The Dreaming 2.35

By Asynca

Sorry for infringing C-Kunk's copyright; she actually wrote the book on sleep deprivation.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't. I mean, I could feel air going in and out of my throat, there just didn't seem to be enough oxygen in it and no matter how hard and fast I drew breath, my vision just greyed and my ears rang.

I clutched my chest as if it would help, and pushed the phone back at Sam. I couldn't get it far enough away from me.

"Lara, it's okay, we'll figure it out," Sam was saying, trying to calm me down. It didn't work, though, because she sounded really upset by my reaction, herself. "My dad's people are on it, it won't be up for long and they'll come up with some explanation for—"

"There is no explanation for it!" I interrupted her, just focusing on trying to stay conscious. "Oh, God…" Those awful, crass images were burnt into my retinas. I could remember it all in horrible details, 'my' mouth breathily forming the word Sam, 'my' hands between my legs and just… God. Just… God! And millions of people had seen it and were probably watching it right now. "Natla said she had a present for me, but I never thought…"

Min and Sam shared a glance. There was something in it that I didn't like. "You think I actually did it!" I accused Sam.

She looked uncomfortable. "Lara, I know what you look like," she said. "That's you." When I went to say something to that, she put her hands up. "Look, I've done my fair share of stupid things when I've been really drunk and you have those things on you—"

I just stared at her, my mouth open. "You think I did it," I realised. "You're my best friend and you actually think I could do that!"

She swallowed. "I saw you do some pretty creepy things on the ship," she said carefully. "Like, you just walked up to several of those ninja-mercenary guys and killed them for no reason. And then you just acted like nothing had happened and you were being all sweet and nice again." She looked really quite upset. "So, yeah, I don't know how or why, and it's totally not, like, you, but..."

I couldn't even listen to her say that, I couldn't listen to Sam saying that to me. I know I'd been doing things I couldn't understand and just a few minutes earlier I'd untied myself and taken out my rifle, but I could not accept any part of me had any desire to ever make a video like that. There was just no way it was me.

...or was there? If what Sam was saying about what had been happening when I'd blacked out on the ship was true, there was some part of me that was capable of killing in cold blood. If I was capable of murder, that probably meant I was capable of making that video, didn't it? I couldn't really pretend otherwise. But, God, when I thought about me doing something like that…

I shouted, putting my hands up to my head. "This can't be happening," I said. "This just can't be happening…" I felt sick, actually sick, and I still couldn't breathe.

Bree had peaked in through the balcony door because of the noise I was making, and just having everyone looking at me was too much. "Haven't you seen enough of me already?" I shouted at them, and then immediately regretted it.

Bree gasped and quickly closed the door. Min watched her scuttle away, and then turned back to me. "That's not fair," she said sternly. "It fucking sucks, but it's not our fault. We're on your side."

"The how come it was your computer the video came from?" It was a stupid thing to say, but I felt like I couldn't prevent it from rolling off my tongue. Min or Bree wouldn't do it, would they? But then again, I'd trusted Amanda, too. Maybe everyone was part of some agenda to destroy me.

Min took a step toward me, and for just a second I felt intimidated by her. "What's more likely," she said, not backing down despite what she knew I was capable of. "That a friend who's helped you suddenly turns on you, or that an actual enemy who's threatened you found a way to access her computer?"

God, I didn't care about the answer to that. I didn't want to listen. It was all irrelevant. The video was out there, now, the damage was fucking done already and now the entire planet was laughing at me or ogling me or doing God knows what to that awful video. I couldn't walk out onto the street again without wondering if people had seen it and what they thought of me as a result.

This was too much. I wanted to smash something. I wanted to kill both Amanda and Natla. I almost didn't care about needing help with the spirits, I just wanted to blow both of them to pieces so all that was left was a river of blood and a sea of limbs like in Yamatai.

I'd backed against one of the walls and the bathroom was behind me. I staggered through the doorway and just shut myself inside it, turning to lean against the door. Footsteps followed me, but I didn't move.

I could hear breathing on the other side of the wood.

"Lara…" Sam say gently through the door. Unexpected tears welled in my eyes.

I just couldn't get those images out of my head, and every time I remembered them I felt so sick and so repulsed by my own skin. The shower was right there in front of me, so on impulse I stripped what I had left on and just got inside the cubicle. The water was way too hot but I just didn't care. I hardly felt like my body was part of me anymore, anyway. Who knew what it could do?

I couldn't deal with it. No part of me had any capacity left to even think about how we could solve this. I just hated Natla and hated Amanda and didn't understand why all of this needed to happen to me.

I kept circling around those same thoughts and before long I was just standing there under the scalding hot water with my hair plastered against my face, crying my eyes out. None of this was real, except that it was.

By the time I was done, the ambient heat had dried my clothes and I scrubbed my pink skin dry and pulled them on. I had the towel over my head and was stiffly trying to towel-dry my hair without falling over when I heard someone slip into the bathroom.

I thought it was Sam, so I didn't say anything.

"Lara." That was Min's voice. The surprise got my heart going again, but I didn't have any emotions left to react to it. I felt oddly disconnected from everything.

I pulled the towel off my head, anyway. "I thought you were Sam."

Min looked down at herself and then smiled wryly at me, shaking her head. I think she was trying to cheer me up, but it had no effect. She gave up. "If I was Sam, I'd be shut in the second bedroom, crying about how terrible I feel for my girlfriend."

That made me realise I still did have some emotions left. My chest tightened; Sam. I didn't say anything, though, I just hung the towel back on the rack and leaned my weight on the sink. If I could just get over the feeling of being about to pass out, I'd go be with her.

Min was watching me. "This is insane," she said, and took a step towards me. "Give me the spirits. I wrote the book on sleep deprivation. I'll be okay."

God, I wished that were possible. Right now, especially. "It's not that simple."

Min looked determined. "You said you just touched them and they migrated to you."

"Yes, but then I 'just touched' some mercenary and killed him." I glanced up from the sink. "Natla knows how to transfer them, but she won't tell me unless I do something for her."

She looked a little hesitant, but her jaw was still set. "Well," she said, holding her arms out to me. "We'll just have to figure out how to not kill me by ourselves then, because you are a total mess and obviously you and Sam are the only two people who can stop Natla and Amanda."

I exhaled, and looked back down at the sink. It was a brave offer, but I didn't want to be responsible for her death on top of everything else.

She kept trying. "Come on, Lara. I'm no action hero. This might be the one chance I get to save the world," she was smiling at me. "Let me help."

It was lovely of her to offer. Both her and Bree had both been so kind to us and so generous… and I'd accused her of leaking to video. I winced. "I'm sorry about what I said to you before," I murmured.

"…But you're not going to try and help me take the spirits from you." When I didn't contradict her, she seemed disappointed, but she just nodded. "Please, just don't yell at Bree. She was torturing herself over telling Sam about the video. She completely idolises you, Lara. She still does, video or no video."

As if I didn't feel bad enough; I closed my eyes for a moment. How could anyone idolise a person who made that sort of video? Min was right, though, I was a mess. "Okay," I just said, turning to face her. "I just need to sleep finally. Maybe I'll be less of a train wreck in a few hours when Macca and Jammas arrive."

She stood aside so I could pass her, but stopped me with a hand on my arm as I did so. "Lara," she asked. "What did Natla want you to do as part of the bargain?"

There seemed to be no harm in telling her. They both knew so much already. "She wanted me to separate the Scion from the Slave Stone," I told her, and then shook my head. "I know Natla definitely wants the Scion, but I have no idea how the Slave Stone plays into any of this."

She squeezed my arm and then dropped her hand. She didn't say anything else, but she was clearly thinking about what she'd just heard.

Just as Min had mentioned, Sam was in the second bedroom. I gingerly opened the door and stepped inside. Our cases we beside the bed, and Sam was lying on her stomach with Diane's book spread across the duvet in front of her. She'd been crying all over it and looking like she could hardly see through her tears, but she was making an attempt to read it, anyway.

"Lara…" she said, sitting up a little. Her voice was wobbling and her whole face was red. She sniffed. "I know this is totally bad timing, but you don't have a Kleenex, do you?"

I laughed, despite everything. "I think there's some in my case," I said, very painfully bending down to have a look. I had to stick my hand in the front pocket, and that made my raw knuckles start bleeding and weeping again. I stood up, looking at them. Sam took the tissues from my hand and blew her nose.

"Sorry," she said, her voice distorted by a blocked nose. "I know the main issue here is that terrible video, but I don't know if I can have a serious conversation with you while I have snot dribbling down my chin." She caught sight of my knuckles. "Ouch!"

I examined the damage. "This is from beating up Amanda," I said. "So, not surprisingly, I don't really have a problem with it." My arm was bleeding again, too, probably from the hot shower. I didn't particularly care, but Sam looked a little concerned. I just pulled down my sleeve over my forearm so she couldn't see it and went to lie down beside her. I didn't like this top, anyway.

We just lay there for a minute or so. All I could think of was that blasted video and the millions of people probably watching it right at that second. I had my head down beside Diane's book, though, and after a little while I realised it was poking into my scalp. That reminded me of other more encompassing problems. "Natla," I said, and then exhaled. I was just too tired for any of this. "I know I should be really worried about what her and Amanda are planning to do, but all I can think about is that video. I never want to leave the house again." I paused, remembering another detail. "Except that I don't have a house, either."

Sam was chewing her lip. "That's the point, though, isn't it?" I looked up at her. "Not that I would ever hurt you, but if I wanted to really paralyse you, I'd do something like this."

I frowned at her, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with that idea the more I thought about it. I had just thought Natla was just getting a very calculated revenge after we ruined her reputation and destroyed Atlantis. It hadn't really occurred to me at all that she might be doing this for a specific purpose. Although, now that I considered it, this was Natla. Of course she was doing it strategically. She'd do whatever she thought she had to in order to get the results she wanted. I was sure that had something to do with world domination, but was Atlantis even recoverable?

There was a knock on the door. Sam said, "Come in!"

I peered over the top of my head to see Min lean inside. "Sorry to disturb you," she said, not stopping for us to respond as she walked up to the bed, phone in her hand. "I just had a thought. Sam, when Lara… changes, does she still have the spirits on her?"

Sam thought for a moment. "I guess. She killed the guys with one of them."

Min looked quite excited. She held the phone at us, and I could see all of the horror all over again. My heart started pounding; I couldn't look at it. "Sorry," Min said to me, and then spoke to Sam, "Look. The fact she even managed to film herself means something, right?"

Sam took the phone from her and pinch-spread the image to zoom in. "Yeah, but what's that?" she said, pointing to the phone. "I'm guessing there aren't many body doubles who would be happy to skewer themselves with rebars."

Min winced. "Maybe they have some hardcore CGI technology?" she suggested hopefully.

Sam handed Min's phone back to her. "If there's one thing I've learnt about magic, it's that I have no idea about it," she said. "If Lara can control the spirits when she's not herself, maybe she can dismiss them, too."

Min made a face at the phone. "Yeah, maybe." She then shook her head. "I keep feeling like we're missing something. Back to the drawing board, I suppose." She looked like she was dragging the slider on the screen as she left, and that could only mean one thing.

"Min?" I said. She stopped, looking down at me. "I know you'd really like to help, but can you please not watch that video anymore?" I just couldn't deal with the idea of any of the people I liked and respected watching it for any reason. If it wasn't bad enough imagining Reyes and Jonah and Sam's father… God, and Alisha had probably seen it, too…

Min glanced at the screen. "But how will we—" When she made eye contact with me, though, she abandoned that sentence. "Okay," she said. "I'll leave it." She closed the door behind her.

Sam watched her go. "I know you're really cut up about this video thing, but you should really try and get some sleep," she said. "We probably have to get out of here pretty quickly once the boys show up, so you should sleep while you can."

She was probably right, so I let her tuck me in and fuss over the cut in my arm. In the end, she bandaged it so it wouldn't stain the sheets. When she was done, she hopped into bed next to me and leaned up on an elbow, her hand on my stomach. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine we were back in England and none of this had happened at all.

I felt her lips on my cheek and that was alright – nice, even – but when she kissed me again it was slower and I couldn't help feeling like it was leading to something, even if it wasn't. I pulled away from her; I just felt so disgusting and I didn't want to be touched like that. Not by anyone, not even by Sam. "I can't, Sam," I said, realising I was teary. "I just can't. Not now."

"It's okay," she murmured in my ear, and put her head against my shoulder where she always did. That was comforting. She was right, I should try and sleep. At least this time with Blanket around I didn't have to worry about doing awful things I couldn't explain while I was unconscious.

I did try, too. I even think I actually got a couple of solid hours under my belt. However, every time I had been thinking about something peaceful and I suddenly remembered Natla or Amanda or that video, my heart would start pumping and I would get really upset and really angry and it would take ages for me to calm down again.

At one point I was imagining how Roth or my parents would have reacted to watching it and my eyes filled with tears again. They would have been so disappointed in me. Roth, especially. He was really traditional about this kind of stuff.

"Hey," Sam said quietly from my shoulder. I'd been heaving breaths and woke her up. "Are you alright?"

What a question. "No," I said honestly. I felt a tear roll down over my jaw. "I hate Natla and Amanda. I knew they were bad, I just… I just can't believe one woman would do that to another. It's just so low."

Sam's eyes were open. "Well," she reasoned, "I'm not sure you can really expect any sort of humanity from Natla, you know, not being human… And who knows what's going on with Amanda." She leaned up over me. "I've never thought of myself as particularly vengeful. I mean, the past is too late to change, right? But seriously." She wiped the tear from my cheek. "If I get a chance to kill either of them, I swear to God going to make it as painful as possible after what they did to you."

"Thanks," I said. "That would be one video I'd actually want to watch."

She continued to stroke my cheek for a few seconds, and then rolled over and checked her phone. "Wow, it's seven," she said. "The boys will be here soon. Did you sleep much?"

I shrugged. "Yes. A little." I sat up, testing how I felt. My head was clearer and that was a relief, but my body… well. Don't even get me started on how it felt. Just sitting up made me nearly faint, and everything just ached. Literally, I hadn't felt this bad since I was in hospital waiting for surgery on my infected stomach wound. A light breeze would have defeated me.

Sam watched me struggle. "Oh!" she said, remembering something. She swung off the bed and went rummaging through her case. "Bree and Min picked up some stuff for us, and— here it is!" She held up a small box, and to my immense relief, it read: Panadeine Forte, rapid relief of strong pain.

She popped a couple of the pills out of the tabs and handed them to me with her water bottle. I accepted them, swallowing them both and reaching painfully over to my phone. There was a message. I lay back down and held the phone over my head; my arms were shaking just from that. "hey we knocked on your room and no answer. pretty quiet inside so guess you guys are out. we're too pov for a hotel lol but jammas' cousin has a boat shed off bruce hwy so we're gunna sleep in it. we drove here nonstop that's probably where we'll be. come whenever." Then next message was the address.

"Shit!" I said and put the phone on my chest, looking over at Sam. "They were here before but no one answered the door!"

Sam made a face. "That's right, Bree and Min are on the balcony trying to keep Blanket quiet."

I sat up again, wincing. I passed the phone to Sam so she could read the message and then tried to slowly stand up. It took quite some effort; I hoped the promise of rapid relief on the box of painkillers wasn't exaggerating. Sam volunteered to tie my boots up for me in the meantime.

I walked stiffly out into the main room and then opened the balcony door. Blanket, Min and Bree were sitting in a small circle. Min was playing with her phone, and the other two were on their 3DSes. When they looked up and saw me, all three of them looked a little scared for a moment. It was sobering.

"The boys tried our door but no one answered," I said, and then because of their expressions, added, "I'm not upset about it, but now we need to go find where they'd staying." I looked at Min. "May I borrow your car?"

Sam came up behind me and put her chin on my shoulder.

Min grabbed the balcony railing and pulled herself up. "Don't take this the wrong way," she said, "but I only have third party and you are not right to drive and Sam's bad driving is practically legendary. I'll take you."

Bree was still frantically mashing buttons on her 3DS. "I'm coming, too," she said. "I want to meet them, and Blanket won't stop talking Macca."

That name made Blanket look up from her screen. "Macca's here?" she asked hopefully.

"We're going to see him now," I told her, and she looked delighted.

"Okay!" she said, and closed the screen and stood up, pushing past me and rushing over to the door. "Let's go!"

While Min was grabbing her car keys and I tried to sling my full backpack over my shoulder, Blanket leaned against the front door and announced, "I beat Bree so many times!"

Bree huffed. "I'm out of practice," she said. "I haven't played for like two months since it came out."

Blanket laughed. "I still beat you!"

"Yeah, yeah," Bree said, ruffling Blanket's hair. "You're a pro."

"I'm going to beat Macca too," Blanket said, looking at Sam and I. "I have Malamar. He looks like a squid and a bird and he's psycho."

"Psychic," Bree corrected her. "It means he attacks you with his mind."

"I'm not a big fan of those sort of attacks, to be honest," I said, opening the door and letting her run out. I had to force everyone to walk really slowly with me down to the car, because I couldn't manage the steps with any sort of speed.

Blanket got to the car before us and was shouting from the car park, "Come on, hurry up!"

Min had her arm around Bree's shoulder and looked down at her. "You sure you want lots of those?"

Bree looked insulted. "Are you kidding me? She's fucking hilarious. If you could knock me up right now I'd be up for it." She looked back over her shoulder at us. "Blanket taught me to do the Hoedown Throwdown like an hour ago," she said as we walked into the car park. "You know? That dance thing from the Hannah Montana movie."

Blanket heard us as we walked up to her. "I'm going to be a dancer," she told us very seriously. "I already know almost all the dances ever."

It was so entertaining listening to the three of them that for a few minutes I completely forgot about the video, Natla, Amanda and the spirits. It was so depressing when I remembered what had happened.

As we pulled out onto the highway and I was examining Google maps for which way to turn, two heavily tinted black four wheel drives passed us.

Sam looked spooked. "Are those…"

"Yeah," I said. "Natla Technologies' cars."

Sam leaned back in her seat. "Well, at least we know where Amanda is getting her money, now."

Min looked at us in the rear vision mirror. "They probably don't expect the Nishimura heiress and her famous girlfriend to be driving around in the world's ugliest, oldest car."

There was that, but I was still happy when Google Maps directed us out of town.

Bree had put the radio on a music channel, but after a few minutes the music stopped and a voice announced the evening news. She looked alarmed and was hurrying to turn it off before it could say anything about the video, but Sam stopped her and said, "Turn it up for a second."

Bree gave her a confused look, and then did as she was instructed. "…unearthed the body of billionaire mining magnate, Sean Frost. According to police reports, there is mounting evidence he was murdered prior to the flood at the Frost International mine in the Kimberley on Thursday. In a statement by Police, they have identified significant leads and are in the process of following them up. More on this at ten."

Sam and I looked at each other. That did not sound good.

"Are you going to fly back there?" Bree wanted to know while we all had our necks craned out the window, looking for the turn off to Trinity Inlet.

I made a noise. "Can't fly with illegal firearms," I pointed out. "Which I'm finally about to have in my hands again. Also if Natla's men are on the highway then they will definitely be waiting for us at the airport. We'll start driving back quickly, though. Tonight, maybe."

Sam had been quiet for much of the trip. "I keep wondering if it's a mistake," she said. I turned away from the window to look at her. She had been filming us again after I'd said it was okay; it was a nice slice of normality in amongst all the chaos. "Well… the only reason you survived the fight with Amanda's bunyip-spirit thing was because of your spirits," she said. "What if putting them back somewhere safe is actually making it harder for you to stop those two?"

I shrugged. "Then I'll do it the hard way, I suppose."

We'd turned off the sealed road and down a long driveway. Min turned the car lights on; it was getting dark. As we rounded a corner, the lights fell on a familiar shape. "Macca's car!" I said, forgetting I was sore so I could lean over Min and Bree to point at it. Blanket squealed.

"Guess we've found the right place, then," Min said, pulling up beside it.

There were no lights on inside the shed –which looked more like a small hangar from the outside, to be honest— and Blanket had rushed up to the door and was looking at a sign on it. Bree read it out for her. "'Back in five – gone down to Trinity to catch some fish for dinner. Make yourselves at home'." She tried the door; it was open. She rolled her eyes at us. "Are these guys for real?"

I read the sign for myself, and chuckled. "They are," I said, following her inside as Sam got some good footage of it. "You'll see for yourself in a minute."

Inside, it was dark and the whole place was full of all sorts of old furniture, fishing and boating equipment and all the other things men usually liked to have in their sheds. Sam's camera gave us enough light to look around, and she set to work combing the perimeter for a light switch.

"Hey, Min!" Bree called from the other side of the room, "Check this out! You can go up to the roof! What do you think, Blanket?" she was saying, "You want to go look to see if there's a good view down to the river? Maybe we can see Macca from up there."

"Yeah!" was Blanket's reply, and then I heard two sets of footsteps rush up the metal stairs. Min sighed. Slower, more measured steps followed them.

There was so much old rubbish in there, I couldn't help but look through it all. Fortunately I discovered my Satellite phone had a torch button, so I turned it on and began to explore some of the items in storage while we were waiting. I found a quiver and was getting really excited about maybe finding a bow to go with it when there was some commotion on the roof. Blanket shrieked my name, and I relaxed. They'd probably found Macca.

"I'll come up in a second, I promise!" I called back, not really fancying the idea of climbing all those stairs at the moment.

"Seriously, who the hell builds a shed and doesn't put the light switch near the door?" Sam was asking, still picking along the walls. "Someone really needs their drafting qualifications checked."

I found… a broken badminton racket. I held it up, scowling at it for not being a bow. "Probably the same person who thinks that they'll ever get use out of broken sporting equipment again," I said, and threw it back in the box it came from. While I was picking through the other crates, I had a thought. I stood up. "God, you don't think Macca and Jammas have seen the video, do you?" Just the thought of having to look them in the face and know what they'd seen... I put a hand on my churning stomach.

Sam made a noise. "You know how nice they are. They probably won't mention it." She changed her mind. "Okay, Jammas might joke about it, but Macca won't say anything. Don't worry, though, I'll kill him if he does."

I was so not ready to joke about it yet, or ever. I was frowning down at the box that I thought might contain the bow when I saw movement ahead of me. My heart started pounding. There was a giant frame leaning against the edge of one of the wrecked boats. It must be a mirror, I thought, and approached it.

Just as I had suspected, it was a mirror; I could see my reflection in it. Something seemed a little odd, though. Some of the boxes next to me didn't seem to be in the reflection; I supposed the mirror might be warped or the angle might be wrong. Dodgy old mirrors also sometimes had a ripple that distorted the reflection.

I stopped, though, feeling uneasy. The flash on my satellite phone wasn't as good as my iPhone and even from shining my phone at it, I couldn't really see enough detail to understand what was going on.

As I walked up to the frame and raised my fingers to the glass to feel if the surface was imperfect, Sam made a triumphant noise. "Ah hah!" she announced. "Found it!" The light switched on.

It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, and when they did, I was face-to-face with my reflection. Something was wrong, though, and I only realised what it was when my hand went straight through the glass… because there was no glass. My reflection had her hand up in a perfect mirror image of me, though, and we touched fingers. Instead of cool glass, I felt warm skin.

While I was gaping at it, it smiled.