The spotted hawk swoops by and
accuses me, he complains of my
gab and my loitering.
I am not a bit tamed.
I am too untranslatable.
I sound my barabric YAWP.
Over the roofs of the world.
---Walt Whitman, Song of myself
He had been called the Boy Wonder since he was eight years of age. Dick Grayson had ceased to exist for the time he was allowed to be Robin. Like a shadow, the eight year old acrobat would follow Batman everywhere he went; every roof Batman leapt, so would Robin. Every villain Batman faced, so would Robin. Every thought and skill Batman had ever learned, Robin learned as well. And soon, Richard Grayson slowly collapsed with the only person noticing this change being Alfred. Through the years, the short shorts Robin wore and the pixie boots became the image of the new Dynamic Duo around Gotham. Robin was ridiculed and teased but as time went on, this concoction of skill and heart became as feared as Batman was.
But Robin was still just a boy.
He never led a normal life, not even when he tried to. High School was extremely easy for him and he graduated, with honors, at an early age. His intelligence surpassed any challenge his teachers had presented him with until they gave up, both in exasperation and admiration. With two years to do absolutely nothing to do, Robin went back to crime fighting full time. Day and night he was out in Gotham, finding out every small crevice of the dark, festering city. Every curve, every swell, every fall…he knew them all. Like a lover, he discovered all her intimate spaces, places where perhaps even Batman didn't know about. Robin wanted to know everything about the city where evil mated and thrived like bugs in the wilderness. They spread throughout the city until no part was untouched by their reach. Swarming like bugs, corruption filled every space of the city's beautiful body and perhaps this was what made Robin fall in love with her and hate her at the same time. The city called out to him like a lover in the night, her voice sweet with vice and honey laced with deceit. Richard had always been curious but Robin was fascinated by the infestation in the city.
But then the city became too much for Robin. The villains, the people, the anti-hero deal became irritating to him. He was no longer eight years old. The wound in his heart over his parent's death had long ago scabbed over, still hurting but it was dull. At fourteen years of age (almost fifteen, really), he had graduated High School and felt like he had graduated Batman and Gotham. The city no longer appealed to him. What had once been nothing but love for it became disgust. He found out that the corruption could not be wiped out. It was rooted unto the very foundations of the small metropolitan area and he knew one day the base would crumble down, taking everyone down with it. Including Batman.
Batman and Robin.
The Dynamic Duo.
It was all about to change.
Even on their first meeting, their sense of justice had clashed. Zucco, the bastard who had murdered his parents so viciously, was behind bars and that made Richard feel victorious. Batman had wanted something else. More than revenge, more than vengeance. But Richard was happy with the justice given. With Zucco behind bars and Robin flourishing by the day, he felt content at last. Then years went by and the word justice was thrown around like a whore through their lips and Richard became more prominent than Robin who had become a part of the background. He saw how Batman was for the first time without hooded eyes of admiration. Bruce Wayne had become the mask, Batman the man. Bruce Wayne became the lie and the boy who watched his parents die before his eyes grew up into the Batman.
Richard would always be Richard. Robin was merely another layer. They were different entities, easily recognizable and easily torn apart. It was then he knew he needed to get away; get away from the psychos who always, always got away with every evil they ever committed. Insanity, momentarily insanity, drug abuse…all excuses to be unpunished and all were gullibly believed by the corrupt judges. The fights started over their sense of justice, their logics, their different ways of thinking. Robin's outfit changed from the pixie boots to tougher material. His martial arts reached new levels, his hair grew, and he left the playful banter behind.
There was rarely any more 'holy speedin' race boats, batman!'
He left then. Both Robin and Richard left. Things became too tense, too different for him. He felt constricted in his image of the Boy Wonder, sidekick to the great Batman. He wasn't dark. He wasn't somber. He wasn't this mini version of The Dark Knight. But when he joined the Titans, that's what he became. Only Slade had mattered. Track him down, catch him, make him pay for the evil he had caused. His whole life became this villain. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, his thoughts filtered everything else except this coward of a man. He betrayed his friends, hurt them all, hurt her, he became the Batman.
At the tender age of nineteen, he would die being a shadow of the most somber, depressing, dead man that was called Bruce Wayne during the day but who's true identity not even he knew; Batman was the closest thing to an identity he had. Richard Grayson would die being only an extension of someone else, someone he loathed at the moment.
As the life bled out of him, Richard wondered blindly who he would die as.
The steady sound of beeping heartbeats steadied her nerves but only slightly. She couldn't help but think that they might stop at any given moment and lose him—again. The last two weeks had been excruciating. Worry had been etched in her young face to the point where it seemed they might last forever. Her eyes had sunk in and dark circles had taken over the once lovely golden territory. Green eyes shone no more and she seemed to have aged greatly over only fourteen or so days. However, Richard Grayson looked worse.
Kori had been immensely relieved to hear that the bullet had missed his heart and all major arteries…except one. The one that had been hit was the one that bled like Ganges across the asphalt floor of the warehouse. In the small amount of time it had taken Bruce to bring Richard over to the hospital, he had lost an incredible amount of blood and was deathly pale. His breathing had stopped the minute they entered the hospital. It almost seemed to Kori that he had waited until the last possible moment to give up, perhaps when he thought he might be brought back by a mere chance. The hospital staff and doctors had worked miracles with him, bringing him back from the brink of death and fixing him up as best as they could.
It was now up to Richard to recover. As Kori sat by him in the hospital, her hand wrapped around his, she peered at him through hooded eyes. Bruce visited him every day but the moment between them were private. Kori couldn't stand being with the man. Every time he looked upon her, she felt the blame his gaze held. She had enough of that by herself; she didn't need his on top of that. The news that the possible heir to the Wayne billions had been shot and almost died had spread like wildfire. The story fed to the media had been that he had been mugged and nothing more. Yet the media went into frenzy and it was then that Kori realized how important Richard was in Gotham. Possibilities of who Bruce might chose to inherit the Wayne billions in case Richard died were by the millions. Stories of Richard's past came into the open, everything from his acrobatic start to the fact that he had, in fact, graduated from High School early on because of his high intelligence.
All of this made Kori's head hurt. She didn't want to hear any of the stories or feel the way Bruce's eyes fell upon her like bricks. She just wanted to stay by his side, making sure that the steady rhythms of his heart maintained their beat. On that particular day, the day was dreary. Snow slowly fell from the sky, tumbling like cotton balls into the pavement were it stuck and created a winter wonderland in Gotham. It was especially cold that day and though Kori was wearing a sweater, she shivered still. Making sure Richard was well covered and not a bit cold, she sat back down again and continued to stare at the wall. She had been basically living in the hospital, only leaving for a quick shower before flying back, not caring if she was found out anymore. She barely ate and slept only a few hours a day and even those meager hours of sleep were restless. Her ears were always alert to the machines around her.
Again, the familiar feeling of shedding came upon her again. Yet another roadblock was stuck in front of her. How was she to deal with this and Tamaran at the same time? She felt utterly helpless, useless, powerless. She wanted to crawl under a rock and remain there for as long as she could. She knew that time had changed around them again. Something new was looming along the horizon, something that Kori did not want to find out. Things were changing once again. What the future held for her was uncertain but she knew, once more, the ride was not over. The words Galfore had said echoed in her head. Richard's future blinded her with fear. She sighed and rubbed her hands against her face roughly.
The door suddenly opened and Kori slowly swung her head around. Her tired eyes met Alfred who stood in the doorway with a disapproving look on his face.
"Miss Anders, really," he chided softly, "starving yourself will not the help the boy."
Kori smiled wearily at him. She loved Alfred. He was very understanding in every aspect. He never judged, was always kind and helpful. Perhaps because he was old and understood how things worked better than other people. He had been serving Bruce Wayne and Batman for years now so Kori guessed he had a lot more knowledge about certain things than others did. His shiny black shoes clicked softly as he walked toward her and offered her a small bag. Even closed, the smell penetrated the material and wafted to her nose, making her stomach growl in anticipation. She smiled thankfully at Alfred and took the bag, thanking him thoroughly. He took her pace beside Richard as she went to eat near the window. His food was always excellent, royally magnificent but at the moment, she could taste nothing at all. She ate for the sake of eating and surviving and nothing more.
"He seems to be doing better," Alfred commented lightly, his voice soft like a parent's but his eyes were worried as Kori's were. She nodded, looking over at him. Richard's long raven hair was spread out behind him. It had grown a little past his shoulders by now and he looked absolutely ravishing with it tied into a ponytail. The luster was gone from it though. It just lay limply against the pillow. She continued to eat, looking outside at the snow falling. Each flake fell upon the window with a flippant attitude and stuck long enough to wink at her before melting into water. She munched on her chicken, swallowing slowly before taking another bite. She no longer felt hungry; she got full quickly nowadays but she knew if she left a single piece uneaten, Alfred would have her head.
"When is Mr. Wayne coming by?" she asked in a small voice, taking the last bite out of her meal.
"Later on today," he answered as he brushed away a strand of hair away from Richard's face. He looked around for anything undone or untidy but found nothing. He looked up to the young girl and noticed she looked worse than Bruce. As Bruce he was worried out of his mind, visiting every day and talking to the doctors about anything he found wrong but as Batman, he worked himself to death, going out every night and coming back in the late morning. Alfred voiced his concern but that was as far as he could go. He wouldn't listen anyway.
"Miss Anders?"
Her eyes slowly wandered over to him but her gaze was far away from the moment. They glazed over for a moment before she blinked and it was gone.
"Master Bruce cares very much about Master Dick, even though they fight like cats and dogs," he smiled at that, "Whatever he might do to make you feel like it was your fault is just concern over his son. Do you understand this?"
"I try, Alfred," she said sadly, rubbing her exhausted eyes, "But it doesn't help when I feel the same way."
Alfred nodded, walking over to her and looking down upon her. She looked down at her feet but she heard every word he said.
"I have dealt with many things in my life, Miss Anders but I have never seen someone so in love with another person. Master Dick loves you and you love him back but when you're in the superhero business, things like this will happen. One must learn, accept and never make the same mistake again."
He squatted down to her level and tucked his fingers under her chin, making her look up. Her eyes had tears welling up in them but Alfred wiped them away.
"Master Dick has always been a fighter. He will be all right, I promise you that."
She smiled gratefully at him and threw her arms around him. He was shocked to say the least but soon wrapped his own arms around her, comforting her tears.
He left after that, leaving her alone with Richard again. But that day, she found that with his warm in hers, her head next to his prone body, and Alfred's words in her head, she slept quietly for the next two hours.
From somewhere in the hazy place of her mind, Kori felt something stir. She wasn't sure if it was her or if she was imagining it. She moaned in complaint, wanting nothing more than to continue sleeping. The stale smell of hospital drained her mind of everything else but a sound diffused through her mind. A familiar groan followed by the bed moving under her head. Instantly, her head snapped up, making the world spin precariously around her and her view went into a fog. Still, she mustered up the strength to call out his name.
"Richard!"
"Hey…" he muttered in a small heavy voice. His eyes were open but they were red and blood shot. He spoke like he had cotton in his mouth, heavy and torrentially low. His brows came together in a painful grimace as he tried to sit up but steady hands stopped him, pushing him back down unto the pillow. Then a warmth over came him, soft and feather like. The hug made the pounding in his head subsided a little and the pure smell of lilies comforted him enough to forget the pain. She pulled back from him gently, traces of tears ran across her cheeks but she looked happy as she peered at him and stroked his cheek, giving him a small peck on the lips.
"I am so happy you're ok," she whispered as if speaking too loudly would destroy him. He smiled back but with effort. His face seemed unable to form any true emotions at the moment.
"What happened?" he asked thickly, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up more. He looked down at where Kori's gaze fell and saw the gauze around his chest. It was then he remembered the loud shot that left him deaf and blind and caused him to go into shock almost instantly. He could hear Kori's panicked voiced through his stupor and even felt when strong, muscular arms lifted him and told him not to panic. After that, there was nothing.
"The doctor said you survived by a miracle. Only one major artery was hit with the bullet but it was enough for you to lose a lot of blood."
She sniffled then, holding his hand tightly in hers.
"I was so scared for you, Richard," she whispered, shaking her head at the sight of their hands, "I've never felt so helpless in my life."
He mustered a smile and lifted his hand to stroke her cheek. She leaned against it and felt the calluses scratch her skin and wallowed in them. Tears began to run down her cheek but they were silent, apologetic. The tears were swept away by his hand and she smiled thankfully at him. They stood quiet for a long time, a feeling of change passing over them. For some reason, they both knew this was a turning point in their life. They both felt exhausted in some way or another of everything in their daily routine. Ike a cloud, it loomed over them as Richard pulled her in for a kiss, one so very different from the ones they shared before. This one was full of frustration and sadness. The apprehension of what was to happen overwhelmed them and Kori wished, if only for a second, to cease to exist. Just one moment of nothingness was all she wanted. For the rest of the time until Bruce arrived, they didn't speak but stared at nothing, their hands joined and the cloud residing over their heads.
To say that Bruce was relieved to see his ward better was an understatement. He didn't show it, of course, God help him if he did. It was something he just didn't do. He clapped Richard lightly on the back and welcomed him back to the land of the living. They talked about a few things here and there, not the liveliest conversation Kori had ever heard but she could see the relief in Mr. Wayne's eyes. There was something different in the way Mr. Wayne regarded Richard but she guessed a life and death experience did that to a guy, even to Bruce Wayne.
After the first few days in the hospital, Richard relentlessly complained of having nothing to do. Though the doctor had strictly forbidden any type of activity, he had broken that rule a few hours after the doctor had told him. Kori had nearly a heart attack when she didn't find him in his room and had searched everywhere for him only to find him wandering the halls, trying to find his way to the recuperative gym that the hospital had for especially injured people. Kori scolded him worse than the doctor, Bruce, and Alfred had done. Though he had given her his most dashing smile, Kori remained angered until that night where he promised, on his scout's honor (though he had never been a scout; he never told Kori this part) that he wouldn't scare her like that again. Truth was, hurt or not, little could keep Richard from moving around the hospital.
"It makes me fidgety," he told her one night, "Like I'm trapped in this room."
"Just until you get better," Kori piped in with a smile.
On the day Richard left the hospital, he was bandaged properly and given instructions on how to take care of himself correctly. Alfred was ecstatic at the prospect of having him back at the mansion. He brought life into their otherwise dark and somber lives. His master had been so consumed by grief and concern that he had stuck his nose in even more work, both as Batman and as Bruce Wayne. Truth was, even as a young boy, he had a charisma that not even Master Bruce could deny. Gentle blue eyes melted even the coldest glaciers in Master Bruce's heart, squirming his way through the stone walls Bruce had erected for himself. Alfred saw this instantly. In those days, the mansion and the cave for that matter had heard a lot more banter, a lot more laughing, and easiness had passed over them. No matter how many villains there were, the Dynamic Duo went out and did their job only to return to the cave and practice their skills more. During those times, Batman had taken a different turn. No longer sinister, the figure became a teacher, helping this boy flourish as much as Bruce had. Pride shone in his hooded eyes instead of revenge. Those were golden ages.
Fully dressed and looking better, Richard and Kori waited until Bruce and Alfred came to pick them up. Babs had come to visit countless of times as well and she rode home with them that day, chatting happily with the both. She had been in tears when she heard Richard had been shot, even more so than Kori who was in a state of shock by then. But now she was playful with him, more than any other time.
They ate, talked, and watched loads of movies the entire day. It seemed like a perfect relaxation over the weeks of struggle and worry. Babs left in high spirits, leaving Richard and Kori the same way. Since he was injured, Richard couldn't very well go out as Robin so he was most surprised when Alfred informed him darkly that Batman wanted to speak with him. Shrugging, Richard left Kori in her bedroom with the promise that he would return early.
"What a way to pass those two weeks, huh?" he joked around with her and for a second she didn't know what he meant. Then she remembered her Jar'hil and chuckled, slapping his arm tenderly.
"Really, Richard…"
With a kiss, he left the room.
That was the moment of end of an era.
The mansion rumbled with hatred and anger. The overwhelming madness that took over the large house shook it in its foundation. Alfred became truly frightened for both of his sons for the first time in his life. Shouts and screams thundered through the cave and the words used were worse than any foul language could ever be. The air was thick with hatred, utter hatred, something that Alfred didn't know Master Dick was capable of. Lord, the things he said to Bruce and the things Bruce said back. Alfred was on the verge of tears as he saw them tremble in detestation. Shutting his eyes, he heard the words spoken.
"Of all the stupid, childish things to do—"
"Jumping to save Kori was not a stupid—"
"It was thoughtless, careless, rash—"
"It was Kori---"
Batman brought his hands up to stop the argument which had been going on for the last twenty minutes. Their voices were hoarse by now but contained the same passion as before. The gesture made sure Richard did not speak while Batman spoke but the defiance was clear in Richard's blue eyes.
"I have told you time and time again not to let these feelings get in the way—" Richard's sigh of vexation stopped him for a moment, "—But you continue to impulsively do these things that get you hurt… or shot. Dick, you got shot!"
"No shit, Sherlock," Richard mumbled, pointing at the gauze underneath his shirt but his eyes were always firmly placed on Batman.
"Is it so hard to understand why I did what I did?" he asked with a frustration that had been unmatched before, "Have you completely escaped your sanity to not remember what it's like to love someone else? I was not about to let the love of my life get shot, Bruce."
"These feelings are getting in the way—"
"Of what?" Richard countered, "Of following your orders like a puppy? Of agreeing on everything you say? Those days are over, Bruce."
Batman regarded him closely. Yes, those days were long over. Batman realized this way before Dick had. In truth, Batman had been preparing for this day. From the moment Richard's eyes had shone at the prospect of being the leader of the Titans, Batman knew. There was no turning back. The cape whispered behind him as Batman walked closer to Richard who did not back away. Instead, he raised his head to look straight at the older, taller man in front of him. A ray of light fell across Richard but Batman continued to be shrouded in shadows. Would that ever change?
His lips moved and words came out, important words that Richard couldn't quite comprehend. He stood there, looking confused as his eyes narrowed at Batman.
"What?"
"You heard me, Dick, hang up the suit."
The suit was in his arms, ready to be used in case Batman had enough faith in him to allow him to go on a small round of the city. Richard thought, after all these years, he would have enough assurance in him to know that he could take care of himself. Obviously, Richard thought wrong.
"You can't tell me to—"
"Hang it up, Dick."
Alfred stood back in the shadows, unwilling to say anything but he wanted to so badly.
"This is my suit, my identity—" he ignored Batman's interruptions, his tone increasing in volume rapidly, "I am Robin! This is me! Damn it, Batman, Robin is not yours!"
"The suit, Dick."
Clenching his teeth, Richard shook his head disbelievingly. He threw the cape and mask viciously at him, the materials softly floating to the ground.
"This is who I am, Bruce," Richard growled, his eyes squinting at the masked figure that so many feared. Yet, he spoke without any trace of it. He moved closer to the Dark Knight, so close Alfred was afraid they might start physically sparring. The tension was too thick to take in.
"No matter if I'm Robin, Bat-boy or whatever the hell my name is, this is who I am and I sure as hell don't need to be in your shadow to be it."
"You will never be who you want to become," Batman uttered darkly, so convinced by his own words that he spoke without dissuasion, "Not until you learn your priorities and learn to follow orders. You can come back to being Ro—"
"Never," Richard deadpanned enigmatically, "Never again."
He turned around, his wound bleeding through the gauze and through his shirt. His face was in shadows no more but it was the face of a man, no longer the boy who grazed his way into the cave and into his heart. Alfred could have sobbed at the sight.
"Never again."
It was a promise.
YAYAYYAYYA. My baby's growing up (finally...)