"What about you?"
Regina leaned down and placed a loving kiss on Emma's mouth.
"As much as I appreciate the sentiment, this was for me." She said fondly while gesturing to Emma's body. "This is my reward."
Emma frowned.
"I'm not a pillow princess" she scoffed, offended, and Regina burst out in laughter.
"Look who has been doing their homework" she teased and poked Emma's ribs. The blonde let out a shriek as she tried to escape the attack. She looked up into Regina's eyes before gathering all of her courage.
"Are you a touch-me-not?" she asked quietly, praying that the answer would be negative. The more Emma read about lesbian sex, the more she realized there's so much to learn.
Starting from a bottom and a top, going all the way to misconception on butch women and woman's preferences. Apparently, some woman liked clitoral stimulation only, some vaginal, there were women who toped, woman who were toped and some who did them both. Some used strap-ons, some didn't and the list goes on. The variation was enormous and the one thing Emma took from it was that every girl is different and therefore so are her preferences.
Emma came across the term touch-me-not. Having no idea what it is, she dug into the subject. Touch-me-not were woman who preferred pleasing their partners rather than being pleased. Some merely didn't like to be touched and found pleasure by pleasing other, some unfortunately went through experiences that affected their perception of their body and prevent them from wanting that kind of physical touch. It was also said numerous times that it's extremely important to ask your bed mate whether or not she wants to be touched, since touching her without a warning can very much sabotage the mood and end the night.
Regina looked down at her for a moment before answering.
"I wouldn't say that, I'm more of a touch-me-maybe."
"Huh?" Emma wrecked her brain trying to recall reading about that specific term. But she failed, this never came up, not even once.
"It's how I like to call it" Regina answered her question "I don't let every girl I'm with touch me there" she cast her eyes down to her crotch "It's a matter of intimacy and trust in my eyes and the nature of my 'relationships with women' if you can even call it that hadn't really provided me with the luxury of opening up. Literally and metaphorically." She winked at the end, though it hadn't distracted Emma from the fact that Regina just revealed a significant detail about herself. Not wanting to shut the sharing spirit by being an idiot she weighted her words carefully before responding.
"I understand, that makes sense" she nodded and bit her lip "do you think there is a possibility you'd let me, you know-" she swallowed.
Regina looked lovingly down at her. Caressing her cheek she said "Absolutely. Not at the moment since it might take me a while but I want you to know and understand" her voice turned from soft to stern "that my progress and willingness to let you touch me has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me and my boundaries. And," she added "I strongly want you, want us, to be in that stage when we can freely open up to each other, physically, emotionally and mentally and I hope that you feel as well that this is where we heading."
Emma sighed and looked down at the sleeping form, her face so calm, so beautiful. Regina is always beautiful, but knowing that this vulnerable version of her is saved only for Emma to see, that makes her heart pound in her chest.
She ran her fingers through the silky locks until sleep claimed her once again.
"Emma, honey, are you okay?" Regina asked through the bathroom door, making Emma's lips quirk up for a short while, before turning into a grim again.
"Yes, I'm coming."
She picked herself off the floor and washed her face yet again in the sink, hoping that somehow the water would be her comfort, or fix her aching heart, anything would do. But she feels exactly the same when she opens the door and joins Regina in their way to the hospital in what could very well be the last time.
"So this is how it's going to work" the gray-haired doctor explained calmly "We are going to unplug him from the machines. If there's any chance for him to wake up, it would be in the next 2-3 minutes. If he doesn't wake up at that time we'll connect him to a heart monitor so we can monitor his heart, he can stop breathing or pumping blood immediately or he can manage to maintain those two actions for a longer period of time like a couple of hours. Either way, the chance of him regaining brain activity after those 2 to 3 minutes regardless of his success in breathing is slim to none."
Knowing all of that in advance hadn't stopped Emma's heart from clenching painfully. She willed with all of heart for him to gather enough power to wake up. Oblivious to her actions, she automatically laced her hand with Regina's and squeezed tightly as the doctor and the nurse approached Tony. Goodbyes were already said, said when Emma was alone with Tony, asking him, begging him for the last time to fight.
Now all she had to do was watch. Watch as the medical staff unplugged him and removed the tubes from his nose and mouth. Watch as they opened a timer while checking for pulse. Watch as the seconds ticked by, feeling more like hours that Emma dreaded, were running out. Watch as the doctor announced that two minutes have passed and if he wouldn't start breathing soon it's going to cause irreversible brain damage. Watch Neal and Anjelo holding onto each other, each is a leaf in the wind trying to get ahold by clinging to another leaf.
Watch as the doctor declared that four minutes have passed and Tony is no longer alive.
Emma didn't hear anything else. She buried her face in Regina's neck and tried to will the last days away from her mind. Regina held onto her tightly, almost as if knowing that if she let's go Emma will fall.
The doctor announced the time of death and Neal's agonized scream was heard probably at the end of the hall. Anjelo's eyes turned black while he held Neal, preventing him from colliding with floor.
Tony always liked to complain about how Italians were stuck in each other's asses but he would be damn proud seeing the amount of people that showed up to his funeral.
South Boston neglected its internal feud for the afternoon when Italian and Irish, elderly and youth, all came to pay respect for the warm Italian guy who provided food in every wedding, birthday or any other event that accrued in the neighborhood in the past years. Came the people who hired him, the teens he hired and the kids who waited outside for leftovers every night. They all came.
It was short. Neal isn't a talker, so does Anjelo. He was buried next to his wife Camille in the family lot.
Emma didn't bother to change her black attire after bidding her goodbyes and heading to the car with Regina.
The drive home was silent. Emma hadn't said a word, merely held to Regina's hand the entire time.
When they reached Emma's apartment and the blonde didn't seem ready to let go of the brunette's hand, Regina made up her mind. Not bothering to ask Emma she drove to her own house.
She led Emma up the stairs into her luxurious bed. She took off her shoes and covered her with a blanket.
She came back minutes later, dressed for bed and sneaked her way under the covers until she reached Emma's shaking form. Wrapping her arm around the skinny blonde and pulling her until their bodies flushed.
She kissed Emma's neck and whispered kind words in her ear until the blonde fell into a fitful sleep.
When Emma woke up the sun was high in the sky. She squinted her eyes at the amount of light before realizing that something was missing. She turned around to find the large bed empty.
She set up, rubbing the sleep off her eyes while scanning the large room. Yesterday all she could feel was sadness, sadness that blinded her to almost anything but the fact that Regina was there with her. Now, she actually had the chance to scan the large, luxurious bedroom.
Starting with what must be a king size bed, all the way to a door leading to a large closet room and another one leading to the bathroom. Feeling her pressing bladder, she entered the bathroom and gasped.
The marble, the large tub as well as a shower head, all made her feel as if she is still in the Four Seasons' suite.
She finished emptying her bladder and went back to the room to fish her toothbrush out of her suitcase. She brushed and flossed and washed her face.
She decided to go downstairs, actually paying attention now to the beautifully designed house.
On the kitchen island she found a Starbucks cup with a note leaning on it.
She picked up the note and a smile immediately graced her face.
Good morning beautiful,
I hope you feel slightly better. You seemed so at peace that I had to let you sleep. Don't worry, I signed on another day off for you.
I took the liberty to buy you something for breakfast since I'm not there to make it for you (someone has to work…). You'll find a chocolate croissant in a bag in the oven and the cup has some coco with cinnamon in it. Go upstairs again, the second door on the right leads to the balcony and the view is precious.
I hope you'd wait for me to come back but if not, there's a key in the first drawer in the kitchen island. Take it with you and return once you get the chance, or don't return it at all.
Regina.
Emma couldn't tame the smile down. This letter made her heart expand with every written line. Her thumb laced the red lips imprint that Regina left next to her name. Eventually, she snapped out of her haze and picked the mentioned items, not before securing the note safely in her bag.
When she walked out to the edge of the balcony she gasped at the amazing view in front of her. The green trees of the park were a few meters away and the green mashed with the buildings around it into the beautiful picture that this city is.
She sipped her coffee slowly while pondering about the note. She would expect her heart to speed up at the show of intimacy and domesticity in it but with all honesty all it did was lift her spirits. She no longer wanted to run away from commitment and progress. Suddenly, imagining herself spending weekends here with Regina seemed like the perfect plan. She also found that possessing Regina's key only made her happier rather than anxious at the amount of pressure and responsibilities it consisted. Regina's lightness about the whole key ordeal helped Emma ease her fears, she can keep it, she can return it, it's her choice.
While sipping her favorite drink and nipping the divinely smelling pastry she finally realized that she feels so deeply for the sarcastic, well put together brunette; the one who stole her heart from the moment she set foot in her office.
She also realized that despite being completely terrified from admitting it and inevitably putting a label on it even if just in her head, she can't stop herself from actually feeling it every second of every day. So why not admitting it altogether?
She is falling for Regina Mills.
A little bit of positivity will do us all good… Also, I wanted to mention that we don't really focus on the timeline in this story but Regina and Emma have their thing going on for a couple of months now (Emma started having feelings around Feb/March and now we're in the end of July) so this inner declaration of Emma is definitely not premature, especially not after what they've been through together.
Also, wanted to emphasize that the whole touch-me-not explanation is based on my knowledge of the subject; if I miss-defined/offended anyone, I apologize.