It seemed to Ianto that Jack's power of recuperation extended to more than just his physical body, because less than twenty-four hours after slipping into the restorative coma, Jack was awake. Ianto had only left his side three times during that period; twice to use the bathroom, and once for a brief nap. The latter had been at Rose's insistence, and although he had gotten a little sleep, it had been anything but restful. His worry for Jack overrode everything, even concern for his own wellbeing.

When Jack's eyes fluttered open, Ianto hardly dared to hope. The Doctor had warned him that there might be moments when Jack appeared to awaken, only to slip under again. When the immortal man turned his head and his gaze focused on Ianto, though, the Welshman knew he was truly awake.

"Cariad?" he asked softly. Tears spilled from Jack's eyes.

"I had a bad dream, Yan."

Ianto allowed his fingers to stroke Jack's forehead soothingly.

"What did you dream, love? Tell me."

Jack's breath caught in his throat again before he could answer, and as Ianto watched, the panic grew in his eyes. The explosion that Ianto was expecting, though, never came. Instead, Jack rolled over onto his side, curling again into himself and uttering soft, miserable whimper.

"Yan?"

"I'm here, Jack. I'm not going anywhere."

"I... I remember..."

Ianto carded his fingers gently through Jack's hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jack shook his head violently.

"No. Don't wanna. If I tell you, then you'll see..."

Ianto frowned in confusion.

"What will I see, love?"

"That I'm bad," Jack burst out, erupting into a flood of tears. "I'm bad, and you won't want to stay with me anymore!"

Cursing softly, Ianto seated himself carefully on the edge of the bed, and drew his struggling charge into his arms.

"I don't believe that, Jack. Maybe you've done bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you've made mistakes. And you know something? So have I. You don't think I'm a bad person, do you?"

Slowly, Jack's struggles tapered off, and he looked up at Ianto in genuine shock.

"You're not bad. You take care of me. I love you."

The simple faith with which Jack spoke made Ianto want to weep. He compensated for the sudden surge of emotion by leaning down and kissing Jack tenderly on the temple, and then on the cheek.

"And I love you, too. Whatever is in your past is not going to change that. Now, you don't have to tell me anything until you're ready to, but don't think for a second that I'm going to leave you, or that I could ever hate you. It's not going to happen."

Jack fell quiet in his arms, and Ianto took advantage of the quiet moment to consider the situation.

He had his memories back. Maybe not absolutely every single one, mind, but generally speaking, he obviously remembered who he was. What didn't seem to have altered, though, was Jack's level of maturity. He still appeared to be that insecure little boy that needed constant love and reassurance.

Ianto wasn't especially disappointed. After all, he'd been the one to point out that remembering his life was not going to necessarily be like hitting a reset button. Ianto sincerely believed that Jack had never been going to snap back to being that flirty rogue that the Doctor and Rose remembered so fondly.

He did wonder, though, just how long it was going to take to bring Jack up to a level of maturity where he could reasonably function outside the safety of the TARDIS.

"You love me... no matter what?"

Ianto regarded him quizzically.

"Yes, Jack. I promised you, didn't I?"

Jack's breath hitched, and his hold on Ianto tightened marginally.

"There was a mean lady. She said you didn't really love me. She said you loved her and you were going to leave me and be with her. She called me a freak."

Ianto's heart started to pound, realising quickly just who Jack was talking about.

"What was her name, Jack? Do you know?"

"She said she was Lisa, and that you were going to marry her. I got scared, Yan. I didn't want her to take you away."

"I was never going to abandon you, cariad. She knew that. She was just trying to frighten you, and it worked, didn't it?"

Jack nodded, sniffling miserably.

"Yes. Yan toe...?"

"What is it, love?"

"I... I did something really, really bad. I've been scared to tell you because I thought you'd hate me."

Ianto felt a chill rush through him. He wasn't sure that he liked where this was going, not in the slightest.

"What did you do, Jack? Tell me."

"I showed the metal men where Lisa was."

The bottom quite literally dropped out of Ianto's stomach and, before he could think twice, he'd pushed Jack away from him and was on his feet.

"You... You... oh god, no..."

Jack stared up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

"Yan toe? I'm sorry..."

"No," Ianto cut him off hoarsely. "No, sorry isn't good enough this time. You... Oh god, I can't think straight! All this time, I thought she'd given you up to the Cybermen to try and save herself, but it was the other way around, wasn't it? I mean, I was there, I saw you pointing, but it never even occurred to me! How could you, Jack?"

Consumed as he was by horror, Ianto never noticed that Jack was not crying openly. He didn't notice the look on Jack's face that spoke of guilt, grief and, most of all, acceptance. He never said a word, accepting Ianto's tirade in silence.

Too caught up in his own emotions to notice Jack's unusually subdued reaction, Ianto turned and headed for the door.

"Are you going to leave now, like Gage?" Jack asked softly. Ianto paused in the doorway.

"No, Jack. I'm not going to leave like Gage, but I can't be in here with you right now. I need to have some time alone, so I can think."

Then he was gone, leaving Jack alone.

For the longest while, Jack just sat on his bed, his blanket and dog clutched in his hands. The only outward sign of emotion was an occasional tear that worked its way out of his eye, and left a silvery streak down his cheek.

He didn't blame Ianto for his reaction, even though he had hoped for a bit more understanding. Hoped, but not expected. After all, it was not the first time in his life that he'd been rejected because of a wrong he'd committed that resulted in getting someone else killed.

Jamie, the gas mask child... Even though the Doctor had saved him, Jack still felt the painful sting of guilt.

His friend, Tai, who he'd convinced to go to war, and who had died a horrendous death at the hands of sadistic monsters... Tai's parents had forgiven him, but his two older brothers had not, and Jack had ended up hospitalised after they'd extracted what they considered suitable vengeance. Jack had never given up their identities to the authorities. After all, what they'd done to him was nothing compared to what Tai had suffered through.

And then there was Gray.

A moment of carelessness, a failure to so much as glance back over his shoulder, and his little brother was gone. Not dead. That would at least have been something. No, Gray was gone, taken by the monsters who had slaughtered his father. He'd been left alone with a mother who, forever more had been unable to look at him without accusing him of something that, logically, Jack knew was not really his fault.

He'd never been one for thinking logically.

Now, here he was once again, alone and facing rejection. Except, this time it was fully his fault, and he knew he couldn't blame Ianto for walking away from him.

Jack shut his eyes, and felt the burn of unshed tears behind his eyelids. He remembered, all right, and it was all the worst memories that were surging to the surface.

"I'm bad," Jack said in a soft miserable voice. "And Yan hates me."

Shaking a little, Jack set his dog down on the bed, but held tightly onto his blanket. He stood and thought for a moment before changing his mind and putting the dog on Ianto's bed instead.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He then walked out of the room without looking back.

to be continued...