerta." Marlene snickered, not even glancing at the boy.

"Ah. Can I join you? I come bearing gifts." He held up three bottles of butterbeer.

"Please." Marlene gestured for him to sit next to Lily. She scooted over on the bench to make room for him as he passed the two girls' the butterbeer.

"So. You put in applications yet?" Earnest asked Lily.

"I've put in a few to some programs with St. Mungo's and one with the Ministry." Lily said casually, her stomach tying itself in knots at the thought of next year.

"Oh, what department?" he asked, interested.

"Mysteries."

"Wow. An Unspeakable. Big job, if you get it."

"Yeah. What about you?"

"Magical Law Enforcement and Auror Training." Earnest said rolling his eyes. "But everyone's applying to Auror Training, so I'm not getting that one."

"Don't say that." Lily said encouragingly. "You've got as good a chance as any."

"I'm up against Black and Potter and a few of the other Defence wizzes." Earnest said reasonably. "I'm good with potions and transfiguration, but I've got nothing on them in Defence. It lowers my chances."

Marlene snorted. "Considering that the entire job is practically defence, yeah, it does."

"Where've you applied, then?" Earnest challenged good-naturedly.

"Nowhere." Marlene replied. "My parents are paranoid and they think You-Know-Who is after them, so once I'm out of school, we're going into hiding. Leaving the country, you know?" Lily hissed in sympathy.

"Will you integrate?" Earnest asked, referring to the practice that many wizarding families had adopted of integrating into the muggle world to escape the war.

"I think we'll try, but it probably won't work. I'm the only one who knows anything about muggles." Marlene said, rolling her eyes. Lily excused herself to the washroom as Marlene and Earnest continued their conversation. As Lily approached the bar, the wizard ran his hand through his hair in a frighteningly familiar gesture. Lily froze.

Rosmerta laughed and leaned in further towards James. Remus, who Lily only just realized was sitting beside James, glancing at him in a friendly, murmured something, picked up the cane that had been leaning on the bar next to him and got to his feet. He hobbled out of the bar. James smiled after his friend and turned back to Rosmerta, who was walking out from behind the bar with an order of drinks. Lily gasped and looked away when he looped his arms around Rosmerta's waist and pulled her towards him. She laughed and slapped his hands away.

Lily blinked hard, refusing to care about James's flirtations.

Marlene and Earnest were watching the bar rather tensely when Lily returned. She glanced between them. "What is it?"

Marlene's expression relaxed as Lily said that, and she murmured. "Oh good, you didn't see."

"See what?" Lily asked, twisting in her seat to glance back at the bar in time to see James grab Rosmerta again, but this time, she let him. Her arms came to settle around his neck as he kissed her. "Oh," Lily mumbled weakly. "That."

Lily's vision seemed to tunnel until there was nothing in the bar aside from James and Rosmerta. Her ears buzzed and the room felt like it was tilting. She felt her throat thicken as she held back tears. Her only thought was that she had to get out.

Dimly, she heard herself make some excuse, something about being tired, and she got to her feet. She pushed her way towards the door, deliberately bumping into James, who was still locked to Rosmerta's mouth, as she passed him.

She heard Marlene calling after her, but she didn't stop or turn back. Every instinct that she had told her to get out of the Three Broomsticks before she broke down. She rushed out into the snow and collapsed against the wall. Tears streaked silently down her face as she sank to the ground.

Marlene came out of the Three Broomsticks a few minutes later. She didn't say a word, for which Lily was grateful. She just pulled Lily to her feet, gently wrapped her in her cloak, which she had forgotten inside. The two girls' walked back to Hogwarts in silence.

.o.O.o.

A/N: Ahh, you guys are amazing! So many reviews! But I'm greedy (as I fully admit) so… can I have more?

Just a fun fact, that Broomsticks scene is legit. Happened to me at a party, but the other girl was my sister. It royally sucked.

Tapi