CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Love Letters

Severus couldn't get Sasha out of his mind for weeks. He wanted nothing more than to spend every afternoon in her company they way they had in The Three Broomsticks. He felt cared for by her. She poured his tea; she played chess with him, which he knew she'd never enjoyed. However she knew he did. It was just so easy to be with her. She was so lovely to look at too. Her smile, her eyes, and the dreamy way she looked at him. It was intoxicating. No one would ever replace Lily. She would always be the love of his life, but to have a true friend like Sasha, well he just knew that's what he needed. It's what was missing in his lonely existence.

He occasionally encountered Lucius in his Death Easter activities. Not often however as the Dark Lord didn't want one being aware of the others missions. They met one evening at Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord wanted reports of Umbridges activities delivered to him from his Hogwarts and Ministry spies together. After Voldemort heard their reports he asked Lucius if he knew the whereabouts of Sirius Black.

"No my Lord, I'm in contact with my sister Sasha weekly but she doesn't know where he is. I've searched her New York apartment as well. There was no sign that he's been there either." Severus wondered if this was a lie or if Sasha and Sirius had been careful to cover their tracks. He suspected the former.

"Keep questioning her and looking for him my slippery friend. He could prove useful to me." Severus wondered what he meant by this but knew better than to tip his hand by asking.

The Dark Lord apparated out of the Manor to wherever it was he was domiciled at the moment. People were still questioning his return so he was careful not to expose himself just yet. Severus relaxed slightly as soon as he left and Lucius seemed to do the same.

"May I interest you in a Fire Whiskey Severus?" He looked like he needed a drink badly.

"Certainly." Severus was currently not drinking however this was a golden opportunity to get Lucius feeling lucid and perhaps hear more about Sasha.

"So how is Sasha these days?" He said as they walked to the study.

"Oh, you know, the same. Witty, argumentative, frivolous." He waved his hand as he walked around to the bar. "As good looking as she is I'd thought someone would take her off my hands by now, but no such luck." He poured two glasses and handed one to Severus. "From what Draco tells me I thought she might have run off with that Russian, Karkaroff. Father would have a fit if he knew I allowed her to marry an immigrant. But Merlin, She's getting old and running out of people who will have her. We should have pawned her off on him years ago when he begged us to marry her."

Severus was steaming and it was taking great effort to sound disinterested. "Begged to marry her? I had no idea."

"Oh yes. He got wind of our intent to arrange her marriage in her seventh year. He begged father, argued with him for hours. He even had Regulus trying to help him out. But to no avail. He was pure blood but not English pure blood. I thought for years he made an error in judgment but given what a rat he turned out to be, I think Father made the wise decision about him. Of course Barty was a far worse choice."

Severus tried to keep his face impassive while his mind went in different directions. So he really did want to marry her. He probably still did.

"I keep asking her if she's heard from him. She says not but I'm not sure she's telling the truth. Perhaps you could use your talents to read her thoughts."

"That's a heavy handed and obvious approach Lucius. I think it's safe to assume that if Karkaroff cares about her, he would not contact her. He must know you'll be watching. As for her being truthful with you, she probably doesn't trust you at this point in your lives."

Lucius took a long sip from his glass and then pulled a cigar from a box on the bar. He handed the box to Severus, offering him one, but he declined. Lucius lit the cigar and took a few puffs to get it started. "You're right Severus, she stopped trusting me years ago." He took another drag and blew a few smoke rings, which Severus found rather disgusting. "I'll have to keep working on her though. The Dark Lord demands it."

Severus saw an opening. This would be an opportunity to spend time with Sasha and keep Lucius from discovering information that might get her into trouble. " Perhaps you should allow me to assist you. I have a rather, comfortable rapport with Sasha. She believes me to be firmly in Dumbledore's camp and so she may reveal things to me that she might keep from you."

Lucius smirked and looked at him incredulously. "Are you suggesting you have a stronger bond with my sister than she has with her family?"

"Not at all. I'm merely saying that no matter how much you underestimate her, she's intelligent enough to know where your allegiances lie." His voice was dripping in condescension.

"I know you to be correct in this matter. However, I still don't think she'll tell you anything. I'm going to see her this Saturday, we'll see how it goes then."

The thought of Sasha with her brother unsupervised when he's under the dispatch of the Dark Lord made his stomach churn. Then Severus had an idea. "You know, Saturday is the Slytherin/Gryffindor quidditch match. I'm sure Sasha would love to attend. Why don't the two of you come to Hogwarts? Bring Narcissa and you can also visit with Draco." While I get more time with Sasha he thought.

Lucius gazed at him for a few moments, sizing him up. "Alright then."

"Brilliant! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Hogwarts." Severus drained his glass and rose to leave.

"Just a moment. I want you to invite her."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Before we make this family trek to Hogwarts I want to see if she even thinks enough of you to want to see you. You write to her."

"Sasha and I don't correspond. I'm afraid that might seem a bit obvious."

"She will be so glad to hear from you, that she won't over think it. You may think she trusts you but I've known her all my life. Write to her. She will come."

"Fine." As Severus walked outside to apparate home he had the feeling that Lucius was playing some kind of game with him. It didn't matter though. He was going to see her again.

He missed dinner and sat in his room trying to think of what to say in a letter to her. It should have been a simple invitation, but for some reason, he had writers block. He poured himself a brandy and started the letter several times. Each time he crumbled up the parchment in frustration and threw it on the fire. He got up and poured himself another brandy.

Rather than going back to his desk he walked to the bookshelf and picked up the picture that she had given him for his birthday last year. He looked at it more closely than usual and noticed more things about her. She was so close to him in the photo that her hair spilled over the shoulder of his robes mingling with his too long dark hair. When she leaned against him her breasts strained against her robes and he studied their voluptuous outline. I should have tapped that while we were young and stupid. He thought while feeling the affect of fire whisky and brandy. He laughed at himself and poured another brandy. Then he went back to his writing table and composed the invitation.

Dear Sasha,

I had the pleasure of running into your brother recently and he told me you frequently had dinner on Saturday evenings. I've invited him, and would also enjoy your company at the Slytherin vs Gryffindor quidditch match this coming Saturday. I'll look forward to seeing you again.

Severus

He wondered what that would sound like to her. He was sure she would come. There were no games with her. She didn't play hard to get. No, anything but. Had he been a less honorable man, there were so many liberties she would have allowed him. He recalled the dirty dream he had about her last Christmas and how seductively she slid into bed with him. He began to become aroused and lifted his glass to his lips. Empty again. That was quick. He poured himself yet another brandy and then got a wicked idea.

He sat back down at his writing desk and thought for a moment. Then he wrote the letter that his dark side was dying to write.

Sasha,

I want to shag you until you can't walk. It's all I ever think about.

Severus

He read the letter and laughed loudly. What would she think if she read that? She seemed like the randy type and might take him up on it. Now that had possibilities. He laughed to himself again but then sighed heavily. What did it matter anyway? He was never going to send her a letter like that. It would be a betrayal to his Lily, and it would give her false hopes. As much fun as shagging her would be, he couldn't do that to either of them. And so he went to bed alone and hoped for a filthy dream.

Severus awoke the next morning in a fog with a terrible hangover. He decided not to drink again until he no longer needed to lead a double life. It was foolish and risky. He mused that where Sasha was concerned he was forever into things that were foolish and risky. He was desperate for some tea but one look at the clock told him he didn't have much time to make it to breakfast. He took a very hot but quick shower, then dressed. Before rushing out the door, he grabbed the invitation to Sasha off his desk and decided to send it to her right after breakfast.

He was looking forward to quietly sipping his tea with some dry toast and rereading his invitation. However as soon as he sat down Flitwick sat next to him and began prattling on about some Slytherin students casting slightly dark but basically harmless charms for their amusement the night before. He made the appropriate yes and no responses however his hangover was raging and he quickly finished his tea and went off to mail the owl.

As he entered the area that housed all the owls he was overcome by the stench and nearly vomited. He once again vowed never to drink again. Quickly he sent the invitation off and headed straight back to his room. He was going to have to take a potion and sleep it off. He desperately hoped he wouldn't be called upon today to do anything very important.

Upon entering his room he headed straight for bed, collapsing and falling asleep in his clothes. He drifted in and out of consciousness and fantasized about Sasha slipping naked into bed with him just as she had in his dream. Severus! He kept hearing her voice in his head and went through various stages of arousal throughout the day.

There was a noise at the window, which caused him to open his eyes. It was dark outside. He had slept the entire day. He walked over to the window feeling desperate for some fresh air. There was an owl for him. He detached the letter and read it.

Severus,

I received your letter and must see you right away. Don't try to contact me or stop me. I'll knock on your door at precisely midnight.

Sasha

He looked at the clock. It was eleven thirty. His headache was gone but he felt grimy and decided to shower quickly. As he did, he wondered what could bring her here. She must suspect Lucius of something or perhaps she had other information to pass along. No matter, he was anxious to see her. He doused himself with a bit of cologne from a bottle that he'd received as a give but never used. He dressed and then remembered that he'd better tidy up that writing desk lest she see that filthy letter he'd written last night. He snickered again at the thought of it. He was pretty drunk and couldn't remember exactly what it said, something about shagging her till she couldn't walk. Wouldn't it be funny to see her reaction to that? He went to the desk planning on reading it again before he burned it. He picked up the piece of paper under his quill and still giggling, began to read.

Dear Sasha, I had the pleasure of running into your brother….

He froze. Oh shit. It was the letter she was supposed to receive. Frantically he looked all over the desk, under the desk, around the chair, in all the drawers. "Oh Merlin NO!" He muttered to himself. "How could I be so fucking stupid?"

Then he heard the knock at the door.

AN: If you have read or seen the movie Atonement, you can tell I have too. If you haven't I would highly recommend it! Hope you enjoyed this one.