I am very sorry for the extended delay. I returned to work and lil miss has been sick on and off (more on than off). It has been hard to find time, but I'm hoping to get the last few chapters posted shortly (yes we are nearing the end). I had fully intended to post the Christmas Chapters on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day respectively, but life as usual got in the way. I hope you like this one!

Thank you to all of you who take the time to read, review and all the rest. I adore you!

Reviews: xyepx, 30mafer04, Born2Try, TheGirlin404, son-lyn, degreassi1son, SoNFan, seattle-b, ChezzLove, L2GQ, spashley13, Godlove, freedowm4trace and dnmann.

I want to dedicate this chapter to a faithful reader and reviewer, TheGirlin404. Congrats on your finals my friend, now celebrate!

Usual disclaimer – SoN is not mine.

Angels on the Moon

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ashley's POV

I woke up and instantly felt a strong, almost overwhelming, mix of excitement and nerves. It was Christmas Eve and I was going to spend the day with the Carlins and Spencer and Allie (who were technically Carlin-Davies).

The Carlins had always made a big deal of both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it had always been a huge two day celebration of family and two of my favourite days of the year. Today it was just us, tomorrow my parents, Aiden and Sammy would be joining us for Christmas Day. I think I was more nervous about that than today with the Carlins.

I heard a gentle knock on my door and told whoever was out there to come in. Paula edged the door open and stuck her head in with a huge smile, "Arthur is making his annual Christmas Eve breakfast on the grill and you know you don't want to miss that!"

I grinned and replied, "I'll just be a few minutes and then I'll meet you downstairs."

Paula nodded and slipped out, closing the door behind her. I threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. I was so glad we lived in California so it wasn't too cold! I know white Christmases are pretty and all, but I'd much rather be able to wear short-sleeves on Christmas.

I hurriedly threw on some jeans and a short-sleeve, green button-up shirt and raced down stairs. I followed the sound of laughter to the back deck where I found everyone sitting around the huge table while Arthur tended the grill.

Allie noticed me first and leapt off Clay's lap to throw herself into my arms. I was grateful for the distraction from my growing nerves about how they would all react to seeing me for the first time in so long.

As soon as Allie had released me Glen was standing beside me and pulling me into his arms. I instantly relaxed, it was going to be a good day. It was all going to be ok.

Glen leaned back a little so he could look down at me and said, "Good to see you Ash."

I smiled warmly at him and said huskily, "You too Glen."

He soon released me and Chelsea almost knocked me over with the ferocity of her embrace. She held me so tight I could hardly breathe, but I didn't care at all. She kissed my cheek and laughed, "You look so good girl. I'm so glad you're here!"

I smiled my thanks and was then pulled into Clay's arms. He was never a hugger, but when he did hug you it was always awesome. Clay kissed the top of my messy curls and murmured, "Thank you for being here to make Allie and Spencer smile."

I couldn't speak as tears filled my eyes. Clay just beamed down at me and then kissed my forehead softly.

Next I turned to see Madison cradling a tiny little boy, who was the image of his mother aside from his Carlin blue eyes. I stepped nearer then she wrapped her free arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her. I gazed down at the baby and just said, "Wow."

Madison kissed my cheek and said with a grin, "Aunty Ashley, meet Zach, Zach meet your Aunty Ashley."

I carefully ran my fingers through his thick, dark hair and bit my lip at the overwhelming swarm of emotions I was feeling. I looked up at Madison and then Glen and choked out, "He's perfect, congratulations."

Madison released me and then I was hugged by Paula and Arthur. Hanging back behind everyone else was Spencer. Once her Dad had released me she stepped forward and engulfed me in a fierce embrace. I melted into her arms and buried my face into her neck. I felt her lips against my ear and tingles down my spine as she whispered, "Merry Christmas Ashley."

I kissed the soft skin of her neck and then reluctantly stepped back out of her arms. We took our seats, with Allie insisting that I sit between her and Spencer, and I felt all eyes on me.

I took a moment to look around at the people who were my family and dearest friends and said shyly, "I am so happy to be here with you all today."

Glen reached over the table and covered my hand with his, "Not nearly as happy as we all are to have you here."

I blinked back tears and gave him a grateful look. Arthur beamed at all of us and carried an over-loaded tray to the table and placed it down. It was more food than I think I'd ever seen at one time.

Paula quickly said grace and we started eating.

I couldn't get over how welcoming everyone had been. It was so comfortable and amazing to be with them all again. It felt so right. Almost like the last few years hadn't happened, but they had and there was still a shadow of those years in the background. I think there always would be.

We ate breakfast while laughter and banter flew around the table. It was like old times, except that Allie was there too. Speaking of Allie, she spent the whole meal leaning into my side and smiling up at me between mouthfuls of her food. More than once I caught the others grinning fondly at us and once I'm almost certain I saw Paula pointing a camera at us, but it was gone before I could look properly to confirm.

After breakfast we all helped bring the dishes inside and then Spencer, Glen and Clay cleaned up (tradition at its finest) while the rest of us headed into the living room to start decorating the tree.

The Carlins always had two Christmas trees, one in their family room and one in their formal living room. The tree in the living room was always decorated on Christmas Eve, while the other was decorated on the 1st of December.

Paula opened all the boxes of decorations and we all started hanging tinsel and sparkly decorations to the crisp smelling branches. I loved that the Carlins always got real trees, my parents had always had fake ones. I hated fake Christmas trees.

Allie handed me a couple of red and green baubles and spent the next few minutes directing me to where she wanted them hung. After that she gave me tinsel and then some candy canes, not satisfied until I had hung them exactly where she wanted me too.

We'd decorated most of the tree when Spencer, Glen and Clay came in from the kitchen. The three of them were laughing at something I'm sure Glen had said and beaming happily. It was really amazing how close the three of them were, they were so much more than siblings, they were friends too.

Glen strode in and took a very tired looking Zack from Madison, disappearing to go put the little guy down for a nap. Clay gave Paula a kiss on the cheek before pulling Chelsea into his arms, making her smile up at him with so much love I almost felt like the rest of us were intruding.

Next Spencer strode over to Allie and I and reached out to give my shoulder a squeeze while at the same time ruffling Allie's curls. I grinned at my wife and let my body relax into absolute contentment. I looked out the window and up to the sky, a warm smile on my face as I thought of how happy Kyla would be to see me here with the Carlins. Family had meant so much to her and she would be proud of me for being here and holding it together.

I turned my head back around and caught Spencer watching me with a thoughtful expression which quickly morphed into a smile once she caught my eyes.

We got back to work and soon the tree was pretty much done. Paula leant down and pick up the Carlin family angel from its box and held it out for me to take. I felt my mouth fall open in shock. No one other than Paula or Spencer had ever put that angel on the tree in all the Christmases I had spent with the Carlins.

The angel had been Paula's great-grandmother's and it was tradition that only the women of the family placed it on the tree once all the other decorations were done.

I looked back and forth between the angel and my mother-in-law's face, making both Paula and Spencer laugh hysterically. They were soon followed by everyone else.

Spencer wrapped an arm around my shoulder and said with laughter still in her voice, "Take the angel Ash and put it on the tree."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I could choke out, "But only women in your family can do that!"

Spencer moved so that her eyes were the only thing I could see. Her smile became intense, but also tender as she declared, "You are our family."

I felt hot tears fill my eyes and reached out with trembling fingers to take the angel from Paula's outstretched hands.

I looked once more between Spencer and Paula for confirmation, getting only beaming smiles I carefully stepped up onto the step ladder Arthur had placed at the foot of the tree and with more care than I had ever used in my life (other than when I held newborn Allie for the first time) I placed that angel on the top of the tree.

Everyone clapped and smiled at me as I stepped down and Allie wrapped herself around my legs. I looked over at Spencer and found her much closer than I thought she'd be. I caught her eye and blushed at the expression of love and joy on her face.

After that we collected up all the now empty decoration boxes and moved them into the den. Everyone got changed and then headed outside to the barn for the annual Carlin family Christmas Eve trail ride (aside from Madison who was staying with Zach). I was about to follow everyone out when a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned around to find Paula standing behind me with a warm grin.

"You know it was Spencer's idea for you to put the angel on the tree right?" Paula said.

I shook my head, amazed, "Really?"

Paula chuckled, "Yeah, she wanted you to know that you are a part of this family Ashley. She may not be ready to say all the things you want her too, but she loves you so much. She isn't quite at forgiveness or trust yet, but her love is so true and so real that she'll get there. I said it to Spencer on your wedding day and now I'm going to say it to you," Paula paused and gave my hand a gentle squeeze as she murmured, "I wish for you strength to weather the storm and faith in the love you and Spencer share. What you two have is so rare and unique, it is once in a million lifetimes kind of love so believe in it."

I felt tears start to trickle down my cheek at her words. Paula gently wiped my tears away with a tissue and then her expression turned stern, "I know my role here is to help your recovery, but I'm taking a break from that for a brief moment to be Spencer's mother. You lost faith in your love for my daughter. You lost faith in that love to help you cope when Kyla died. Because of your lack of faith you hurt my daughter so much that it changed her and broke her heart. If you ever, and I mean EVER, hurt her like that again I will be the first person in a long line of people to kick your ass. Don't you ever lose faith in the love you and my daughter share again."

I was in complete shock, so much so that all I could do was nod stare at Paula as her expression quickly switched back to sweet and kind. There was a very scary side of that woman.

Paula wrapped her arm around my shoulder and said cheerfully, "come on, let's go get ready for our ride!"

I stared dumbly at her and let her lead me from the house and to the barn, still in a state of shock. I was in so much shock that I didn't even notice everyone standing in front of the barn until Allie called out, "Merry Christmas Momma!"

I jerked my head around to look at my daughter and found her standing next to Spencer who was holding the lead rope of a breathtaking, palomino, quarter horse mare who had a huge red ribbon tied around her neck.

I stared around me in surprise, my eyes soon locking on Spencer as she led the mare forward with a huge, blinding smile on her face. "This is Melody, your Christmas present. Sorry she's a day early, but we wanted you to get to ride her for the family trail ride."

My mouth opened and closed a bunch of times while I tried to force myself to speak. I was blown away. I hadn't expected a present at all, let alone a spectacular one like this.

Spencer giggled at my expression and said kindly, "Why don't you come introduce yourself to Miss Melody here."

I stepped forward hesitantly and held out my hand for the mare to sniff. Melody lowered her muzzle to my hand and took a big sniff. She must have liked what she smelt because the next thing I knew she had gently nipped my finger and nudged my hand. I grinned in wonder and raised my hand to stroke her beautiful face. Her kind, brown eyes locked on mine and she leant into me, completely relaxed and content.

Spencer leaned in closer and murmured, "It looks like she's picked you Ash."

I raised my eyes to meet Spencer's warm blue ones and said breathlessly, "Thank you so much. She's amazing!"

Spencer reached up to give my shoulder a squeeze, "The second I saw her I knew she needed to be yours. You two will be incredible partners."

I looked around at everyone else, all of whom were beaming at me, and gushed, "Thank you all so much! I can't believe you all did this!"

Arthur slung his arm around Paula's shoulder and announced, "It was all Spencer and Allie. Our only job was to keep Melody a surprise!"

I snapped my head back around to stare at Spencer, who was blushing and focusing on Melody's neck. I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. Spencer froze for just a second and then melted into me. Our bodies fitted together perfectly.

I held her and whispered into her ear, "I am so blown away by this, I don't have the words! Thank you so, so much."

Spencer nodded against my shoulder. I was going to pull away when a pair of little arms wrapped themselves around Spencer's and my legs, holding us together. Spencer and I both dropped an arm from each other to reach down to hold Allie to us.

There doesn't exist adequate words to describe just how happy I was in that moment.

After a bit more hugging we broke apart so we could go saddle up and get going on our trail ride. Spencer handed me Melody's lead rope and I led my stunning mare into the barn. I hitched her up in front of her stall next to Tully's and started grooming her silky coat.

I got lost in the motion of the brush against Melody's rich, golden fur. I was just picking out her hooves when Spencer walked over carrying a saddle, saddle pad and bridle. She deposited them on the rack in front of the stall and grinned at me before ducking under Melody's neck and going back to Tully.

A few minutes later we were all saddled up and leading our horses out of the barn. I followed along behind Spencer as she led Tully and Donkey with a bouncing Allie at her side. While I waited my turn to use the mounting block I watched the rest of the Carlins as they climbed aboard their horses.

Arthur held Paula's big thoroughbred gelding as she climbed on. He then patted her knee and turned to mount his stocky, quarter horse gelding. Paula and Arthur joined hands and rode side by side down the track a bit to wait for everyone else.

Clay gave Chelsea a boost onto a sweet looking buckskin mare and then scrambled awkwardly (he was never really a horseman) onto the elderly grey mare he had been riding since he was a teenager. Next Glen swung himself up onto his prancing black and white gelding, almost getting unseated when the horse decided he simply had to eat the grass at the edge of the trail and wrenched his head forward.

Spencer was chuckling at Glen's near miss as she lifted Allie up onto Donkey's back. She smiled over at me as she got Allie settled and then swung herself up onto Tully's broad back.

She kept her eyes on me and asked, "You ok to climb on?"

I nodded and led Melody forward to the mounting block. She stook stock still as I carefully climbed onto her back. I settled myself in the saddle and slipped my feet into the stirrups. I gently nudged her with my heels and she moved off, her gait smooth and steady.

Arthur grinned back at all of us and called, "Alright gang, let's head out!"

The horses all started moving and I relaxed into the gentle motion of Melody's stride. Spencer and Allie steered their horses alongside Melody and soon Allie was making both Spencer and I laugh as she told us about a play date she had with Hailey before Vanessa and Hailey had gone away to see family for Christmas.

The ride continued like that, Spencer, Allie and I stayed at the back of the ride together just chatting and laughing. It was such a simple thing, going for a trail ride with my family, but I honestly think it was the happiest I had felt since before the accident. I felt free.

After the ride we unsaddled the horses and set them loose in the paddock. Melody seemed to be as besotted with Tully as I was with his owner. She followed the huge gelding around the paddock as close as a shadow. I leant against the fence and just watched them for a while before heading back up to the house where Arthur was putting on lunch.

We ate a feast of homemade pizzas and then relaxed in various positions around the den to watch home movies of various Carlin Christmases, as was tradition. Every year Arthur would edit together the highlights from Christmases over the years and we would all watch them.

I was half dozing, having seen them all so many times I knew them by heart. That was until the image of Spencer cradling baby Allie on her lap landed on the screen.

I sat up taller and locked my eyes on the screen. Allie was nearly one there, her birthday being a couple of months after Christmas, and grinning at the camera delightedly. Spencer was smiling too, but she also looked sad and worn.

I watched in silence as the camera panned to show everyone else. There were two very obvious gaps. Kyla and me. I have no memory of that Christmas. I think I spent it off my face in the VIP room of a club in L.A. I have a vague memory of coming home on Boxing day and finding Spencer in tears in our living room, the cops with her as she was reporting me as missing. Apparently I'd been gone for almost three days. I'd been so fucked up that I'd missed my daughter's first Christmas.

I could feel eyes on me and glanced around to see Spencer, Arthur and Paula all watching me. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and sat tensely as the next video started playing. It was Allie's second Christmas and while I was there, you could easily tell I was pretty out of it. Thankfully the cameraman (Arthur) had managed to keep me out of most of the shots.

I tried to focus on the happy face of my daughter and the laughter of everyone else, but all I could see on that screen was how broken Spencer looked despite how hard she was trying to hide it. It was heartbreaking.

I felt as tense as a bow string as the images from the next Christmas started playing on screen. Allie was nearly three and so beautiful. I was gone by this Christmas and looking at Spencer you could tell she was struggling. Her eyes were so expressive and I could read them as clearly as any book.

It was too much. I couldn't stand seeing the evidence of the pain I'd inflicted so I jumped to my feet and bolted from the room. I heard both Paula and Arthur calling my name, but didn't stop until I was hanging onto the paddock fence for dear life.

I leant my forehead against the fence and tried to steady my breathing. I heard footsteps behind me and knew right away who it was. I kept my eyes closed and muttered, "I'm sorry, I'm just so fucking sorry."

I heard her move slowly closer and kept my eyes on the ground at my feet.

Spencer paused next to me and murmured softly, "Please look at me Ashley."

I licked my dry lips and turned to face her. I was expecting some anger or even hurt, but instead I just saw concern. Spencer moved even closer mumbled anxiously, "I should have realised that seeing those videos would upset you, I'm really sorry. Call it a blonde moment, I just didn't think."

I shook my head violently and choked out, "don't you dare say sorry to me. I don't deserve it. What I do deserve is to sit through those tapes so I can face the damage I've caused. I am just so fucking angry at myself Spence! I missed all of Allie's Christmases, I've missed EVERYTHING! I did this Spencer!" I broke off as my words echoed in my mind, "I did this."

I hung my head in shame, only to have it snap back up when the absolute last thing I expected happened.

Spencer laughed.

I stared at her incredulously as she lost it and laughed until she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She was practically doubled over before she was able to get control of herself and meet my eyes again. She let out a deep breath and held a hand to her side, "Gosh I needed that! It's been a fucking long time since I had an emotional release like that."

I just kept staring at her, pretty concerned that I had finally pushed her too far and caused her to totally breakdown.

Spencer wiped the tears of laughter from her cheeks and shook her head, "Sorry Ash, I'm not laughing at you." On my look of disbelief she added, "I'm really not. It's just been a fucking full on couple of months. No, scratch that, it's been a fucking full on few years!"

Spencer moved so that she was leaning back against the fence. She had a soft little smile on her lips and a hint of laughter in her eyes, "I mean its ridiculous isn't it? You and I were the one in a million couple. We were the couple that everyone envied because they knew that there was no comparison to the love we have for each other. It just seems so goddamn tragic that we ended up here when couples who love half as much as we do get to be happy."

I leaned back against the fence beside her and let out a loud sigh. I was exhausted right down to my core. Spencer reached over and took my hand in hers before she stepped in front of me. Her ocean blue eyes bore into mine, holding me in place with the intensity of her gaze. She squeezed my hand firmly and tilted her head to the side as she declared, "This has to stop Ash. You need to start letting go of the past or this recovery is never going to last. You cannot keep punishing yourself anymore. It has to end. It's been almost five years, it's been long enough. You have punished yourself for long enough. You say you want forgiveness. You can't base your recovery and future on whether or not I can forgive you. You need to forgive yourself."

I shook my headed and rasped out, "How? How can I forgive myself for the things I have done? How can I possibly forgive myself when you can't forgive me?"

Spencer smiled kindly and reached up to cup my cheek in her free hand. "Because you have to. You can't keep thinking that my forgiveness is the key to everything for you, because it doesn't work like that. If you can't forgive yourself, then ultimately my forgiveness means nothing. If you don't forgive yourself for the things that have happened then this recovery won't last and you won't be able to stay sober."

She captured her lower lip her teeth and looked thoughtfully into my eyes for a moment before uttering, "I love you, you know that, and I need for you to get better. More than that, Allie needs you to get better. In order to do that you have to finally forgive yourself."

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat. I leaned into her hand and whispered, "I'll try."

Spencer pulled her hand away from my cheek to take my free hand in hers. She clutched both of my hands together and brought them to her chest so I could feel the pounding of her heart. She shook her head and asserted, "No you won't try, you will. No more try Ashley, you will forgive yourself and you will let go of the past. Until you do there can be no us and no chance of me being able to forgive you and learn to trust you again. This is it Ashley, this is the last time I will have one of these deep emotional exchanges with you. Your recovery up to this point has been way too centred around me and that stops now. From now on, please I am begging you, focus on you."

I nodded, too choked up to be able to speak. Spencer smiled tenderly and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to my trembling lips. She stepped back and released my hands before turning to walk away. She'd gone only a few feet before she looked back over her shoulder and added, "Take a minute and then come back inside. Videos are done and it's nearly time to hang the Christmas stockings."

She spun back around and kept walking back into the house. I watched her until she disappeared behind the front door and then I let out the breath I hadn't even noticed I was holding.

I ran my hands through my hair and thought about everything she'd said.

It hurt to hear, but I think Spencer was right. Maybe in order to be able to be a fully functioning (and sober) member of my family I had to focus on myself? Maybe in order to gain forgiveness from others I had to forgive myself?

Could I forgive myself?

I sat down and leant back against the fence as my mind raced around the words my wife had spoken.

I replayed the night of the accident over in my mind. I rehashed every conversation I had with Kyla that night and all the conversations I had since with various people telling me it wasn't my fault since.

The words that reverberated so intently for me were Aiden's. "The best way to move forward is to finally let go of the past and start being the person that Kyla admired so much. The best way to honour your sister and her memory is to forgive yourself for things that were 100% out of your control and to start rebuilding."

He was right. Spencer was right. They were all right.

I felt my chest become heavy as my breathing became shallow and rough. I shook my head back and forth in distress as it all washed over me, finally rushing away and leaving me bare.

It wasn't my fault.

It wasn't my fault.

I hadn't killed Kyla. It wasn't me. I could not have done anything differently to prevent what happened. No matter what she would have sped to the hospital, it was just the sort of sister she was and why we all loved her so very much.

I could never have stopped her coming to me. No force on earth could have stopped her.

It wasn't my fault.

It wasn't my fault.

I stared up at the sky and whispered to the clouds, "It wasn't my fault. I...I love you Ky. I will be someone you would be proud to call your sister. I will be the best version of myself and I will let go...I'll let go."

I paused and blew a kiss into the heavens. I took a deep breath and finally, after long last I uttered the words I had needed to say for so long, "I'm going to forgive myself for what I couldn't control and start forgiving myself for the things I could."

As soon as the words were spoken a calm settled over me and I felt lighter and freer than I had in years. I laughed softly and let my gazed drink in the beauty that surrounded me.

I picked myself up off the ground and walked back to the house. I wanted to be with my family.

Spencer's POV

The second Ashley walked back in I noticed a change in her. Her eyes seemed less troubled and her shoulders less burdened by the weight of guilt that had been crushing her. She smiled around at everyone and quickly moved to Allie's side to engage in a lively conversation with our daughter.

I have no idea what happened in those few minutes she was outside alone after I left her, but it was something profound.

The rest of the day passed in a sea of laughter and togetherness. It was beyond my wildest dreams, beyond my most longed for expectations. For the first time in a long time I felt real joy that wasn't shadowed by pain. I felt like I could be hopeful, without being scared.

After a huge dinner we sat around the living room and sang Christmas carols (yes we are that family) and then when little eyes started to get heavy I excused Allie and I to go to bed. I nearly sobbed in happiness as I watched Ashley and Allie say good night to each other. Ashley sent me a secret smile as Allie bounded from her lap and back to my side.

We climbed the stairs and after changing into pyjamas and brushing our teeth I got Allie settled in the big bed in the guest room. Usually on Christmas Eve Allie and I had been staying in my old room, but right now that room was occupied and I wasn't really ready to be sharing a room with my wife.

I read Allie the Night Before Christmas, another tradition, and soon she was fast asleep. I brushed a troublesome curl from her forehead and kissed her softly before carefully climbing to my feet to go sit by the window.

It must have been hours that I sat there, just thinking about Ashley. Something was different with her. She had not come back into the house as the same person. I could only hope that just maybe what I'd said to her had gotten through.

As I sat by the window I listened to my family all going to bed. It was comforting to hear the house full of people who I loved. I include Ashley in that.

Only a year ago I had sat by the window in my old bedroom and shed tears about the fact that I was going to spend another Christmas day without my wife.

Things weren't perfect, far from it in fact, but this year Ashley would be a part of our Christmas and that was the best gift I could have ever asked for.

Once the house was quiet again I carefully snuck out of the room and tiptoed down the stairs. I knew these stairs so well that it was easy to dodge the squeaking floorboards and make my way silently into the living room.

It was late, almost midnight and I wasn't sure she'd be there. I felt my face break out into a huge smile when I saw Ashley sitting by the window next to the Christmas tree. The twinkling lights on the tree were glittering over her, making patterns on her skin.

Ashley smiled tenderly at me and patted the rug next to her. I wandered over and sat down beside her, close enough that I could feel the heat from her body.

Ashley reached over and covered my hand with hers as she looked out the window into the night. I turned my hand in hers to tangle our fingers together and whispered, "I wasn't sure you'd be here."

Ashley chuckled softly under her breath and replied, "It's tradition and you don't monkey with tradition."

Ever since we were little girls our families had all spent Christmas together on the farm. Ashley's family had always stayed at the farm Christmas Eve so we could spend all of Christmas day together. Ashley was always allowed to stay in my room and when we were about 6 years old we'd decided we'd come downstairs and wait by the window so we could see Santa arrive. We had fallen asleep (which is when our parents had snuck the present from Santa in) and ever since we had gone down to sit by the tree every Christmas Eve at about midnight.

Once we were old enough to know that Santa wasn't actually coming, we did it so we could always be the first people we said 'Merry Christmas' to on Christmas day.

I glanced down at my watched and followed the second hand as it made its ways around the face. As it hit 12 I looked up at Ashley and smiled adoringly, "Merry Christmas Ash."

Ashley expression softened and she reached up to tuck a loose lock of blonde hair behind my ear as she whispered, "Merry Christmas Spence."

We didn't speak again, we just sat side by side looking out the window.