Dean's POV
We have been hiding out for three weeks now and I'm starting to get restless just waiting for an attack that isn't coming. Cas calls with news every once in awhile otherwise we just hang out. Ever since that first night he called I've been waiting for him to say it's done. Lara has been training with Sam, Gabby, and me relentless. She is really kicking some major ass lately. She is decent at throwing knives now, not great but decent, and she is really deadly with her angel blade. She looks really sexy wielding that thing around. When she's not training or baking, Sam is teaching her more stuff. She is like a sponge and just can't seem to soak up enough. She looks so cute though when he's teaching her. With everything she had been through she doesn't act like a normal 24 year girl and if you look into her eyes you swear they've been on this earth for 100 years. But when Sam is teaching her something she's never heard of before it's like she gets to relive that childhood she never got. Gabby and Sam seem to be flirting all the time and I'm just waiting for the day I walk into their room and their naked rolling around on the floor.
I won't admit it but it's been kind of nice just relaxing and not doing anything. Yes we have been researching about purgatory and the cage but we haven't had to kill anything in awhile and it's nice. I'm glad that Lara has had these last few weeks of just normal. It's about 10 am and by the sound of things in the living room I am the last one still in bed. I can smell that Lara has been awake because it smells like food. God that's a smell I could get used to everyday. Gabby and Sam are talking and Lara laughs every once in awhile. I wish life could always be this uncomplicated. Just my brother and I hanging out with two girls that we like, that would be nice. I can almost pretend this is just a normal trip, but then I remember that we have heaven and hell trying to find us.
I grab the first set of clothes my hands come across and throw them on and head out into the living room. Sure enough Sam and Gabby have a big plate of pancakes in front of them and Lara is making some more. She looks over her shoulder when I come into the room and smiles. "Take a seat. I have some for you too." She finishes my food and puts it on a plate and brings it over. Once she makes herself some she takes the seat next to me and we all finish eating. "So what do you want to do today?" She asks me.
I shrug my shoulders. "Surprise me." She laughs and finishes her food. Gabby looks at Sam and smiles. "Well we need more supplies were running out. Why don't Sam and I take the van to a town and pick some stuff up?" I'm not stupid that's code for let us take the van so we can make out in the back.
I throw him the keys. "Sounds good. Just make sure no one follows you there or back and be careful. And use cash for everything." I know Sam will be careful but he's still my little brother and I want to make sure he's safe. "Want to just relax and watch a movie or something?" I ask Lara. She smiles and shakes her head and starts to clean up.
She starts to scribble stuff down on a piece of paper and hands it to Sam before he leaves. "Those are some things I need at the store." She gives him a tight squeeze and he smiles at her. "Just be careful." Sam squeezes her back and goes outside.
Gabby grabs some of Lara's muffins and cookies and shoves a cookie in her mouth. "For the road." She says with her mouth full. Lara hits her playfully with a towel then gives her a stern look. "Like I said before don't hurt him." I don't know what they are talking about but I assume it's about Sam and I'm just going to let them have their girl talk. I plop down on the couch and wait for Lara to finish up and join me.
Lara continues to clean up and she starts to mix new things together and after about an hour or two I'm not really sure because I dozed off she puts it in the oven and she comes over and picks out a dvd from the pile on the floor and puts it in. "What did you pick?" I ask her has she turns around and heads for the arm chair. I grab her arm has she walks by and pull her down on the couch in front of me. She lays out beside me and I put my arms around her.
"It's Spartacus." I can hear her wince when she says it. It's one of Sammy's educational movies for her I think. "If it gets to educational we're turning it off." I say with a laugh. She shakes her head yes and fall down in my arms and we relax and watch the movie.
It really wasn't that bad. It may have been historical but there were some cool fighting scenes. At the end of the movie when everyone is being crucified I look down when I feel something wet start to hit my arm and I see that Lara is crying. I immediately go into panic mode. "What's wrong?" I ask her frantically.
She tries to laugh but cries instead. "I'm sorry it's just the movie. It's sad that he dies and his wife has to watch him." I start to relax it's just the movie upsetting her. "It's just movie Lara. Don't worry."
She shakes her head and turns around and faces me, which with both of us lying on the couch has her pretty close to me. "But it's not Dean. Sam said it's based on a real story. So it really happened." I pull her into me and let her cry it out. Sammy is such an idiot sometimes. Why would he give her a movie to watch where everyone dies? I am going to have to yell at him when he gets home.
When it seems like she has stopped crying I pull her away from my chest and brush the hair out of her face. She is truly gorgeous. Even though she was just crying her eyes are still the most beautiful blue I have seen. Her skin is so soft and it smells so good. She's so petite but she seems to fit right next to me like some other piece of me I didn't even know was missing until I meet her. She smiles at me and before I know what I'm doing I pull her closer and softly kiss her lips.
I was afraid she would push away or knee me in the balls and stand up livid but to my surprise she kisses me back. I pull back for a moment and look at her. Not sure what to expect. She looks at me and smiles and looks like she is going to say something. Has she opens up her mouth to speak I hear the front door open and Gabby and Sam come in carrying tons of bags. "Dean get your ass off the couch and help us. There are more bags in the back of the van." Sam says has drops the first round on the table.
Lara starts to blush and she sits up quickly and straightens her hair and runs outside. God Dammit Sammy! Bad timing doesn't even being to describe you coming in right now. I throw on my boots and head outside to start bringing in the bags and Lara brushes past me, her arms full. She looks at me and turns away blushing. Great now I've done it! What was I thinking kissing her like that? I've ruined everything.
I finish bringing the bags in and Lara is chattering away with Gabby in the kitchen while they are unpacking bags. One look at Sammy and I can tell he hooked up with her in the van. He looks happy, shy, ecstatic, and content all at once. Gabby looks quite pleased with herself as well but she's not hiding what they did too well. She's trying to talk to Lara but she keeps staring at Sammy longingly. Wow my little brother is getting some. It's a strange world when he's getting more than me. Lara seems oblivious to the whole thing and keeps looking at the goodies they picked up. I need to talk to her, alone, about what just happened.
I have waited all day for a moment alone and there just hasn't been one. After they unpacked she went into cooking dinner and Gabby was helping her in the kitchen the whole time. After dinner Sammy went into dork mode and was teaching her about math, despite the fact that Gabby kept giving him come hither looks from the couch. I wish someone could explain to me why he would rather teach Lara math than go bang Gabby in their room? After what seemed like an eternity, well seven hours but still, Sam and Gabby went to bed and Lara and I headed to bed as well.
Now that I finally have her alone I'm not quite sure what to say. Hey sorry I kissed you earlier I'm just madly in love with you just doesn't seem the best way to go about it. I can tell she's nervous too. She gives me a nervous smile and starts to change into her, well my old pajamas. I hear a loud giggle come from the room next door and I think I hear them moving one of the beds. I don't need nor want to know what's going on over there.
It's been 10 minutes and I still can't seem to find the words. She has come back from the bathroom and gotten into bed and I'm still laying here silent. She leans over and turns out the light and I hear her let out a sigh and lay down on her pillow. We lay there quiet for a few minutes then she slowly moves over to my side of the bed and wiggles her way into my arms to fall asleep. Before I lose my nerve I just blurt it out. "Sorry about this afternoon." I wince and squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. Hoping she says something but also hoping she's already asleep.
I feel her squirm and I open my eyes which have finally adjusted to the dark and I see her look up at me. Her big blue eyes look electric next to her pale skin that is illuminated by the moon light coming in from the window. "Don't be sorry Dean." She says with a smile.
Of course she isn't going to yell at me. "No I shouldn't have just kissed you like that. I don't know what came over me."
She drops her smile and puts her head back down and all I see is a mop of dark brown hair. She nestles into me and exhales. "Are you saying you wished you hadn't kissed me?" She asks me quietly. I hear Gabby scream out Sam's name like a porn is being filmed next door. I could kill them! I'm trying to have a serious conversation here and they're next door screwing like monkeys! Lara smirks at it but otherwise pretends she doesn't hear anything going on.
How do I respond to that? "That's not what I said Lara. I said I shouldn't have not I didn't want too." Jesus what possessed me to say that bit of honest truth. Again they are being noisy over there. It sounds like the bed is going to go through the wall. Maybe I should get up and go over there and knock some sense into my brother's thick skull. Lara laughs softly and mutters. "They've been at it since yesterday." I guess I missed something along the way.
Lara pushes herself up on her arms while she's leaning on my chest so she can see me. Her hair is surrounding her face like some kind of dark halo. "I never tried to stop you Dean so don't apologize for something that I wanted."
All the sounds of next door start to fade and all I can hear is her voice and her breathing. Did I hear her right? Did she say she wanted me to kiss her? Before I can think it over I put my arms around her and pull her up to me and softly kiss her again. Testing the grounds of what she'll let me do. When I release her lips she pulls away slightly and smiles at me. Wow that was amazing. It feels like the world is spinning from just one kiss. I should stop now though.
Before I can stop it from going any further she leans back down and kisses me back. Her hair is all around me but I still I can't seem to get enough of her. She's all I can see and all over me but I still need more. I grab her and roll her onto her back and cover her with my body. I use my arms to support my weight so I don't crush her small body. I can't stop kissing her. I pull back to make sure I'm not upsetting or hurting her. I know she's kissing me back but after everything she's been through I don't want to hurt her. She looks at me and smiles shyly and puts her arms around my neck and pulls my lips back down to hers. She lets out a moan and I feel like my body is going to explode. I start to kiss her face and her neck. She molds easily to my demands and continues to moan and grab me with her hands. I want her naked.
Stop Dean! I mentally yell at myself. She needs it to be more than this. After everything she's been through she deserves more than a shitty bed in a shitty cabin. I stop kissing her, roll over, and pull her on top of me and just hold her for a moment. My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel hers pounding as well. At least I affected her the same way she affected me. "Did I do something wrong?" She asks me breathlessly.
I let out a chuckle and kiss her forehead. No she did everything right, to right. "Not at all sweet heart. If I didn't stop I wasn't going to and I didn't want to upset you." This is new territory for me. Normally I just take what I want and damn the rest but this is Lara. I need to be patient.
She nuzzles my chest and her face disappears into it with a cloak of hair covering her from my view and feel her kiss my chest than relax back on me. "Maybe I didn't want you to stop." She says nervously.
She's not making this easy on me. All I want to do is throw her on her back and bury myself in her but I know she deserves more than that. I pull my fingers through her hair and rub her head. "You have no idea how much it pains me to say no sweetheart. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything."
She props herself up and looks down at me. "I don't feel pressured into anything. This is what I want. Hell it's what I've wanted since I meet you." She leans down and slowly kisses me again. I can tell she's nervous but she slowly deepens the kiss gauging my response. If she doesn't stop soon I'm not going to be able to see straight. If we're going to do this I should tell her.
It takes every ounce of my ever fleeing strength to make me to stop but I pull her off of me for a minute and wait till she's looking at me. Her beautiful eyes are clouded over but she slowly is able to focus and look at me. "Lara I just wanted to say that I…" Then the phone starts to ring. You have got to be fucking kidding me. The phone seriously, I reach over and grab it and answer it angrily. "This better be fucking good Cas!"
"Dean, they figured it out." He sounds scared. I immediately sit up and Lara rolls over and turns on the light. "Figured what out Cas?"
He breathes heavy into the phone and lets out an angry growl. "The demons attacked them tonight and killed them and figured out that it wasn't actually you. Eve and I showed up to late but we were able to kill most of them but at least one of them got away. They know that you guys are hiding out and they are going to look for you." He pauses for a moment and I hear someone talking next to him quietly. "Stay hidden, I'll be in contact." And he hangs up.
Lara eyes are big and I can see the panic flooding into them. I try to reassure her. "Don't worry they don't know where we are." I pull her on to my chest and kiss the top her head. "They aren't going to get you. I won't let them."
She starts to shake a little and it makes me want to find Crowley and torture him to death for making her this scared. "Can we just go back to 5 minutes ago before he called?" She whispers nervously but I hear her voice hitch at the end.
"I wish we could. Just relax, fall asleep I'll make sure you're safe." She slowly starts to calm down and I feel her start to drift off on my chest. I can't sleep. Every time I start to drift off I can see Crowley taking her from me and it jolts me awake.
I can tell that Lara isn't having much more luck than me. Her dreams are plagued with nightmares tonight. Every time she calms down from one another one starts. We were finally going to have a moment of bliss and the demons had to barge into our moment and ruin it like they ruin everything. Sometime after the sun came up I slowly drift off too, feeling better that at least the sun was up. They usually don't attack during the day.
When I wake up a few hours later I feel cold. I roll over and reach for Lara but she is sitting at the edge of the bed crying quietly. I immediately sit up and grab her. "What's wrong?" I ask her as she cries into my chest.
She doesn't say anything for a moment. "I'm mad about last night." She finally gets out. I knew I shouldn't have let it get that far. It's too much for her right now and I'm an ass hole.
I reluctantly let her go and mentally kick myself. "I'm sorry Lara; I shouldn't have come on that strong. I just couldn't seem to…" She reaches over and grabs my hand silencing me.
"I'm not mad about that Dean. I'm mad that those fucking demons ruined it. It's how it is always going to be with me. Something is always going to ruin it." She looks at me so seriously that I can tell she honestly thinks it's all her fault.
I pull her back into my chest and wait for her to cry it out. "You didn't ruin anything Lara."
"But I did Dean. If it isn't demons after me than it is angels. If it isn't angels it's going to be something else. For just a moment last night I was able to forget everything for just a brief moment. For just a brief moment everything felt right. But I can't saddle you with me. If we went any further you would always stay with me because you would feel guilty because you slept with me. After everything my body has done. I've..." She stops for a moment and collects herself. I know she's thinking about all the demons. "I'm no good Dean and I'm not good enough for you." She won't look at me. She keeps her face buried into my chest.
I pull her back and wait for her to meet my eyes which take a few moments. She tries to pull away and at first refuses to look at me but she finally does. "Don't you ever say that. Do you hear me? You are one of the most amazing people I have ever known and you're so good that you're perfect. My life is better because you're in it. If you tell me that you want to forget the whole thing because you're not interested that's fine. I'll back off. But if you're pulling away because you feel guilty or upset about what those demons did to your body I won't accept that."
I can see the fresh tears start to well in her eyes. "Dean I was sick when we meet you know that. I was sick because of what my body has done. I'm never going to be normal; unlike in the other path you're not going to be my first. You won't even be my hundredth and that disgusts me. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel shame and I'm disgusted with what I see."
She collapses on my chest and I can feel her crying quietly. "Lara when I look at you I see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. That other path is a great fairy tale but it's not reality and I wouldn't give you up for that life. I want you not some dream you that isn't real. You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself you did nothing wrong. I know it's hard to accept that, God I know it's hard, but you didn't. I'm never going to be normal either. I can't offer you that other life, but I can offer you a life. I'm in love with you Lara and I have been for a really long time." Wow I said it. I just grew a pair and I said it.
Lara stayed quiet and motionless for what seemed like an eternity then she slowly pushes herself away from me and wipes her eyes. "What did you say?" She asks me shakily.
"I said that I love you." I've never said that to a woman before and it scares the shit out of me but I had to get it out before it consumed me.
Lara sits there for a moment and looks down at her wrist and jingles her bracelet. "Am I dreaming?" She asks me nervously. I shake my head no and she looks back at me and breaks into a wide smile. "I love you to Dean. I have since the moment you saved my life." She leans over and kisses me.
I laugh into her lips. "So you're saying if we had been a bit smarter we could have been doing this for the past few months?" She laughs and shakes her head yes and kisses me again. I hear a knock on our door but it can wait and I ignore it. I hear the knock again but I'm too absorbed in Lara to stop. She's kissing me back and I'm lowering her down on the mound of pillows behind her. My hands are slowly sliding up her shirt and caressing her curves.
The door swings open. "Holy shit!" Sam yells, "Dude I'm sorry I'll come back later." He slams the door shut and we both start to laugh. "He's going to be happy." I say with a laugh. "He's been harassing me to tell you how I feel for months now."
She smiles and relaxes for a minute. "I've been talking to him about you for months now too." She says with a smile.
I kiss her forehead ecstatic that I can hold her the way I truly want too. "Sly bastard he's been playing both sides!" I reluctantly let her go and start to get dressed. Lara stands up and starts getting dressed as well and keeps looking at me and smiling. It takes us longer than it should to change because we keep stopping to kiss each other. Every time we get something on I feel like we're taking it off but I still want to wait for a better time and place to truly be with her.
"You were wrong about something Lara." I say to her with a sly smile.
She smiles at me and cocks her head to the side. "About what?" She says with a laugh.
"When you said I wouldn't be your first." She starts to blush and for a moment I think she might be upset so I finish my statement. "I'm going to make sure I'm the first guy you actually want to be with. I am going to be the first guy that just you are with. I am going to the first guy who you love. And I am going to be the first guy who loves you back when we finally make love." She starts to blush and walks over to me and with shaky hands grabs my face and brings it down to hers and kisses me.
"I love you Dean." She whispers in me. I kiss her again. "I love you Lara. And I will love you forever."
When we leave the room Sam looks at us beet red. "I am so sorry guys I didn't think, well I didn't think you guys would be, wait when did that happen?"
Lara starts to blush and walks over the fridge and starts pulling things out to make breakfast with and Gabby gives her a sly smile and helps her. I look at Sam and smile. "It happened last night." Sam smiles and goes back to his work and well all fall into our routine. Every time I look at her I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.
I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom and run into pick it up. I see that it's Cas. I pick it up, "Hey Cas what's up?"
"Run!" Is all he says before I hear the phone get knocked from his hands.