Chapter thirty-five: Goodbye, Winry

*Edward's POV*

The funeral was quiet, despite the number of people who were there.

Hawkeye had come as well, I had invited her, because she was Winry's friend and because she was one of the few who knew about the homunculi being alive.

The Virtues carried Winry's coffin to the graveyard in Rezembool (she had wanted to be buried there, alongside her parents and granny Pinako), even though Diligence alone could easily have done it. Temperance had insisted that we stuck to the procedure, so we did.

My wife was buried with sketches of the automails she had last been working on, instead of flowers around her in the coffin, she hadn't been much of a flower person.

The Sins were surprised that they were invited to it, but they came anyway, even Pride and Wrath.

For once, the Virtues were not wearing white. They were dressed in black, just like the Sins.

And also for once, said Sins wore appropriate clothes for the occasion.

Lust was wearing a long uptight dress that looked a lot like Chastity's, just in black.

Envy for once had abandoned his skimpy outfit and wore a black suit, just like his brothers.

Everyone was silent.

There were no funeral speeches. None were needed.

I was numb. I felt nothing. It was like I was dead on the inside. There was nothing. No grief, no sorrow, no heartbreak or even sadness. Only a great emptiness. Why couldn't I feel anything?

Van and Nina began to cry, when Humility and Pride lowered the coffin that held Winry's corpse into the tomb with their shadow arms.

And for some reason, I was paralysed. My children were crying and I wasn't doing anything – why couldn't I do anything?! I was supposed to comfort them and instead I was just standing there helplessly. Why was I not comforting them?! My mind screamed out desperately for me to go and comfort them, to take them in my arms and tell them everything would be okay, but...

Eventually someone else did. But it wasn't Al, Mei or even Hohenheim.

We all stared, when a certain palmtree crouched down before the children, put his hands on their shoulders and whispered something to them.

Nina nodded bravely, sniffed and wiped the tears off her face and her big brother did the same. Envy stood back up and proceeded to watch the funeral stony-faced, like nothing of this had just happened.

I felt the guilt eat away at me.

I was supposed to do that...and the one who did instead was...him.

*Envy's POV*

My face didn't betray my emotions, but on the inside I was seething with rage.

Fucking bastard...forcing me to comfort your little brats like I'm their guardian or something!

Why weren't you doing anything? You're supposed to be their father, arsehole!

I hadn't wanted to do that.

But when they started bawling, the boy more so than his little sister, I suddenly heard Winry Elric's words in my head.

Take care of him and the kids for me.

I had promised her that I would.

And when I looked around and saw Wrath's hands tremble with anger, I could practically smell the trouble coming up.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I gripped their shoulders and told them to be brave and cry silently and that everything would be alright.

Another wave of anger rose up inside me, as I glared at Edward, while no one was looking.

You were supposed to do that, Edward Elric.

*Edward's POV*

When the funeral was over, I remained at the tombstone. I was in a daze. I couldn't believe that Winry, my Winry, the woman who had always made my automail, the one who had always thrown her wrench at me every time I broke it, who had been with me through every hardship, the mother of my children, my childhood sweetheart, was now nothing more than a corpse covered by six feet of earth and a stone with her name on it.

Winry Elric, née Rockbell

1899 – 1928

Beloved wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, mechanic and friend

It was nothing but a cold tombstone.

My Winry was gone.

She would never come back.

So why was I so numb? Why did I not feel anything?

"Why didn't you do anything?", a raspy androgynous voice asked.

Envy.

How had I not noticed him there?

"I don't know", I said quietly.

He stepped next to me and let his hand run over the black stone that was Winry's grave.

"She's really gone, isn't she...I hate these human feelings", he whispered bitterly.

Of course you do, I thought. But I said nothing.

"They bring nothing but pain and humiliation. Just look at how low I've sunk. I've grown attached to a dying human of all people! I'm Envy, a homunculus! I wasn't supposed to get attached to anyone at all! And then it had to be her!"

His voice was so shaky...made me wonder...

"Did you love her?", I asked blankly.

"Not in the way you mean", Envy answered. "I would laugh at you for even asking me that, but...I'm not sure any-more that it's so impossible. But no, it wasn't like that. Not with her."

How did you love her then?, I wanted to ask, but Envy continued: "You know how Greed goes against his nature for his friends? Or how fond Pride is of Mrs. Bradley?"

Oh. So that's how you felt then...

Finally I felt something, but it was different from what I was supposed to feel.

The homunculus chuckled bitterly: "...It's stupid, really. I'm almost two hundred years old and she was twenty-nine. Even if I was human I would be too old. But Pride and Greed once told me what having a mother or friends is like and...maybe that was it."

His voice began to shake again. "I mean...she was nice to me...always listened to me...never judged me or reproached me for anything – even though she knew what I have done – and she always knew an answer to all my questions. She...she cared about me! Friends and mothers do that, right?"

I thought back to my own childhood and remembered my own mother, who had given her all to me and Al, before she died. I remembered how Winry had loved our children.

"...Yes. That's what mothers do."

That and so much more.

Suddenly I noticed something. The homunculus was shaking all over. Envy...he was going to cry!

"Hey", I said softly and put a hand on the other's shoulder. "If you feel like crying, it's okay..."

"SHUT UP!", Envy screamed and grabbed my arms, "DO YOU EVEN REALISE HOW HYPOCRITICAL YOU'RE SOUNDING RIGHT NOW?! YOU'RE HER FUCKING HUSBAND, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BAWLING YOUR EYES OUT, AND I DON'T SEE ONE FUCKING TEAR IN THESE GOLDEN POOLS OF CRAP YOU CALL EYEBALLS! THEY'RE NOT EVEN WATERY! YOUR FACE IS SO EMOTIONLESS – LIKE YOU'RE DEAD! I HATE IT! THAT'S NOT THE EDWARD ELRIC I KNOW! YOU'RE NOT EVEN SAD, ARE YOU?! SHE WAS YOUR WIFE, I THOUGHT YOU LOVE HER! THEN WHY AM I THE ONE WHO'S CRYING WHEN I WASN'T EVEN-"

The rest was lost in quiet whimpers and wails, as the homunculus sank to his knees and began to cry relentlessly. "Dammit!", he cried in anguish, "Dammit, dammit, DAMMIIIIIT!"

The way he was crying reminded me way too much of how he had died back then.

I wrapped my arms around the androgynous being and embraced him tightly.

"You're right. With everything", I admitted. "I want to grief. I want to be sad. Until now I always refused to cry, because I was too proud. And now that I want to, I can't. I should be heartbroken. But all I feel is this numbness. Like I'm dead. I should have comforted my children earlier. And I did nothing. Just stand there like some heartless bastard, because I was fucking paralysed. And the one who comforted them...that was you, Envy. Thank you."

Envy was too busy crying into my chest to answer or even register anything.

I couldn't help but notice how small and fragile the black-haired teen in my arm felt. And to think that this was the psychotic arsehole palmtree who once had called me pipsqueak …

I looked towards the tombstone that was the only witness of that scene.

Winry … you knew, didn't you? You knew more than I ever will. Please forgive me. I'm a terrible husband and father...

My grip on the sobbing homunculus tightened and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I'm so sorry …

…

Here there be more angst. I have no excuse.