What Bella said didn't immediately make sense to me, but when it did I lost it. I jumped forward and was immediately struck down. The whole left side of my face felt like it was caved in. I picked myself up off the ground, still growling.
"You ruin my life, destroy my family, and now this? How could you ever claim to have a heart?" I glared at Bella. She was partially blocked by Caius' form.
"I have a heart. I love, mourn, and feel just like you do. I tried to explain it to you once. As a human I didn't allow myself to feel the full range of emotions, but now I have them. I have regrets, embarrassments, and most of all anger… It's strange. When I think back to those times it's like watching another person. You seem to always forget what I went through, Carlisle."
"There are no excuses for what you did. It's unforgivable."
"No excuses, just explanations. An answer to the 'why' that surrounds every tragedy." Bella walked out from behind Caius and he wrapped his arms around her. "I loved my mother more than life itself. She was my best friend, and I was her best friend- but then she was gone or more accurately I was taken away. I still don't understand why he didn't kill me right away. The way he described my scent to me one night gave me nightmares… Due to his gift I quickly understood what sort of person would keep him interested enough to not kill me. I considered myself a modern day Scheherazade, being entertaining enough to keep alive, but never giving him everything he wanted."
"Don't compare yourself to a woman who put herself at risk to save countless others. You're nothing like her." Her emotionless look turned angry.
"It's a metaphor, Carlisle. It's not going to line up perfectly. You know what I meant." Bella sighed and leaned against Caius, the anger dissipating. "Have you ever tried to tailor your personality to the whims of someone else? I was a book loving introvert before he came along, but a silent fourteen year old girl wasn't going to keep him entertained. I had to become loud. I had to learn how to affect him on different levels if I wanted to survive.
"On a mental level I kept him entertained by making myself be quick to the punch line and filled with sarcasm. On a physical level… at fourteen I only had a few curves, so I started with looking as innocent as possible- a china doll that would be broken if he ever touched me. Puberty hit me hard when I was fifteen. I couldn't play the innocent child anymore. At fifteen and sixteen was when I was in the most danger." Bella laughed humorlessly. "I was walking a fine line, transitioning from trying to be an idyllic angel, to a sinful creature- I had to be careful. I knew if I made myself too sexual I'd never be able to stop him from doing whatever he wanted to me. That's where I had to affect him on an emotional level. There was no way I could ever physically subdue him, so I had to emotionally subdue him. He was a warrior, and I was a little girl- I didn't even weigh ninety pounds back then…" She seemed to sink into her own mind.
"Bella, let's go to my room. You don't have to think of those things anymore. He's gone." Caius whispered to her. There was an edge of anger to his voice. I didn't know if his anger was directed at me or her.
"No, I want to get this out to someone other than you and Marcus." She turned around in his arms and kissed him before facing me again. "I didn't have to change just my personality to survive. I also had to change his. When he kidnapped me his self-worth was as high as a mountain while mine was as low as a valley. I had to pick away at the pride of a man who had won a thousand fights. I had to make him believe that I was different than every other human, and not just because of my blood." Bella seemed to spit out the last word. "I shined a light on the redundant meaningless nature of his life. I had to make him believe that I gave his life meaning, that I validated his existence. I had to convince him that all those horrible things he did in war were forgivable because they were just a stepping stone to my arms."
"If you're trying to make me feel bad for you, it isn't working." Nothing could justify her actions. "You're just reinforcing every belief I have about you."
"I don't want you to feel bad or change your beliefs about me. I just want you to know the truth." She hissed and Caius held her tighter. "Sexuality is a double edged sword. If he was ever too aroused by my persona I'd be in danger of him killing me- or worse. I could always feel it, when he was close to breaking. He wouldn't look away from me. If I turned my back on him I'd feel his breath on my neck. I'd start turning back around, a rush of air, and he'd be in the same spot I saw him last. The worst was his 'hugs'. I'd be in the kitchen or living room and he'd suddenly be upon me, holding me from behind. His whole body flush against mine, his lips on my shoulder or neck as he breathed my scent in and out- and he wouldn't let go. It didn't matter if I cried, screamed, wet myself, or tried to entertain him, he'd just keep holding me silently for hours on end. It was then that I realized he needed some sort of physical contact or he'd only get worse.
"So I began touching his shoulder whenever I made a joke, I'd hold his hand every time I tried chipping away at his self worth, I'd sit beside him, our legs barely touching as I ate- and his unwanted hugs stopped. For three and a half years I lived knowing that I was a single misstep away from being raped and killed. The worst was the first time he tasted my blood when I was sixteen." Bella shuttered. "But showing that fear would have broken the illusion of a self-confident woman who valued him and in return was worth valuing.
"It was only when I was seventeen that I didn't constantly feel like I was a step away from a painful death, but by that point I hated myself. I hated that I planned out almost every comment I was going to give automatically, so they wouldn't push him too far, yet push him enough to still find me interesting. I hated the clothes he bought me. I hated that I worked out just so I'd look physically attractive to him. I hated that if I didn't say anything to him he'd either stare at my pulse or my breasts. The one time I tried killing myself he broke two of my fingers. He said it was an accident, that he was just trying to get the knife out of my hand. Whether he was telling the truth or not, I don't care anymore. He said I wasn't allowed to die- that he wouldn't allow me to die. I was trapped in both that house and in life. I hated who I was pretending to be, but knew if I didn't keep pretending I'd have a painful, gory death. So I decided on that day to survive. The same way I manipulated him I manipulated myself.
"I made myself believe that how I was acting was normal. I had to make myself get rid of any morals I was holding onto. That house was my whole world and we were Adam and Eve in Eden- nothing was a sin. I made my goal complete domination over him and tried to believe that kissing him and letting him touch me wasn't wrong. Four years after he kidnapped me I had almost dominated him emotionally, but knew I'd never hold reign over his emotions until I made him need me in every fashion, but the idea of sex scared me. For me sex was irrevocably tied with a bloody, painful death- and by then I was so beautiful. My breasts were plump and pert, my legs were perfectly toned, and I couldn't hide my curves even in the baggiest of clothes." Bella's voice broke and I couldn't handle hearing her anymore. I didn't want to feel any sort of pity towards her. She deserved that prison for killing my children. I started leaving.
"Either stay of your own free will or I'll have the guards break your legs so you'll have to stay." Aro said to me while staring at Bella. Was he really falling for her story?
"He doesn't have to listen if he doesn't want to." Bella was looking away from us all.
"He'll stay." Aro said, ending their brief conversation. Bella nodded at him and took in a deep breath before continuing.
"I had pushed away my old self and morals by the time I turned nineteen. But he was starting to lose interest in me mentally. I knew I had to compensate on a different level, on a physical level. I let his touches linger. I didn't pull away as quickly when he hugged me every night before I went to sleep. I made my hands drift, touching and exploring him." I saw Caius grip on her tighten. "I made myself believe that it was fun, believe that, that's how men and women are supposed to interact. The first time we had sex I initiated it. I didn't know that for women losing their virginity was usually painful. I freaked out and thought he had seriously wounded me and that I had finally made the misstep that would cost me my life. He tried explaining why it hurt, but I was crying too hard and he was still inside of me, unmoving. Finally he pulled out and wrapped me in a blank, trying to make me calm down. The pain dulled into a soreness, but I kept crying for hours, so sure that I was about to be fucked then killed. He didn't touch me though, instead just whispering thing he thought would be comforting, yet they all just reminded me that I was a prisoner and probably wouldn't make it to twenty. Eventually I fell asleep out of exhaustion. When I woke up there was a tray of food beside me on the bed and a note stating that he was sorry and going hunting. It was then that I knew I had him completely wrapped around my finger.
"He wasn't a threat to me anymore, so long as I kept him in that mindset that I was vital to his survival and entertained. We lived like that for three years, me pushing his buttons and him believing that I completed his fucked up existence." None of that seemed to really answer why I had smelled my son's scent. This woman was the devil and I wouldn't be fooled by even one more lie.
"Why can't you say Peter's name? Feeling bad for killing the one person who loved you?"
"I'm trying to let go of my anger towards him, but just like you'll never forgive me, neither will I forgive him. I'm trying so hard to put it all behind me, but I'm still holding on." Bella sighed. "I burned the last of Peter and lost his gift. I thought it would help, but it hasn't been enough. So I thought that maybe burning the last of Jasper would make it hurt less."