Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and all relating to it.

Reviews are appreciated…as I've said before if I say Severus has a dog with three balls it's because I want that to be a part of the story, as author I can do that…just like JK when she killed off Severus (never quite forgiven her for that to be honest) but meh…it's supposed to be light hearted and give you a chuckle. If you don't like, please move onto another story!

Enjoy!

Severus Snape absolutely loathes shopping, in fact he detested shopping. But Christmas shopping was a completely different matter altogether.

It wasn't that he hated Christmas as a holiday, more of a hate of all the fanny around involved with Christmas. He hated the falseness of the holiday; people you never hear from for years sending you Christmas cards asking about how you're getting on and really not caring whether you answer back or not, the mountain of bath salts etc he receives as gifts despite everyone knowing that they cause him to rash, the cheesy Christmas tunes and most of all...the Christmas shopping rush. It was nice to be doing with Hermione this year but his good mood had started deteriorating rapidly.

I swear to Merlin, if one more person shoves into me, I'm gonna stab them in the face with a sprig of holly. Merry fucking Christmas! He thought to himself as the image of him stabbing a woman who looked like Umbridge in the face with the festive plant.

Hermione could see the sneer begging to appear on her beloved's face and decided to try and lighten the mood, "Severus, what do you say if we went clothes shopping now, we've got most of the children's presents already? And before you roll your eyes...when I say clothes...I mean, as in some festive frilly, lacy or silky undergarments for me to wear at bedtime? I'll even let you choose what I buy. A small Christmas present from me to you...you might even get a special preview on Christmas Eve if you're a good boy." She batted her eye lashes at him with a seductive smile.

Hermione was elated to see Severus actually bite his lip and discreetly arrange his crotch under his cloak at the thought.

"You are a minx and you're going to be the death of me yet. I am a man, not a machine..." He jested.

"You certainly seemed like a machine last night anyway... but at your age, I suppose I wouldn't want to wear you out. Perhaps we should take a break from love making for a while?" She added with a shrug.

A comical look of panic flashed in Severus's eyes, "Uh...no, I was kidding Hermione. Let's go get you some sexy underwear...you said I could chose anything, did you not?"

His smile seemed somewhat animalistic, causing Hermione to feel more than slightly turned on.

"Um...yes, yes you can chose sweetheart." She smiled nervously.

Perhaps giving that sort of opening to a Slytherin is not a good idea. He looks like he wants to devour me. Gods, I'm turned on.

Severus lay his hand on the small of Hermione's back and steered her through the streets to her destination. She tried not to be slightly panicked when he walked straight past 's Lingerie Boutique and bustled her towards Madam Fluvia's.

"Severus, this is a costume shop. This is where I got my Vampire Hunter costu..." her sentence died as the realisation came to her. She remembered how turned on the leather of her corset, trousers and boots had made her lover on Halloween night. Did he want a repeat performance?

"Exactly my petal. I want you to dress up for your lover. Is that going to be a problem, Miss Granger?" He whispered in her ear. He heard her sharp intake of breath and thanked Merlin for giving him a voice that could do that to her.

He lead her into the shop standing directly behind her, making sure she could feel his arousal at her backside rubbing through her cloak. She spun around on him before they were fully through the door.

"Merlin man, stop teasing me. Behave while we're in here and I'll do whatever you want once we're home. Have mercy!" She kissed him on the lips and walked towards the kindly woman who owned the establishment.

"Ahh Professor Granger! What a pleasure to see you again! And is this the gentleman you were dressing for on your last visit?" She looked the tall, dark professor up and down. Not bad.

Hermione's face coloured red and avoided her lover's eyes, "Um, yes Madam Fluvia...this is my now fiance, Professor Severus Snape." Severus took the lady's hand and kissed it, not noticing the slight flash of jealousy in Hermione's eyes.

"A pleasure, Madam. So it is you I have to thank for making my fiancee look so delectable last Halloween?" He asked in his smoothest tone.

"Oh I supplied the costume, but the body and that pretty face, was all hers!" The woman chuckled, "Now, what can I do for you two romancers?"

Hermione looked at Severus nervously and urged him to speak, she could see that he was enjoying this too much to make things easy for her and did not mutter a word.

Summoning up that Gryffindor courage, Hermione spoke for him. "Um, well Severus would like to chose an...outfit...for me to wear, as a Christmas present for himself. I'm not sure what he had in mind though...Severus?" Her brown eyes pleaded with him to make a suggestion.

Severus took pity on her, those brown eyes held power over him with intensity.

"Madam Fluvia...what do you have in the way of leather garment? Hermione's skin looks delectable in leather and I'd like for her to wear some, although not a lot. I suppose, I'd like to see her in a leather thong along with a belt as a bra."

Hermione's mouth dropped open, at his kinkiness. Her legs would have been open too if Madam Fluvia hadn't been there.

"And I suppose a nice high heeled pair of leather boots would be needed too?" The old woman asked with a twinkle in her eye.

Severus was very casual and shrugged, "Naturally, madam."

The old woman disappeared through to the back of the shop to find an ensemble suitable to their wishes. Hermione and Severus never spoke a word the whole time she was gone, they merely stared at each other with lust filled eyes.

Hermione raised an eyebrow and pointedly squeezed her thighs together to show Severus she was turned on. Severus licked his lips and casually moved his cloak to the side of his thigh, giving his lover a view of his hardened length through his black trousers. Hermione bit her lip with a groan, willing herself to calm down but she could see that spending her life with this man was going to be filled with sexually frustrated moments such as these.

Madam Fluvia could sense the tension between the two customers when she returned with the outfit for Hermione. She handed them the bag and was paid without the pair leaving each other's eyes. Severus managed to grind out a "Thank you for your help" before ushering his lover from the shop quickly, squeezing her arse before he shut the door behind him.

Madam was fanning herself with an old letter, "Whoo...those two are mad for each other. Ah I remember those days well, Bert and I were exactly the same. I hope they are as happy as we were, 70 years of wedded bliss. That poor girl is going to be walking like a horseless cowboy on Christmas Day!" She chuckled to herself and closed the store for lunch.

a/n: This chapter was actually inspired by my fiance, I asked him what to wear on our Christmas night out and that was his reply, a thong and a belt for a bra (although if he saw any other guys looking, there would be hell to pay lol). Men eh? They're all pervs. haha

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