Chapter XXXVI
''What on earth is this?'' Jane asked, pulling a terribly frumpy swimsuit out of Anna's suitcase.
It was the beginning of September, three weeks after Paul's murder. The police were still working hard to find Green, but so far had not even found any leads. After Paul's body had been examined by the coroner, his parents had had him taken up north to be buried. The funeral had been done quickly and privately, with only his mother and father in attendance. To tell the truth, Anna had briefly considered attending, but she'd had no idea where the funeral was taking place and no one knew anything after the body had been picked up by the men his parents had sent to transfer him back home.
School had started. John and Anna had both thought that the last few months had been traumatic for Gracie, but no matter how hard they had tried to convince her to take the first week off, she had insisted on going. All she had wanted was to start the new school year as normally as possible. And perhaps she was right - after all that happened, maybe the routine of school would do her some good. She had also really missed her friends.
John had settled back into his little flat not too far from Anna's, and to Gracie's great excitement, Joy had arrived a few days later. It had been love at first sight. She absolutely adored the dog, and it had taken no time at all for Joy to get used to having a new, highly energetic, and extremely affectionate person in her life.
''My swimsuit,'' Anna replied, closing the closet. She, John, Gracie, and the puppy Joy were leaving the country that evening to spend a week in Hawaii. Cora and Robert owned a vacation home with a private beach on one of the more remote islands, and when John had asked Robert to lend it to them as a favour, his friends had been more than happy to do so.
''Are you kidding?'' Jane took another look at the hideous suit and promptly threw it into the bin next to the door.
''Hey, what do you think you're doing?'' Anna stared at her and walked over to pull it out, but Jane was quicker, blocking her path. ''Oh, no, you don't. Leave it.''
''What? Why?'' Anna asked, when she saw her friend's expression.
''Anna, you are going to spend 7 days in Hawaii, at a private beach house with its own private beach...''
''Yes, Jane, I'm aware of that,'' Anna said. She had been thrilled when John had explained his plans to her. Robert had cleared it with DCI Barnaby that they could leave the country, even though the investigation was still going strong, and she was sure it would do all of them good to spend some time away together.
''Are you? Because it doesn't look that way.'' Jane crossed her arms on her chest and continued staring at her friend.
''Jane, can you please move so I can finish packing? John will be here with Gracie any minute now, and I still need to take a shower and get ready to go to the church.'' John and Gracie had gone by his place to pick up his suit so that he could get dressed at Anna's. The trio were going to attend Sybbie Branson's christening before leaving the country. The little girl was almost 6 months old, but Sybil had insisted on waiting for John to return before christening her. She wanted John to be her daughter's godfather, and even though she and Tom had had no idea when he was going to come back, they had decided to wait as long as necessary.
''Do not touch that! Anna, have you gone completely mad?'' Jane exclaimed, when Anna walked past her to get her swimsuit out of the bin.
''Why, Jane?'' Anna still had no idea what her friend was talking about.
''Oh, my god, Anna! Listen - you are about to spend the next week on a sunny island in the middle of nowhere with John, and if I remember correctly, you are trying to work things out, right?''
''Yes, but I still don't know what the problem is.''
Turning around, Jane took the swimsuit from the bin. ''This is the problem. What are you, 80 years old or something? I can't let you take this ugly thing with you. Where's that white bikini - the one I saw in your drawer earlier?''
Anna finally understood what Jane was up to. ''Jane, I can't take that with me! It's...it's too…''
''Too sexy? Anna, that's the whole point!''
''I don't think this is going to be the time or place for 'sexy,' Jane. This vacation is meant to give John and me an opportunity to talk, to start over, and…''
''Yes, yes...I know all that, but I can't let you take this with you. You never know what might happen.'' Jane smiled and winked at her, while pulling the dresser drawers open.
''If you're talking about sex, I can guarantee you that nothing is going to happen…'' Anna began, sitting on the bed. She and John had shared a few hugs and pecks over the past few weeks, but nothing more. John was very clear about wanting to go slowly this time, and Anna agreed that it was the right thing for them at this point.
''Would you want it to happen?'' Jane asked, still looking through Anna's drawers for the bikini.
''What do you mean?'' she frowned.
''You know, if the timing and atmosphere were right? I know you said that you're taking things slowly, and I get that - you need to start over. But you know how it is...sometimes sex can make it easier to get past problems…''
''It's never just sex with John,'' Anna interrupted, making Jane turn around and look at her. ''No matter where or how we did it, it was never just sex. He is a perfect lover, Jane - so gentle, so caring. He always put me first, always made sure that I was OK.'' This was the first time she had ever talked out loud about how making love to John was for her.
''He always made me feel safe and loved when I was in his arms, and...and…I still threw that away because of Paul.'' Her voice cracked. ''And I'll never forgive myself for doing that to him.''
''Anna.'' Jane walked over and sat down, putting an arm around her and pulling her closer.
''I'm still angry, Jane - so, so mad at myself for letting that happen...for letting my past, my fears, affect our relationship, our love, when I knew that he's the love of my life. We need to rebuild trust between us before we can let ourselves be that vulnerable again, so the answer to your question is no. I'm not planning to sleep with him while we are away, no matter how right the timing or atmosphere might feel.'' She smiled and brushed a tear from her cheek.
''No matter how good the sex might be?'' Jane joked, nudging her.
''No matter how good the sex might be.'' Anna laughed, not knowing how wrong she was.
xXx
''Are you sure your mum won't be mad that I'm not wearing a tie?'' John asked Gracie playfully, looking at her in the rear view mirror while buckling his seat belt. They had just spent almost half an hour going through John's closet, looking for just the right tie for him to wear. And in the end Gracie had suggested that John not wear a tie at all.
''Yes, I'm sure!'' She nodded, smiling, then looked out of the window pensively. Since spending time in foster care, both John and Anna would sometimes notice her brooding. She didn't look sad or upset, but they still worried when they saw her like this. Anna had taken her to a few therapy sessions with Mrs. Logan, who had assured her that Gracie was doing well considering all that had happened, and that they didn't need to worry about her unusual behaviour. Like grownups, children too had their ways of dealing with and getting over difficult and traumatic situations. The best thing they could do, she said, was to talk to Gracie regularly and make sure that she felt safe and loved.
''John, can I ask you something?'' Gracie asked, after a few minutes of silence.
''Sure. You can always ask me anything," he replied. "Is everything OK?''
''Will you teach me how to swim?'' she asked slowly, a little embarrassed that she didn't know how to swim.
Looking at her in the rear view mirror, he answered, ''Of course I'll teach you how to swim, Munchkin.'' Hearing his answer, she gave him the biggest grin, and John had to chuckle when he saw the gap in her smile. One of her front teeth had finally fallen out a few days earlier, and when she had gotten a few pounds for the tooth, she had spent it all on a chew toy for Joy. She really adored that puppy.
''Are you looking forward to our little vacation?'' he asked.
''Yes. Is it nice there?''
''It is - lots of sun and miles of wonderful beaches. We'll have fun!''
''Will I be able to build sandcastles?''
''Yes.'' He laughed, happy to see her so excited. When he and Anna had told her about Hawaii, her first question had been whether John was going with them. Even though they had promised her that John was back to stay, she was still scared that John could disappear out of her life without any warning, as he had before.
They talked about Hawaii for the rest of the short drive and, before they knew it, John pulled the car up in front of Anna's.
''We're home,'' John announced, as he opened the front door.
''I'm upstairs!'' Anna called, her cheerful voice making him smile.
''Gracie, can you please go to your room and put your dress on? We'll be leaving for the church soon,'' John said to the little girl, who simply nodded her head and ran up to her room with Joy at her heels. John followed her upstairs and then down the hall to Anna's bedroom.
''All packed?'' he asked, pushing the bedroom door open and seeing her standing by the bed, zipping her bag.
''Yes!'' She turned around and smiled. ''I just hope I'm not forgetting anything.''
''Anna, we're going to Hawaii - how much will we really need? A towel, t-shirts, shorts, and swimming costumes...that's it.'' He chuckled, stepping closer to her, and took her hand in his, squeezing it lightly.
''Did you get your suit for the christening?'' she asked.
''I did, but we had hard time deciding on a tie, so Gracie said I shouldn't wear one. What do you think?''
''Hmmm...let me think…'' She locked her hands around his neck, prompting him to wrap his arms around her waist. ''Are you going with the whole open collar thing, then?''
''I am.'' His eyes twinkled. ''Bad idea?''
''No, not at all.'' She shook her head, smiling sweetly at him. ''I love seeing glimpses of your chest hair poking out of your open collar.'' She was still trying to find the right way to flirt with him this time around. She loved being affectionate and playful with him, but didn't want him to get the feeling that she was pushing them into something they weren't ready for yet.
''Really? 'I didn't know that...'' He laughed, knowing exactly what was on her mind. He knew how much she loved to bury her fingers in his chest hair when they were intimate. He had no idea why she loved it so much, but he certainly had never complained about it.
''Yes, I think you did,'' Anna replied, blushing slightly. It had only been 3 short weeks since he had returned, and even though they still had a lot to work on, there were moments - just like this - when they somehow managed to slip back into simply being them.
Laughing, he replied, ''OK, I did, but I still don't know why.''
''I just do.'' She caressed the nape of his neck the way she knew he liked.
Feeling her touch on him, he could feel a tingle going through his body. He missed her, his body missed her, and he couldn't wait to spend the next week with her at a secluded beach house on the other side of the world.
''Should I throw all my ties away, then?'' he teased.
''No,'' she shook her head. ''I love your ties.''
''You do?''
''Well, I love pulling on them when I'm undress-…'' She paused, realizing what she had been about to say. ''…umm, I mean…'' She coughed self-consciously and let go of him.
''I'm sorry.'' She tried to move away, but he took her hand and made her look at him.
''It's all right.'' He smiled at her lovingly. ''We can talk about sex, Anna.''
''I know we can, but…'' She exhaled. ''…it's just that I don't want you to think that I've only missed that part of our relationship. We haven't even shared our real first kiss since you've come back, and here I am talking about having sex.''
''Well, we were very, very good at it, so why not talk about it?'' he joked, sensing her frustration and trying to lighten the conversation.
''Mr. Bates, that sort of talk is beneath you.'' She feigned shock, then smacked his shoulder with a smile.
''Look, I know this thing between us is a little weird right now. We both have no idea how to do this properly, but we will get to kissing and...other things…'' He chuckled, seeing her cheeks colour. ''…when the time is right.'' He missed the physical side of their relationship as much as she did. All they had done for the last few weeks was talk, hold hands, hug, and share some cuddles, but at the same time they both knew that going slowly was the right thing to do.
''But for now, I think we need to focus on getting ready. We can't keep my goddaughter waiting.''
xXx
When they arrived at church, the entire Crawley/Branson family was waiting for them. It was a lovely ceremony, but if anyone had asked Anna what the priest was saying, she wouldn't have had a clue. Her eyes were glued to John up front, holding little Sybbie, and she could not help but think how good he looked with her sleeping peacefully in his arms. He was born to be a father, she thought to herself while watching him. How could she have thought that he would run if she had been pregnant with his child?
''Are you OK?'' Thomas asked, after nudging her to sit down.
''Yes, I am...thank you.'' She smiled weakly at him. ''I was just thinking about John and his way with kids,'' she explained quietly.
''Yeah. I never would have imagined that he'd be so gentle with them, just from his appearance,'' Thomas whispered back, well aware that the priest was still talking.
''What do you mean his appearance?'' Anna chuckled quietly, not certain what Thomas meant.
''You know, he has the build of someone you might hire to beat the shit out of someone - tall, strong, broad shoulders. But the moment you put a child into his arms, he turns into a…''
''...teddy bear,'' Anna finished his sentence. She giggled softly, knowing exactly what he meant.
''Yes,'' he nodded seriously. He had first met John when he'd escorted Anna to the charity ball, and he hadn't really been sure about him at first. He'd known that John had been eyeing him the whole evening because he was Anna's date, but something about him made Thomas feel that he was the last man in the world he'd want to mess with...until he saw how gentle, patient, and loving he was with Gracie. He could tell that they were close, and the girl had talked about John a lot when he and James had babysat her during his absence.
''That's the whole reason I rang and asked him to come back to help you, and…''
''Wait, what?'' Anna turned to face him. ''Thomas?'' She covered her mouth in shock when she realized what he was referring to. ''You are the one who rang John?!''
Smiling nervously, he answered, ''I am.''
''But how? I mean…'' She had asked John who had rung and asked him to return, but John had no idea. It had been a brief call, and John hadn't recognised the voice.
Although Anna and Thomas were sitting toward the back of the church and were whispering, John still managed to notice out of the corner of his eye that something was going on.
''I hope I didn't overstep, but…'' Thomas started to explain, when Anna took his hand and pulled him out of the church, leaving Gracie with Jimmy. The moment the door closed behind them, Anna wrapped her arms around Thomas and held him close.
''Overstep? My god, Thomas!'' She moved away from him and wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. ''I can't even begin to explain how glad I am that you did. You saved Gracie and me by contacting him. I don't know how I can ever thank you.'' She smiled at him.
''Thank god!'' he laughed. ''I was a little worried that you would be mad at me for intruding.''
''Mad?! How could I be mad at you for bringing him back! Thank you! Thank you so much!'' She gave him a kiss on the cheek and once more hugged him tightly.
''I'm just happy that everything worked out the way it did.''
Suddenly the door of the church door opened wide and John hurried out.
''Is everything all right?'' he asked. The moment the last word had left the priest's mouth, he had hurried out of the church to find out what was going on.
On hearing John's worried voice, Anna let go of Thomas and turned to him.
''John!'' she smiled. ''It was Thomas!''
''What? What was Thomas?'' He frowned, not having any idea what she was talking about.
''Thomas was the one who rang you in Scotland!''
''You were?'' John smiled at the young man. ''But where did you get my number?''
''Gracie,'' Thomas grinned. ''I had asked her at one point, just in case of emergency, and she gave it to me.''
''Well, I'm glad she did,'' John replied, and offered him his hand. ''Thank you.''
''It was my pleasure. I'm just glad it's all over.''
''Well, it's not completely over yet. They still don't have a clue where Green disappeared to,'' John said, and automatically took Anna's hand in his. ''The bastard seems to have vanished completely.'' Even though the inspector had felt certain that they were safe, John was still worried that Green could show up and hurt Anna or Gracie when he wasn't around.
''Still no leads, then?'' Thomas said.
''No.'' Anna shook her head. ''But they haven't given up the search.''
''John, what's going on!?'' Robert emerged from the church, looking for his friend. ''Is something the matter?''
''No, no. Everything's fine.'' John smiled.
''OK,'' Robert said, looking a bit sceptical. ''Come on, then! We have to take a few photos before we let you and your lovely girls run away to Hawaii.'' He disappeared back into the church with the three of them following.
After the photos were taken and they had all eaten an early dinner together, John, Anna, and Gracie finally said their goodbyes.
After stopping by Anna's flat to change into comfortable clothes and load their baggage and Joy into the car, they were finally on their way to the airport. They had been driving for a while when Anna noticed something.
''John?'' She turned the radio down and looked at him.
''Anna?'' He tried to sound serious, but he knew that she was on to him.
''Where are we going?'' she asked, having noticed that he'd just driven past the exit for Heathrow.
''To the airport?'' He chuckled, looking into the rear view mirror and seeing Gracie smiling back at him.
''OK, what are you two up to?'' She turned around to look at her daughter.
''Nothing,'' John smiled, keeping his eyes on the road.
''Nothing,'' Gracie repeated, and giggled.
''Why are you two always ganging up on me?'' Anna laughed, looking first at Gracie and then at him.
''I have no idea what you're talking about,'' John said seriously, before looking up at her with a smile.
''It's a surprise!'' Gracie clapped her hands. Joy barked, wiggling her tail in excitement and making the whole car laugh.
''Oh, is it really? Will you at least tell me if I'm going to like it?'' Anna asked.
''You tell me,'' John replied, and pulled the car through a big gate labelled "Crawley."
''Is this what I think it is?'' she asked, her mouth hanging open, while he parked the car near one of the hangars.
Turning the engine off, he turned to face her and smiled. ''Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but if you have in mind a private plane which will take us to Hawaii, then you are right.'' Robert owned several private jets, and had been more than happy to lend them one for their holiday.
Before she could say anything, John had already climbed out of the car to unload their baggage. ''Are you coming or not?'' he called to her with a grin, when he saw her still sitting in the car, not believing they were actually going to fly to Hawaii in a private jet.
xXx
''Welcome! I'm Captain Coyle, and I will be your pilot today,'' a handsome man greeted them, stepping onto the plane as they made themselves comfortable in the leather seats.
''I hope we're not late,'' John smiled, standing up and shaking the man's hand.
''No - no worries - we still have 10 minutes before takeoff. Please make yourselves comfortable, and let us know if you need anything,'' he said politely, disappearing into the cockpit.
''Are you OK?'' John asked Anna, when he noticed her looking a bit dazed.
''OK? John, we are flying to Hawaii in a private plane!'' she practically squealed. ''How on earth did you…''
''Robert,'' he replied. ''But he made me promise him something.''
''Oh? What was that?''
Before answering, he checked to make sure that Gracie couldn't hear him. ''I had to promise him that we would not renew our membership in the famous Mile High Club.'' He winked at her, and when he leaned his head back against the headrest, he heard her start to giggle.
xXx
It was already very late when they landed, but when Anna emerged from the plane, the first thing that hit her was the heat. It was so warm and balmy there, nothing like the chilly London they had left behind so many hours ago. The flight had been comfortable and relaxing. They had made a quick stop in New York City to refuel, but other than that everything had gone smoothly. She still couldn't believe that Robert had lent them one of his planes. Talk about a first class flight!
Anna could not wait to finally get to the beach house. It felt wonderful to know that they were going to spend the next week alone together, without having to worry about anyone interrupting them. Peace, quiet, and solitude, so she and John could slowly begin the process of reconnecting and rebuilding.
Robert had arranged for a car to meet them at the airport, and after they completed some paperwork, John carried an already sleeping Gracie to the car so their local driver could finally take them to the house. The drive was short and pleasant and before they knew it, they had pulled up in front of a luxurious beach house. Someone had already turned on all the lights, and when they opened the front door, the first thing they could see through the floor-to-ceiling picture windows before them was a spacious terrace behind the house, equipped with a pool and jacuzzi, overlooking the sparkling ocean.
''Gracie, don't go too near the pool,'' Anna said, when she saw her daughter run out onto the terrace with the Joy following close behind.
''Yes, Mummy,'' she said, and ran up and down the terrace. The house was absolutely beautiful; it was a large, with two floors, and the kitchen alone felt bigger than Anna's little flat back in England.
''Gracie love, come on - let's go upstairs so you can pick your bedroom,'' Anna said, and the little girl was back in the house running upstairs in a second, which made John and Anna laugh as they walked up behind her.
The upstairs hall was enormous; it was long and wide and had about 6 doors on each side. ''Gracie, where are you?'' Anna called, not sure which room she had gone into. Opening the door at the end of the hall, Gracie popped her head out and smiled. ''I'm here! Can Joy and I have this room, please?!''
''You can have any room you want, Munchkin,'' John replied, and walked past Anna with Gracie's bag in his hand. Walking in, he could see that the room had its own small balcony and bathroom.
''This is very nice,'' Anna said, standing behind him. She walked around the room, taking everything in. ''Come on, love, go wash up and get ready for bed. It's been a long day, and we need to get some sleep so we'll be rested for tomorrow.''
''OK,'' she said, and disappeared into the bathroom with Joy right behind her.
''So what do you think? Do you like it?'' John turned to Anna after placing Gracie's bag near the bed.
''Like it? Are you kidding me?'' She giggled. ''It's breathtaking! I can't wait for the sun to come up so I can see everything there is to see about this place. Have you ever been here before?''
''Actually I have. Robert and Cora got married here, and I was Robert's best man.''
''Really? You never told me that.''
''Well...if I had, I would have had to tell you how I lost Robert on the night before the wedding,'' he explained.
''What?'' she laughed. ''You lost him? How?!''
''We were young. I'd gotten him just a little too drunk that night, and he wandered off on his way to the loo.'' He laughed. It was funny now, but it hadn't been a laughing matter when he had gone to find him, only to discover that he was gone.
''Where did he go?''
''I'm not sure. I'd been looking for him for hours before I finally heard from some of the locals that there was a naked man down at the beach staring at the ocean,'' he said.
''He was naked and sitting on the beach in the middle of the night? What was he doing there?''
''I have no idea. Even he doesn't remember how he managed to end up there.''
''Does Cora know anything about this?''
''God, no.'' He shook his head and took a step closer to her. ''And you can't tell anyone - Rob would kill me if he knew I'd told you.''
"Good night, Mummy," Gracie interrupted them, coming out of the bathroom and giving her mother a hug and a kiss. ''Can John tuck me in tonight?''
''Sure I can.'' He smiled. "I'll be down in a minute.''
''Take your time,'' Anna answered, before leaving the room and going downstairs.
It only took about 5 minutes for Gracie to settle down and fall asleep, and when John walked downstairs, he could see Anna lounging on a double hammock on the terrace.
''Room for one more?'' he asked, as he walked up to her.
''Sure.'' She tried to move over to make space for him, but it was harder than she'd expected.
''Just lie still.'' John laughed, first sitting down on the hammock and then carefully lying down next to her. They were both stretched out together, but the positions they were in were a little uncomfortable.
''Here, let's try it like this,'' he suggested, and placed one arm around her, pulling her closer. ''Better?''
''Better,'' she sighed. She wrapped her arm around his middle, cuddling up to him and inhaling his scent.
They lay like this for a couple of minutes, listening quietly to the waves until John broke the silence. ''I think I should take you on a first date.''
''What?'' she smiled, and shifted her head to look at him.
''Well, we didn't really have a first date the first time around, if you think about it.''
''Yes, we did.''
''No, I just cooked you a few dinners when I was still working for you, and that was it.''
''Yes, but I want you to know that every one of those dinners was special to me.'' She smiled, recalling how she had practically run out of the office at the end of each day, glowing with the knowledge that he was waiting for her, with a homemade meal on the table for them to share together.
''They weren't anything special, though.''
''I fell in love with you during those dinners, John.''
It warmed his heart to hear her say that. ''That's the whole reason I insisted on cooking them for you,'' he laughed. ''I needed an excuse to stay with you long after my work hours were over, hoping...praying...that you would see how crazy I was about you.''
''You didn't have to, you know.'' She giggled again. ''I was yours from the moment you walked into my flat that first morning, and if you had asked me out, I would have gladly said yes.'' She wasn't lying. She had spent countless sleepless nights lying in bed, imagining him taking her out on a date.
''I'm asking you out now.'' He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling.
''And my answer is still the same, Mr. Bates.'' She gave him a peck on the cheek before snuggling up closer to him, and then whispered, ''Yes, I'll go on a date with you.
beta: the wonderful annambates! :)
thank you for R&R! :D I hope you liked this chapter! let us know what you think! :) thanks!