The Bond That Ties Us
Chapter Thirty-Five
Unburdened
The bedroom door slid open, revealing Ben, who was decked out in his Knights of Ren attire. He paused when he saw her, but his mask was on, so she couldn't read his expression. She had only just arrived and was sitting with her back against the wall of his bed, her hands folded in her lap.
"Time has not caught up yet, I take it?" he asked.
She shrugged one shoulder. Before, seeing him like this would have sent a quiver of fear, and then anger, through her heart. With the mask on, Ben was quite imposing. It didn't help that he was so blasted tall.
Ben removed the mask before stalking across the room. He looked dark and broody. She missed the sweet boy who had lit up every time he saw her. But that was then… this was now. Snoke had stolen Ben from the world. All she could do was stay by his side unconditionally.
"I told you… we're together after."
One large, slender hand grabbed her ankle. She had a second to process it before he jerked it, and she yelped, sliding down the bed. He placed his hands on either side of her head against the mattress, nestled between her thighs. They gazed into one another's eyes for a moment.
"Have we fucked?"
Rey rolled her eyes.
"Oh, now my language insults you?"
"I just haven't heard you refer to it like that." She reached up and flicked his forehead. "It's a bit more than that."
He scowled, rubbing his sore forehead. "We've made love?" he asked scornfully.
She giggled a little. "No."
His features went blank with confusion.
"We haven't… had sex like… that. The kind you just turned your nose up at. But it's more than just 'fucking.'" Rey tried not to blush. Just because she didn't curse that hard that often, it didn't mean she had to be a prude. "We love one another. It won't ever be just sex."
Ben made a thoughtful noise. Rey had a hard time noticing—his hand was tracing over her collarbone, along the curve of her breast.
"I think I would be jealous of myself," he murmured. "And I would like to make things easier for whoever I am now, but…" He tsked. "You are just too damned beautiful." His hands glided over her thighs as he straightened his back.
She turned her face away.
"Do I really compliment you so little?"
"We've been busy." Her pulse wouldn't slow. Why was she surprised about the unfolding events? Yes, Ben hadn't done more than kiss her throughout his childhood and early adulthood… But he was an entirely different person now.
"That is not a very good excuse." Ben slid his hands over her hips. "Look at me."
Her eyes snapped to his. His lips curved into a knowing smile.
"Oh, don't get so cocky," she said.
"I just enjoy seeing you respond like that."
"Like what?"
"You like it when I give you orders."
She snorted.
"Some of the time," he amended. His fingertips toyed with her knee—slid lower, over the hard muscle of her thigh beneath her pant leg. "Take off your shirt."
"No," she refused him, just to be contrary.
"Take off your shirt." The words were soft but powerful.
Heat prickled over her skin, made her swallow. She found her fingers were gripping the end of her shirt, and she was tossing it off, over the side of the bed. She wasn't sure where it landed.
She knew she didn't need to encourage him. But he was right… sometimes, she did like it when he told her what to do.
"Don't let this go to your head," she breathed.
"It already has." He watched her from under the veil of his long lashes. He placed a hand over her stomach, his fingers spreading. "…I wait for these moments, you know. The moments when I have you."
"You do have me."
"Not the way I would like. Not by my side."
"Well, rest assured, I'm by your side. I'll be by your side forever."
"You believe in forever?" He laughed softly. "I suppose you would have to, to state that so brazenly, without a trace of irony."
"I didn't until our bond was completed." She shifted until her elbows were beneath her. "Things were different after that."
"Why? Let me guess: you can't tell me."
"We became a part of each other." They were close enough to the end, and it wouldn't change anything, anyway. Rey didn't mind elaborating for once. "I took your darkness. You took my light. We're inseparable now. But powerful, so I'd like to see anyone try to tear us apart."
"How powerful?"
It was her turn to laugh a bit. "Powerful enough."
"And that is all you will tell me?"
"For now. I think it's sufficient."
"And what if I don't?"
"I'd say you'll have to be patient, though I know that's not one of your strong suits." She made a face at him.
He huffed but only lowered his eyes. His hand trailed down her stomach. They both watched it make the trek to the waistband of her pants.
"You have stopped asking me what happened last."
"It's mostly the same to me at this point," she confessed. "I'm here to be with you, nothing more."
And on and on it went.
Watching Ben spiral away into the depths of darkness was harder to see than Rey had initially imagined. All she could do was keep a straight face, devoid of emotion on the matter. Any sign of judgment of his actions and their tenuous relationship would crumble.
Some days Ben was quiet, thoughtful, mulling over guidance from Snoke. (It took everything in Rey's willpower to let that go.) Other days he fell into one of his many rages, and woe the person, usually a stormtrooper, who got in his way. He never brought it to Rey—would curtly dismiss her. She had no choice but to go, then.
How much time had passed in the real world…?
Ben didn't so much as touch her sexually again. On one of his better days, he told her that he wouldn't be able to handle it—wouldn't be able to handle thinking of someone else putting their hands on her, even if it was his future self, in a sense.
When she arrived in some memories, he was bitter at her presence. Luke always assured her there was no reason to worry. She was doing well. The stain was shrinking, faster and faster.
Until…
Screaming.
Crying.
Pleading.
Blaster fire.
Rey stared around at the wreckage of a small village. At first, she was confused as to where they were—often they went to planets Rey had never even heard of. Not that that meant anything. She didn't know much about the galaxy. But the sand everywhere, that was familiar… she knew it by heart.
Jakku.
Flames flickered, ate hungrily at what they could. Rey dodged out of their way, trying to spot Ben. What she saw instead were two stormtroopers carrying an unconscious Poe Dameron between them. She knew then that this was recent—that this was right before she'd escaped this wretched planet.
There! Up ahead!
"Ben!" she called.
He paused in the act of striding onto his vessel. His head tipped in her direction, over his shoulder. A ball of plasma shot across the grounds and scorched into a wall. It made Rey jump a little. Where had that come from?
Red and orange chased one another over the silver of his mask, reflected form the fire. The villagers continued to cry out, and Rey's boot grew wet. Confused, she looked down to find bloody sand caked over it. She traced the source to an elderly man, dead a foot from her. But on further inspection, the blood didn't seem to be coming from him—no, it was from the pile of villagers.
Without a word, Ben left her.
The memory fell apart.
"This is where BB-8 finds me," she muttered to herself. "What was after that…?"
Snoke had been trying to get Ben to kill Han. Rey saw those meetings herself—they were the ones where he told her to go. He kept reassuring himself that he could do it, that he could take the life of his father. Rey should have told him that he would, but she couldn't bring herself to. It was too painful to even think about.
Which meant—
"Luke, no!"
The interrogation chamber. Rey looked around blindly. This wasn't what she was worried about—it was the pivotal moment after this. She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to watch Han Solo die again. She wasn't sure if she could stomach it.
The Other Rey was unconscious in the chair. Ben was doing his part across from her, waiting in the shadows for her to rise. Rey stepped forward then, hesitating only a moment as she glanced at herself. Did she really appear that way…? Choobies, this was strange. How innocent she had been… Full of the hardships of life, yet keenly unaware of her destiny.
"This is where I met you," Ben said from within his helmet. "In the forest on Takodana. I was wondering when it would happen." He chuckled. "I must admit it's odd. Growing up with you… and then to see you, and you're afraid of me."
"I didn't know who you were. Only your reputation." Rey couldn't tear her eyes away from her memory-self. "You're going to interrogate me, and I'm going to hate you even more."
"I don't like it," he told her. "I've known since I was sixteen that this would happen… You showed me that day. Yet here we are, thirteen years later. I am still unprepared."
Rey didn't know what to say to that. She didn't like it, either, but what could she do?
"Tell me what I found within your mind, Rey."
"Why, so you can spare yourself the act?" she asked, genuinely curious.
He inclined his head.
She sighed. Well, there wasn't any harm in it, was there? And if she could spare her memory self a bit of pain, then so be it. It wasn't real, but that didn't matter. When faced with herself, it was as real as anything.
"The droid has it. BB-8 is his name, you see." Why was she telling him that? Because she thought of BB-8 as a person, that was why. That little droid had more personality within himself than most of the people Rey had encountered. "But you know that. What you don't know is what you see from my dreams… the ocean, the island, what it means."
Ben was hanging on to her every word.
She shrugged at him. "That's it."
"That's it?" he asked in disbelief.
"I prove to be very good at the mind game torture for a novice." She flashed a grin. "I'll spare your dignity with what was said, but… you didn't acquire the information you wanted."
He took a somewhat menacing step toward her. His hand rose. It was trembling. He growled and turned away. She appreciated that he'd managed to grasp a hold on his temper.
There was a sudden gasp. The Other Rey was staring around, completely disoriented.
And that's my cue, Rey thought.
The scene dissolved.
Rey looked down at her hand. It, too, was shaking.
"Please don't make me do this," she whispered.
It is the most pivotal moment of all, Rey, the Force knot said.
Please… Please… Please…
She was on Starkiller Base. Luke had done her a favor—Han was already falling over the bridge. Rey couldn't make herself watch and had to turn away just as an arrow flew in their direction. Ben yelled. A moment later, he grabbed her by the elbow and yanked her around. She clenched her eyes shut—he gripped her beneath her jaw and squeezed until she opened them with a small cry of pain.
"Another thing you didn't want to tell me?"
"Would it have mattered?" she gasped.
The ground heaved tumultuously under their feet.
He curled his lip.
Rey stood on her tiptoes, putting her arms around his shoulders, and she buried her face against his hair. He froze for several seconds. His arms came around her, holding her close to him. They didn't have much time. Starkiller Base was being destroyed even now.
But she couldn't go without doing this.
"I love you," she choked out. Tears were on her face. She had been closer this time, closer to where Han had fallen away from the world and those who loved him. It had been its own form of torture.
"Even now?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered. She kissed his ear and pulled away. "Even now. Now go!"
He didn't need to be told twice.
"Am I done?" Rey asked. "Is it over?"
Penetrating darkness.
"Luke?"
She felt her lashes flutter open. Above, palm trees swayed, and light danced through their fronds, leaving dappled spots on the ground. The ground was mostly sandy. Soft sand, no coarseness to taint it.
Her head… was being pillowed…?
Ben's face appeared over her own. The length of his facial hair was startling, not to mention his regular hair. The latter was well past his shoulders, as thick and wavy as ever.
"Ben?" she whispered. "Am I… are we awake?"
He nodded.
She broke into a grin. "That beard is terrifying. It does not look good on you."
"That's what you have to say to me?" His eyes narrowed. But then a smile touched his mouth and, shockingly, his eyes. "What happened? I woke up, and you were there beside me."
"Luke didn't tell you?"
"He said it would be best to hear it from you." Ben rolled his eyes to show what he thought of that. He sobered, his lips thinning as he pressed them together. "Rey… how long has it been?"
"I—I don't know," she replied. "How… How do you feel?"
"I…" He closed his eyes. "…I feel unburdened…"
She sat up at that and had the surprise of seeing how long her hair was. Ignoring it for now, she put her hands on his shoulders. It had worked, it had worked! "I'm really glad."
A softness she hadn't seen before entered his eyes. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. "What did you do to me?"
"Are you angry?"
"No." He kissed her again. "I'm grateful."
Ben, freely admitting he was grateful for something?
"Let's get cleaned up," she said. "And then I'll tell you everything. But—but first…" She lifted her head. "Luke?"
The miniature star materialized in front of her, bobbing lightly.
"Luke, how long has it been?"
Are you sure you are ready for this answer? he asked.
"Yes," Rey replied, a little loudly. As much as she had been up to the task of helping Ben with his burdens, that had been a long time to be trapped between darkness and memories. She had put off asking about the length of time, so it wouldn't distract her, but now she needed to know.
Very well. A total of three years, four months, six days, eleven hours, eighteen minutes, and thirty-six seconds has passed, according to the galactic standard time.
Ben and Rey were stunned into silence.
Shall we carry on with your training, then?