Disclaimer: The following is a fan-written parody. Ranma ½ is property of Rumiko Takahashi, Studio Deen, Shogakukan, Viz Media, and Madman Entertainment. Support the official release, okay?
Senpai
A Ranma ½ Story
|Sadie Hawkin's Fight|
Mousse regained consciousness, his head throbbing something fierce as his senses had returned. Shaking it, he groped around on the ground, searching for his glasses, and managed to find them lying not too far from where he lay. Taking them in hand, he slipped them on and prepared to rise to reengage Shampoo.
"Ow… ow!"
Or not, apparently whatever hit him had done so with such force that it broke something, probably two or three ribs. Crossing his arm over his chest and remaining on his knees, he searched around for whatever could have hit him that hard so he could properly vow revenge against them. Of all the times… when he was so close to getting her…
He lifted himself up again, to try to fight, when his injuries and exhaustion overcame him.
"Who am I kidding?" He growled to himself.
He pounded his free hand onto the ground. "She's even stronger than she was… because I had been the fool…"
Yes, ever the lamentable fool…
There was a cacophonous bang nearby, as Ranma collided against Ryoga, her high-speed cross being caught in his hand with ease. As Mousse strained himself to turn to see, he saw Akane launching herself at Shampoo with that bamboo stick of hers. Before he could begin to scoff, the girl made a clever hop to position herself for a strike, only for Shampoo to avoid it by going after Ranma.
"What… the…?" Mousse could only gawk at the high speed battle.
Shampoo paid for her dismissal of Akane when the shinai brushed against her hip. It only stung but it brought Shampoo around to wave the dao at the interloper. That slice had been fast but it whiffed Akane as she hopped away.
"Hmph, you is dumb to come at Shampoo with stick. If want go find real weapon, you have Shampoo permission to run." She made a shooing motion, before she started turn again towards her quarry.
Again, this was a mistake, as Akane was almost blindingly fast in closing the gap, shinai screaming for Shampoo's face. "This is plenty for you!"
"What the…?" Shampoo thought as she brought up an arm to block the strike, feeling a bit of the power behind it. "Who is this girl?"
"Don't get cocky," Akane said, pupils dilated as she began to focus on Shampoo. "You'll regret it when you face me."
Ryoga got bored of holding Ranma back, sending a backhand swipe that ripped the air apart as it came for the redhead's ribs.
Ranma pushed herself up and over the swipe, performing a handstand on Ryoga, before using her perch to try and twist around to kick the stalwart Hibiki.
Try was the optimal word as Ryoga shoved his rival away before she was even a quarter of the way through the move.
"You're pretty strong like this," Ryoga congratulated. "But can you keep this up in that body?"
"Just watch me!" Ranma promised, crouching down as she did the calculations in her head. That exchange gave her data on how fast Ryoga was reacting to her right now, which was crucial for this next part.
A knife sailed in from the side, thrown by Shampoo who was moving to another position. Akane followed the Amazon, unconcerned about the knife. The world was melting away and there was only her target it seemed.
Without looking, Ranma caught it and flung it into the dirt. In the next instant between breaths, she was charging towards Shampoo's new position.
"No you don't," Ryoga hollered, managing to body block the charging redhead. "I said go through me damnit!"
"Don't get in my way, dumbass!" Ranma had momentarily bounced off Ryoga's body, coming back with a left hook to the body Ryoga stiff-armed.
"Come on! Hit me for real, man!" Ryoga taunted, twisting around and plunging an overhand thrust. Ranma avoided it narrowly and the pavement below was shattered by what seemed to be a very casual effort for the young man.
"That strength is still unreal," Ranma thought as she took a position away from Ryoga.
"His destructive power is insane but… he's still slow and has a nasty habit of not defending attacks. I can do this… I don't have to fight him to win!" She was back in, swinging a blow for Hibiki's head.
He moved to block but she leapfrogged over him and kicked off his back, sprinting at Shampoo. Ryoga didn't let the surprise catch him flat footed, as he was in hot pursuit.
Shampoo danced around another swing from Akane, feeling the hum and power behind the blow. This outsider girl was powerful, really powerful, her hit power bordered on Shampoo's own if the estimate was right. Worse though, those powerful attacks were becoming more accurate with Shampoo's every successful evasion, as another looping slash came at the Amazon, missing by a narrower margin.
Whipping around the dao, she lunged to strike Akane again, but this slash missed by the narrowest of margins. When Akane thrust back, Shampoo sidestepped it and placed her open back in Ranma's path.
"Shampoo!" Ranma roared, lunging at her back and ready to clobber her in the back of the head.
"You coward!" Shampoo called back. She was still recovering, if that blow landed it-
"I said no you don't!" Ryoga bellowed as he sprang forward with all of his might, catching Ranma by the back of her shirt and yanking the girl away, thwarting the haymaker that just brushed Shampoo's hair.
A fluff of purple hair filled the air as Shampoo could feel the power behind that attack down to her toes. That fury was still there and the promise to harm the Amazon was still on the table of being fulfilled.
"Stop getting in my way dumbass!" Ranma yelled, kicking off the ground and tumbling over Ryoga's outstretched arm to slam both feet into his face. She tumbled backwards, alighting on her feet and slamming a one-two into Ryoga's exposed side.
"That tickles!" Ryoga snapped even as the blows knocked him back a pace.
When Ranma tried to follow up with a kick, he warded her off with another backhand. He was once again between the redhead and Shampoo. "Try hitting me for real."
"I can't get this idiot out of my way!" Ranma thought with a bitter look on her face. "If I were a guy right now, I could send this jackass flying!" Problem was, there wasn't any hot water around. Finding some would take time and time she didn't have. But if she kept going like this, she was bound to run out of steam and slow down, which would mean her death.
"Come on, come on!" Ryoga taunted. "Don't you want at her?"
"Fine then. I'll just have to take him straight on. If I can get him out of the way, Shampoo will be at a severe disadvantage." Ranma silently categorized her opponent, trying to determine how much more punishment he could take.
"I just need to know where to hit and how hard." Plan set, she was ready to rumble.
"Pay attention!" Akane then shouted as she thrust forward with her shinai for Shampoo's chest the very second it seemed like her attention had been pulled towards Ranma and Ryoga.
Shampoo bent backwards over the thrust, but this proved foolish as Akane snapped the shinai down right between the Amazon's breasts with a stinging retort.
"Ow!" Shampoo squealed. "You stupid pig!"
"You aren't good enough at Japanese to talk shit, are you?" Akane was breathing slightly heavier than normal, her eyes almost glowing.
"Shut up." Shampoo snapped, swiping at her with the dao.
But Akane had seen it coming the literal instant Shampoo's muscles so much as twitched to begin the swing. With that much advanced warning, dodging it was easy. The counterattack to the wrist was even easier.
"Wrist!" Akane said, just before her shinai caught the Amazon on the wrist with a sharp smack.
"Ahh?" Shampoo silently reacted, her right hand going numb from the power of the strike. She kept the sword in her left and thrusted it at Akane.
Again though, Akane's focus had alerted her to the attack what seemed like a minute beforehand. She dodged towards Shampoo's right to avoid the thrust and swung a horizontal slash into Shampoo's chest.
"Torso!" She crowed as it slammed home just above the breasts,
"Agh!" The Amazon squealed in pain as her lungs burned from the sudden forceful ejection of breath. "How?"
"I can see through you." Akane said simply. "Come at me if you think you can win."
Come at her Shampoo did, flowing into a series of one handed thrusts and swipes that should have been too hard to follow. If Akane were bluffing that is, but to the Amazon's growing ire, she was being read so thoroughly. When the blade seemed to reach Akane, she was already out of the way. When she lunged to slash, Akane was stepping back, keeping the blade safely out of reach.
"I don't get it, how is she evading my strikes?" Nothing came close, nothing but maybe…
"There!" She feinted with the blade, and when Akane moved aside from it, she swung out a right cross with her thought to be injured hand, hoping to surprise this stupid obstacle.
"Head!" Akane called as her shinai banged down on Shampoo's head. She had gotten behind the Amazon by using the girl's own attacks to hide her movements.
"Gah!" Shampoo screamed. That one hurt!
"Huh?" Ryoga turned, having thought Shampoo could handle the other girl.
This was all Ranma needed to slam home a thunderous left to the jaw. As Ryoga tried to counter, Ranma slipped down and slammed a three piece combo right to her opponent's exposed stomach. An attempted front kick to ward her off only gave the redhead a platform to spring up and once more slam both feet into Ryoga's face.
"Urk!" Ryoga grunted as Ranma rebounded off him.
"That's more like it!" Ranma thought triumphantly as she tumbled away from the seemingly unharmed Hibiki. "I can make this body work… I just need to hit harder with it!"
"Are you even trying?" Ryoga asked, laughing a little. He was growing concerned about Shampoo though. Still, Ranma was right there and he had to contend with his old rival for now.
"I'm just getting started." Ranma promised and even though Ryoga didn't blink he still missed her step in.
"He's so much faster now!" Ryoga fully realized as Ranma slammed one punch into his stomach, then another, and another, before she turned around and landed a kick that shoved Ryoga back. He thrusted his left out at her to bait an attack to counter it.
It was anticipated and Ranma only half stepped in, letting the deadly hook fall short before sending her own right into Ryoga's face. A left managed to follow in and land before Ryoga could uncross himself to again send Ranma away with a fearsome swipe.
Mousse, who had been watching everything, could only stare in slack jawed amazement. Who the hell were these strange people and why were they so strong? Just what kind of Outsider place was this? Some kind of monster breeding ground?!
"Where did they get this kind of power?" Mousse wondered, before jealousy gripped him. "And why don't I have it?!" His fist found the dirt again as bitter tears filled his eyes.
Back over with Akane and Shampoo, they were locked in a deadly dance, the former skating on the razor's edge as she flirted with disaster in the form of a lethally sharp blade that would carve her up like a cheap slab of meat. Though to the latter, no matter how close it looked, the swings never felt farther than they had before now. It was impossible for someone to get this much of a read on a total stranger and yet-
"Head! Torso! Wrist!" Akane was literally calling her shots and Shampoo could do nothing to evade the stinging slaps. Each one rattled her bones and sapped dry her stamina, little by little it was proving that stick was better than her sword.
"How? How you do this?" Shampoo was almost going nuts trying to figure it out. "Tell Shampoo!"
"Sorry, there's no more freebies." Akane said simply, already reading ahead so much that she had evaded the third move Shampoo was going to throw before the first even began to come out.
"TELL SHAMPOO!" The Amazon's composure just evaporated as she let fly the useless throwing knife that went off into the night.
"Head!" Akane roared back, smacking her over the head with the shinai.
"This is impossible!" Shampoo thought, her teeth chattering from the hit.
Ryoga again turned to look at the fight behind him, having heard Shampoo's cry. Regarding Ranma again, he slumped his guard,.
In this moment, Ranma had forgotten Akane and even Shampoo, and all she saw was Ryoga slacken. Her anger and frustration at a peak, she only saw that her attacks had broken through his guard, and fatigue had caught up with him.
"I got you now!" She thought as rushed forward and slammed a flying kick that launched Ryoga.
Also at this moment, all Akane could see was Shampoo. Nothing else even existed but her and Shampoo. She was so focused and centered on Shampoo she forgot to filter in Ryoga. She was new to this technique and hadn't been shown the downside of it and as such she used it without a single bit of care. She rushed Shampoo again, determined that she had worn down Shampoo enough to end it.
It was a pity, had she remembered Ryoga, had she been able to see him at all, what happened next would have been avoided. Instead, she leaped right into the Ranma-propelled young man's path. In that instant his limp body suddenly flashed to life, and he spun himself right around to drive his fist square into her jaw.
The force of the impact was massive, Akane's head snapped back and her legs flew out from under her as she soared towards the ground not even trying to catch herself.
"Why don't you just take a nap, eh girlie?" Ryoga said, not even following through.
From Ranma's vantage point, it unfolded in a matter of microseconds, as the joy of a strong hit gave way to the realization of a ploy to the horror of seeing Akane run right into Ryoga's fist. She wasn't still for long, as she accelerated like a rocket, the ground crumbling behind her, and managed to catch Akane just before she could hit the pavement.
"AKANE!" Ranma screamed as she cradled the unconscious girl. "Akane! Speak to me, oi!"
She was completely out cold. There was a slight twitching as the youngest Tendo's body tried to complete its last command.
"A-Akane…" Ranma sputtered as he quickly checked her breathing and her pulse. She was still alive, thank goodness, but she was so limp! She had been hit so hard… she didn't even realize she had been knocked out!
This was too much, it was all too much. All this because of food, because of stupid pride?!
"What the fuck man, what the fuck?" She asked aloud, through her clenched teeth.
"That's enough, Ranma," Ryoga said.
Ranma stilled again, and slowly looked towards them both. Shampoo was standing beside Ryoga, staring down at her with a mix of contempt and satisfaction that the obstacle Akane provided was removed.
"Hibiki… I'm gonna fucking kill you." Ranma swore as she put Akane down gently. "But only after you watch me tear that bitch's lungs from her chest."
Ryoga, however, seemed almost contrite. "You can't win."
"The hell I can't!" Ranma screamed back at them. "Either of you, both of you, I can take you on and I'll win!"
"No you won't!" Ryoga snapped back. "You've been coming at me with that weak cursed body, you haven't been able to even slow me down!"
An aura of sheer rage enveloped her, even if she knew such threats were idle. Two against one? That would be fairer odds if she were a guy at the moment.
And it only made Ranma angrier that they knew it.
"Bluff all you want, but this is a fight we all know you're outmatched in," Ryoga said. "Just… stop it before anyone else has to get involved. Mu Tsu, that girl, they've only gotten in the way and delayed the inevitable."
Ryoga shook his head. "Even I could only do so much to stop her, man."
The interventions as Garou, the final showdown at Vladivostok. If only Ryoga could convey to Ranma how hard he had actually tried. He even thought that marrying Shampoo could give him leverage… but there was a single-mindedness in her drive that was irresistible. Her pride, her unshakeable determination… he couldn't even bring himself to hate it. Quite the opposite, he had fallen in love with her then.
Where he let go of his pride because of Ranma's carelessness benefiting him, Shampoo clenched onto hers with her teeth until her gums bled.
That was why he was here at her side, and against him.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry it went this way. I really did want to be friends." There was a sense of fatalism there, knowing that Shampoo was going to make good on her vow.
Shampoo nodded. She had enough in the tank and with her invincible shield of a husband, this fight was as good as theirs.
"Is checkmate yes?" She asked, smiling for Ryoga.
"About to be." Ryoga was ready to charge in now, no more just getting in the way.
"Shit…" Ranma cursed, even as she prepared to make her last stand. "Shit…"
"Hey, you two," Katie called out then.
Ryoga and Shampoo both turned and found Katie and Misao standing right whereabouts the latter last saw them. Katie was now wearing a three-piece black suit and tie and a pair of slightly tinted glasses. Misao's attire was entirely different, wearing a raincoat that was much bigger than her, the hood pulled over her head.
"Your chance at victory just left," she continued before her tone dovetailed into a lament. "I'm sure you two had big plans but they were over the moment she attacked our home."
"Your home?" Ryoga asked, before recalling Ranma's rant about a house. Great, more people who had to suffer. "Look, we're sorry that it had to come to this but-"
Katie's breath blew out in a sigh before she spoke over him. "But hey, big fella, you can just sit this out and walk away. If you insist on standing with her, you're going to accept the bill."
There was a violent chill in the air, as the words were said with absolute certainty. There was no bluffing, no joshing, just straight talk. Plain as day how it was, thank you very much it was that frank.
Ryoga needed a second for that, did these two girls just threaten them?
"You're talking big, lady, but if you get involved you are in over your head." Ryoga replied, trying to push through the feeling of dread in his stomach that flared up. "You've already lost enough."
"I've lost ten million yen in property." Misao's cool voice belied her rage as a crackling sound overtook it. "A wall, some equipment, some weed… but you're standing there about to take something more valuable than all of that."
"What did Shampoo tell you, Fat Girl? This is not your business!" She warned her as she readied the dao.
"Bitch," Misao said, "Like the bae said, it was my business the moment you came into my house, and I don't want anyone in my way until it is resolved."
As if to confirm that, Katie turned and walked to the side, gaining a safe distance. Shampoo saw this and was confused. She had certainly expected the giant girl would come fight, but she didn't seem interested in it at all. In fact, she seemed much more concerned about the weird kendo girl that her airen had just left a wreck on the ground.
"The hell are you thinking?!" Ryoga said, as he quickly realized that the small girl in the raincoat… she was the one who was going to fight them?!
"I'm thinking, that neither of you are going take anything else from me," Misao replied as a glow began to appear underneath her raincoat.
As the blue light began to shine under the yellow raincoat, it slowly burned away until it revealed that Misao was wearing gray and light blue armor, similar in form and shape to a mecha, except the helmet appeared to be an armored flight suit helmet. A 02 was embossed on the shoulder, and upon its back was a backpack with four wings that rose up and out, and a fifth fin rising up behind her head, giving it a much more menacing feel. On her shoulders and thighs were large scissor blades bearing similar fins to the ones upon her back, with smaller versions on her forearms and hips.
"What the hell is that?" Ryoga asked.
Now Shampoo was less confused and furious. She had actually hoped for a rematch against the giant girl, but this? The fact that the fat girl had the nerve to show up in such a ridiculous armor, looking like a cosplayer from a robot video game, just insulted Shampoo more than anything.
Who did this fat dumb girl think she was? Didn't she get the hint when she destroyed her house?
The fins began to crackle with power, bolts of electricity arcing between the and across the armor. Then, to Shampoo's surprise and Ryoga's dread, she lifted up onto her toes, and then completely off her feet as if propelled by magic.
"What is this?" She said to Ryoga as she saw the dread in his eyes. "This is that bitch called payback."
With that, the helmet's armored visor fell over her eyes and the face guard slid in place, creating the expressionless face of a mechanical soldier, whose eyes flashed a brilliant green–then turned solid red.
A/N: Well Shampoo, there still might be a chance for you to get friendship end, right? Right?!