A/N: Super-mega angst ahead. Apologies in advance :/
As always, thanks to those who have followed, favorited, and reviewed! I'm currently working on another writing project- which I will be happy to share with you all sometime within the next couple weeks or so! (That's not to say I'm forgetting about this story, because this fic is my precious and it WILL be finished even if it's the death of me! ASDFGHJKL)
I'm not entirely sure, however, if I will upload the new fic on this site, but I can guarantee you it will be posted on Archive of Our Own :) If ya have any questions, you can PM me or hit me up on tumblr!
Thanks for being sweet and supportive, everyone! :)
Saturday, February 11th
Fritz Hall – Stohess University
"Dad…"
Annie Leonhart froze, feeling her whole body go limp.
She hadn't physically seen her father in months. When she called weeks prior to ask if he was available to make it to the banquet, he told her 'maybe,' which usually meant the seat specially reserved for him would be empty.
This time however… he actually showed up.
Everything faded into a blank abyss. The chatter of others around them, the melodic tunes radiating from the grand piano, the thuds and bumps from chairs sliding against the marble tiled floor; all disparate noise that melted away into oblivion. Only the irate beating of her heart, ringing mercilessly in her ears, took precedence in the wake of her father's return.
Eren remained quiet, figuring he should give them a moment.
So… that's her dad…
He had yet to learn the details surrounding the complex relationship between father and daughter, but from the looks of it, Annie appeared as though she was about to internally combust, crack under pressure-
Succumb to her one and only weakness.
"Well," Mr. Leonhart stood there waiting anxiously, holding his arms wide open, "aren't you gonna give your dad a hug? It's been a while since I've seen my little girl."
Thoughts wildly raged on in Annie's head, keeping her subdued by Eren's side. She was taken back to the last time she saw her father. The innumerable phone calls and voicemails. Memories that ravaged her dreams. The painful void left in his absence.
When she came to her senses, it took less than a beat for Annie to respond.
She abruptly let go of Eren's hand and rushed into her father's arms, crashing into his chest like it was her own personal safe haven.
She couldn't care less about the past. All the times her father had let her down, broke his promises, or abandoned her when she needed him most. All that mattered was that he was here now, he looked healthier than he had in years, and he had her in his arms again.
Annie vowed to confront him about his shortcomings, for lack of a better word, later. Right then and there, for once, she was happy that he fulfilled his promise.
She felt like she was home.
When they parted from one another, Mr. Leonhart looked over at Eren, offering an ungainly but well-meaning smile.
"I see you have a friend with you," he said, looking back at Annie as if waiting for an introduction.
Annie nodded, reaching for Eren's hand once more while pulling him into the exchange.
"Dad, this is Eren," she informed him, hoping Eren wouldn't feel too uncomfortable being thrown into one hell of an unconventional family reunion.
It was all happening so fast; one minute, she and Eren were leaving, the next, she'd suddenly been reunited with her father.
Is this really happening?
"Nice to meet you, Eren," came Mr. Leonhart's mild-mannered greeting. He cleared his throat and then proceeded to ask what the nature of their relationship was. "You two…?
Eren and Annie exchanged looks, both nodding their heads and smiling faintly in embarrassment.
"Yeah…"
"We're… dating."
The replies from both brunet and blonde respectively resulted in slightly awkward silence, though Annie reasoned with herself that between the way she and Eren were looking at each other and the fact that they were hand in hand should have been a convincing answer all of its own.
Eren, meanwhile, felt like something was off. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, nor would he allow himself to make judgment calls. For now, he'd reserve any and all preconceived notions until Annie gave him the full story.
That being said, he felt like he was intruding on a heartfelt father-daughter moment.
Lost in his thoughts, Eren had failed to give any attention to the last bits of their conversation, returning to the discussion when Mr. Leonhart offered Annie an opportunity of sorts to catch up; or make up for lost time, rather.
It was never too late to atone for the amassed damage over the years; one step at a time, piece by piece.
"Can I take you out to celebrate or something?" Mr. Leonhart asked his daughter. The man appeared guilt-stricken, his tone somber. "We can get fudge sundaes like we used to when you were a little girl." He paused and stole a quick glance at Eren before continuing. "And… your friend can come with us."
Annie was stuck somewhere between a rock and a hard place. Though she and Eren hadn't really planned on anything more than just hanging out at her apartment for a bit, she felt like if she were to go along with her father's proposal, she'd essentially be ditching him in the process.
But.
This was her father. Her dear old dad. Papa Leonhart.
He wanted to spend time with her- and god knows when, or if, she'd ever get the same chance again.
If Eren wanted to tag along, that was fine with her, but the way Eren was staring emptily at the ground and hardly contributing anything to the conversation other than 'yeah' or 'oh' made it seem as though he was uneasy being caught in the middle.
From his own perspective, it was strictly a Leonhart family matter, and Eren wanted to respect that.
He smiled at Mr. Leonhart and then looked back at Annie.
"You should go," he advised, giving Annie a nod of encouragement. "I'm sure you and your dad have a lot to catch up on."
"Are you sure?" Annie asked tentatively, conflicted.
"Yeah." Eren nodded once more. "It's fine. I'm just gonna head home. My mom wanted me to stop by over the weekend anyway."
"Okay," Annie sighed, hugging him goodbye. "I'll call you tomorrow."
During their embrace, Eren's lips hovered over her ear, whispering one last sentiment.
"Congratulations, by the way. I'm proud of you, Annie."
Annie smiled softly.
You're so good to me.
Wishing she could have introduced the two most important men in her life under better circumstances, she hoped Eren could at least sympathize with the complicated state of affairs.
"Goodnight, Eren," she whispered.
After pulling away, Eren turned to address Mr. Leonhart before heading out.
"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Leonhart."
Mr. Leonhart offered a single wave. "Feeling's mutual, Eren."
Eren left them there, a wave of mixed emotions clouding over him as he made his way through the parking lot to his car.
On the one hand, he was worried Annie might get hurt, ultimately getting her hopes up for nothing.
On the other hand, he was optimistic. Looking on the bright side of it all, her father finally showed up to an important function for once. His presence alone was a bold enough statement in that he wanted to mend his broken relationship with his only daughter.
He hoped that was the case, anyway.
Although he had no insight on what the history was between them, he only wanted what was best for Annie.
Annie's happiness came first.
Eren strolled up to his Mazda, absentmindedly mulling over possible outcomes as he unlocked the driver's side. Slumping into his seat, a small part of him was pained when he looked over to the passenger side, only to find that it was empty; completely void of a particularly lovely blonde.
She'll be fine.
He put the key into the ignition and began navigating along the main roads to the Shiganshina neighborhood. The drive allowed for him to ponder several different things at once, mostly as an effort to distract himself from worrying about Annie.
It's all gonna be just fine.
When his attempts at reassurance became too exhausting, he turned on the radio and scanned through a couple stations in detachment.
"And in other news…"
Static.
"Here's number six on this week's top ten…"
Static.
"…He might be the number one draft pick…"
Static.
"Back to smooth jazz, live at the Colossus Downtown…"
Ackerman Household - Shiganshina Neighborhood
Mikasa sauntered into her bedroom, skin polished and glowing from a lavish bubble bath.
After changing into her pajamas, she bid her parents goodnight and prepared to go to bed, hoping to get a well-rested start for the week ahead of her.
She hadn't yet laid herself down onto the mattress when something suddenly caught her eye.
Nestled atop her wooden desk was the unopened birthday card from Eren, still sheathed inside the periwinkle envelope.
Mikasa contemplated whether or not she should open it- whether or not she was ready to open it.
It was possible its contents consisted of no more than a simple birthday greeting, but the awful sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that wasn't the case.
Not after the way Eren showed up at her doorstep, his presence well-meaning but cryptic nonetheless.
Maybe I'm overthinking it… She thought, tapping her foot against the floor in apprehension.
She cautiously approached the desk, still eyeing the card hesitantly. Her patience simmered down with the dullness of the room. The suspense, the mystery laden within, all the unanswered questions were going to keep her up and impede any attempts at falling asleep unless she tore the card open now.
In a single brazen move, she swiped the card from the desk, driven by an inexplicable force hell-bent on getting it over with.
Her fingers remained steady, her posture perfectly straight, her overall demeanor unwaveringly congruent with the calm setting. After tearing the envelope open, she felt herself ease up upon seeing the face of the card; an elephant holding the string to a balloon with its trunk.
Eren had remembered and took into account her life-long affinity for elephants, her fascination exemplified by all the stuffed animals and other memorabilia scattered throughout her room. She couldn't help but give in to the small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
With her fingers tracing the edge of the thick material, she gradually opened the card, revealing the inside had been divided into two parts.
The first part consisted of a simple 'Happy Birthday' in black print.
The second part was a lengthy hand-written message from Eren, something she expected from the start.
Mikasa's smile slowly faded.
Mikasa,
We both know I've never really been good with words, but I'll express my thoughts as best I can in writing this.
I'm sure you have better things to do than read this, today being your birthday and all, but I owe you something in return for all the times you've been supportive of me.
More than anything, I'm sorry, Mika.
I regret what I've done to you. What I've done to us. I was in the wrong, it was stupid and selfish of me, and you don't deserve any of the grief or pain that I've caused you. I don't blame you if you never want to see or talk to me again. I can't bear the thought of hurting you and I don't want you to be unhappy as a result of my careless actions.
I failed you, Mika. I failed both of us.
But I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I want to make amends because of how much you mean to me. You're too important of a person to lose and I hate myself for the damage that's been done to our relationship on my part and only my part.
I don't deserve it, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Truth is, I miss you and how close we used to be. I never wanted any of this to happen, but I can't change what I've done.
If you ever need anything, I'll always be here for you.
Hope you have an amazing birthday.
-Eren
Finished reading, Mikasa set the card back on the desk, laying it flatly face-up.
She stared blankly at nothing in particular while night breezes rattled against her bedroom window, drawing no more than the empty circulation of thoughts whirling about her head. She was jolted back to reality when a large gust of wind violently shook the thin panes of her window, exhibiting a sharp whistle.
Still processing what she had just read, her emotional state contorted into that of uncertainty and bewilderment.
One thing was for sure, however; she had missed Eren, too.
But during their separation she had come to realize that she didn't need to rely on their relationship for comfort or solace. She was capable of moving on- and she had.
Regardless, she too thought of Eren as an important figure in her life, remembering him fondly whenever he crossed her mind. Mikasa was all for making amends and wanted nothing more than to patch their friendship up as best they could.
For now at least, she acknowledged she should give it some time. She needed her rest.
Eliciting a loud sigh, Mikasa turned off the lamp at her nightstand and collapsed onto her bed.
She didn't sleep very well that night.
The classic themed sign outside the twenty-four-hour diner flashed in a multitude of colors, its vibrant display in tune with the cheery late-night folk pouring in for good old-fashioned American fare.
Annie and her father left the diner after sharing a double fudge sundae, reminiscent of their time together when she was a child. They caught up over how school was going, how she'd been keeping up with her training, and how her friends were.
Annie knew her father's heart was in the right place. He only wanted to ensure everything in her life was going well, as any parent should.
But there were other subjects she wanted to shed light on. She was desperate to hear how he had been. Where he had been. What exactly he had been doing in the months preceding his unforeseen return.
In the end, she figured she should let him be the first one to bring it up.
It was late in the evening when he paid the tab and escorted Annie outside, though neither one of them were tired. As they made the brief trek back to his worn out truck, Annie's eyes absent-mindedly wandered to his hands. They were rough, calloused, big- exactly like she remembered.
She wanted to reach for them, hold them, feel their palms entwined.
Like when she was a little girl.
She held back, taking her seat on the passenger's side of the vehicle.
Mr. Leonhart waited until his daughter had buckled her seatbelt, then started the engine and hauled away.
Annie quickly explained directions to her shared apartment with Hitch, saddened when she realized their time together was coming to an end.
Mid-drive, she was about to say something when he spoke up first.
"I know I was a bit late to the banquet…"
Annie was quick to interject. "It's okay," she affirmed, her tone reassuring and sincere. "You were there for me." That was all that mattered.
Her father smiled, though it was obvious the gesture was compensating for his guilt.
Annie looked at him, sensing hesitation.
Finally, she managed to ask the unnerving question weighing heavily on her mind, caving in to her urgent need for answers.
"How have you been, Dad?"
Mr. Leonhart's grip on the wheel tightened. He avoided eye-contact, mouth agape as if straining for the right words.
Annie pressed on, cautiously so. "You had me worried…" Her voice trailed off, noting the dull expression on his face.
Her father was pained to hear her say that, ashamed that she was the one worrying over his whereabouts. Normally, the parents were the ones to worry about their children; not the other way around.
"I'm doing a lot better," he finally managed, eyes focused on the road. Hardly any other cars were out, leaving the roads mostly desolate and quiet. He took the next exit toward the Stohess neighborhood, the streets void of anything but lampposts and rows of small businesses, not a soul in sight.
Annie merely nodded at his reply, then peered out the window, disheartened.
Her father stole a brief glance at her, knowing she had expected more than half-assed response. He knew she would keep that to herself though.
Even as a child, Annie never lashed out or expressed her emotions outwardly. She had always been more reserved, keeping any resentment confined deep inside.
As they always had, Mr. Leonhart assumed the discussion would end there…
But then, to both his surprise and despair, Annie softly mumbled something; something lethal enough to break his heart, shattering it to pieces.
"I… missed you."
One beat.
Another.
Then-
It was more than he could bear.
Dad?
It happened in a flash, without warning, too immediate for Annie to react.
Mr. Leonhart slammed on the brakes, the car screeching to a stop.
When the high-pitched hiss from the brashly immobilized tires subsided, both father and daughter jolted against their seats, still reeling from the impact.
He had almost hit an animal, a filthy-looking raccoon or possum.
Mr. Leonhart cursed, eyes narrowing at the creature as it scurried away into deep foliage.
Annie could only watch in shock as her father then hastily pulled the car over to the side of the road and killed the engine.
Silence loomed over them like a dark cloud, a grave stillness setting in.
Neither turned to look at the other. Both pairs of eyes only stared straight ahead into the darkness of night, its beauty tainted by the spike in tension, the unspoken rift between them.
Mr. Leonhart let out a deep breath, like he'd been holding it in the whole time.
Tears threatened to fall, but were vehemently suppressed.
"I'm sorry, Annie."
Annie was deeply disturbed by the sudden turn of events, barely able to formulate a faint whisper.
"Dad-"
"I don't expect you to forgive me," he cut in, voice throbbing with pain, "for the things I've done." He attempted to quell his voice from breaking, but to no avail. "I've… I've been a shit father."
Damn it. Damn it all to hell…
This outburst was bound to erupt sooner or later.
The accumulation of guilt and self-loathing on his part had been bottled up for so long; masked under addictions and dependencies on harmful substances as a way to cope with the pain.
To forget how he hated himself for ultimately becoming the thing he despised most.
Even now, as a sober man, as a free man, he felt the need to confront the demons of his past- and make things right with his only child.
It would be the first step in picking up the pieces and putting them back together.
The two continued to sit motionless inside the car, perception of time completely meaningless.
Annie wanted to tell him he was wrong. That he wasn't a shit father. That it was never too late to make things right.
But she chose not to resort to words.
She had learned over the years, mainly through personal experience, that actions always spoke louder than words ever could.
Warmth came over her; her unconditional love for her father filling her mind with peace.
She reached for his hand, the familiar sensation breathing life back into her damaged spirit.
At that, the tears fell silently down the broken man's face, losing his composure over the small gesture. In the past, he had been the one to promise her he would always be on her side. No matter what, he would always be there. Now, the tables had turned; with Annie welcoming him back into her life with open arms.
Though he'd never understand why, Annie wasn't angry at all. She never expressed contempt for his absence. Never cursed at him or threw fists into the air. She didn't cut ties with him or revert to her mother's maiden name.
She wore the name Leonhart with pride, and even after all these years still carried a deep admiration for her father, forgiving his faults wholeheartedly.
Because he was her hero. Her first love. Her sun and stars. Her whole world.
And she was Daddy's little girl.
Time to get up already?
Shit.
The sun peaked from the behind the shades, the morning glow of dawn hovering above the horizon. Birds pleasantly chirped in the trees, a chorus of feathered friends flocking together. The promise of a warm, fruitful spring flowed in gentle caresses, kissing the earth with warm strokes of light.
But in all his bed-head glory, Levi couldn't care less.
I'm going back to sleep.
Before he could drift away in a hazy slumber, a voice from downstairs called out to him.
"Levi! Breakfast is ready!"
Still feeling drowsy and sluggish, Levi forced himself to sit upright at the call's behest, lazily rubbing both eyes.
A delightful scent wafted in the air, hinting at waffles topped with an abundance of lush fruit.
With a yawn and quick stretch, he found comfort in knowing there would be a hot plate waiting for him as soon as walked into the kitchen. That alone would be worth waking up for.
He rose from the bed, stepped into a pair of slippers, and made his way downstairs, taking his sweet time with each menial task.
The kitchen was occupied by a mysterious figure, though Levi had a hard time confirming their identity given that his view was obstructed by an array of cabinets. The water was running in the sink, accompanied by the clanging of dishes and chime of utensils being washed in the basin.
The mystery person was humming a nursery rhyme, setting aside the last of the dishes to dry on a rack. Even with their back turned to Levi, it suddenly dawned on him…
The long black tresses, the mellifluous voice…
And this place… he'd been here before…
He lived here for a short while- when he was a kid.
But this woman… could it really be…?
Before he could speak, the woman turned to face him, greeting him benevolently.
"Good morning, Levi."
Levi blinked a few times, momentarily lost, confused… then suddenly at peace.
"Ma? What are you-"
He left the question unfinished, hanging in the air.
The woman only smiled, holding her arms out towards him.
Without so much as a smidgen of hesitation, Levi fell into her motherly embrace, closing his eyes in pure serenity as she began running her fingers through his hair.
"I've missed you…"
And just like that, she was gone.
In a hazy blur, Levi slowly blinked his eyes open, this time returning to the harsh reality of it all, forced to remember the cold truth.
He'd never get another chance to hug his mother again. She was no longer with him. No longer a part of this world.
He glanced at the alarm clock at his nightstand, expecting the worst upon realizing it was still dark outside.
3:12am.
Shit.
Levi swiftly pulled off the covers and got out of bed. Undecided on whether he should read or watch TV downstairs, he settled on getting some caffeine into his system first, something to keep him awake.
He didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to fall asleep.
He didn't want to dream about his mother- only to wake up and remember she was never coming back.
Levi never wanted to sleep again.