In Order To Survive

Rated; M for Mature
Pairing;Hiccup X Vera[OC]
Disclaimer;I do not own How To Train Your Dragon, movies or books. Everything belongs to Dreamworks or Cressida Cowell

Decide When

=Hiccup's POV=
[Friday, 3/30/2018-8:30 am]
[Dragor, Denmark; Haddock Home]

The meeting on Thursday was everything I hoped it wouldn't be, but it had to do with me being Special Ops and why I'd been attacked during the February drill. Thankfully, I wasn't getting sent out to do anything, but the information I received about the situation involving the Archipelago. It seemed that they discovered who was behind the orders of the attack on me, a man by the name of Drago Bludvist. Not much was known of him, but one of the 3 people I knocked unconscious had come clean. These 3 were still being interrogated for more information, but it seemed that the Danish Military wasn't getting much farther than they had already. Drago had been described as a madman with no conscience of mercy, so that sounded promising, and the man who was leading the enemies to attack the Archipelago. So far, no moves would be made until we knew more about this guy, how powerful he was, and how big his army was. You can't rush into battle without knowing who you are fighting.

Right now, the search was on to try and find Drago's base of operations and him. Once we had that, more moves could be discussed and made to stop this before another war began hopefully. I was at the base from 7 am to 11 am yesterday, and when I got home, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Mari came over to keep an eye on them for me, so when I got back she left, and I had the Vikings to teach more stuff. I've been working with them on learning how to use the modern appliances to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. For now; I'm only teaching them how to make breakfast foods; then we'd get on to lunch and dinner.

"Hiccup!" Brynjar burst through the door.

"For Thor's sake, Bryn! It's 8:30 in the morning, what is wrong?" I asked quickly.

"Oh, nothing is wrong. I was just making sure you're still here and didn't get shipped off because of the meeting yesterday," Brynjar stated. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Really?" I stared.

"It was just a meeting about how things are going with teaching the Vikings, and how things are on the islands…" I sighed.

"Well, excuse me, Lieutenant Haddock…The way they made it seem was super serious!" Brynjar argued.

"Well, I mean it kind of is, Brynjar. We're dealing with the threat of yet another war starting between the Archipelago and these unknown enemies. So far, everything is being maintained and going well with renovations and updates. No enemies have reached land as the Danish Navy and Air Force have been able to spot and repel any incoming attacks before they happen," I explained.

"And how're things with the dragon situation?" Stoick decided to ask.

"It's fine because I put my best military dragon trainers on the islands to deal with raids. You need not worry, I've mentioned this several times," I informed.

"Well, still, I'm glad you're not going anywhere…" Brynjar said.

"I would have let you know if I was," I assured.

"How do I know that, Hiccup? You can't seem to tell me or anyone else what Kongur meant the day of your birthday when he said that we couldn't know whatever was going on and why he told us what he did," Brynjar mumbled.

"Because I'm telling you that if I were getting sent somewhere; I'd tell you. Maybe not the location or mission, but I'd let ya know I'm leaving. Relax a little, Bryn. Come on; I'm okay, and everything will be okay. You just have to trust me," I stated.

"I trust ya, Hic. Alright, I better head out; I just wanted to make sure you were good," Brynjar smiled and turned to leave. This was my chance to maybe leave for a bit to talk to my dad or mom.

"Wait!" I called to him as Brynjar stopped and turned. "Can you, uh, stay with them for an hour or two while I run out?"

"You can't take them with you?" Brynjar asked. I shook my head. "Well, yeah, I guess so. Is…Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah…It's fine. I just have a couple of things to do, and it's faster if I..Go by myself," I mentioned quickly. Brynjar eyed me a moment.

"Are you sure that's what it's about?" Brynjar asked.

"Mmhm," I nodded. Brynjar sighed as he put his arm around my shoulder, and turned us, so our backs were to the group; then we took a few steps forward.

"Hiccup, I know you better than that. Come on, tell me what's up," Brynjar whispered.

"Look…I just need to talk to my mom or dad about something that's been going on and weighing on my mind," I revealed quietly.

"Is this about Vera?" Brynjar asked softly. I tensed a little. "So it is about her,"

"I-I just need to figure out what's going on, Bryn…I'm confused, scared, and-," I began.

"Hey, hey…It's okay…Relax, Hiccup. I'm not gonna make you explain anything to me; it's your business and feelings. And if you feel like you need to talk to your parents about sorting things out; I'm happy to help any way I can," Brynjar said.

"How'd you know it was about her?" I wondered.

"I told you; I know you better than you think. I've been watching how you two interact with one another since February drill weekend. I haven't seen you smile or look at anyone the way you did since Olivia hurt you," Brynjar smiled as he rubbed my arm a bit. "But if I can just say this," he paused. "Don't be afraid to feel something for someone else; it means your recovering, and that someone else is helping to heal your heart from the wounds Olivia inflicted. Don't deny yourself a chance at happiness, Hiccup. And hey…I wouldn't mind you and Vera getting together; if you end up getting married; you'd actually be family because you'll be my cousin in law,"

"Heh-heh…Let's not…jump the gun, Bryn. There's…something there, but I just don't know what my feelings are, Bryn," I replied.

"It's cool; I get it. I'm just trying to lighten the mood and make ya laugh a little. Well, go on and talk to your parents then. I'll stay here with them," Brynjar chuckled.

"Thanks, Bryn. I really appreciate it," I told him as he let go of me. Brynjar nodded with a smile as I grabbed my shoes and whistled for Toothless. "Come on, bud! Lightheart, you coming along?" the Light Fury got up with Toothless as I opened the back door and we were gone.

. . .

[8:45]
[Copenhagen; Denmark's Dragon Training Academy]

I landed with Toothless and Lightheart right beside us; I sent both of them to the stables or to play while I entered the central office and went to my father's office. I stopped by his receptionist. "Hello, Mr. Haddock,"

"Hi. Is my dad on the phone or in a meeting right now?" I asked.

"Um, nope. He actually just arrived at 8:30. His first meeting isn't until 11:00 am," the woman informed with a broad smile. "Go right in," she invited. I nodded and turned the handle to see my father relaxing at his desk with a cup of coffee and going over a few things.

"Hey, son!" Henrik greeted cheerfully as he quickly got up to greet me.

"Hey, dad," I replied, hugging him back.

"Well, what brings you by? Not that I'm not happy to see you, and never mind you just coming to visit," Henrik chuckled as we walked over to a little seating area with two chairs and a couch. Sometimes Mari came to visit with the kids, so Henrik set it up for them to have a little family space.

"I was hoping to talk to you about something, and maybe you can help me figure it out," I admitted.

"You know I'll do my best for you," Henrik smiled. "What's on your mind, son?"

I took a deep breath. "I really don't even know where to start," I sighed.

"Just say the first thing that comes to mind then, and we'll work off that," Henrik offered.

"Okay…I think I'm starting to like Vera," I stated. Henrik blinked.

"Katja and Brynjar's younger cousin?" Henrik asked. I nodded. "Alright…When did all this start?"

"February drill weekend…" I said. "I just…I know I feel something for her, but I can't figure out what. I know it's not like, but I don't know if its love. And I don't know if it's only because Vera's the only one who seems so engaged in learning about the moderness, so it keeps me distracted from thinking about my ex-wife…" I confessed with my head down.

"Okay, easy, son. Don't get yourself all stressed out and worked up," Henrik reminded. "Take a deep breath, and tell me what happened at February drill; we can start with that," he added.

"Colden came up with a joke challenge for us to get a boom box playing ridiculously annoying music off the top of a tall pole without physically touching the device, or using a ladder to climb up and knock it down. My first attempt, which was shot down, was using Toothless. Colden said no dragons, so I backed off, and the others tried to figure something out; this took a couple of hours. I was asked by the boys to think of something, and I told them I wasn't a miracle worker, Gobber told me I was Viking. I tried to deny that I was one, but…Vera stepped in, and she just said the most amazing thing that made me open my eyes about who and what I am," I took a breath.

"Instantly, I got the idea to use my old forge skills to build a bow and arrow. I hugged and twirled her around in the sheer joy that I figured something out because of what she said to me. I put her down immediately after I did it and we just…I don't know. Our eyes met, and I felt something inside ignite. Like lighter fluid to a small flame; it just burst up. It was like time stopped for just that moment, Dad. I heard someone clear their throat and it brought me back. We laughed a little and looked away from one another. I thanked her, nervously and embarrassed that I reacted that way; she said your welcome. After that, I shot the boom box down off the pole. Thanked Vera again, and she made a comment that maybe all the years away made me forget who I was…" I continued.

"And then?" Henrik pushed.

"I agreed with her and thanked her for bringing it back. And that if it ever happened again; I knew who to go to," I finished.

"Anything else happen since then?" Henrik inquired.

"Well, there was the next morning around 4 am…Colden threw us a war drill to react to. I did what I was supposed to, of course, but then soldiers rushed in and attacked. I knew it was part of the exercise, so I played along in fighting them off as if they were enemies. But…One went after Vera, and…I don't know what came over me, but that fire from the day before raged out with the desire to protect her. I pushed her out of the way and got myself grabbed in her place…Got hit a few times in the got by the second person…Vera was all worried for me, but I told her to stay back, and she'd be safe, and also when it was 3 against one…I might have yelled that I'm not losing anyone else…" I explained.

Sure, it wasn't the entire truth, but I was on orders not to reveal that surprise attack during the drill. Anyone who saw what really happened was told to say that it was just part of the exercise. The injury was kept quiet to anyone other than Alpha Company, Askel, and HQ.

"The only other thing was on Wednesday; she bonded to a dragon…And was all jumping up and down while hugging me. I cracked a few jokes; she punched me, but…Dad, when I'm with her I don't think about Olivia, and…I don't feel the pain of what she did. It's like what I feel for Vera is killing what I felt for Olivia; it's…Taking over and making me feel better. This…It's stronger. Like, I stay up late questioning over and over again why and how I ever loved Olivia. I-I didn't feel this way with Olivia, ever…And I'm scared. I'm so friggin' confused, and scared," I admitted while looking over at him.

"Why are you scared?"

"I-I don't know. That's the confusing part…I don't know why I'm scared. I-I should be happy that I'm starting to feel better, right? That I feel this way again…?" I asked.

"Hiccup, son…I think you're confused and scared because you've never felt this way before," Henrik stated as I stared at him. "You can't sit there and say that you feel this way again when you just admitted to me that what you feel for Vera is stronger than what you ever felt for Olivia," he continued.

"But…I only just got divorced, Dad. It's…Only been 4 months since I left Olivia and filed for that divorce. I don't…Understand that. You saw me the day I found out what Olivia did; I broke down on your for 20 minutes about her cheating for 7 months…And lying about the baby that I thought was mine and had hyped myself up to meet and be a father to. You saw how much that hurt me, and the day of my party when I kissed her, said I still loved her and had I not giving you the signed papers and my phone…I-I would have drunkenly made a mistake and taken her back," I sighed, but looked back at him.

"How? How is that I felt so strongly for her, but now this…It's like Olivia was just a bad dream, and feels like something I should never have done. That I shouldn't have gotten with her when I was 18, almost 19. I-I've had dreams where Vera replaces Olivia's place in my life…But of course, she never hurt me. It's just…I don't know how to explain it," I informed softly. "It's like…I-I regret everything with Olivia,"

"Boy, you got it bad," Henrik sat back and laughed a little.

"Um, I don't see how this is funny…And what? What have I got bad?" I demanded quickly, confused.

"Oh, son," Henrik chuckled a bit. "You don't have a crush on Vera, or like her," he added.

"I-I don't? So it's just a feeling I get because I want to feel something other than the pain of what Olivia did?" I asked.

"No, Hiccup. What I'm saying is that you aren't crushing or liking Vera at all. You're just straight up falling in love with her," Henrik stated. My eyes widened instantly.

"I'm what?" I stared, beside myself at what he said.

"You're falling in love with Vera, son. You're telling me that you regret absolutely everything with Olivia, that you should never have gotten with her 4 years ago," Henrik repeated.

"Was what I felt for Olivia just…I don't know…Fake?" I asked, not sure how to word it.

"No, son. You did love Olivia, but I don't think you were in love with her. There's a difference, Hiccup," Henrik chuckled.

"What's the difference because I thought Olivia was my everything? I gave her everything, Dad…" I sighed.

"Hiccup. The difference between loving someone and being in love has many examples. One is that loving someone is a choice, being in love is not. Think about it, son," Henrik explained.

I sat there thinking about his words and considered Olivia and Vera; how I felt for Olivia and how I currently feel for Vera. When I met Olivia, it was a crush that developed into like, deep like, and love. Everything was slow, steady, and seeing how things went between us as we moved through the stages until I asked her to marry me in 2015. I held my crush and deep like for Olivia from 2011-2014; then we started dating where it evolved into love the more time we spent together. But with Vera…Gods, it was effortless. Everything hit me fast and hard from that moment at drill when our eyes met after she reminded me who I was, and that maybe I wasn't a Viking like everyone else, but one of a kind in my own Viking way.

Thinking about all of this, Dad was right. I don't love Vera; I'm falling in love with her unless I cant confidently say that the falling is over and I'm just straight up in love with her now. "Starting to make sense?" Henrik asked.

"But is it worth it, Dad?" I countered. "Vera is a Viking from the Archipelago,"

"So are you, son," Henrik chucked.

"Not like that…I mean she actively lives there aside from this temporary arrangement. When all this is over, and she goes back…What happens then? I-I won't go back, and I can't expect her to give up the life she already has there," I sighed.

"Hiccup, don't worry about all the little things. Believe me; things will work out. You can sit here now and tell me all these won't's and can't's…But do you really know for sure that's how it is or will be?" Henrik inquired. "I've seen bigger problems than a living arrangement get worked out for 2 people in love,"

"So what do I do, Dad? Yeah…I get that I'm in love with or falling in love with Vera, but what now? I'm supposed to go tell her and hope she feels the same?" I mumbled.

"Well, that's the direct approach and usually always best," Henrik nodded. "Listen, son. How you go about this is up to you. All I can offer is my love and support with the advice of not fighting how you feel," I looked at him now. "You loved Olivia, and she broke your heart, now you have these feelings that you've never had before for Vera, and you claim they are making you wonder why you ever even got with Olivia. Yes, your divorce might have just finalized, and what happened with Olivia was 4 months ago…But does any of that really matter when you feel the way you do now?"

"I suppose not…" I replied.

"Hiccup, this is your heart and mind telling you that it's time to move on. I know you're scared to love again, but that's just it. What are you afraid of? You don't love Vera like you did Olivia. But you didn't feel for Olivia what you feel for Vera; you're the one who said that, not me. Olivia might be the nightmare, but what if Vera is the dream?" I guess I never thought about that before.

"You can't be scared to put yourself out there again because I firmly believe that Vera will not hurt you as Olivia did since Vera is the one healing your heart. Don't be afraid to give it to her, and she'll protect it. Don't be afraid to move on and forward in life, son. Don't be scared or deny yourself a chance at happiness. Remember, you had no control over these feelings happening, so don't fight them; just let it happen. Let the feelings take over. Let the fire rage. Let yourself fall, and be happy. No matter anything else, my son; everything will always work out how it's meant to be, alright?" Henrik put a hand on his shoulder.

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad,"

"So, when can I tell your mother?" Henrik chuckled.

"Heh…Let's just…Keep this between us for now…A-And Brynjar; he knew I had feelings for Vera too, but at the time, I wasn't sure how to interpret them," I stated.

"I wonder how he knew," Henrik questioned.

"He said he's seen how we interact since drill weekend in February…And hasn't seen me smile that way since before Olivia hurt me. Oddly enough; he also told me not to be afraid to feel something for someone else and don't deny myself a chance at happiness," I shrugged.

"Maybe he knows that Vera likes you," Henrik grinned.

"I doubt it…" I said.

"Son, he was able to tell you not to be afraid about having feelings for Vera based on the fact that he saw how you two were at drill. It stands to reason that maybe he saw something in Vera for you," Henrik patted his back a bit. "Now, off with you. I got your academy to run," he added.

"Just…One more thing. I know my feelings for Vera are deeper and stronger than anything I ever felt for Olivia, and Vera's presence does pull me away from the pain, but what Olivia did still hurts sometimes…You know? I question why I was ever with her; I know it's because I held feelings for her, chose to love her…But…what she did is still there," I stood up.

"And it probably always will be, son. You may not love her anymore, and regret all the time and effort you put into things, so much so that you wish it never happened at all. But what she did to you will always be with you and hurt. Just like with you losing your friends in war. It did happen, and you can't change it, and you will never forget. It might always sting because she did build you up so much to tear you down with what she did, made you believe. But…I believe with your friends, family, and Vera, Hiccup…That you will be fine; we won't let you fall as she did," Henrik assured.

I nodded again. "Thank you, Dad. I knew I could come to you about it," I hugged him.

"You know you always can, son," Henrik nodded. "Now, go on. I won't tell anyone about this," he winked. I smiled and left the office. Going to my dad helped a lot, and put things into perspective for me. So I was falling for Vera, and I should let it happen; let myself be happy. Now…I needed to decide when I was going to tell her.